BLUE SUN ROOM FAN FICTION - ROMANCE

KIMBER

What's meant to be - Part 5
Sunday, June 17, 2007

I'm really in need of comments...gd or bd, dong ma?


CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 1683    RATING: 8    SERIES: FIREFLY

............................................. 2 days after part 4 in the pit .............................................

Mal was thinking, sitting in the pilot’s chair with Inara sleeping in his lap with her head on his chest. He never thought this dream could ever come true and he was really grateful that it did, Serenity seemed to be happy as well as the days started better waking with a cuddly Inara in his arms. Although something always seemed to worry him, Inara was much more sleepy than usual and her appetite increased with a drastic move, River was also acting strangely with Inara...sort of protective towards her and started to sleep with her head in Inara's lap but Inara seemed to like that friendliness so it didn't bother her at all but it was still strange.

That morning Serenity would be landing on Greenleaf and he will be spending the longest week of his life. Thoughts were interrupted when he felt Inara stirring.

"Mal?"

"Right here darlin'"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"Why did you change your mind so suddenly about us? Not that I don't like it, mind you, but I'm curious"

"Well, I've been thinkin' about it for quite sometime but when you got shot I made up my mind" He kissed her temple” do it Reynolds" a voice in his mind said.

"'Nara"

"Mm?"

"Will you marry me?"

The world stopped, she raised her teary eyes to meet his, she was weeping. "Damn Reynolds! How can you be such a hundan? You made her cry again..."

"'Nara I-"

"Yes!" she managed between sobs.

ONE GORRAM MINUTE! Did she just agree to marry him???

"Oh god 'Nara...I've waited so long for this." He said between kisses.

"Mal, I've dreamt about it but didn't think it was possible. In fact, I think I'm dreaming"

"Really? What about this?" He took out a ring out of his pocket which matched the bracelet perfectly; it was white gold with a diamond that shone like her eyes. He slid it round her finger and looked at those two glittery puddles.

"I love you 'Nara"

"I love you too Mal, more then you could ever imagine..."

He scooped her and took her to his bunk. They sank in bed... ............................................. Next morning at breakfast .............................................

Zoe noticed the ring on Inara's finger, but didn't say anything until Mal stood up.

"Ok folks, I have some news"

"Are we gettin' richer?" Jayne grinned. Zoe hit him.

"Ow!"

"Shut up moron" creeped River and Jayne sank back.

"So...as I was sayin’ I have news." He grabbed Inara's hand.

"'Nara n' I'll be getting married"

As he expected, the news was welcomed by cheer and double-fingered whistles as they chanted

"KISS HER! KISS HER KISS HER..."

Mal grabbed Inara and kissed her long, cheer erupted again.

"Congratulations Sir, Inara"

"Thanks Zoe" They said in union and laughed.

"CAPN' I'M SO PROUD OF YA!! AND I'M REAL HAPPY FOR YOU 'NARA" She gave them a hug, they could hardly breathe.

"As a matter of fact Kaylee, I was going to ask you to be my maid of honor"

Kaylee gaped

"And the doc would prolly be the best-man right 'Nara?"

"Yes"

"So...what do you say?"

"I DON'T know what to say captain...it's an honour" blushed Simon

"He's a boob" Smiled River "And capn' daddy did REAL well" she winked and hugged them both.

"So when will the wedding take place?" asked Simon.

"Once Inara has returned, we'll head to Beaumond. There a preacher...Book's best friend actually, I'm sure he'll be more then happy to marry us."

"Shiny capn'!!" Chirped Kaylee muching a berry. ............................................. 2 Hours later at the Cargo bay .............................................

Kaylee was weeping while Inara tried to cheer her up by telling her that it was only a week but she hugged her tightly.

When at last came Mal he looked at her in the eyes and said:

"Promise you'll wave me when you arrive"

"Yes...I'll wave with every chance I get"

"Shiny" Mal nodded

"Good" Agreed Inara

There was an akward silence until Mal pulled her to him so suddenly, she gasped in surprise and gave her a most longing kiss.

"We'll catch up when I come back, don't worry." she grinned mischievously, but her face soon turned sad when the transport arrived. She pecked Mal on the lips again and disappeared. It was breaking Mal's heart to see her leave again...

"She'll be back, Sir"

"I really hope so Zoe..." ............................................. On Inara's transport .............................................

Inara had a strange feeling while she was travelling, didn't know why but it was strange. Suddenly, a young butler appeared and Inara felt panic rushing through her when she saw that she hadn't arrived at the training house but at the operative's department and this was not good...she fainted. .............................................

It's been two days since Inara left, she was supposed to arrive that very day and promised him to wave once she arrived but she hadn't made any contact. Mal was getting worried and called Badger to see if there's been a problem with the transport but found that there wasn't. River has been crying all the time the doc let her awake and all she manage to say was "Took them away...Vendetta" He was going to wave Sheydra when he received a wave just from her.

"Good morning Captain Reynolds"

"Good morning Ma'am please call me Mal."

"Please call me Sheydra, ma'am makes me sound old” she said with a sad smile.

"As you wish Sheydra but I was going to wave you about Inara-"

"It's why I waved you Mal, probably you got worried when Inara haven't contacted you-"

"In fact"

"We have a bad news and a good news Mal, the bad one is that your soon to be wife-"

"How'd you know that?"

"Talk to her through the doctor the operative let us send to make sure she is in good health but seems we have bad news ab-"

"One minute! You haven't said the word operative, did you?"

"I'm sorry but yes, she has been captured by the operative. The good news is that Inara is pregnant, but then again, she'll probably loose the baby if she remains like this"

Mal was petrified

"Captain?"

"Pregnant? Loose the baby? WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT HUNDAN THINK HE IS??!!!"

"Captain, try to calm down and help me resolve the situation. The operative has captured Inara for vendetta to what you did on Miranda"

"He should've taken me, not her" And now they both had tears in their eyes.

"He wants 10,000,000 platinum to let her free, but the guild could only afford 8 and she's in real danger"

"Right..."Muttered Mal in struggle not to cry.” Tell the bastard he'll have them, we're headed to Shinon."

"Thanks Mal" She managed between tears.

"Thanks Sheydra"

And the cortex turned off

"DAMN!!" Mal slammed his fist on the desk.

"What happened sir?" Zoe heard the chaos and came to check.

"Inara's pregnant... and the operative got her" His voice was hoarse and he could no longer hold back tears.

"I'll tell River-"

"We're almost on Shinon Capn' daddy!" River yelled.

"Call Bagder...he owns me some expensive favours and tell him that we need 2 million platinum and if he doesn't post them there he'll die tortured." He gritted

"On it sir" .............................................

COMMENTS

Sunday, June 17, 2007 8:05 AM

PLATONIST


Hi Kimber,
I thought I'd give you some feedback, since you asked so politely. Being a high school English teacher, I do tend to approach written work fairly critically, so keep that in mind when reading this.

Your narrative structure needs some work...the plot is moving to quickly, without giving your readers time to identify common fiction plot elements such as, problems/climaxes/resolutions. Slow down, no need to rush, especially with this pairing. For example, Inara has been shot and now kidnapped for ransom, but I'm still wondering why she had the fever?

Give us more insight into these characters. What's going on in their heads? Flesh out their Point of Views and inner dialogs (an easy way to develop characters) where did Mal get the matching ring? Was it his mother's?
Did he buy or cheat Badger out of it? As the reader, I need to be more emotionally connected to the characters.

You have some good ideas that need to be developed. I highly encourage you to keep writing. I'll look for your next post. Enjoy!



Wednesday, June 20, 2007 5:41 PM

BLUEEYEDBRIGADIER


Some shiny work...bu8t still all kinds of too fast, KiMbEr:(

Have to note that while Inara might potentially stop being a Compasnion or switch speciality tracks to have a relationship with Mal, she's still a Buddhist. And I haven't seen much evidence of Mal renewing his faith in God...so even a friend of Book's probably wouldn't marry them. Would expect a Justice of the Peace on a planet like Persephone.

BEB

Thursday, June 21, 2007 3:55 AM

TAMMYY2J


Brillant please continue with more


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