RE: by whozit

REAL WORLD EVENT DISCUSSIONS

RE:

POSTED BY: WHOZIT
UPDATED: Monday, March 19, 2012 18:29
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VIEWED: 1753
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Friday, March 9, 2012 2:04 PM

WHOZIT

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Friday, March 9, 2012 5:24 PM

WISHIMAY

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That is all.

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Friday, March 9, 2012 5:27 PM

WISHIMAY

Wow, I didn't know it would reach that far...

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Friday, March 9, 2012 5:27 PM

WISHIMAY

That's what she said!

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Friday, March 9, 2012 5:30 PM

WISHIMAY

What do you call someone who sits in front of their computer on a Friday night just waiting for hell to freeze over???

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Friday, March 9, 2012 5:31 PM

WISHIMAY

A Fireflyfan!

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Friday, March 9, 2012 5:40 PM

WISHIMAY

Ollie goes out to his lake one day and finds a bunch of naked women who scream at him to go away...

Ollie says "Um, girls- I didnt come her to see naked women,

I came to feed the alligator"

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Friday, March 9, 2012 5:43 PM

WISHIMAY

What does DNA stand for??

National Dyslexic Association

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Friday, March 9, 2012 5:46 PM

WISHIMAY

Yanno, she was only a whiskey-maker, but he loved her still...

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Friday, March 9, 2012 5:48 PM

OONJERAH

The first satellite placed into orbit was Russian. What was its name?

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Friday, March 9, 2012 5:51 PM

WISHIMAY

How do you get holy water??

Boil the hell out of it...

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Friday, March 9, 2012 5:53 PM

WISHIMAY

Sputnik?

Whatever for??

You tryin' to say I'm a bit spacey????

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Friday, March 9, 2012 6:13 PM

WISHIMAY

Lena sends Ollie to a marraige counselor and finds him the next day cuddled up to his tractor singing love songs... "Ollie! WHAT ARE YOU DOING"

Ollie says "The counselor said I had to do something nice to attract-er"

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Friday, March 9, 2012 7:06 PM

OONJERAH

What happens?
"In the jungle, the mighty jungle ...

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Saturday, March 10, 2012 3:48 AM

WISHIMAY

Well, I know if it's me...I'd get covered in Mosquito bites, get lost, go swimming under a water fall and then die of some exotic parasite...

Not many lions in jungles, that I know of...

Are these supposed to be jokes? because I'm not comprehending....

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Sunday, March 11, 2012 9:46 AM

OONJERAH

Hint: It's a song. Finish the line.

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Sunday, March 11, 2012 12:21 PM

WISHIMAY

She understands, she's not comprehending...

The lion sleeps tonight...

Because I went AAAAaargh, I'm a lion?? and I should go to bed?

I'm kinda depressed no one else knows any good jokes

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Sunday, March 11, 2012 1:30 PM

OONJERAH

Nine year old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday school.

"Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to
lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, his engineers built a pontoon
bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then, he used his walkie-talkie to radio
headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites
were saved."

"Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked.

"Well, no, Mom. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"

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Monday, March 12, 2012 8:42 AM

RIONAEIRE

Beir bua agus beannacht

Ollie jokes are a midwest thing. I had a friend in high school who listened to Prairie Home every Sat. and so knew lots of Ollie jokes and she'd tell them to me, I don't remember any of them. I don't recall Lena being Ollie's wife in them though, maybe he upgraded. :)

"A completely coherant River means writers don't deliver" KatTaya

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Monday, March 12, 2012 12:34 PM

WISHIMAY

Quote:
Originally posted by RionaEire:

I don't recall Lena being Ollie's wife in them though, maybe he upgraded. :)

Picky, picky. If you knew me well you'd be amazed that I managed to remember the whole joke.

I won't in a month...

You can rename her then...

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Monday, March 12, 2012 6:01 PM

RIONAEIRE

Beir bua agus beannacht

I don't remember what her name was, or even if she had a name. I just have vague memories of Janelle telling Ollie jokes.

"A completely coherant River means writers don't deliver" KatTaya

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Thursday, March 15, 2012 3:41 PM

OONJERAH

I don't find it in FFF.N Central. So ... does the Private Messages feature work?
Or have I missed the main site instructions thingy?

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Friday, March 16, 2012 5:53 AM

CAVETROLL

A father walks into a restaurant with his young son.

He gives the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied.

Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face.

The Father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping
him on the back.

The boy coughs up 2 of the nickels, but keeps choking.

Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.

A well dressed, attractive and serious looking woman, in a blue business
suit, is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of
coffee.

At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down,
neatly folds her newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her
seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants, takes hold of the
boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first, then ever
so firmly. After a few seconds, the boy convulses violently and coughs up
the last nickel, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

Releasing the boys testicles, the woman hands the nickel to the father and
walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father
rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her, saying,"I've never seen
anybody do anything like that before. It was fantastic! Are you a doctor?"

"No," replied the woman. "Divorce attorney.

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Friday, March 16, 2012 7:46 AM

WISHIMAY

To private message, you click on the persons name that you want to message and it will take you to a screen with all their recent posts, and the private messaging thing should pop up as well...then wait and check yer email...I'm one of those people who only chek their email like once a week sooo, you'd be waiting a while....

Cavetroll, heh, I take it you are divorced?

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Sunday, March 18, 2012 7:24 AM

CAVETROLL

No. Just waiting to see who tweaked on a stereotype.

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Sunday, March 18, 2012 9:57 AM

WISHIMAY

Oh, we're tweaked around here allright

... I'm surprised that PN didn't follow up with a "Jew Divorce Lawer rant"

I don't actually know if anybody else has had a messy divorce, seems that most here get along with ex's OK... from what little I know...

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Sunday, March 18, 2012 12:31 PM

OONJERAH

Prevent messy divorces. Outlaw marriage.
NM. You can get married with your parents' permission.

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Sunday, March 18, 2012 4:54 PM

WISHIMAY

Outlaw, enhh. Restructure for length and make it a renewable contract, definitely...

Gettin hitched can be fun, if you do it like we did and leave family out of it... Got hitched in Vegas we did...and NO, not by Elvis... The moms were bummed, but they got their storybook weddings with the other kids... Mine even paid for the hotel

That was stressful enough, just the getting married, I can't imagine adding FAMILY into that craziness...

We really did have lots of fun though...

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Monday, March 19, 2012 9:05 AM

RIONAEIRE

Beir bua agus beannacht

That was funny Cavetroll.

I know a lot of people who get married simply, just go to the courthouse and get it done with someone there as the witness. My brother did that at the start of June, just got married and then told us, he'd only met her twice and then we didn't meet her until a month after they married. Surprise! The interesting thing is that they get along really well and are very suited to each other. Now granted he was looking for a way out of his relationship with his commonlaw wife and she was looking for someone to take care of her and her daughter so she could stay home with her, but apparently they met each other's needs and so far so good. Plus he's irrevokably in love with her in a way he never was with the other, I guess one really can fall in love nearly at first sight. I always doubted it until our family had this experience.

"A completely coherant River means writers don't deliver" KatTaya

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Monday, March 19, 2012 6:29 PM

OONJERAH

A very self-important college freshman attending a recent football game, took it upon
himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the
older generation to understand his generation.
"You grew up in a different world, actually an almost primitive one," the student said,
loud enough for many of those nearby to hear. "The young people of today grew up with
television, jet planes, space travel, man walking on the moon, our spaceships have visited
Mars. We have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with DSL, BPS, light-
speed processing ... and," he paused to take another drink of beer ...

The Old Fart took advantage of the break in the student's litany and said, "You're right,
son. We didn't have those things when we were young, so we invented them.
"Now, you arrogant little shit, what are you doing for the next generation?"

The applause was resounding.

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