Road Trip
Thursday, June 7, 2007

Getting antsy. Jayne hits a house of ill repute and several people. Neither of these events is described in detail.


This is the standard fanfic disclaimer bit.

***** (Copia. Night. Kitchen. Mal and Jazmine are up late talking)

JAZ: Might want to go easy on that brew. MAL: Tasty stuff. JAZ: You’re getting restless and it’s not just what’s in your mug. MAL: Feel pretty well rested. JAZ: You’ll be leaving again soon. I’d love to go with you, but I have to play spider in the web a little longer. MAL: Howzat? JAZ: I’ve been in touch with some old acquaintances of yours. They were hoping to come calling. MAL: What’d they have to say? JAZ: War dogs are barking. MAL: Dog’s busy barking, can’t bite. JAZ: They will come for you, you realize. MAL: Belike. JAZ: People will want to parade you around like a trick pony. MAL: They can want all they want. I’m in a fight, it ain’t for show. JAZ: They may not understand that. MAL: Better learn quick like, then, hadn’t they? JAZ: You step back into that fight, you’d best win it, Bamboo. They won’t give you a third chance. MAL: Damn fools oughtn’tve given me a second if they were worried so much. JAZ: They’re good people, good friends, don’t misunderstand me. I’m just asking you to give due consideration before committing yourself again. MAL: Lotus Flower I intend to ponder the matter to the bones of it ‘fore I jump. JAZ: I think we both know you’re going to jump, my froggy fellow. Just make sure there’s a lilly pad waiting. MAL: Thought every lotus had a pad. JAZ: So long as they don’t drain the pond and dredge what’s left behind. MAL: That ain’t gonna happen. JAZ: Then you’ve got at least one place to land.

***** (Copia. Afternoon. Farmhouse garden) ZOE: You ever gonna put that book down? JAYNE: I’m just readin’. ZOE: You manage to make that seem like a dirty habit. JAYNE: Ought to try it yourself some. ZOE: “Lusty Wenches of Planet Zeta”? I don’t think so. Come on, put the book down, we’ve got some work to do on the ship. JAYNE: Just gonna finish the page. ZOE: I don’t even want to know what you use for a bookmark.

**** (Copia. Day. Argument in progress. Mal and Jaz are in their room, she is finishing up packing. He is busy looking like hell.)

JAZ: I’ve pushed it as far as I can, I need to go now. MAL: Why now, is all I’m askin’? JAZ: Because if I wait until after I deliver I miss the deadline, and I don’t want to leave it any closer to my due date than I have to. I have postponed this trip as long as I feel comfortable. I need to go now. MAL: Still don’t see why it’s so needful. JAZ: I have obligations to fulfill to retain my interests in the firm. I don’t feel that stopping off for a day or two to sign some papers which assure my continued financial well being a terrible nuisance. MAL: Now’s just a touchy time to be harin’ off to the Core. JAZ: It’s not actually inside the Core as you well know. (cuts him off before he can protest) Malcolm, could you please just not give me a hard time about this? It’s something I need to do . I’m planning on cashing out a good deal of my investments and stock and I need to do that in person. I’m meeting with my people and thereby killing two fish with one spear. I’ll be gone about a week in, two or three days there, then another week back. Hard burn the whole way. What exactly is the problem? MAL: (mutters) Should be me. JAZ: Shuh muh? MAL: (louder) It should be me. Taking you in, it should be Serenity you’re flying on. JAZ: She can’t burn as fast as I want to go and she’s probably still flagged. Subterfuge is all well and good, but I want to make this quick and clean. I’m using Kasmir. He’s dropping off some newcomers. He can check up on Sovay for her parents, then bring me out and back with some more settlers. If you want I’ll take some extra muscle along, you can send Jayne on loan. Gui send Zoe if it makes you feel better. MAL: Well why don’t you just take my whole gorram crew?! JAZ: They won’t all fit. Besides, you’ll probably need Simon once Zoe’s done handing you your pi gu for sending her with me and keeping her from her babies. MAL: She would not. (beat) OK maybe she would, but that’s ain’t the point! JAZ: There’s a point to all this? Better keep Zoe, you may need her with the settlers. MAL: Good idea. Yes there’s a point! The point is. The point I’m tryin’ to make here is. It’s just. What was I saying? JAZ: You were saying what a wonderful idea my taking Jayne along on my trip is and how much fun you and Zoe are going to have playing with your children and making new friends here. MAL: Was I saying that? JAZ: Eventually, but right now your dominant male ego’s in the way, and you're exhausted from being up all night for three nights running and trying to make yourself useful all day instead of resting. So instead of seeing how right I am you’re being a stubborn jackass. MAL: I am not being a stubborn.. did you just say I haven't slept in almost three days? JAZ: Yes dear. MAL: Really? JAZ: Yes dear. The variant on coffee that the construction crews brought with them may have something to do with it. MAL: Does pack a kick, don’t it? JAZ: Go lie down. By the time you wake up I’ll probably be back. MAL: From where? JAZ: Don’t worry about it right now. (kisses him.) Go rest. MAL: Rest. Right. We’ll talk more later. (exits) JAZ: Renci de fo zu I hope not.

***** (Shortly after. Kitchen. Zoe and Jayne are having lunch.)

JAZ: (breezing in) Jayne, you’re with me. Paid job, Core, pack light. Zoe, will you please keep an eye on Sleeping Beauty? ZOE: What happens when he wakes up? JAZ: Improvise. I’m sure you’ll think of something. JAYNE: How light are we talkin’ here? JAZ: Don’t bring anything you’ll mind losing when you get fleeced in a card game by a whore. JAYNE: I’m packed. JAZ: Change of clothes? JAYNE: Right. (exits) (beat) (returns) Don’t leave without me. (exits) ZOE: (beat to make sure he’s gone) You sure about this? JAZ: He’s on loan. Don’t worry, I’m good for the bail. It made Mal feel better. ZOE: It did? JAZ: Yep. And when he wakes up you can tell him that to illustrate just how out of it he was. Meanwhile, enjoy your younglings. One more favor? Find that gorram Caffix and ditch it? ZOE: Done. Gonna be busy soon, you reckon? JAZ: Sounds like it. ZOE: Best make this little while count then. JAZ: Spoil them for me, and if Sovay gives you lip about too many cookies make veiled allusions to the construction crew. ZOE: Which one? JAZ: All of it. ZOE: And the Captain? JAZ: He can have a cookie too. ZOE: Not what I meant. JAZ: He’s just angry because he can’t come with me and he knows it. Gives him something to gripe over. He’ll be happier that way. ZOE: If he isn’t? JAZ: It’s a big planet. Plenty of places to hide. ZOE: Better start looking now. Take care. JAZ: You too. ZOE: Try not to lose Jayne.

******* (Several days later. Parlor. Mal is not happy.)

KAYLEE: But Cap’n, she did tell you she was going. Twice at least. SIMON: You may not remember it, you’d been drinking pretty heavily. ZOE: Skunked on the stuff. You told her to take Jayne. MAL: It was Coffee, not bourbon! Really, Jayne? ZOE: Really. Jayne. SIMON: Actually, it wasn’t exactly coffee. The construction crew may have failed to mention the extra ingredients. MAL: Such as? SIMON: Powerful stimulants... and a few other things to minimize the motor tremors that causes, compounds that trigger endorphin production at high and sustained levels so you don’t notice the fatigue.. things like that. MAL: Buhwubbas? KAYLEE: Cap’n, you were kinda scary on that stuff. MAL: Scary how? KAYLEE: Like you couldn’t stop bein’ cheerful and all helpsome. ZOE: Like havin’ two Kaylees around, ‘cept one needed a shave. SIMON: I administered several combinations of drugs so you wouldn’t feel the full effects of coming down off the Caffix. You’ve been unconcious for five days. MAL: Five days?! SOVAY: (knocks at door) Excuse me please, Mr Malcolm. Grace wishes to know if you are awake now. She is impressed with your napping powers. She is most intent on having tea with yourself and Mr Bunny. KAYLEE: Can’t keep a girl waiting, Cap’n.. SIMON: Eating soon would be a good idea. MAL: (exits, muttering about mutiny and coffee) KAYLEE: That went bettern’ I’d expected. ZOE: That’s only because he’s still half dead. SIMON: Maybe I should have kept him sedated?

**** ( Some inner planet near core. Hotel suite. Common area, two bedrooms, doors open to reveal Jayne’s arsenal arrayed in one. Jayne is dressed fairly respectably. )

JAZ: My, my! Why the new pretties? JAYNE: (adjusting one last weapon) Figger’d I’d best dress the part of a upstandin’ body guard. JAZ: Charged it to the room, did we? JAYNE: Yep. JAZ: Yuri’s waiting for you downstairs. He said you had a date to go whoring and drinking. JAYNE: Well, yeah. Sometime... didn’t know he was in town. JAZ: Kasmir wanted to pass news of Sovay to her parents, Yuri will be seeing them next, and was nearby. JAYNE: So you gonna need me? JAZ: Go on, I’ll stay put tonight. Get it out of your system, but be back by early morning. I have a meeting tomorrow and I’ll want you with me. JAYNE: Sure thing. Night! (he’s gone as fast as he can be.) JAZ: (talking to belly) Poor thing’s been cooped up too long, he’s earned a night off... and mommy’s earned a bubble bath and room service.

****** (Copia. Farmhouse yard. Mal has shaved and bathed.)

MAL: Got a wave from some old friends. ZOE: What kind of guarantees are they offering? MAL: Usual moon dust and folderol. ZOE: Had me worried for a minute. MAL: The instant someone starts assuring you of guaranteed success in a war is just about two minutes past time to turn and run. ZOE: Not like to forget it any time soon. MAL: If’n I get pulled back into this.. ZOE: (cuts him off) Don’t even bother asking, Sir. MAL: Reckon I’m stuck with you, then. ZOE: Reckon so. MAL: If’n I was a praying man I’d be on my knees with a fuzzy hallayloo. ZOE: Embarrassing yourself in public won’t change my mind. MAL: It won’t? ZOE: Hasn’t so far. KAYLEE: (wandering by from house) Cap’n, you’re looking.. MAL: Better? ZOE: Less awful? KAYLEE: .. alive. MAL: Li’l Kaylee, I want you to get our girl ready to go. KAYLEE: (scoffs) What makes you think she ain’t? MAL: That’s my girl. Make a shopping list though, dong ma? KAYLEE: Will do. (wanders off, baiting him) Mangoes, strawberries, protein packs as ain’t moldy, synchronizers, stuffed wombats.. MAL: Just git! ZOE: We going somewhere? MAL: Most like. Just want to be ready. ZOE: You in a hurry? MAL: Not over so, you? ZOE: I’ll be ready. MAL: Don’t doubt it.


( Inner planet. Lockup. Decorated in Alliance tidy, but with a few personal touches. We are close in enough to face officious officials, but far out enough that they aren’t total caricatures.)

OFFICER KEE: Jazmine Li? JAZ: Yes? I have posted bail and filled out the necessary paperwork. Is there something else officer..Kee? KEE: I have a few questions for you first. Please, sit. (she obliges) So, Mrs. Li.. JAZ: That’s Widow Li, I’m afraid. Mrs. Li is my mother in law. KEE: I apologize. JAZ: We wouldn’t want anyone thinking you’d questioned the wrong person, would we? Now it’s officially on the records that the dear old girl was not present. KEE: Quite. JAZ: So, ask your few questions please. I wish to collect my man and be on my way. KEE: Your man? JAZ: My body guard. KEE: Your body guard? JAZ: I had heard the area was somewhat less stable than the last time I visited. I thought it prudent to hire someone to protect me. KEE: If he’s your body guard why wasn’t he guarding you? JAZ: I felt secure enough at my accommodations to give him a night off. I also wanted a measure of time to myself. KEE: Not good company? JAZ: He is not a very good conversationalist, I fear. After several days in a small ship I felt the need for a rest. Holding up both ends of a conversation is quite taxing. KEE: I see. JAZ: So, how may I further your inquiries that we might both be on our separate ways more quickly? KEE: Where exactly did you hire this man? JAZ: In port , at the hiring bazaar. The captain he’d shipped with last said he was reliable. I checked the reference. KEE: And has he proved so? JAZ: When on duty, yes. Luckily his services have not yet been put to the test. KEE: Fortuitous indeed. JAZ: Indeed. KEE: Out of curiosity, how does a widow find herself in your condition? JAZ: (beat, she gets icy) Divine intervention. Your question is impertinent and the answer is quite obvious to anyone with a rudimentary grasp of biology. A widow needn’t mourn alone forever. Will there be anything else? KEE: No, madam. I apologize for any discourtesy. JAZ: Accepted. (Stands.) I expect my man to be waiting at the door. Good day to you. (exits) KEE: Stancourt. Does it check with his story? STANCOURT: Affirmative. Wonder who had the balls to bed her. KEE: Whoever he was is probably missing them about now. Better let our guest go. STANCOURT:Shr ah. Sooner she’s gone the sooner my goose bumps go away.

***** ( Copia. Cabin by a lake. Kaylee and Simon are lying on the grass looking at clouds.)

KAYLEE: There’s one looks like a sheep. SIMON: That one looks like a horse. KAYLEE: That one there looks like a fish. SIMON: That one looks like a cloud. KAYLEE: Simon. SIMON: Sorry. KAYLEE: Wonder how they’re makin’ out. SIMON: Who? KAYLEE: Shanty and Jayne and all. SIMON: I’m sure they’re fine. Probably bored to tears with business and looking forward to coming home. KAYLEE: This home? SIMON: Home is wherever you are. KAYLEE: Serenity’s been idle a while. She really needs to shake the dust off soon. SIMON: I’m sure the ship will be fine here a little longer. KAYLEE: It ain’t where she belongs. She needs to be out there in the black. It’s what she was made for. SIMON: We’ll probably be leaving soon enough. There ought to be plenty of opportunities for short supply runs now that more people are arriving. KAYLEE: You think they’ll like it here? SIMON: Once they get used to tying down their livestock and produce... KAYLEE: Simon! It ain’t that bad. SIMON: Except when it is. KAYLEE: Which is not most of the time. SIMON: I stand corrected. Most of the time it is not that bad, except when it is. KAYLEE: Ain’t had a visit from a banshee in months. River’s working on a couplea ideas to slow those old winds right on down. SIMON: Altering planetary weather patterns without creating a new and bigger problem is no mean feat. It could be the work of a lifetime. KAYLEE: She said last week she thinks she’s got it licked. SIMON: Except for my sister, of course. KAYLEE: Just know how to surround yourself with talented women, I guess. SIMON: At least the project has cured her moping around after getting dumped. I could strangle him sometimes. KAYLEE: First love. It was good for her. Love is good for you. (pulls in closer) Tell me about love. SIMON:(playfully) Well, where should I start..?

***** (Hover cab. Leaving lockup facility.)

JAZ: Honestly Jayne, I should have left you there. JAYNE: I didn’t do it! JAZ: You, not brawling in a bar? Why am I having trouble picturing this? JAYNE: Not my fault. Seven guys come at you, you’re s’posed to fight back. JAZ: You fought off seven men alone? JAYNE: Naw, only took out four. Yuri got the other three. Got away too. JAZ: Yes, he ran straight to Kasmir which is why I knew where to start looking for you. Mr Cobb, if you are going to be disruptive you could at least have the courtesy to not get pinched. I had to postpone this morning’s meeting, which throws us off schedule. Please refrain from further delaying my negotiations. Financiers are not an understanding lot. JAYNE: I’ll just ask people to make an appointment to jump me next time. JAZ: That would be helpful. Now, if you can try to ID them on the cortex link while I arrange my little meeting we can try to figure out who sent them. JAYNE: You thinkin’ they was sent? JAZ: Are you always attacked by superior numbers on your night off? JAYNE: Not so’s you’d notice. JAZ: Then your little foray to the whorehouse is probably where someone marked you, neh? JAYNE: Maybe they was after Yuri? JAZ: Yuri was not arrested. You were. We will presume this was the plan and work from there. JAYNE: Where we goin’ now? JAZ: The hotel, you can clean up there. I have to wave my representatives and reschedule for this afternoon. JAYNE: They gonna have time? JAZ: They will for me.

***** (Later that afternoon. Stock brokerage.)

Suit 1: Are you certain about this, Widow Li? JAZ: Perfectly. Suit 2: All your shares? You know Blue Sun stock is projected to double in three months. JAZ: I doubt it. Besides, I have a little project I’m working on and I need to liquidate some of my less reliable holdings. They are included under that heading. (finishes signing papers and hands them over) I said sell it all and I meant it, gentlemen. Suit 1: Of course, ma’am. You know best. JAZ: Thank you. (stands, motions to Jayne) Good day. (They exit) Suit 2: What does she mean by that? Suit 1: I’m not quite sure, but if she’s that confident.. Suit 2: Opt out? Suit 1: Conservatively. To beat the rush.

****** (Copia. Barn. Serenity is looking forlorn. Mal is just staring at her, wearing a similar expression. River approaches silently.)

RIVER: Don’t look so sad, it won’t be much longer. MAL: BWAH!! (turns to realize he’s drawn a gun which is not there) RIVER: Missing something? MAL: Lucky for you I haven’t been carrying lately. RIVER: Is feeling safe really so bad, Mal? MAL: Is if you aren’t. Won’t be much longer to what? RIVER:(points at Serenity) She misses the stars. MAL: Think we’ll be taking a ride soon? RIVER: Most likely. Shanty waved. You missed it. They’re starting back tomorrow. Bringing friends. Old friends. MAL: No friend like an old friend. RIVER: They want you to fight again. MAL: What if I don’t want to? RIVER: You want to. Never stopped, really. Try not to worry about him. MAL: Who’s him? RIVER: I was talking to the ship.

***** (Board room. Big shiny table and wood paneling. Screams tasteful old law firm. Jaz, Jayne, two nameless extras, and Alecsande. She is obviously a power lawyer, and obviously Jazmine’s. They are finishing a meeting with the firm’s contracts and disbursements team. We are at the hand shaking and leave taking stage. Papers locked up and finalized.)

JAZ: Thank you, Alecsande. You have been impeccably attentive to detail as always. (they exit and start down the hall) ALECSANDE: Coming from you, that is a compliment. I still think you missed your calling. JAZ: High praise indeed, but I loathe paperwork. ALECSANDE: Not so much that you can’t read it line by line before you sign. JAZ: I was married to a lawyer. Old habits and all that. ALECSANDE: So is your current friend a lawyer? JAZ: What makes you think I have a friend? I could be enjoying the life of a wanton hoyden out there. ALECSANDE: That resides on the far end of the bell curve, Jazmine. You can always tell me to get spaced if I’m prying. JAZ: Gossip is the coin of the realm. He is not a lawyer. He is handsome. He is intelligent. He amuses me. Anything else you want to divulge over lunch? ALECSANDE: Eye color and hobbies? JAZ: He’s a blue eyed pirate when he’s not in my bed. (indicates belly) This is our second, by the way. Consider it a little bonus tidbit. Good enough? ALECSANDE: Second? You have been busy. Sounds delish. You’ll be the talk of the tea room by next week. JAZ: Next week? ALECSANDE: (laughs) My schedule is insane until Thursday, I cannot possibly dish any faster than that. JAZ: Remind me to ‘wave my scandals ahead of me next time. ALECSANDE: As a professional courtesy, thank you. (checks her chrono) Oh dear, I’ll be late for a closing. Must run. Give my best to Mrs. Li when you speak with her next. JAZ: Will do, dear. Ta. (They turn down separate corridors) JAYNE: What the hell was that? JAZ: That was putting the finishing touches on this visit. I am upsetting the apple cart, Jayne, and if it is scary it also feels good. By the end of next week anyone who is looking for it will know exactly where I stand. If I can’t get a message to my allies directly, I will just have to send up a flare. We have just passed the point of no return. Tonight we pay respects by having dinner with my mother in law, then ship out first thing tomorrow. Luckily she is still fond of me. Kasmir will, however, be waiting with the engine running. JAYNE: Just in case? JAZ: Just in case.

***** (Docks. Yuri and Kasmir are saying goodbye in fluent bear hug. The last passengers are boarding. Jazmine and Jayne are standing at the ramp, taking their leave of Yuri.)

KASMIR: We are ready at your whim. JAZ: That’s is well, because I’m feeling whimsical. JAYNE: Standing next to the exhaust too long. JAZ: Thank you, Jayne. YURI: I must go. My ship is leaving soon. I will bring your thoughts to the family Kasmir. Jayne, I thank you for the fight! It was a good night! JAYNE: A real hoot right up to the spot I got pinched. KASMIR: Perhaps we can arrange for another (metallic ping of a ricochet) DOWN! JAYNE: You heard ‘im. (Pushes Jazmine to the ground) Aaa! (he’s been shot in the shoulder) Mother humpers! That’s a new shirt! (returns fire with good arm) (Yuri and Kasmir draw weapons and begin cover fire) KASMIR: In! Quickly! (Jazmine and Jayne scramble in the hatch, Jayne still trying to shield Jazmine.) Yuri, go now! You must not be late! YURI: Agreed. I go. (ducks under cover of ship and runs for it. Kasmir ducks through doorway as it closes.) KASMIR: Friend Jayne, go to the infirmary now. I will get us underway. JAYNE: Good idea. Which way was it again? JAZ: Come on. This way.

***** (Infirmary. Jazmine is looking at Jayne’s shoulder blade with the medic. We can see the outline of the bullet under the skin.)

JAZ: Easier to just pull it out the rest of the way, really. MEDIC: Yup. JAYNE: What are you to jawin’ on at? MEDIC: The bullet passed clear through your shoulder, but didn’t actually exit.. quite. JAYNE: So? JAZ: So instead of one scar you’re going to have two after all. Hang on while she numbs it for you. JAYNE: (as hypospray is injected) Ow Hey! MEDIC: Be glad I did that, soon enough. JAYNE: Maybe you was right about that bar fight. JAZ: They may have been following you to find someone else. Thank you, Jayne. JAYNE: For? JAZ: Tackling me. JAYNE: Never met a woman wasn’t happy to get tackled by me. JAZ: Under other circumstances I might disagree. (to medic) What did you give him? MEDIC: Sedative to keep him relaxed until I can get that shoulder properly immobilized. JAZ: (aside) He’s going to hit on you, you know. MEDIC: (mouths) I’ve got lots more. JAZ: I’ll just leave you two to get to know each other. Thank you Jayne. JAYNE: (starting to feel it) You said that already. (as she leaves) You’re welcome, (to medic) and you’re pretty. MEDIC: Let’s try conscious sedation.



Friday, June 8, 2007 12:24 AM


Very fine, I like that Jazz is on the ball and very little surprises or outsmarts her. She needs all the edge she can get it seems. Glad she and Jayne are soon going to be on their way. Hope the stop at her mother's doesn't prove to be a big mistake. Did smile at all the banter and Mal being too out of it to know what the crew made up and what really was the case. Sleeping for five days straight? Gorramit, that's more than he got in the series. Ali D :~)
You can't take the sky from me

Friday, June 8, 2007 9:14 AM


Oh bring such fabulous prexents when you come by the Blue Sun Room! One could get all kinds of spoilt from this kind of treatment;D

Oh...and Mal was all kinds of brilliant in his muddled state! Definitely a hilarious moment when Mal gets that look of confusion on his face;D



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Garden, With Cakes
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