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Originally posted by Brenda:
Don't mind me. I can get a little maudlin at this time of the year. Weather is changing, summer is making room for fall.

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Seasonal affective disorder treatment: Choosing a light therapy box

Light therapy boxes can offer an effective treatment for seasonal affective disorder. Features such as light intensity, safety, cost and style are important considerations.

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Originally posted by 6IXSTRINGJACK:
No worries, Brenda.

I can empathize. :(

My mom is pretty excited that I've rekindled the friendship I have, but there's one friend in particular that she's known since we were both in Kindergarten that she hopes I will get back with.

I told her that it's hard. Most of my friends are married with a few kids and he's one of them. The last time we all partied together was a New Years eve maybe 6 or so years ago. Most depressing night of my life. All the married couples and soon to be married couples, even some of the kids there. I was the only single one there. Awkward as hell. They made me feel welcome for sure, but I'd never been so self conscious around people who were my friends in my entire life. I've spent every New Years Eve alone since then.


I love being single 99% of the time, but that 1% of the time really sucks.

Do Right, Be Right. :)

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Originally posted by 6IXSTRINGJACK:
Hey! Brenda!

Just try to focus on that. You're in a new place this winter. No more bitchy, horrible landlady keeping you from heating the place to comfortable anymore.

Fingers crossed that everything is salted right and you don't ever have to worry about slipping while walking outside this year either.

Do Right, Be Right. :)

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Originally posted by 6IXSTRINGJACK:
I'm looking forward to hearing about how much nicer this winter is for you Brenda. I felt so bad about what you were going through before and helpless to do anything about it. So happy for you that you were able to finally get into a nice place.



Out to meet my friend and help on his house. Have a good one.

Do Right, Be Right. :)

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Originally posted by SIGNYM:
I wonder BRENDA, how long were you living in that hell-hole? Because living in a dark cold unfriendly place for any length of time would be enough to make anybody sad!

But I'm so happy to think of you now in a place that can be warm and cozy and with enough room for your things so you can be reminded of who you are and can live a full life and enjoy yourself!

I know you play mahjong. Could you host some games yourself? Wouldn't THAT be fun?

I love Christmas! I especially love Xmas lights; not the big fancy overdone 100,000 light bulb display but the string of lights around the livingroom window that tells passersby that you think enough of Xmas, and of them, to put in some effort to spread Xmas cheer. I hope you put up a few lights, for yourself and for everyone else. Some day when this board is a safer place I'll tell you what that meant to me and how important it was.

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Pity would be no more,
If we did not MAKE men poor - William Blake

You idiots have been oppressing the entire sexual spectrum as long as you have existed. I can't wait for the day your kind is dead - WISHIMAY

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Originally posted by 1KIKI:
I do hope Brenda finds that being in a cozy secure and dry place, with personal amenities around, and without the stressful abusive landlady, makes this upcoming winter an enjoyable one.

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Originally posted by Brenda:
I want to get a futon for a couch.

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Originally posted by 1KIKI:
For myself, I'm plodding along - doing stuff even though not finishing a whole lot. Because to do this I have to do that, but to do that other thing I need to do ... so every task is layers deep, it seems.

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Yesterday I picked up a window screen I had repaired / upgraded. My big, motivated cat had torn the existing screen to shreds, and I had it replaced with supposedly cat-and-dog proof screening. So I'm going to be cleaning the widow, window tracks etc and install the screen with the window locked to open only partially, and let my cat test it out at his convenience. If the new screen holds up, it'l be nice to be able to open up the window again in the eves, to help breeze the house out.

If it holds up that'll be 2 cat-proof screen doors installed and 1 cat-proof window-screen-upgrade to help the house be more livable in summer. YAY!!

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Originally posted by 6IXSTRINGJACK:

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Originally posted by Brenda:
I want to get a futon for a couch.

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I've got two of them now, and they're my only couches. Never going back to a regular couch again. It's SO easy to clean under and around.

If you plan on sleeping on it though, spring some extra cash for a good one. I thought I'd made a horrible mistake throwing out the L-shaped couch along with both of my other couches before giving my first futon a good week of sleep, and I was really hurting in between work shifts. My brother had an excellent one that he'd been trying to get me to take for over a year though and he brought it over and I sleep like a baby on it.


Going to keep the old one too for now though. It's the only thing in my small bedroom and it will be nice to put out in the porch when it's finished.

Do Right, Be Right. :)

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Originally posted by Brenda:
Have to move things away from the heating units in case I have to use them.

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Originally posted by 6IXSTRINGJACK:

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Originally posted by Brenda:
Have to move things away from the heating units in case I have to use them.

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One of the few things I haven't thrown out...

I've still got 4 electric heaters in here. No doubt more than I need, but one of them did break last year, so maybe having 5 of them in a house that doesn't yet have the most reliable furnace in the world isn't a case of hoarding and is just a smart decision.

I think you might be alright without them though. In all the years and the many different apartments I lived in, there was only one weekend I ever needed to use them. It was back when I lived with my brother on a weekend that my brother's future wife came up to stay with us and the entire heat system in the building had gone out. The new (terrible) management had just taken over the spring prior and did not answer any of the tenant's calls about it until they came back to the office on Monday. People were using electric ovens to heat their places. My brother went out and bought two portable electric heaters.

Here's hoping you don't need to even use them at your new place.

Do Right, Be Right. :)

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Originally posted by 6IXSTRINGJACK:
Yeah... I'm not a pro when it comes to what makes a good futon and what doesn't, Brenda, but really do try to do some research and get some reviews before you buy one. All I know is that there can be some huge differences between them, and I susptect that while the Sealy mattress on the good one that my brother gave me has something to do with it, it's also the makeup of the futon as well.

The cheap one I had was something I had picked off of the curb when my neighbors threw it away. It was an entirely metal frame that doesn't seem the most solid thing in the world, and the mattress was pretty thin. Both of these lead to a bit more "sagging" than my back needed and with the intense nightly physical work I did it just wasn't good enough and I would start my next day off with a little bit of tightness and soreness from the night before that I didn't get when I slept on the L-shaped couch.

The good one my brother gave me though has a Sealy mattress that is not only a tad thicker, but it's quite a bit heavier and harder to move. You can tell really easily that it's a much higher caliber of mattress. At the same time, the futon unit itself has no "wobble" to it once it was set up. Though the framing of the unit is metal, there are two sets of wooden slats, one for the "seat" and one for the "backrest" portion.

That does bring up the possible issue of it being a problem for somebody who wants to unfold the whole thing and really spread out though. I never did that with either of mine and only slept on the "seat" part. I can't imagine it being extremely comfortable if an individual used the entire thing as a bead to spread out on, because the cheap one probably would offer even less support at the "seam" while the much higher quality one would probably be really stiff and offer possibly too much support at the same "seam" when unfolded into "bed mode".



I'm not sure if you plan to make this an every-night bed for yourself like I use it for, or if we're just talking the occasional nap or not. The good one I have is probably just fine for an occasional nap, even unfolded, but be sure to really do your research if you're going to sleep on this thing everyday.

I'm probably the cheapest bastard you know, but if my brother hadn't given me one that gives me the sleep experience I need, I would have started to use my actual bed for now until I was able to find the right futon for my back and I know it would have cost a lot more than I was happy about spending.



Do Right, Be Right. :)

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Originally posted by 6IXSTRINGJACK:
I just woke up about an hour ago. Damn. 2:00PM. Half my day gone already.

Really got a lot done at my friend's house this weekend, even though he was working with a hurt back from that joist at my house and I was working with a hurt shoulder from moving the furniture with my brother from early the prior week.

That drinking though... I'm not getting any less concerned about it. I made a point to tell him (while working at my house the second night) this week that I was happy to see him not drinking Icehouse, again saying it was the devil's brew that got a hold of me. I wish I hadn't said it. Subconsciously or not, he must not have liked that and he was drinking Icehouse both days this weekend at his house.

Yesterday, about an hour before it was going to get dark and we were about to wrap things up anyhow because it had started drizzling and the clouds were really looking bad, he fell off a ladder right next to me and almost pulled mine down too out of instinct to grab whatever you can get ahold of when you're falling. At least he had the wherewithal to throw out the putty knife and boxcutter he was using to scrape the worst of the windows we've worked on yet as he fell.

He's got a pretty bad limp from it, but having busted my own ankle bad many years ago I'm happy to see that he's not swelling like mine did.

I was pretty tired after a long weekend, but he talked me into taking me out for a bite at that bar we had gone to for burgers the first night we worked together. I'm kind of glad that he did, because I met an ex-girlfriend up there with her boyfriend. It was kind of cool catching up with somebody that I haven't seen in probably 15 years. I'd be lying if I'm not quite enjoying to start meeting up with people that I haven't seen in so many years and really starting to get the feeling that despite all of my bad decisions and horrible lifestyle for so many years, I'm really aging a lot better than everybody else is. If it weren't for my teeth issue, I probably look 10 years younger than most everybody else does these days.

Back on topic though, he had a few more beers at the bar (which I drove to and from his house to get to), and he bought them a shot and one of them bought another round at some point too.


Before we left to work, I believe it was on Saturday, I was bullshitting with his fiancee for about 10 minutes about stuff and I had asked if she saw the pictures of the work we've done on my porch and said my friend was working miracles. Id told her about how when I found out how bad the problem really had been I had also just found out the layoff was coming and I had been freaking out about everything and how part of me just wanted to dump the house for cash for whatever somebody might buy it for and just move away and start life over.

She said the same thing to, although she did say "well I know why I'm staying here" and pointed upstairs to where my friend was. But I can tell that she's not very happy overall with their situation. I don't know how much the drinking has to do with it, but I'm sure it's not helping. They're both at the age where it's kind of do-or-die if you want to have any kids, and they don't have any yet.

I dunno. I wish I could help with the drinking part, but like anything else I don't think you really can do much. My brother and his wife are unhealthily overweight and they both know it but don't do anything about it. Both they and my friend have a hoarding problem but don't do anything about it. Everybody's diets are shit, but they don't do anything about it. I know I wouldn't have taken anyone seriously who was giving me shit about my drinking or eating or hoarding problems either, and I had to just wake up one day and say I've had enough of this shit.

Maybe I'm still here in 2019 so I can start helping other people I care about?

Nah... I don't want to think that way. I most likely am not, and I don't want to put that kind of pressure on myself.

Do Right, Be Right. :)

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Originally posted by SIGNYM:
SIX, thinking thru your friend's drinking problem (and your family's problems with overweight and diet ...)

Maybe I'm being overly-generous about people, but I feel most people are doing the best they can with all the diligence and motivation at their disposal. I think a lot of people put a lot of effort into "some" things that they've decided are important to them, but give themselves a "pass" on other things. Perhaps they're limited by things you can't see, like time limitations, pain, or anxiety, or lack of sleep, or ADHD or other factors that are hobbling them.

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Your friend: He sounds like he's very hard-working, very positive ... a veritable locomotive pulling himself, his fiancee, you ... others? ... out of jams. But maybe he's in pain. For that, he allows himself drink. Your brother and his wife ... perhaps they're focusing on being good parents, but they're terribly short of sleep. For that, they allow themselves food.

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The reason WHY people "reward" themselves with things that aren't good for them is because what they're doing isn't intrinsically rewarding enough. And I think that's the sad thing about life in America today: For most people, diligence, hard work, positive attitude, and responsibility don't create the security, agency, and prosperity that people crave. Nothing will. There is always the nagging anxiety that things will be snatched away, that nobody (especially society and goverment) has your back. Or maybe I'm just projecting too much!

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Anyway, I'm trying to balance what "research" shows vesus my own reactions to being nagged: "Reasearch" shows that when dealing with self-destructive habits daily (or frequent) pressure helps. This goes for bulimia and other eating disorders as well as things like smoking (making cigs more expensive encourages people to quit). OTOH, if peopke were constantly nagging me, it would just piss me off.

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So maybe it's the "type" of pressure involved ... maybe it's better if it's impersonal ... the presence of good food at the table instead of bad, the expense of bad habits ... a constant good example ...not direct comments from the peanut gallery. I don't know. All of this thread to tell you that talking to your friend about drinking may be counterproductive. that maybe your best influence is helping him out and your example of going to a bar and enjoying yourself without getting wasted. If I have any divine inspiration, I'll let you know! But I am turning it over in my mind.

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Originally posted by SIGNYM:

SIX, it sounds like you're banging things out like a machine. :-) Which leads me to wonder ... what will you do when all of your immediate problems are solved? De0clittering and fixing up your house has been a multi-month effort but in a few month's time all of the urgent urgencies will be resolved. What then? do you have an idea what to do for the winter?

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Originally posted by SIGNYM:
Meanwhike

BRENDA, Im not sure about the configuration of most futons, but based on my experience with our sofa, it will be hard to find a futon )or any furniture) that will do double-duty as both a "sitting" place (for visitors) and a "sleeping" place. Our sofas for example, they're wonderful to sleep in, but they're so deep (front to back) and may legs are relatively so short that my knees can't reach the front of the couch at the same time that my back rests on the backrest, so either my legs stick out uncomfortably or my back suffers. Plus the sofas are too tall, so my feet can't reach the floor. I usualy solve that problem by lying down on the loveseat. Dear daughter tuck her legs up, only hubby is comfortable sitting. The answer to that is to make sure that the futon is both low enough and narrow enough for comfortable seating, or to get footrests for all potential visitors, as well as for yourself. Or put pillows at the backrest so that people can rest their backs against it and still have their knees able to reach the edge.

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Pity would be no more,
If we did not MAKE men poor - William Blake

You idiots have been oppressing the entire sexual spectrum as long as you have existed. I can't wait for the day your kind is dead - WISHIMAY

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Meanwhike

BRENDA, Im not sure about the configuration of most futons, but based on my experience with our sofa, it will be hard to find a futon )or any furniture) that will do double-duty as both a "sitting" place (for visitors) and a "sleeping" place. Our sofas for example, they're wonderful to sleep in, but they're so deep (front to back) and may legs are relatively so short that my knees can't reach the front of the couch at the same time that my back rests on the backrest, so either my legs stick out uncomfortably or my back suffers. Plus the sofas are too tall, so my feet can't reach the floor. I usualy solve that problem by lying down on the loveseat. Dear daughter tuck her legs up, only hubby is comfortable sitting. The answer to that is to make sure that the futon is both low enough and narrow enough for comfortable seating, or to get footrests for all potential visitors, as well as for yourself. Or put pillows at the backrest so that people can rest their backs against it and still have their knees able to reach the edge.- SIGNY

SIG, the futon my mom had was great for sleeping and sitting on for me and her. So, I am hoping to replicate that in a lower cost model. I'll keep the trash can for putting my feet up on as I have a coffee table for remotes and such.

I am going to be soggy today.

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Originally posted by SIGNYM:

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Meanwhike

BRENDA, Im not sure about the configuration of most futons, but based on my experience with our sofa, it will be hard to find a futon )or any furniture) that will do double-duty as both a "sitting" place (for visitors) and a "sleeping" place. Our sofas for example, they're wonderful to sleep in, but they're so deep (front to back) and may legs are relatively so short that my knees can't reach the front of the couch at the same time that my back rests on the backrest, so either my legs stick out uncomfortably or my back suffers. Plus the sofas are too tall, so my feet can't reach the floor. I usualy solve that problem by lying down on the loveseat. Dear daughter tuck her legs up, only hubby is comfortable sitting. The answer to that is to make sure that the futon is both low enough and narrow enough for comfortable seating, or to get footrests for all potential visitors, as well as for yourself. Or put pillows at the backrest so that people can rest their backs against it and still have their knees able to reach the edge.- SIGNY

SIG, the futon my mom had was great for sleeping and sitting on for me and her. So, I am hoping to replicate that in a lower cost model. I'll keep the trash can for putting my feet up on as I have a coffee table for remotes and such.

I am going to be soggy today.

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Boy, if you can replicate that, that would be great! Does the furniture showroom have assembled models you can try out? (Not sure about IKEA since we don't have any nearby) That way you can test it for for both sitting and sleeping comfort.

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Pity would be no more,
If we did not MAKE men poor - William Blake

You idiots have been oppressing the entire sexual spectrum as long as you have existed. I can't wait for the day your kind is dead - WISHIMAY

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