The Best Deceptions: Ch 9
Thursday, April 13, 2006

The crew of Serenity touch down on Kaylee's home planet. Hi-larity ensues. Jayne/Kaylee.


Oh, dear lord, look! It's fluff. Fluffy, fluffy fluff! It's so soft and squishy, I can bounce off the walls of fluff.

After the huge delude of angst I've been pouring out lately, this makes me feel like a wide eyed, radioactive Mr. Burns...

"I bring you LOVE".

Disclaimer: Uh, yeah, some of them are Joss', some of them aren't. I'm sure you can work out which.

Rating: G. Seriously, fluffily, G.

Feedback: Oh, you know I want it. Comment here or email:

Comments: It's BACK!


Previous Chapters: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven and eight


Chapter Nine:


He hadn't ever really found himself looking at the ship when she landed. Well, there ya go, he thought, she really is impressive, quite a beauty. He had to tell Kaylee that, he knew it would make her preen. Wasn't an accident that he made sure he was inside the belly of the beast when she took off and, therefore, when she landed.

Never, not once, had he wondered what it was like on the other side, starin' at the big, blank panel that would open and become the ramp. Urging it to finally lower. What in the gorram hell were they doin' that took so long.

The ship was on the ground, for all that was holy, stop pussy footin' about and just dock already. It made him grin. In the back of his head he knew, knew how much time it took for the controls to be settled just so after landing, for Wash to confirm, for Mal to go over his checklists. He knew.

Jayne wasn't eager, no way no how, not him. He didn't get excited 'bout nothin'. Serenity was just a ship, that's all, a place to sleep and eat and earn his coin, didn't matter a damn that he'd been off her for a week. He had what was important right here with...

"Gorram it, Mal!" He called into the thin sliver of space that finally showed through the airlock. "What're you all doin' in there? Open the door!"

"S'at you, Jayne?"

"No." He drawled. "It's the gorram tooth fairy. What do you reckon? Now hurry up!"

Jayne Cobb, mercenary for hire, did not grin ear to ear at the poor, sorry sight of seven people standin' there. Especially when they were all starin' at him like he'd grown an extra head or somethin'.

"Jayne?" Mal looked him up and down.

"Yeah?" He answered.

"Didn't you have a lot more weapons when you left?" Zoe asked.

"Sure." His hand patted his hip. "Got a few of the girls..."

And found it empty.

"Huh." A pause. "Guess I left 'em at the homestead."

"Huh?" Mal's eyebrows arched. "You standin' out here, in broad daylight, in a strange town, just dicoverin' you left all your guns elsewhere, an' all you can say is huh?"

"Don't need 'em." He said, then smiled again. "'Sides, got plenty more just in my bunk. How are they? Vera okay, is she?"

"Vera?" Simon looked confused. "Who's...?"

"His gun." Zoe answered. "The big one."

"He names his guns?"

"Don't you, doc?" Jayne grinned as he nudged past Simon, none too gently pushing his shoulder out of the way. "Name your girly things, I mean?"

"I don't have..."

"You look different." Mal continued.

"I must say, Son." Book nodded. "Planet life seems to agree with you."

"Aw, hey... no." He insisted, stopping on his way to the crew quarters. "It's been fun, but I'm lookin' forward to gettin' back in the air."

"The Aberdeen sun, at least, seems to have given you color." Inara added.

River eyed him speculatively.

"She makes you taller." She whispered.

"Is he blushing?" Wash asked. "Is Jayne blushing?"

"Hell no." Jayne turned and headed towards his bunk. "I don't blush none."

"Huh." Mal sighed.

"Seconded, Sir."


"S'bout a ten minute walk from here." Jayne guided the group across the town. "That there is Kaylee's daddy's shop, you'll meet him later, an' that's Mr. Matthews' shop there, he's the one got the twins, those boys I was tellin' you about."

"Zoe?" Mal whispered behind him. "You gettin' all this?"

"Not in the slightest, Sir."

"Oh, don't worry." He heard Simon's voice. "River has a photographic memory. She'll help us if we need it."

"He's rather... talkative planet side, isn't he?" Book asked.

"I'd say he needs fresh air." Wash joked. "But I think that's the problem."

Jayne ignored the lot of them. Across the street he spied Annaliese walking into the grocer, searching the street he saw Nana Kent trying to step up into a mule all by herself.

"You guys stay here a sec."

It was a quick trip to get to her side.

"You need a hand?"

"Oh, my!" The old lady fluttered a hand over her chest. "You scared me, young man."

"Why's Annaliese lettin' you scramble all over the place by yourself? Don't she know better?"

"Don't you mind that." Nana Kent patted his arm. "I told her I was happy standing here 'til she finished, but then I wanted to sit a ways. So I did, guess I'm not as young as I used to be. 'Course, you ask anyone 'round here an' I was never young."

Jayne merely took her arm and leveraged his weight to get her up in the mule. She didn't weight a thing.

"Those your people?"

They both turned and looked back at the motley group that made up Serenity's crew.


"Ain't they never seen an old duck get in a mule before?"

"You'll have to forgive 'em, Nana Kent." He replied, sounding as sad and wearisome as he could muster. "They's a little backwards sometime."

She laughed and patted his hand in thanks.

"You go on now an' I'll come meet those fancy folk tomorrow." Her eyes glittered. "And you best be lookin' after my Winnie. You hear?"

"Guess you ain't heard." His eyes glittered back. "She's my Winnie now."

"Then I guess you are, go on now."

He left her smiling and returned to the huddle of people on the corner.

"Jayne?" Mal looked highly amused.

"Were you...? No. It couldn't be!" Wash grinned.

"It... it looked like he was helping a little old lady." Simon kept his face straight. "No. This is what going mad feels like."

"Hey doc?" Jayne grinned and grabbed his arm, pulling him over to a doorway. "You need to meet some of the locals."

He gave the door a long, sharp rap and waited.

"Doc, this here is Mauralee." His eye brow raised. "Mauralee, this here is a big, core doctor, an' you know what he just said to me? He just said, sure looks like there's lots of menfolk and not too many girls."

"He did?" Mauralee clapped one hand over Simon's upper hand, wrapping her fingers tightly over her prize. "Well, you've come to the right place! I've got files, you know..."

Jayne laughed as Simon disappeared into the communications shop.

"What the hell'd you just do with my medic?" Mal bristled. "You can't just go 'round announcing to everyone he's a core doctor, there could be Alliance about."

Jayne couldn't stop chuckling.

"Relax, Mal, ain't nobody here gonna play foul with Miss Kaylee's folk. He's safe, we'll come back if'n we ain't heard from him in a few hours."

"But..." Wash pointed to the street. "How will he know where...?"

"Someone'll show him." Jayne snorted. "How do you think? Now I gotta get you home, before Ma sends someone out to look for us. I don't wanna face that woman angry today."

"Ma?" Zoe asked. "Did he just...?"

"Yes." Mal answered. "He just."

It didn't phase him, not one bit, in fact he was kinda enjoying their confusion and figured he could milk it for all it was worth. A hand slipped into his and he looked down to see River smiling up at him.

"I like you like this."

They created a fast pace for the others to follow.

"Jayne?" Mal called out to him. "You haven't told us how the whole couple thing's goin' yet. You still foolin' everyone?"

“Uh, yeah.” He couldn’t resist a small smile. “Everyone’s convinced, Mal.”


Kaylee missed this. She really did. The hustle and bustle of Getting Things Done. Always thought in capitals. The Frye family had a routine when it came to holidays and that routine basically consisted of following one simple rule.

Do everything and anything Ma Frye said and do it quickly.

She gripped a carrot in one hand and a peeler in the other and didn’t ask where her mother had gotten all this fresh produce. It was one of the things that just happened at Christmas.

No matter how bad things got, there were always presents for the children and fresh food for the feast.

Anything else was a bonus. Like finally seeing family again. Like being so happy with Jayne. Like getting one of her greatest wishes and having her Serenity family celebrate with her family on planet.

All her favorite people.

Speaking of which, she heard them long before they tramped up the steps to the porch. Voices she’d know anywhere.

“Hey everybody. This here’s my Ma.” She pointed to the left without turning around and then to the right. “And this here’s Betty and in the other room…”

Her voice trailed off when she felt two large hands at her waist and then a mouth at the side of her neck.

“Mmm.” She made it a happy purr and twisted to face him. “Hey you.”

“Hey you.” Jayne whispered down to her with a sparkle in his eyes.

Kaylee raised her eyebrows, quietly asking him if he’d told them like she’d asked. He nodded back, but he still had that gleam and she wasn’t sure if she believed him.

Especially not with the way they stood there, crowded in the doorway, mouths hanging open as they stared.

“Don’t just stand there lollygagging.” Ma rushed forward, brushing her hands down the front of her apron. “Now, Kaylee, you introduce us all proper, before they think you ain’t been raised right.”

“Right.” She slipped out of Jayne’s grasp easily and came to stand by the big group. Her cheeks felt warm and she was sure she was blushing. “Well, first, this here is Mal, he’s the captain, but you know that.”

“Good to see you again, Ma’am.”

She might not have been the most observant person, but she saw the way Betty’s eyebrows rose and her eyes fell. Maybe later she’d have to pull her aside and they could gossip about how tight his pants were.

“And this here’s Zoe, she’s Mal’s First Mate, and Wash, her husband, he’s the pilot.” Ma shook all their hands, eyeing them with a keenness that made Wash frown just a little. “And this here is Shepherd Book.”

“A Shepherd?” Ma grinned. “You got a Shepherd running with you? Well, you must have your hands full, my good man, running with my daughter.”

Book laughed.

“Oh, I assure you, Kaylee is the least of my worries on board.”

“Hey!” Wash nudged him.

“Ma?” Kaylee preened. “This here’s Inara, she’s a Registered Companion, the best Companion there is.”

Even before the words came out of her mouth she recognized her mistake and sent a warning glare to Jayne.

“And don’t you say nothin’, Jayne Cobb, I was just statin’ fact and not from experience.”

“You have a very lovely home, Mrs. Frye.” Inara smiled and covered Ma’s hand with her own. “And your daughter is a credit to you.”

“Oh.” It was the first time she could remember her mother blushing in a very long time. “Thank you.”

“This sweetie here is River.” River stepped forward and dutifully shook hands.

“We brought presents.” River added solemnly. “An offering to the feast. Meats and fruits and fresh produce. They’re still on the ship. I suggested bringing them, but I was seriously and unfairly outvoted.”

“We’ll get them soon, sweetie.” Inara rested her hand on River’s shoulder.

“And this here is… Hey, where’s Simon?”

“Ask your boyfriend.” Mal kept his face straight, but she could see the corners of his mouth turning up. “He introduced Simon to someone called Maura…?”

“Jayne!” Kaylee spun around, but her mother was already ahead of her.

“Jayne Cobb, you mean to tell me the first time that boy’s on planet, a doctor, and you go introducing him to Mauralee? It ain’t too late to follow through with that threat I gave you before.”

“Uh, sorry?” He hung his head, but his eyes were still laughing. “I’ll go get him.”

“Damn straight you will.” Ma gestured to the group. “Now we’ve got lots to do, so you menfolk go chase up your missing lamb and get whatever it is you need from your ship and leave us women folk here to set it all straight.”

“Womenfolk?” Zoe echoed.

“Just go with it, honey.” Wash grinned as he kissed her cheek. “I gotta go play with the other boys.”

“You didn’t tell them.” Kaylee whispered up to Jayne. “I told you to tell them.”

“S’more fun this way.” He kissed the tip of her nose. “See how long we can string ‘em.”

“Good.” Ma rubbed her hands together. “Now that they’re gone, we can get back to work. Hope you ladies don’t mind helping out.”

“Not at all.” Inara smiled.

“A place for everything and everything in its place.” River turned to smile at Ma. “I’ll set the table.”

“You do that.” Kaylee saw her mother frown a little before patting River on the shoulder. “The silverware is in…”

“I know.” River quietly assured her. “I can see them.”

“Right then.” Ma blinked. “Well, I guess that means you, Zoe was it? You can shuck those peas over there.”

To Kaylee’s horror, her Ma then held out an apron to Inara.

“And there’s some dough over here just finished proving, if you wouldn’t mind…”

“Ma!” She hissed. “You can’t ask ‘Nara to…”

“Nonsense, Kaylee.” Inara smiled as she took the apron and tied it around her waist. “Your mother can ask me to do anything she likes.”

*** more soon (this time I mean it).


Thursday, April 13, 2006 3:54 PM


OH! I"m, the first to comment!!! I love the ending with Kaylee's Ma treating Inara like a .. .*gasp* . . human.

Thursday, April 13, 2006 3:55 PM


yay yay yay, fluff is so fun and adds so much to your writins. id be hard pressed to read a stroy without fluff. an i thought jayne was gunna get in so much trouble with ma, and well i was right sweetness

Thursday, April 13, 2006 3:57 PM


I’ve been waiting for so long for this chapter. And I get to be one of the the very first ones to tell you just how shiny it is!!

Yes, it is fluff. Fluffy fluff.
I absolutely adore it. Thank you!! Well worth the wait and well written.

And in general, you rule. You know that right? Cause, Ya do.

Thursday, April 13, 2006 3:57 PM


yay yay yay, fluff is so fun and adds so much to your writins. id be hard pressed to read a story without fluff. an i thought jayne was gunna get in so much trouble with ma, and well i was right sweetness. this is a much needed fluff after your last angsty but wonderfull story

Thursday, April 13, 2006 5:33 PM


Fluff is good. It must be, it made me feel better from the flu.

Thursday, April 13, 2006 9:49 PM


This is so great, I can't wwait for the next one! There were so many fab lines, I think one of my favourites is:

<I>"I'd say he needs fresh air." Wash joked. "But I think that's the problem."</I>

And one which made me all tingly (in an awwww shucks kinda way) was River's

<I>"I like you like this."</I>

More soon, pleeeeeeeease

Friday, April 14, 2006 4:11 AM


I loves jayne's chat with nana Kent:
<"You go on now an' I'll come meet those fancy folk tomorrow." Her eyes glittered. "And you best be lookin' after my Winnie. You hear?"

"Guess you ain't heard." His eyes glittered back. "She's my Winnie now.">

Fluff after angst is like sherbet between courses to cleanse the palate, and your fluff is as delightful as your angst is excruciating.

Friday, April 14, 2006 6:04 AM


Something certainly agrees with Jayne :)

britchick and hisgoodgirl are both right on the money. This was a HUGE pleasure for me. After the the last few days I've had, it was like a little mini-vacation getting to go back to Kaylee's house.

I think I'll keep bouncing along in this happy place: "Little Billy Foo Foo, dancing through the forest, catching all the plot bunnies and giving them a hug". OK, maybe not that fluffy, but not far off. Thanks for the lovely, fluffy grin I'm wearing, Jacqui!

Friday, April 14, 2006 8:52 AM


Well now....this was a shot of fresh air after a long haul inside a box;)

Just have to love a OTT Jayne....even more hilarious and loveable as his "I'm a hardass" mode:)


Friday, April 14, 2006 4:08 PM


"I'd say he needs fresh air." Wash joked. "But I think that's the problem."

"You'll have to forgive 'em, Nana Kent." He replied, sounding as sad and wearisome as he could muster. "They's a little backwards sometime."

Possibly my two favorite lines you have EVER WRITTEN. Seriously. I was cracking up. I can sooo hear Wash and Jayne saying these things.

I loved the angst. I did. Now, though, I'm so loving the fluff. Welcome back, fluff!

Monday, April 17, 2006 5:09 PM


Whooot! *pumps fist*

This is a piece of brilliance right here. Jayne's mischeivous side is right there at the fore, and isn't it just so gorram cute and cuddlesome? The crew's reactions are hi-larious, and this dinner is really gonna be something to see.

Sorry it took so long to comment, by the way. I've been out-of-town over Easter break. I'm back now, so write more soon.

Thursday, May 4, 2006 2:58 AM


Please, more....loving it. You write with such depth and the world you have created has sucked me in and left me wanting more.....especially Jaylee! and the crews incredulous reactions to the Jaylee, trying to work out whether they are still playing!!!

Thursday, May 11, 2006 1:48 PM


Come on. I been waitin and waitin. More Kaylee & Christmas fluff please. Pretty please...

Sunday, May 28, 2006 4:35 AM


please? *puppy eyes*


Friday, December 16, 2011 9:58 AM


Sad to see this has been abandoned,I was really looking forward to the next installment. :(


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The Best Deceptions: Ch 9
The crew of Serenity touch down on Kaylee's home planet. Hi-larity ensues. Jayne/Kaylee.

Something From Nothing 12/12.
FINAL in the series. Kaylee Frye is out of time.

Something From Nothing 11/?
Sometimes you... oh, you all know what it's about. James. Kaylee. The horror, the angst...

Something From Nothing 10/?
Sometimes all you can do is make the best of a bad situation, sometimes you find you're better for it.

Something From Nothing 9/?
Sometimes all you can do is make the best of a bad situation, sometimes you find you're better for it.

Something From Nothing 8/?
More story, more backstory, the usual...

Something From Nothing 7/?
James talks some more, maybe his parents can learn from his example?

Something From Nothing 6/?
Nightmares, truths and comfort, oh my.

Something From Nothing 5/?
A little confrontation, a lot of truth, the usual.

Something From Nothing 4/?
Sometimes you have to make the best of a bad situation and, sometimes, you find you're better off for it.