BLUE SUN ROOM FAN FICTION - DRAMA

JACQUI

Backlash
Wednesday, March 1, 2006

Fifth in the 'Didn't Mean Nothin' saga. Jayne/Kaylee, Kaylee/Simon. Dark, angsty themes.


CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 2862    RATING: 9    SERIES: FIREFLY

I warn you people, angst. It's addictive. Plus, I'm kind of a sadist who likes to break peoples' hearts. Including these characters.

Disclaimer: Oh, god, they're so not mine. Really, this is why.

Rating: R, I guess, for darker themes and for the fact it gets a little naught-tay.

Comments: Wow, two in one day. I guess this one needed to be written.

Feedback: It's like crack, it really is. I'm addicted. Comment or email: wily_one24@yahoo.com.au

***

pssst... look what andraste made for me!

***

1. Didn't Mean Nothin', 2. Nothin' At All, 3. No Harm No Foul and 4. Comfort.

***

Part Five:

“You know what else?” His words are slurred and he’s past caring anymore. “Scars, women like scars.”

He raises his mug, drains the last of the whisky, then lets it fall back to the table. Mal and Zoe are long gone, back to the ship. They’ve left the babysitting to Simon, a bit of a bad choice from both of them, but it’s an even poorer choice for the two left behind.

“Jayne?” Simon looks all manner of uncomfortable sitting in a bar like this, surrounded by people who all blend into each other, ‘cause they haven’t spent an hour each day scrubbing their lily white skin. “Shouldn’t we get back now?”

He’s well past drunk and he doesn’t care. It’ll probably be better for all concerned if he drinks himself into unconsciousness, because it’ll stop him saying something he’ll regret later. It’ll stop him picturing Kaylee pinned underneath him and pining for someone else, stop the taste of her on his tongue.

“I bet you ever get close enough with Kaylee, that scar on her belly’s a real sweet spot.”

Gorram it.

“That’s enough, Jayne.” Simon sighs. “Come on, I’ll help you back.”

***

“Mal.” He’d just finished his tea and had been about to rinse it out, put it away and go to his bunk. “Mal, can I ask you somethin’?”

He should have moved faster.

“Yes, Jayne.”

“Well.” He stood next to the table, but didn’t sit down. Mal watched him wring his hands together. “I was wonderin’, tomorrow, when we stop… an’ I know I ask all the time, but this time… I mean, I gotta… can I… tomorrow…”

“Jayne.” It wasn’t unkind, Mal’s voice, as he gently urged him on. “Get to the point.”

“I need some time.” Jayne rushed the words out in one breath. “I need to go visitin’.”

Mal blinked.

“Visiting?” The term struck him as almost quaint. “You mean…?”

“Yeah.” Jayne frowned. “I gotta get outta here.”

He chose his next words carefully.

“You haven’t been visiting in weeks, Jayne.”

“I know.” And then Jayne did sit down, heavy and solid, landing with a thump. “I just gotta get out, get real drunk, maybe start a fight or ten. I need to hit somethin’ real bad. Mal, you gotta gimme some time.”

“That’s not a bad idea.” He hesitated. “What about…?”

Jayne looked at him and his eyes were big.

“She made her choice, Mal.”

***

Kaylee’s spine hits the wall hard and she gasps as his hands grapple with the front of her coveralls, yanking them off her shoulders and down past her hips. In turn, she slides her hands under his shirt and begins pulling it up over his head. She needs skin, hot, sweaty skin on hers, sliding against each other, pushing so hard it leaves them both breathless.

“Jayne.” She moans it low and long. “God, Jayne.”

Simon’s hands guided her down to the mattress, it came up all around her, the softness of the pillow, the plush blanket. His lips followed her down, landing lightly on her cheek then spreading slowly over her jaw. She couldn’t control the gasp as one of his hands made it up under her tee.

“Simon.” She panted. “Simon, please.”

Jayne’s hands hold hers to the side of her head, holds her still as she writhes under him. Her skin stings with the force of it, the energy with which he sucks at her throat, her shoulders, his mouth pulling out of her all the frustration and anger that’s been boiling up for so long.

She could feel the flow of cold air hit her skin as Simon pulled her shirt up and over her head, lowering himself back down to kiss her mouth again. His back was finely muscled and she dug her fingers into the grooves of it, felt him bunch and shift under her touch.

Kaylee throws her head back, hitting the wall, and bites down hard on the moan that wants to scratch its way out of her throat. Jayne’s mouth is doing criminal things to her breasts, making her nipples ache, making her want to crawl out of her skin. Her shoulders twitch, straining against her arms being held immobile. It’s all pooling, hot and liquid, between her legs.

Simon’s hand kneaded her right breast as he kissed under her ear, his mouth wet and loving. It made her hips shift, made her whimper with it as he took his time. He knew what he was doing, that was obvious, enough to make her wonder why he’d taken so long. Her fingers curled into his hair, fine and dark, cupping his scalp.

Kaylee gasped as his head slipped between her fingers and dipped lower.

Jayne’s tongue slides across the curve of her waist, leaving her little choice but to whimper her need, to push it at him with her pelvis. She hears his chuckle, low down and grumbly against her belly, and it sends shivers through her. Even before he does it, she knows what he’s about to do, feels his mouth, hot and wet and open above the dent in her skin, feels his teeth, feels his tongue, feels him close down and suck so hard she cries out and her hips pump even further forward.

“Simon.” She moaned softly, hardly able to believe they were finally there.

She could feel him everywhere, his whole body nestled between her legs, his hips pressed her thighs open and his right hand fondling her left breast. Kaylee ran her thumb over the back of his neck, felt the knobs of his spine as he kissed her navel.

Her hand splayed over his shoulder blade and she felt him move down further, felt him close his mouth over the depression there. Before she could push him away, he blew lightly over the puckered flesh and licked at it.

“Oh, god, Simon, yes.” Her hips jerked under him. “Right there.”

Simon stopped moving.

***

Jayne strapped the holster to his hip early the next morning, jerking the leather tightly, checking to see how much give it had. They were close to landing and he wanted to be ready, he couldn’t wait until his feet touched earth. Real, hard packed, dry and dusty earth under him. Land as far as the eye could see, space enough to start walking and never stop, never turn back.

“Ni zang ta ma de!” It came out of nowhere, the fist that split his cheek open. “Tai mu chuo xiu niu rou gan!”

“Simon!” Kaylee shouted from somewhere above them. “Don’t!”

“Yeah?” Jayne rounded on him, spun around with one hand holding on to the side of his face. “Well, guess she learned it off yours then.”

“Don’t you dare…”

Simon’s face was red and angry as he pushed right up into Jayne’s space.

“You wanna step back, doc.” He growled. “I ain’t in a forgivin’ mood right now.”

Jayne forced his hand up between them and gave a hard push, throwing Simon back against a crate. His body as good as bounced, it hit that hard. He could see the twisting of the man’s face, saw him swallow the groan of pain that had to be in there.

“Mal!” He heard Kaylee shouting, running out of the bay. “Mal!”

It was less than a second before Simon came rushing back at him, fists raised.

“You ain’t gonna win.” Jayne had to play fair. “I’m lettin’ you know that now.”

“Stop it!” Mal’s arm came straight down between them. “Simon, step back, do it now.”

They must have run all the way from the bridge.

“But!” Simon protested.

“That’s an order.” Mal growled.

There were several seconds of silence, with both of them breathing hard and not taking their eyes off each other. Mal finally pushed Simon back, following him, keeping his hands on Simon’s shoulders. Jayne looked up to the gangway to see Kaylee standing there, her face was red, but it wasn’t anger. She’d been crying.

And her eyes were puffy enough to tell him that she’d been crying all night.

“What’d you do now?” He stepped closer to the two struggling men. “What the gorram hell did you…?”

“Zoe.” Barked Mal. “Grab Jayne. Take him… just get him out.”

“C’mon.” There was a hand at his shoulder, on his arm, pulling him back. “Jayne, we still got a job to do. I’ll patch you up.”

“I ain’t…” He tried to shrug her off.

“Yes.” She had strength in her arms and wasn’t about to let go. “Yes, you are.”

***

As hiding places went, the engine room wasn’t the most inspired choice she could have made. They found her when they wanted to.

“Secrets.” A small voice shattered the silence underneath the thrum of the engine. “Boiling up. Can’t stay hidden.”

“I’m sorry, River.” Kaylee sighed. “I’m real sorry.”

“Not to me.” She didn’t look up, but she felt the hand on her arm. “Didn’t do anything to me.”

“You’d be about the only one.” There was something protective about the machines turning above her, something safe. “How’d it all get so complicated?”

“He’s small inside.” River spoke to the walls, she didn’t seem to need an answer. “Very scared. He has a lot to give and wants to give it. Hasn’t had the chance yet. Pulls back, doesn’t want to be burned.”

“I know and I messed it up.” As if she hadn’t been saying the same thing to herself for months, as if she hadn’t repeated it over and over again. “He’s real sweet, Simon.”

“Simon?”

By the time Kaylee worked up enough courage to look out, River had gone. She let her head fall back down to the ground.

“You still in here?”

“Cap’n.” She made herself scoot out, made herself look him in the face.

“Well, well.” He sat down, back against the wall, and faced her. “This is a fine mess, isn’t it?”

“I didn’t mean it. It wasn’t supposed to go that far.” He didn’t blink and Kaylee bit her lip. It sounded young and immature, even to her. She looked down to her hands. “It’s all my fault.”

“Now, I didn’t say that.” If only he’d yell at her, order her off the ship, something. Anything, anything other than the calm, understanding voice. “There are three people involved here.”

“And two of ‘em didn’t ask for this!” She had to hiss it out, it was the only way to stop the tears. “They didn’t…”

“And you did, did ya?” He challenged her. “This is what you wanted, is it?”

The fight drained out of her as quickly as it had come.

“No.”

“My ship’s fallin’ apart, mei mei.” Mal sounded so tired. “I got a medic who won’t leave his bunk, a merc who hasn’t been back on the ship for two days and is probably passed out drunk somewhere, gettin’ himself robbed blind and you.”

The quiet, worried and vaguely disappointed tone in his voice cut deep.

“Kaylee, have you slept at all?”

“Yes?”

“No, you haven’t.” He kept pressing. “And I know you haven’t been eating.”

“I can’t.” Simple words and they meant so much. Can’t make it better. Can’t ever make it right. Can’t ever say sorry enough. Can’t go back in time. Can’t look anyone in the face again. Can’t look at food, let alone eat it. Can’t… “I just can’t, cap’n.”

“So you just gonna stay in here, then, are you?” He stood up and she felt alone. “Work yourself into a coma? We gotta take off tomorrow, ‘cause the rest of the people on this ship like their food, like to be able keep clothes on their backs. We gotta take off, merc or no merc, but we need a mechanic. You tell me now, do I need to find someone else? You gonna let Serenity down?”

The word ‘too’ hung in the air and she nearly choked on it.

“No.” It was a whisper. “No, I’ll be good.”

Kaylee wiped her eyes and breathed in deep.

***

He woke up to feel hands patting his side down.

“Hey.” His fist wrapped tightly around a wrist that had been heading to his shoulder. “You don’t feel like no whore.”

“Oh, isn’t that sweet? I think it’s the nicest thing he’s ever said to me.”

Jayne blinked.

“Little Man? S’at you?”

“And me, son.”

The sunlight made him groan out loud when he tried to keep his eyes open. He decided to sit up with them closed. It was harder than it sounded, ‘specially when some moron kept spinnin’ the room around.

“Sheppard? What’s goin’ on?”

“Serenity’s about to leave, we have to get you back to the ship before Mal hauls anchor.”

Huh?

“So, I ain’t bein’ robbed?”

“Nothing more than your dignity.” Wash’s voice grated. “You’re too heavy, you’ll have get up and walk.”

“I don’t wanna.”

“I don’t think you heard.” That had to be Book’s hand, resting softly on his shoulder. “Serenity is about to leave this planet without you.”

“Oh.” He swallowed, tried to loosen the coating inside his mouth. “S’at it? ‘Cause I still don’t feel like leavin’ yet. Nice knowin’ ya.”

“Jayne.” Wash gave a nervous little laugh. “You’re not going to make me go back without you, are you? ‘Cause Zoe told me, in detail, what she was going to do if that happened, and I don’t want…”

“Listen son.” Book broke in. “I’m not giving you a choice. You’re coming back to the boat, if we have to knock you out and carry you between us.”

“Please come?” Wash pleaded. “I don’t wanna have to carry you. You’re a very heavy man.”

***

He made sure to stay out of the way when Wash and Book helped bring Jayne back, dragged him up the stairs and poured him into his bunk. Kept himself busy, inside his quarters, by staring at the wall, folding and refolding the few clothes he had.

It was easier than staring at his bed.

Imagining her body there, under his, the two of them half naked and the way she’d smiled at him. The way she’d looked, as if her eyes were practically screaming ‘finally, it’s about time’, as if it was something they’d always supposed to be doing.

He could remember the feel of her skin, so very hot under his, every muscle moving under his fingers, the divots of her ribs, the slide of her abdomen. Could remember the way her hands grabbed at him, trying to pull him closer and closer. As if their skin touching just hadn’t been close enough.

Simon could remember the scar down low on her belly, could remember that it tasted like salt and soap, like the rest of her.

More than anything, he could remember the images that came into his head, could remember Jayne’s voice weeks before and the way she hadn’t been able to say anything to stop them. She’d cried and he should probably be used to making her cry, but this time it hadn’t been him.

He’d had to brush his teeth over and over again after she’d left.

Her skin tasted like salt and soap and Jayne.

“Simon.” He looked up to see Inara standing in the doorway. “How are you doing?”

“I’m fine.” But he knew she wouldn’t be brushed off, not like the others. “Just brilliant.”

“He’s a boob.” River’s voice came from the corner, where she had firmly ensconced herself. “Stubborn and unrelenting.”

“Most men are, sweetie.”

Inara smiled, gesturing for River to leave. He half expected her to ignore Inara as much as she had him, tell her off like she had him when he’d asked her to leave, when he’d begged her to find something else to do. To his surprise, she got up without a word, taking her pad and pencils with her.

“You can’t blame yourself.”

He snorted, Simon actually snorted.

“I don’t.” His hands clenched and unclenched in front of him. The knuckles of his right hand were swollen and sore. “You don’t need to worry on that account.”

She gave a polite, attention getting throat clear and he looked up.

“Please.” He knew he was being peevish, but he couldn’t help the overly grand gesture. “Do sit down. Make yourself welcome.”

She did.

“You can’t blame her, either.”

“What?” He had second thoughts about inviting her in. “Then who do I blame? She… she… oh god.”

“She slept with another man, yes.” Her voice didn’t waiver. “Something, I might add, she did when you two were not officially an item.”

“But…”

“But, what, Simon?” Her eyes were steady. “Did you think that she was going to wait for you forever? That you could keep brushing her aside, time after time, and not expect her to get lonely? Kaylee’s a very special person and part of what makes her so special is the amount of love she gives and not only expects, but actually manages to bring out of other people in return.”

He kept noticeably silent.

“She’s human, Simon, only human. Just like the rest of us. She needs contact, probably needs it more than anyone else on this ship. She spent a year trying to get that from you, only to be repelled time and again. And now you’re going to punish her for actually finding it somewhere else, when you’d given no sign that you were ever going to change?”

“I wanted to!” He clenched his hands again, felt the swelling strain and almost wanted the skin to split. “But I’ve had other things to… River…”

“I’m not saying you didn’t have reasons, Simon.” Her voice hadn’t changed tone or pitch, not once, but he could hear a thousand different nuances. “I’m asking you to see hers.”

***

Mal sat in the pilot’s chair, absently turning a small, plastic piece of crap over and over in his hands. He thought it was supposed to be a tree. Or, possibly, a spare dinosaur leg. Whatever. It was just one of the things that made his ship ‘quirky’.

Not smooth running, oh no, couldn’t have that on Malcolm Reynold’s ship, that would be too easy. No, he had to have pilots with a fetish for plastic toys and offensive shirts. And crazy, violent girls who may or may not be able to read all their minds and then kill them for what they were thinking.

He was beginning to think he should have listened to Zoe way back when and just left the Firefly sitting in the dust.

“Hey now.” His hand smoothed over the controls as the ship gave a lurch. “I was bein’ all rhetorical, baby, you know that.”

But it jerked his awareness back to the moment, back to scanning the radars and read outs. That’s when he heard it.

A voice.

Which brought him back to the very thing he’d been trying to forget, ai ya, forget for just five minutes please. Everybody else was supposed to be sleeping. Well, those that could. The others could at least close their eyes and pretend. If they had manners.

Mal walked to the door and was about to call for quiet when he saw Kaylee at the far wall.

“Jayne.” Her voice was just cracked enough for him to know she was still crying. “Jayne, please.”

She whispered it into the com on the far wall and got silence in return.

“I can’t sleep.” She pleaded. “I haven’t slept for days.”

More silence and Mal looked to the lockers, checked for the blanket that should be there. He was going to go talk to her again, try to get her to see reason.

“Jayne?” He could hear the painful sob. “Please?”

There was a loud buzz and Mal recognized it as a lock being released.

He turned away so that he didn’t have to see the relieved way she rushed to Jayne’s door.

***

“You had me scared, Jayne.” She rushed the words out as soon as she was at the bottom of the ladder. “I didn’t know if you were comin’ back.”

He watched her, watched the way that she stood there, and took in the bags under her eyes, the sallow tint of her skin and the way her eyes kept jumping back and forth as she tried to wipe the tears away.

“Didn’t have no choice.” He kept his voice neutral.

“I’m glad they brought you back.” She stepped closer to him. “I don’t want you to leave ‘cause of me.”

“Leave? Why would I leave?” Jayne didn’t even blink. “Nothin’ matters, does it? Don’t matter a bit.”

“Yes.” She stopped looking at him, looked down at the ground instead. “It doesn’t matter.”

He waited, stood there and waited to see what she would do next. She didn’t look up at him, but her hands came up and lifted her shirt over her head.

“Don’t.” The material floated to the floor and he watched her come to a complete still. “You want this to happen? Then it’s gonna happen my way.”

There was a slight bunching of her muscles and then she nodded.

“My way.” He repeated and walked towards her, reaching out to lift a lock of hair out of her eyes. “You do what I say.”

A shudder went through her, he could see it.

“Yes.” She agreed and lifted her eyes to meet his.

“Good.” He dropped his hand and gestured to the bed. “Now lie down on your stomach.”

“What?” Her eyes flickered down and then up again. “Jayne?”

He didn’t answer. She bit her lip and obeyed, cautiously lowering herself down. As if she were waiting for something to come out and attack, as if she were waiting for the catch. His eyes traveled the skin of her back, saw her muscles stand out in stark relief as she waited, tense and tight, her arms drawn in close underneath her chest.

“Good.”

Jayne easily stretched himself over her, careful not to touch her as he settled himself down next to her on the bed, his back pressed up against the wall. He could see the uncertainty in her face.

She jumped as his hand came into contact with the top of her neck, but he didn’t pull back, just let his fingers glide softly and slowly down her skin.

“Jayne?” Her voice was close to breaking again.

“Shh.” His hand repeated its stroke, from the top of her spine to the small of her back. “I ain’t gonna do nothin’. You just go to sleep.”

He watched as she shuddered under him, kept watching as she slowly unfurled, the tightness leaving her and her breath coming easier and easier. Watched as her fingers slowly unclenched, her shoulders spread out and her face relaxed.

By the time she fell asleep, her skin undulated under his, just as he always thought it would.

***

end part five.

ps. I don't normally add translations, 'cause they can always be found on this site, but Simon's insult isn't from Firefly, so it can roughly be translated as "You filthy mother fucker" and "Your mother sucks rotten beef sticks".

COMMENTS

Wednesday, March 1, 2006 6:04 AM

LEIASKY


Aww, damn, was hoping for more Simon/Kaylee goodness.

Wednesday, March 1, 2006 6:08 AM

LEIASKY


wait wait wait, she had Simon willin' to do her now and she still went to Jayne?

*cries*

Wednesday, March 1, 2006 6:19 AM

MAL4PREZ


Oooh - that's lovely, he just helps her sleep!

Real shiny story! I just love Jayne.

Wednesday, March 1, 2006 6:52 AM

SAMEERTIA


Oh! Sweeeeet! You had me worried for a second that Jayne really was gonna somethin' bad. But oh so sweet.
And Simon.
""He’d had to brush his teeth over and over again after she’d left.
Her skin tasted like salt and soap and Jayne. ""

That it just tore him up like that gave me a deep sense of satisfaction. Sorry, but it's true!

You know, it's sick, but the person I feel the worst for is Mal. What a mess. Like watching your best friends walk into a trap and not knowing how to warn them. Never ever ever let him think about having walked away from Serenity in the beginning again, though! ;)

Wednesday, March 1, 2006 6:55 AM

LVS2READ


I was trying to figure out why Simon stopped, and it was because she tasted like Jayne?! Whom she hadn't been with in how long? Bah! What a boob! *smacks* He doesn't deserve her anyway.

Poor Jayne, needin' to go visitin' and get in a fight to blow off steam. *hugs*

Poor Mal, caught in the middle again. Why can't things never go smooth? *g*

Shiny effort all the way around! Looking forward to the next installment.

"I love my captain."

Wednesday, March 1, 2006 7:50 AM

RAVENHAIR


all bow to the Queen...

Wednesday, March 1, 2006 10:26 AM

BANZAIBILL


Wonderful. Is there a 10 step program for kickin' this habit?

I'm with the last anon poster. The flashback had Jayne commenting about her sweet spot to Simon. See the previous fics in this series for more "Sweet scar action".

Thus, Simon puts it together when she reacts that way, and bang! everyone's unhappy.

Very nicely and subtly constructed.

Wednesday, March 1, 2006 1:54 PM

JACQUI


And gorram it, that last last anon was me! (stupid login)

Jacqui

Wednesday, March 1, 2006 2:38 PM

SAMEERTIA


Jacqui, I too, thought it was obvious why Simon stopped- you set this up very very well.
I don't think an author should have to hit their readers over their heads- your subltety, and the complex layers of your writing are what keeps me coming back to your work.

Wednesday, March 1, 2006 3:44 PM

WYOBAR


I so agree with Sameertia-your complex layers are why this story is so addicting-now I'm a Jayne fan but even I feel alittle sorry for Simon. Loved how Zoe made Wash go collect Jayne. MORE

Wednesday, March 1, 2006 5:48 PM

CANTONHEROINE


Don't you DARE make me feel sorry for Simon. Got that? I absolutely refuse. He reaps what he sows.

It upsets me that everyone is so quick to coddle the Doctorboy (Inara, for example) and no-one's really taking into account how all this is affecting Jayne (except River maybe). He's the only one who hasn't really done anything wrong. He's practically been a paragon of virtue, seeing as how he didn't tear Simon or Kaylee's heads off when he could.

*sigh* I still want that happy ending okay? The one where the merc gets the girl and Simon mysteriously disappears never to be seen again.

Friday, March 3, 2006 8:21 AM

BRITCHICK


The last Anonymous (More More) was me. Not sure what happened there.

Sunday, March 5, 2006 2:28 AM

HUMBUG


So bitter-sweet!!!

So who's Kaylee gonna choose? Jayne or Simon?

I know I hope it's Jayne...... he's so sweet and caring of her. Rather than Simon who seems to treat her like an after thought....

Keep writing - I wanna find out what happens next!! Thanks for all your fanfic, Jacqui!!!

Friday, April 14, 2006 10:59 AM

BELLONA


*bitchslaps simon* oh, you deserve it. you know you do.
*hugs jayne* poor baby...

b


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