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How to be the best troll you can be

POSTED BY: SIGNYM
UPDATED: Tuesday, August 16, 2022 19:07
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Tuesday, August 16, 2022 2:37 PM

SIGNYM

I believe in solving problems, not sharing them.



Quote:

A short vademecum for aspiring trolls

Trolls have been the bane of this blog [Saker] pretty much since the Euromaidan, and I have had to do all sorts of things to try to limit their toxic effects and I did call them out quite often. Today, I want to do a nice thing for aspiring trolls, which is to give them a short vademecum on how to be the best troll you can be!

I will make that short, bullet point style, for practical use. So here we go:

* Rule number one: always make sure your comment is either the very first one (best!) or, at least, one of the top ones. This way you can best derail the discussion away from the actual article and make it all about your talking points. This was almost always the case when I was still writing for the Unz Review, and it is still very often the case on the Saker blog today. I would call this rule “the golden rule of trolling”.

* Do not, ever, refer to the actual contents of article you comment upon. Doing so might lead the readers to familiarize themselves with the author’s arguments or, worse, the factual and logical substantiation of these arguments. Ignore the author’s arguments... If the author write “A”, do not directly dispute it, don’t even refer to it. Instead, write “non-A”. In fact, the ideal troll comment is one which never gives the reader a reason to look up the author’s actual arguments.

Better yet, misrepresent the author's arguments. SECOND and CAPON have this one well-rehearsed.

Quote:

* Make sure to psychoanalyze both the author and the blog itself. Use sentences such as “you only write this because” or “in spite of the horrific censorship on this blog…” etc. This is basically the good old ad hominem disguised as some kind of insight into things the troll cannot – by definition – have any information about.
Make claims like "Trumptards believe (xyz)" or "Russian troll" and smear the author with unfair/libellous chracterization.

Quote:

* In your comment, make sure to align as many Neocon talking points as possible, you can join them together into (apparent) sentences and (apparent) paragraphs. This way you give the external appearance of making an cogent argument while doing no such thing.

* Make sure that your comment is formally polite. Thus not only do you sound respectful and sincere (“all I want is an honest discussion!“), but it reduces the chances that the moderators will send it to trash. You can be snarky, of course, but that opens up your comment to being sent to trash on formal reasons.

* Misuse terms, especially those which are often misunderstood by non-specialists. The perfect example would be the difference between “air superiority” and “air supremacy”, or use “contested airspace”. The goal here is not to make a fact based and logical argument, the goal is to repeat Neocon talking points as often as possible. With some luck, other commentators will pick up this misuse of terms and you will achieve a synergistic effect.

Other terms constantly misused are "fascism", "Nazi" (Germans were Nazis, Italians were fascists. Get it straight next time.) "democracy", "freedom" and other emotionally-laden terms.

Quote:

* Go fishing. By that I mean this: post a number of statements and see if anybody else will “bite”, possibly a fellow troll (paid or not). Example, “it appears that a single Ukrainian MiG-29A shot 3 Su-35S in one mission“. With any luck, somebody will bite and, there we go, the synergistic effect will be achieved.
Or, if you're SECOND, repost walls of gibberish that have nothing to do with the topic. Drag red herrings across every topic. Bring up the Confederacy, ancient history, personal anecdote and anything and everythng at all, as long as it drags the thread off-topic.

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* When all else fails, use emphasis, hyperbole and gravitas. For example, “the shelling of Donetsk is a disgrace for Russia, the Russian military and Putin himself!“. If something is a “disgrace for Russia, the Russian military and Putin himself” then it must be pretty awful indeed! ... You want emotion, not logic... This is simply a recycling of an old lawyer’s trick: “When the facts are on your side, pound the facts. When the law is on your side, pound the law. When neither is on your side, pound the table“.
Or, post cartoons.

Quote:

These are just a few basic, but crucial, rules. Aspiring trolls, take heed!
Edited for brevity

He forgot: Demand answers to questions and then, when answered, claim the answer is "too long".

Criticize the author's spelling, grammar, or style.

Ask loaded questions like "When did you stop beating your boyfriend"?

When you troll and get blowback, claim victim status.

Gang up, if at all possible, to try and drive someone away.

When all else fails, threaten or intimidate, either online or IRL.

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Tuesday, August 16, 2022 2:59 PM

6IXSTRINGJACK


Quote:

Originally posted by SIGNYM:
He forgot: Demand answers to questions and then, when answered, claim the answer is "too long".



You both forgot "Disappear from the thread entirely after you've had your ass handed to you without telling the other person they were right".

Happens all the time here.

Second hasn't been in the Cinema forum for months now.



--------------------------------------------------

Falsus in unum, falsus in omnibus

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Tuesday, August 16, 2022 4:59 PM

JEWELSTAITEFAN


Quote:

Originally posted by 6IXSTRINGJACK:
Quote:

Originally posted by SIGNYM:
He forgot: Demand answers to questions and then, when answered, claim the answer is "too long".



You both forgot "Disappear from the thread entirely after you've had your ass handed to you without telling the other person they were right".

Happens all the time here.

Second hasn't been in the Cinema forum for months now.



--------------------------------------------------

Falsus in unum, falsus in omnibus

Mebbe he is too busy trying to find why all of his Walt Gayness World stock has dropped in the toilet.

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Tuesday, August 16, 2022 7:07 PM

6IXSTRINGJACK


Quote:

Originally posted by JEWELSTAITEFAN:
Quote:

Originally posted by 6IXSTRINGJACK:
Quote:

Originally posted by SIGNYM:
He forgot: Demand answers to questions and then, when answered, claim the answer is "too long".



You both forgot "Disappear from the thread entirely after you've had your ass handed to you without telling the other person they were right".

Happens all the time here.

Second hasn't been in the Cinema forum for months now.



--------------------------------------------------

Falsus in unum, falsus in omnibus

Mebbe he is too busy trying to find why all of his Walt Gayness World stock has dropped in the toilet.




One would imagine it's hard to move around much while you're bouncing on all of those devalued Disney stocks and Covid Mandates.



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Falsus in unum, falsus in omnibus

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