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BLUE SUN ROOM FAN FICTION - GENERAL
I done kilt him.
CATEGORY: FICTION TIMES READ: 975 RATING: 9 SERIES: FIREFLY
Joss’ Verse not mine, no profit occurring, don’t sue.
(Copia. Farmhouse. Kitchen table. Jayne walks through with his nose buried in a book, grabs an apple in passing. Does not look up.)
SIMON: Was that Jayne?
SIMON: With a book?
KAYLEE: Mm hm. I lent it to him. Guess he likes Gloria Breathless.
MAL: He surely does seem to have taken a shine to literature of late. River, you gonna spout that tea out your nose or just choke on it all quiet like? No? Just wondering.
(Later that night. Jazmine’s bedroom. Mal and Jazmine are getting ready to turn in.)
MAL: Got something to tell you.
JAZ: News you think I’m not going to like?
MAL: Just so.
JAZ: Yes, Best Beloved?
MAL: Got a job.
JAZ: Knew you’d find work sooner or later. Feeling the gypsy wind already?
MAL: Eight months dirt side. We’re getting a mite restless.
MAL: It’s just a short trip. Blow the spiders out of the engine.
JAZ: Can I keep River with me just a little longer? She wants to finish collecting data for her project. She said something about alternating vectors and phase shift. At least I think that’s what she said.
MAL: You want to keep my pilot?
JAZ: You said it’s just a short trip. She seemed adamant about it.
MAL: Not sure how that sits with me.
JAZ: You can take it up with her. I’m done meddling.
MAL: Meddlesome, quarrelsome, worrisome woman.
JAZ: So why do you stick around?
MAL: I fancy the way you smell.
JAZ: And my cooking.
MAL: That too.
JAZ: And my other talents?
MAL: Can’t rightly recollect what those are.
JAZ: Need a quick refresher?
MAL: Shr ah.
(Parlor the next afternoon. Crew is assembled.)
MAL: Got a job, people. Need to shake the dust off. Just under two weeks round trip if we scurry.
ZOE: What’s the job?
MAL: Pickup nearby. Quick trip to Soonal to deliver a package to Inara, see how she’s faring, then run another to a friend of hers. Back home after that.
ZOE: Sounds simple enough. What’s the catch?
MAL: No catch. It’s simple enough.
JAYNE: We’re gettin’ paid. Ain’t we?
MAL: Yes Jayne, this is a proper business transaction. Inara insisted.
ZOE: She know she may have someone keeping tabs on her?
MAL: She indicated in the affirmative there, yes.
ZOE: We likely to get watched too?
MAL: Probably not. No telling for sure.
KAYLEE: Serenity’ll be thrilled. Poor baby’s been bored stiff.
MAL: You been keeping her tuned up?
KAYLEE: Made a few little modifications while we were land locked. It’ll be fun to try them out.
MAL: What, she serves tea and cakes now too?
KAYLEE: Not exactly.
MAL: Does the laundry at full burn?
MAL: Little Kaylee what have you done to my ship?
KAYLEE: Gave her a little goose is all.
JAYNE: Well I’m ready. Gettin’ so bored here I’m like to get addle pated.
SIMON: How would we tell the difference, exactly?
JAYNE: I’d stop tryin not to shoot you.
SIMON: Everyone needs a hobby, I suppose.
MAL: You ready to get out on your own for a while, Old Mother Washburne?
ZOE: Absolutely. Be good to get back to work.
KAYLEE: How ‘bout you River? You rarin’ to get flying again?
MAL: River has elected to stay behind this trip and continue her studies.
RIVER: Collating data, required additional input is minimal but critical. Timing is everything.
MAL: Just you make sure you apply yourself missy. School comes first.
RI VER: Self study. School sucks.
MAL: Right. Shanty?
JAZ: Baby sitting. I’m on it. We’ll be fine. The migrants are headed this way for pruning, arriving twoday. Kasmir’s people are with them. He’ll be thrilled to see Hobie and Maddy again. I’ll pack you some lunches or something. Extra garlic so the companions won’t go near you.
JAYNE: You can leave off the garlic on mine.
JAZ: I had you specifically in mind.
MAL: Right, people. Let’s get packing.
(Landing site near orchards. Ships coming in.)
KASMIR: Friend Jazmine, it is good to see you again! (wraps her in a bear hug and lifts her off her feet) And so slim! How is little Grace? I must meet her!
JAZ: She’s napping or she’d be here.
KASMIR: Never wake a sleeping baby.
JAZ: Wise is my friend Kasmir.. and looking dapper. Is there someone else you’re hoping to see here?
JAZ: Serenity left yesterday, so I hope it’s not any of her crew. I’d hate to disappoint you. Zoe left a hug for you, by the way.
KASMIR: I will collect it from the little dumplings! Where are they?
JAZ: River’s watching them for me. She’s trying to teach them algebra. I almost think she’s liable to succeed.
KASMIR: That girl has a head stuffed full of brains. Perhaps she is trying to share some to make room for thoughts of young men?
JAZ: That is entirely possible. Did you bring any?
KASMIR: Dozens. She will have too many to choose from.
JAZ: Perhaps I should have insisted she go with the ship, then.
KASMIR: They will behave as perfect gentlemen or I will cast their limbs to the four winds.
JAZ: I’m afraid that’s probably not what she’d be hoping for.
KASMIR: All the more reason.
JAZ: Come, the tea should be ready now. Is Momma here this trip?
KASMIR: No, no. She and Poppa had other plans.
JAZ: Pity. (Takes his arm) Then let us walk and decide what cookies to break into.
KASMIR: You are a temptress.
(Serenity. Bridge. Mal is piloting, Zoe in copilot seat.)
ZOE: You seem to be taking your time on the way out.
MAL: You in a hurry to get back?
ZOE: I hate to admit it, but no. I am enjoying a little time to myself.
MAL: Then I’ll just amble on along, shall I?
ZOE: It’s all right if we’re two days late getting there?
MAL: Package was left at these coordinates. Has a locator. Nobody to meet with means no need to frazzle ourselves.
ZOE: And nobody to identify later.
MAL: That too.
(Copia. Farmhouse. Kitchen table. River is logging variables with one hand and eating cookies with the other. Kasmir and Jazmine are sipping tea and laughing. The babies are strapped in between them.)
KASMIR: You really must do something about these curtains.
JAZ: What’s wrong with my curtains?
KASMIR: It looks as if your delicious but colorblind captain sewed them by hand.
RIVER: (without looking up) He did. Reeaaly bored.
JAZ: Only three days and I miss them already.
KASMIR: Come Jazmine, even the dumplings are feeling better now. Your family will return soon enough.
RIVER: (absently) Not Mal. (stops her work, looks up) Mal.
RIVER: We have to go. Now.
JAZ: What’s wrong?
RIVER: (shaking) NOW!! WE HAVE TO GO NOW!!
KASMIR: Of course, Dear One. I have seen that look before on others. They are usually correct. Take your old ship. Make haste. We will be fine here.
JAZ: Come on then, Sweetling. (kisses Grace in passing) Mommy has to go. I’ll be back.
RIVER: (standing to a full run) Hurry!
(nameless moon. Pick up site. One large crate. Malcolm, Zoe, and Jayne are ambling out to it.)
KAYLEE: (over com) Cap’n? It’s a wave from Shanty. Says they’re about to land and River thinks something’s up.
MAL: Get this crate loaded. Move.
JAYNE: Couple of women get scared over a bump in the night and you start jumpin’ too?
MAL: You can hurt him later. Get this on the mule.
ZOE: Does he have a point?
MAL: Either of them seem the type to get hysterical over nothing?
MAL: That’s what I’m worried about.
JAYNE: (as they lift the crate and start off) Well you can ask them yourself. Over there.
MAL: (Watches as ship lands nearby. Raises a hand to wave as they scramble out) Miss me?!
RIVER: (starting to run at him) Danger!
MAL: (Turns to look around) Where? (Puts hand to chest and looks down) Oh. There. (falls)
RIVER: (finishing the flying leap she’d started, shields his upper torso) No!
JAZ: Malcolm! (closes the distance at a run) Zoe get Simon NOW!! River, honey, let me see. Come on girl, get up! (River rolls to the side the shot came from, still shielding Mal)
RIVER: Still there. Waiting for another shot.
JAZ: Shit. (Moves a hand under him, sets another over the entry wound and presses) Hit the heart and kept going. This is so very not good. Mal? You stay with me! Stay with me Bamboo!
MAL: Where I’m gon’ go? (gurgles and convulses)
RIVER: Gave up , they’re gone.
JAZ: Put a hand under here and press. His heart’s about to stop and I need both hands to pump for him. ZOE!! Where is that rutting doctor?!
JAYNE: He’s coming!
JAZ: Not fast enough gorramit! (starts compressions) One and two and..
JAYNE: Zoe’s taking the mule to get the ship. It’ll be faster. Nobody else on board knows how to fly her.
JAZ: Ta ma duh! River? First thing this is over you give lessons to everyone on up, down and side to side. Dong ma?
JAZ: Good. Thirty! And breathe. (administers rescue breaths, then resumes compressions) Two and!
RIVER: She’s there. On her way to the bridge.
JAYNE: Didn’t know the mule could go that fast.
RIVER: Kaylee fixed it.
JAZ: Sonofabitch, why didn’t he just bring the ship straight here?
JAYNE: Tends to the suspicious and overly cautious. Looks like he was right.
JAZ: I’m sure that will be a comfort to him. Thirty! And breathe. (breaths) Three and! Come on Mal! Come on!
RIVER: (Looks up and says to no one) Well? (looks back down and shakes her head) Boob.
JAZ: Come on Zoe.
(Serenity. Infirmary. Jazmine and Simon working feverishly over Mal.)
SIMON: I’m sorry Jazmine. There’s nothing more I can do here. The heart’s too damaged. He’s gone.
JAZ: NO! If you can’t do anything for him here somebody gorram well can do something elsewhere. He’s dead. Fine. You get him into cryo now while he’s still warm. It’s been under five minutes since his heart stopped and I’ve been pumping like hell. You know it will work.
SIMON: But where can we..?
JAZ: You let me worry about that. Just start prepping him for cryo.
SIMON: Are you sure?
JAZ: NOW!! It’s a one man job and you’re the man. I’ll go let the others know you’ve called it.
SIMON: But if we’re not giving up, why?
JAZ: Because somebody wanted him dead, that’s why. Nobody else knows there’s the slightest chance. You and me and nobody else. Well, River.. but she can’t help it.
SIMON: You don’t think any of them had anything to do with this?
JAZ: Not even Jayne, but he can’t act worth tzao gao. (moves to door) Whoever did this needs to believe they succeeded.
SIMON: Isn’t that a little .. cold?
JAZ: (turns) You have not yet begun to see me get frosty, mister. (exits)
(Kitchen table. All look up as Jazmine enters slowly)
ZOE: What is it..
JAZ: Heart was too damaged. Nothing Simon could do.
KAYLEE: Capn’s not dead, Shanty. He can’t be.
JAZ: Heart’s not beating. Not breathing. That’s pretty much the definition of dead.
KAYLEE: (crosses to her) No. (puts arms around her) Oh Jaz, no.
JAZ: (crying) He’s gone.
(River places a hand on Zoe’s shoulder, Zoe puts her hand over it and just stares, tearing up)
JAYNE: (scrubs at eyes)Gorram. Gorramit. I need some air. (exits)
( A few minutes later in Jazmine’s cabin. She has out a knapsack and is packing in haste but with great efficiency. Zoe and River are with her)
JAZ: I really did not need this right now.
ZOE: I can see how it would be an inconvenience.
RIVER: She’s kind of distant.
ZOE: Shock can take you that way.
JAZ: (apparently oblivious to them) I mean, I really thought it was working out with him.
ZOE: Looked like it from here.
JAZ: You know.. you get your hopes up and this is what happens.
RIVER: Should I get Simon?
ZOE: Not yet.
JAZ: (picks out crossbow and bolts) Zao gao!
JAZ: (checks crossbow) Quiang boa hou zi de!
JAZ: (drops in bolts) Huai le!
JAZ: (stuffs crossbow in). Go tsao de!
JAZ: (shoulders her bag) Hun dan!
ZOE: Shanty, maybe you’d best sit down.
JAZ: Why, do I look tired?
ZOE: You look like you need a horse tranquilizer.
JAZ: I need a tracker. River, get your gear. We’re going hunting. (River swiftly exits)
ZOE: You want company?
JAZ: Did you?
ZOE: I’ll get the package to Soonal. Meet you there.
JAZ: Send a wave. Broadstream. No encoding. Tell Inara Malcolm Reynolds is dead. Let her know exactly when you’ll be arriving.
ZOE: Are you sure that’s a good idea?
JAZ: Yes. (exits)
(Soonal. Companion training house. A quiet verandah.)
INARA: Why in the name of Earth That Was did you send that message? Alliance intelligence couldn’t have missed that blind drunk and asleep.
ZOE: Shanty’s suggestion.
INARA: What could she possibly have been thinking?
ZOE: Flushing game from the sound of it. We’re loaded. You need anything else?
INARA: No, thank you. Tong meng will be here shortly, you’d better go.
ZOE: Gone. (exits)
(Inara’s room at training house)
APPRENTICE: (gently opens door) Auntie, you have a visitor. (bows out)
YOSAFFBRIDGE: (enters) Inara, Darling! Did you miss me?
INARA: Oh you have got to be joking.
YSB: Do I look like I’m laughing?
INARA: I thought you were detained.
YOSAFFBRIDGE: I knew the judge.
INARA: Really, which husband was he?
INARA: Which husband was she, then?
YSB: I’ve come for what is mine.
INARA: What would that be, exactly?
YSB: A small memento of my late husband.
INARA: How do you know he’s late?
YSB: Reliable sources.
(bridge of serenity, looking at spaghetti monster under console)
ZOE: We’re humped.
APPRENTICE: (enters Inara’s room, gestures to Zoe who follows) She’s having tea. Please wait here. (crosses to doorway and announces) Auntie, you have company. (bows to Zoe and leaves)
INARA: (enters from balcony) Zoe. I thought Serenity had left.
ZOE: Hit a snag.
INARA: With the ship?
ZOE: Sabotage. Again. We’re working on it.
INARA: Now I understand. I’ll have rooms prepared.
ZOE: Soon as we’ve unscrambled the controls we’ll be gone.
INARA: You’re being unavoidably delayed.
ZOE: Beg pardon?
INARA: I’m afraid a complication has turned up.
ZOE: What complication?
INARA: Something we thought we’d scraped off our shoes.
YSB: (enters from balcony) Hello again Zoe.
INARA: Oh look, it floats.
ZOE: What do you want now?
YSB: I’ll be taking my ship. Get your things offloaded.
ZOE: Just who do you think you are?
YOSAFFBRIDGE: Malcolm Reynolds’ widow. (door slams open)
JAZ: (As she walks in with crossbow aimed) No you’re not.(shoots her through the head which, as she is using exploding bolts, is very messy.) I am. End of argument.
INARA: Technically you’re not, you know. You never formally married him.
JAZ: (Aims at her without looking) I said end of argument.
INARA: Common-law is a quaint but legally valid tradition.
ZOE: Problem solved.
JAZ: (lowers crossbow) Zoe, Serenity’s yours. Take good care of Her and finish the job.
ZOE: You sure?
Jazmine: (with exacting diction) Finish the job. It’s what he’d want.
ZOE: What he’d want is to be the one doing the finishing.
JAZ: Can’t always have what you want, now can you?
ZOE: Just so.
JAZ: River’s working on undoing that piece of go se's work. She estimates another thirty minutes to complete the patch, then you run. Full burn. I have to go.
INARA: The facilities are through there.
JAZ: On you that’s not so funny. Sorry about the mess.
INARA: I’ll have someone clean it up.
JAZ: I wouldn’t be here if they weren’t fine. I’m heading out. You know where to find me. Wave when it’s all taken care of.
ZOE: Will do.
JAZ: The offer I made to Mal still holds, if you’re interested.
ZOE: How about the one you made to me?
JAZ: We’ll see how you feel about it when you’re finished with this.
ZOE: Right. I’ll wave, then.
JAZ: See that you do. You’ve got the keeping of his ship. I’ve got the keeping of his children.
INARA: One daughter is children?
JAZ: Parting gift, so to speak. Caught me a little off guard.
JAZ: Pity I didn’t get to tell him. You’ll pass the word along for me Zoe?
JAZ: Thank you. Be careful. Both of you.
INARA: (hugs her) You as well, mei mei.
JAZ: (pulls away) I’m not your sister. (exits)
ZOE: What was that about?
INARA: I’m not certain. Did she seem a little cranky to you?
ZOE: A little.
INARA: You’d better get going. Don’t step in that.
ZOE: Bad penny.
INARA: Not any more.
ZOE: Zhu yi. (exits)
Wednesday, December 13, 2006 4:22 AM
Wednesday, December 13, 2006 12:18 PM
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