REAL WORLD EVENT DISCUSSIONS

Here you go...

POSTED BY: NIKI2
UPDATED: Sunday, February 5, 2012 23:02
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VIEWED: 883
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Friday, February 3, 2012 7:32 PM

NIKI2

Gettin' old, but still a hippie at heart...


I'll even GIVE you material with which to laugh at me. A bunch of California jokes I ran across. You know you live in California when...
Quote:

When approaching a stop sign, whoever has the most expensive car has the right away.

You water your tiny 6 foot lawn.

Going across town requires a feat of self-control never before seen. *

Your nanny's nanny has a nanny.

Your idea of "nature" is going to the local park.

Going outside requires sunblock+glasses *

Your car costs more than your towns average income.

You think wind is exhaust coming from the car infront of you.

You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.

The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.

You know how to eat an artichoke. *

You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.

When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is. *

The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought. *

Daily life revolves around celebrities

Life is measured by the volume of traffic and not years.

Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.

You can't remember ... Is pot illegal?

Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Flower.

A really great parking space can totally move you to tears. *

You can't remember . . . Is pot illegal?

Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S. *

Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.

It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH ."

You can't remember .... is pot illegal?

You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cells or pagers. *

It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents. *

Both you AND your dog have therapists, psychics, personal trainers and cosmetic surgeons..

The Terminator is your governor. *

HEY!!!! Is pot illegal????

Most of those don't hold true for me (only the ones with *--and those are, quite literally, TRUE!), or Marin, but there's enough truth that they made me giggle. So have at it, California-haters! (Wanna try YOUR state?)


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Friday, February 3, 2012 8:30 PM

WISHIMAY


You know you're in S. Indiana.... when the belts only come in two sizes "Hefty" and "Load Bearing Strap"

Don't like the weather here?? Wait around 15 minutes, it'll change (for the worse, usually)

Mental health programs just give out flyers on how to ecape proof a basement...

I'll be back in a minute hon, I just need to run next door for a cuppa meth...

Exercise is a fancy French word meaning "to get runned over"

There are only two major religions, Baptist or Methodist, and their bible only has five chapters "Sports, Huntin' Bigger better churches, Local politics, and Cultivations"
Cultivations has several subchapters such as Booze, Crops,Interspecies Relations, Weed, and the biggest religious practice of all MOWING THE LAWN, for which you will be shunned and exiled if you do not follow strict Saturday observance rituals of sweating from dawn to dusk even if you have plague or boils and sores.


Your neighbors get offended if you DON'T have a 50 ft blow up Santa on your lawn all year long.

Kids are off limits- at least until they stop crawling.

Mobile home fires means the Kwicky-mart is gonna run outta the stuff to make smores...

"Unemployment" is an ancient Russian word meaning "to make the chickens laugh"

Higher education is something you get in eigth grade in the barn loft with the neighbor kid.

Organ-ick?? Is that a disease a tropical fish gets??

They don't even bother evacuating for the latest raid on the tanks of Ammonium Hydroxide at the co-op because there will be another 15 minutes from now...

The four seasons are "Rain, Ice, Skeeters, and Hot Wet Blanket"






Tropical island's looking better and better all the time.

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Friday, February 3, 2012 8:46 PM

FREMDFIRMA


http://www.mystery.com/~gabe/michigander.html

Meh heh heh.

ETA: ...if you can actually pronounce Ypsilanti.
*looks across the street*
I *still* can't pronounce it, and neither can THEY!

-F

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Saturday, February 4, 2012 12:47 AM

AURAPTOR

America loves a winner!



I have no problems pronouncing Ypsilanti. Never have. It's kinda fun to say, actually.


" I do not love the bright sword for its sharpness, nor the arrow for its swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. I love only that which they defend. "

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Saturday, February 4, 2012 4:27 AM

CAVETROLL


Wishimay, you forgot "High tension lines are terrain features."

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Saturday, February 4, 2012 4:29 AM

CAVETROLL


Niki, I know those are good natured half truths, but they always have a kernel of truth. Not for me. Although I understand living conditions in northern California are much better.

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Saturday, February 4, 2012 6:12 AM

NIKI2

Gettin' old, but still a hippie at heart...


Wish, I'm confused. Which ones do you mean? Mine, or yours?

If you mean mine, yes, I'm grateful we live up here...all those traffic jokes are way too true in So. Ca. Of course such things have a kernel of truth, or else they wouldn't be funny. It's kind of a way of laughing at ourselves; and if we can't do that, heaven help us!

If you mean the ones you put up, I can see your point, but I'm sorry, I found them hysterical. In reality I'm sure "not so much", but they're as good as the ones about CA...albeit somewhat sadder, to a Crazy Californian. Don't think I'll be going to So. Indiana any time soon...

On the other hand, Frem, those weren't nearly as funny...maybe because I didn't understand about half of them? They sound to me like jokes Michiganders tell one another because both understand the meaning!



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Saturday, February 4, 2012 8:13 AM

WISHIMAY


Quote:

Originally posted by Niki2:

Don't think I'll be going to S. Indiana any time soon...


Yer not missin' anything. 'Cept Holidayworld's a pretty fun theme park...
and yeah, mine were about IN, but I guess I'm still far enough north I get Frems.

Ya know, I give it crap for the lack of assistence and the general ignorance of the population, but there are some good things- like you can pretty much do what ever you want on your own land and the only traffic problems are in the middle of town in the middle of Christmas...Sometime I hate that everybody lets their pets run loose and the bitching about the lawn, but at least I get left alone most days. And some days...that's priceless!

We could do with a few less traffic cops, but I understand it takes an army to bring down one rampaging good ol' boy

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Saturday, February 4, 2012 2:43 PM

FREMDFIRMA


Quote:

Originally posted by Niki2:
On the other hand, Frem, those weren't nearly as funny...maybe because I didn't understand about half of them? They sound to me like jokes Michiganders tell one another because both understand the meaning!


Which is, to them, part of the joke - Michiganders are more than a little weird, but I like them, in a distant sorta way cause as a rule they're compatible with my notions of privacy and self defense...

Some say it YIP-see, some say it IP-see, but since I have a mild speech impediment which slurs it anyway I just split the difference - officially though it's (Y)IP-SILL-ANT-EEE.

I'm feeling a bit insulted though since our past winter has been pathetically mild for Michigan, where's my howling, bone flaying wind, where's my SNOW goddamnit....

-Frem

I do not serve the Blind God.

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Sunday, February 5, 2012 8:04 PM

RIONAEIRE

Beir bua agus beannacht


FRem, as I recall Wendy fell last year in the snow in Feb. so you've still got time for more snow. How much have you gotten this year?

SOme of those are really funny, some are too dirty for my taste and some are dirty and funny. :)

If they did it for OR, they'd have to do it for OR and for Portland, lets just say that most of the stuff on Portlandia is true. But the rest of the state is a little more normal.

"A completely coherant River means writers don't deliver" KatTaya

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Sunday, February 5, 2012 11:02 PM

FREMDFIRMA


Quote:

Originally posted by RionaEire:
FRem, as I recall Wendy fell last year in the snow in Feb. so you've still got time for more snow. How much have you gotten this year?


Not nearly enough, maybe a foot or two, total - and one INCH of it caused *eyeroll* 80 accidents in one day in this county alone, bloody morons.

We're gonna pay for this mild winter too, combination of drought (which I hope does for some of them friggin Asian Carp) and the fact that without a long hard freeze the mosquitos will be horrific, and we don't have swarms of wee lil ones, we have packs of bloody OMG WTF IS THAT!!!? kinda ginornimous ones - and the property owner is hesitant to put up a bat sanctuary cause of freakin out the city residents and potential liability in regards to potential rabies, since downed bats is the primary vector around here to pets.

-Frem

I do not serve the Blind God.

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