Firefly: Alternate Universe PART 12
Tuesday, October 3, 2006

Jayne has a bit of a problem with Kane and the chicken cargo. Wackiness ensues.


Sanka heard a noise coming from across the room. He turned and approached the sound.

"Oh, ya, mon...not only do we have Alliance crawling all over us, and Kane almost getting us all dead like, but now, my ships wants to toh shung on me.

"Bao jone, bao jone," he repeated as he grew close to the engine.

Sanka opened the access panel and began to inspect the engine. He found a broken compressor.

"So, why you gonna break down on me," Sanka said to the compressor. "You are about as useful as my old girl friend Lucy May Knot. Her name should have been more like 'Lucy Will Not'.

With that, he took the engine offline and got down to work.


Kane ended the silence, "Alright, Wash. I hope I didn't shake you up to bad. You can go. Get some rest. I am sure this has taken a lot out of you. It has me."

Kane stood and walked over to Wash, gently patting him on the shoulder while he subtley manuevered him out the door. He closed it behind him and then turn to face Jade, a concerned look on her face.

"Well," Kane began, "What do you think? Counsel me, my muse."

Jade met Kane's gaze. She didn't really know what to say, but she knew she could not keep the truth from him.

"Kane, he's not telling the truth, but he doesn't know he's not telling the truth. I sense that he has met an operative before, but it's as if his memory has been altered. I can't decipher anything else, but if he has indeed come into contact with one someone is doing all they can to insure he does not remember that meeting."

She frowned. "What puzzles me is why would someone go to such great lengths to keep his memories from him? What could a pilot with such simple motives as Wash mean to the Alliance? He does not have an exotic background of espionage and intrigue as some; he was a fry cook for goodness sake!"

"Unless..." turning her green-gray gaze to her husband, she said softly, "It's possible whatever he's been involved with up to this point has been erased, too. Could he be a plant, or possibly a bait for someone else?"


Wash, knowing the ship was on autopilot, went to his room to take a nap. He was still shaken from the encounter with the Operative, and Kane didn't help with the whole choking.

He stared at his dinos lining his desk beside the bunk, just thinking.


"At this point Wash might be the gorram president of the Alliance, for all I know. For that matter, for all he knows." Kane said bitterly.

Kane paced slowed around the room letting his thoughts sort out.

"Look, the Alliance is not going to fiddle with someone's mind unless they are after something. Wash is not reader or anything, so I doubt they would be fiddlling with him for that reason. He is a pilot. A good one, maybe even a great one, but just a pilot at the end of the day. He is also here on the backside of nothing flying a boat under my captaincy. That doesn't mean anything to anyone; I mean, who am I other than an ex-soldier. However..."

His thoughts began to jumble again.

He took a breath and began ,"OK, it comes to this. They are after something specific. They don't just throw bait in the water unless they want to catch a fish so, what could it be?" he said rhetorically.

"One, he is a plant and has been gathering information. All of that would net them is, what, four or five nobodies like us?"

"Two, he is supposed to be on a mission to get some where or some one. In that case, he is in the wrong place. We can't guarantee from day to day were we will be next or who we will work for."

"Three, he saw something on Osiris and they meddled with his brain to make him forget. But in that case, why come after him?"

"Or, four, his whole past, or part of it, is a lie and he doesn't even know."

Kane chewed on these possibilities for several moments and then stopped and turned to Jade.

"Jade, we have to know. We are going to have to find out everything we possibly can. And you are the only person on this boat that can get it out of him, one way or another."


The next morning, Kane awoke to the sound of chickens. Much louder than usual. It sounded as if Sanka left the intercom on.

Kane rubbed his eyes and sat up. He looked over at Jade, then leaned to her and kissed her cheek. With that he silently hoped up out of bed and got dressed. He had several things on it plate--many of which he couldn't do anything about right now. However, the one thing he could do is get those chickens off his ship.

He new Jade wasn't asleep...she never slept when he couldn't and vice versa.

"Jade, as soon as I get the chickens off loaded, we need to handle business with Wash. I'll be back shortly."

With that, Kane moved to the door. He stopped long enough to stroke Pepper and run Salt's ears. They were tired of being locked up in these quarters, but today they should be able to win back the run of the ship and to see their friend, Sanka.

Kane left the room to head down to the cargo hold.

The chicken clucking continued...

As Kane walked passed the infirmary, he realized he had all but completely forgotten about their passenger. He would have to get him home as well. He stopped at the intercom and called Wash.

"Wash, I need a shuttle prepped to get Maxx home."

Wash's voice comes back through the comm. "Sure thing. I'll prepare it right now. Docking is almost complete."

He then thought of Jayne just lying around. Turning the intercome selector to Jayne's room, he punched the boost up and said, "Jayne, get up and get down to the cargo hold. We have chickens to move."

All he got was a grunt for a reply.

He clicked off the intercome and continued toward the engine room.

Walking into the engine room, he was completely shocked to see a crate of chickens had escaped. Sanka was running around trying to get them up, all the while yelling.

"Come on, chickens! Get back in da crate!" Looking up, he saw Kane approach.

"Captain, I don't know what happened, but one of the crates got loose. I was hoping you would hear. I couldn't leave because I was scared they would escape even more." He pointed to the intercom. "So I just left the intercom on."

A chicken flew by, and he ran to catch it.

Kane reached up and turned off the intercom. Considering everything that had happened to date he was happy Sanka could find humor in things. Right now, Kane was running short of humor.

He decided to wait for Jayne to show up. When he did, he would put him to work securing and then off loading the chickens. Following that, Wash, Jade, Jayne and himself would load up Maxx into the shuttle and get him home. From there, with the immediate obstacles out of the way, he and Jade would be able to focus on helping to discover the truth of what happened to Wash all those years ago.


Jayne awoke slowly. He had always been a heavy sleeper, but the noise of the ruttin' chickens had woke him up. Kane's order also got him up, mainly because he wanted a drink at the next meal.

He pulled on his clothes and took another fond look at Vera. He decided against it and strapped on a small handgun. He never went unarmed, and the past few days was the longest time he'd gone unarmed before. He felt much better with iron strapped on.

He walked past the galley and grabbed a protien bar on the way to the engine room. Munching on it, he approached the loud cawing of the chickens.

He stopped in the doorway when he saw that a crate of chickens were loose. He kept munching, his expression poker-faced. He looked at Kane.

"You want me to round up them gorram chickens?" He asked flatly.

"No, I called you down here to amaze me with your vast intellect and philisophical insight," Kane said with rye wit. Then, realizing that his attempt at early morning humor might cause Jayne to hermorage from his eyes and ears, he said, "Yes, Jayne. Please help round up the escapees and let's get them unloaded. We're burning daylight."

Jayne bit into his protien bar once more and calmly waited until a chicken passed by him. Then, with a vicious kick, he sent the chicken flying across the room with a squawk. The chicken landed, obviously knocked out, but fine.

Jayne nodded to himself and looked at Kane. "One down, nine to go."

Kane lowered his head and shook it from side to side.

"I have a man in my infirmary that is the only survivor from the massacre of his entire crew. I have to find the woman behind the whole thing and she is on a planet that no sane person really wants to visit. I have a box of black rocks that would would turn us all into nightlights if we get to close to them. I have been followed by the Alliance, faced off with an operative and now have to look over my shoulder for the rest of my life. Now, I find out that my pilot has a hole in his memory that could mean the entire gorram ruttin alliance is going to come knocking at my airlock AND, to top that off, you want to kick our cargo around so that our employer can get restitution by stripping our skin from our bodies and other interesting past-times.

"Can you please explain to me why I shouldn't save Niska the trouble and just flay you right here and right now?" Kane's face began to turn red and as he clicked on the intercom he shouted with great force, "Does anyone else on my ship want to piss me off today?!?!"

His eyes burned in anger as he looked at Jayne.

Silence sounded except for the chickens.

Then, a click came over the intercom.

"Um...captain? Do you really want an answer to that?" Wash said through the comm.

Jayne stood with his protien bar in hand. He blinked and put his protien bar into his pocket and shrugged. "Sorry 'bout that. I thought it'd be quicker." He went after a chicken, then stopped. " mean...the Operative's gonna be back?"


Tuesday, October 3, 2006 9:30 AM


Oh...this was hilarious! Kane's definitely having a Mal type moment here;)



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