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BLUE SUN ROOM FAN FICTION - GENERAL
Spoof spoof spoof
CATEGORY: FICTION TIMES READ: 1746 RATING: 9 SERIES: FIREFLY
And that's all for a while, folks. Gotta get back to working for a living, and as of 1800 this evening I'm off for L.A.
Should be back in a bit of a while, and might even get a little writing done while I'm out. For those who are more interested in my GoS storyline, rejoice in the news that the illustrious Defender82 has graciously consented to collaberate with me on a mini-story arc featuring the protagonists from the other side of the Valley.
With her help, it might even be readable. Have a good one, ya'll.
Serenity Inc., Part 4
Defender sits in the back of her SUV, court transcripts spread across the seat and the windows opened just enough to get some airflow. She grumbles as she takes notes and stops to mop her brow with a handkerchief. Faintly audible from the trailer, the crew is singing.
"The hammer clicks in place, the world's gonna paaaaaaaaaaaaaay. Right down in the face of God and all his saints, claim your soul's not for saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaale."
Wulfhawk approaches the door with a tray of food and taps on it gently.
When he looks at her, puzzled, she repeats herself in English.
Wulfhawk enters the SUV. She is facing mostly away from him, but she sees it's him. She continues to take notes.
"If I'm intruding..."
"Not at all. I expected you."
She puts her notebook up, in no great hurry, as she turns to him.
"Couldn't really say the same."
"So. Would you like to lecture me the wickedness of my ways?"
"I brought you some supper, but if you'd prefer a lecture, I've a few very catchy ones prepped. Tort reform and hellfire... one has lepers."
"I think I'll pass."
(taking the tray of food)
"I thank you for this."
"The... ah... 'Captain' said you might like it. I was surprised at his concern."
"For a lowly lawyer?"
"It was unjust of him to say that."
"Believe me, I've called him worse. Anyway, I suspect he has more interest in making you
uncomfortable than me."
"He's not wildly interested in ingratiating himself with anyone, yet he seems very protective of
his, ah, crew."
"That he calls himself a 'Captain' and packs eight people into a truck?"
"Why are you so fascinated with him?"
"Because he's something of a mystery."
"Why are you?"
Beat. Defender smiles softly.
"Because so few petty criminals are. Besides, I have a feeling that one of these days he's going to blow a big one, Federal agents and pages worth of felonies and oh my. I live for that moment."
INT. SERENITY - SLEEPER - CONTINUING
Archer has just relieved himself in the onboard toilet... love those extended sleepers. We don't need graphic detail.
"Archer, you might wanna get up here..."
Archer's through the curtain in a flash.
INT. SERENITY - DRIVING COMPARTMENT - CONTINUING
Archer enters. He moves past the gearshift to the seat.
INT. SERENITY - CAB - CONTINUING
Where Lerx is studying a laptop.
"What is it?"
"Email. Somebody went on the wireless, hailed the nearest county cruiser."
"Tell me you pulled the plug."
"All to hell, but I don't know how much got through. County got a pin on us for sure."
"Ni... ni...ni... ta..."
"Ni ta ma de. Tianxia suoyoude ren. Dou gaisi."
"We got a mole on board."
Archer's face hardens as he works it out...
INT. SERENITY - TRAILER - MOMENTS LATER
HFK is checking on his box.
He turns and Archer is standing before him.
"Forget your toothpaste?"
Archer kicks him in the shin, sending him hopping.
"Are you out of your mind?"
"Tests were inconclusive. What'd you tell them?"
Archer draws his gun, puts it in HFK's face.
"I have exactly no time for games. What do they know?"
"You're a lunatic."
"And you're a gorram Fed."
"Hate to say it, ah... 'Captain', but you've got the wrong man."
Both men turn to him. A beat, and both Archer and HFK realize Wulfhawk is looking behind them. Slowly, they turn the other way, and understand Wulfhawk's meaning.
Sergeant X holds a gun on Archer.
"Son of a bitch."
"Drop that firearm, 'Captain' Archer."
A beat, and Archer does.
"This is not my best day ever."
Sergeant X moves the gun to point it at HFK.
"HotforKaythryn, you are are under arrest. You have the right to remain silent. Use it."
Archer takes a moment to realize the man is after HFK.
"What -- the geek? Oh."
(indignant at HFK)
(hopeful, to Sergeant X)
"Is there-is there a reward?"
Sergeant X is ignoring Archer, focusing on HFK. This bumbling businessman is now a very intense, tightly wound cop.
"Get on the ground. Get on the ground!"
"Lawman, you are making a mistake."
"I think you best get on the ground, son. The man seems a mite twitchy."
"I think everybody could stand to calm down a bit."
He is moving slowly towards Sergeant X.
"This isn't your business, professor."
"The boy's not going anywhere, lawman. As I understand it, it's pretty hot outside."
Archer moves casually for his gun.
"Not to worry. Put Lord Fauntleroy here in a passenger cell -- won't make a peep 'til you hand him over to --"
(pointing the gun at
"Get the hell away from that weapon! You think I'm a complete backbirth?"
Beat. Everyone looks musingly at each other, then decide to shake their heads in the negative.
"You're carrying a fugitive across state lines, and you think I actually believe you're bringing medical supplies to Del Rio? As far as I care, everyone on this truck is culpable."
"Well now. That has an effect on the landscape."
"Please, we're very close to true stupidity here --"
"I got a cruiser en route for intercept, so talk all you want. You got about twenty minutes."
"Might have less than that."
"Yeah, threaten me..."
"For God's sake --"
"You think I wouldn't shoot a professor? Back off!"
Archer grabs HFK -- and everybody's shouting --
"Just take the kid!"
"Get your hands off me --"
"Stand the hell down --"
"Everybody just stop it! Stop it!"
Kaythryn enters, holding a laptop bag slung over her shoulder.
"Why's everybody --"
Sergeant X spins and fires.
Kaythryn stumbles backwards, slamming into the wall --
She puts her hands to her laptop. Smoke pours out of it.
"The payroll and accounts... our games..."
A lot of things happen. Kaythryn slumps to the ground as HFK rushes to her, Archer dives for his weapon, Maniac draws his, Sergeant X swings to fire at Archer --
-- and Wulfhawk is in Sergeant X's face, a brutal jab in the throat as he grabs his gun-hand whip-quick, twists and pulls the gun out, cracking Sergeant X across the face with it in the same motion and Sergeant X is down. In seconds.
She is at the back of the trailer, coming at the sound of the shot. She races to Kaythryn, as does Archer, seeing that Sergeant X is no longer a threat.
ANGLE: KAYTHRYN AND THE OTHERS
HFK lays Kaythryn back and gently extracts the laptop as Archer scrambles to her other side.
"How do you feel?"
"A little odd..."
ANGLE: MANIAC AND WULFHAWK
Maniac comes toward Sergeant X with a purpose, gun in hand, and Wulfhawk turns to face him.
"Outta the way."
"You're not killing this man."
"Not right away..."
"He's no threat."
ANGLE: KAYTHRYN AND OTHERS
Kaythryn is whimpering.
"Why did he...?"
HFK opens the laptop up and examines the damage. It's not pretty.
"Oh, well, that ain't hardly a mosquito bite."
Defender rushes over, joining them. Defender pulls off her jacket and bunches it under Kaythryn's head, as,
"Not gonna happen."
(raising his gun)
"I ain't joking with you, professor."
She's got her gun out, pointed at Maniac.
"Just tie him up. Do it."
A moment, and Maniac holsters his piece, moves to get some duct tape.
ANGLE: KAYTHRYN AND OTHERS, OVER THIS
"C'mon, can you power up? Are you still with me?"
He taps on the power button.
"Are you asking me to dance...?"
Her eyes start to roll back --
"She's going into shock. Did she have any saved games on here?"
"Kaythryn, mei-mei, you have to focus."
ANGLE: WULFHAWK STANDING OVER SERGEANT X
Sarah approaches him.
"The gun, professor. Please."
Wulfhawk hands her Sergeant X's gun.
HFK manages to get the laptop to power up. A broken fan whines.
"Got a toolkit with a small screwdriver?"
"Tools, we got tools."
They move to pick the laptop up --
(on the intercom)
"Captain, we've been radioed by a cruiser. Ordered to stay on the highway and stop for prisoner transfer."
Archer and HFK look at each other.
HFK rises, steps away from Kaythryn. He is tense, but surprisingly calm.
"Take the next exit. Run."
"Hell with you. You brought this down on us, I'm dumping you with the law."
"That's your accounting records on that laptop, and it's frying."
"You're not gonna let it."
"Yes, I am."
"No, you can't."
"No way the cops'll let us walk."
"Then we dump him in the SUV and leave him for them."
"Wait just a minute! I'm paid up six months in advance on that piece of junk."
"Everybody's so mad..."
"It's okay, baby."
"Do you know what overheating does to a processor?"
"I assume it's bad."
"Then do you know how crucial the next few minutes are. It could EXPLODE."
"You let it fry, you'll never make it to the Feds."
"It'll still be dead."
"You rich kids, you think your lives are the only thing that matters. What'd you do? Kill your folks for the family fortune?"
"I don't kill people!"
"Then do your job!"
"Turn the truck around!"
"Enough! Archer, do it."
"Don't ever tell me what to do on my --"
Kaythryn screams again, reaching for the laptop.
Archer and HFK stare at each other.
(eyes on HFK)
"Sarah, take the exit."
"Help me get it up."
Archer and Defender hoist the laptop with HFK.
(hits the com)
"Lerx, take 87 and drop the hammer. We're runnin'."
EXT. HIGHWAY - CONTINUING
As the truck turns and the back lights up all shiny bright -- and she shoots off.
INT. TRAILER- MOMENTS LATER
The three of them burst in, lay the laptop on a box. It's small and not wildly sterile here, but it is clearly functional.
"You have an multitool?"
"Got a screwdriver."
"That's not good enough."
"Uh, my side of the bunk, red bag."
Defender goes. HFK raids the boxes, finds nothing much useful.
"Shouldn't somebody be checking on Kaythryn?"
"Oh... shit... SARAH!"
"This is over, you and me are gonna have a personal chat."
"Won't that be fun."
FADE TO BLACK
INT. TRAILER- CONTINUING
We see, over time, VARIOUS ANGLES of HFK operating. HFK is confident and good at his job. Archer and Defender assist -- mostly Defender, who has the most computer experience.
Maniac crouches outside the scene, peering in through a gap in the boxes, obviously concerned.
INT. TRAILER - LATER
HFK washes off his hands. He turns to Archer, pulling off his apron.
"I think I managed to back up the hard drive."
"Will we be able to get our records and saved games?"
"I can't say yet."
"I want know what's going on here."
"Well then why don't we find out?"
He moves quickly from the area.
"What are you... no! No!"
HFK follows, as do we, back into
INT. TRAILER - CONTINUING
"Stay away from that! Aah!"
He moves toward Archer -- but is grabbed and easily held by Maniac.
(calmly, to Maniac)
"Where's the Fed?"
"Secure. Professor's with him. Seems to think he's not safe alone with me."
Archer turns some dials on HFK's blue box and pulls a release lever. There is much flashing of lights and four latches twist automatically at the corners. The top comes slightly up with a hydraulic whoosh, dry ice pouring out the sides. Lerx and Sarah enter; Defender's there, too.
"Well, let's see what a man like you would kill our hopes, dreams, and fun for."
Archer kicks off the top of the box. It flies off, clattering to the floor as the smoke clears from over what's inside.
Archer steps forward, looks.
ANGLE: ABOVE THE BOX
Curled inside is a naked, unconscious teenage girl.
The box is clearly a cryo-chamber of some sort, perfectly conformed to her body, a sleep metallic womb.
Archer looks at the girl. At HFK. At the girl.
"Holy shit! That ain't right!"
He quickly slides the lid back onto the box.
END OF ACT TWO
INT. TRAILER - CONTINUOUS
HFK tries to wrest himself free of Maniac, who's just holding his arms now.
"I need to check her vitals."
"Wanna tell me why there's a frozen girl-sicle in my trailer?"
"She's not supposed to wake up for another week! The shock --"
"The shock of what? Waking up? Wait a minute... waking up... huh?"
There's a thud as Maguinan lurches up, bonking her head on the box lid and knocking it off. She screams loudly, and then Archer screams even more loudly, jumping back over a pile of boxes.
They keep screaming, and for a moment no one does anything.
She spills out of the box, crawling backwards, breathing hard and looking around her, wild-eyed.
HFK finally pulls himself free of Maniac -- who's now more interested in the naked girl than him -- and comes to her. Defender pulls off her jacket again, ready to cover her with it.
She screams at his touch -- Defender instinctively moves forward -- but he holds onto her, tries to get her to look in his eyes.
"Maguinan. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay, I'm here."
Finally she looks at him, trying to focus, still breathing hard.
She looks about, at everyone, then back at him.
And she realizes, begins to cry.
"HFK... They-they talk to me, they want me-they want me to talk..."
"They're gone... they're gone. We're safe now. We're safe. we're safe, I'm here."
"What the hell is this?"
HFK, Maguinan clinging to him and crying, looks over at Archer defiantly.
"This is my sister."
TO BE CONTINUED
Saturday, June 07, 2003 5:13 AM
Saturday, June 07, 2003 11:24 AM
Sunday, June 22, 2003 6:07 AM
Sunday, June 22, 2003 6:09 AM
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