BLUE SUN ROOM FAN FICTION - DRAMA

JACQUI

Nothin' At All
Friday, February 24, 2006

Companion to "Didn't Mean' Nothin'." Jayne/Kaylee. R for Darker themes.


CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 2906    RATING: 9    SERIES: FIREFLY

Companion piece to Didn't Mean Nothin'. Maybe not as dark, but still not happy. There's angst ahoy, people.

Disclaimer: These characters don't want to play with me, this fic is why.

Rating: R, for darker themes and naughty language.

Feedback: Is loved and adored and petted. Comment here or send email: wily_one24@yahoo.com.au

Comments: Italics and present tense are flashbacks, probably about three months before this.

***

PART TWO: "Nothin' At All".

***

Her fingers stretched out, lightly hovering over his cheek. She’d done this before and it didn’t get easier. Simon flinched as her skin made contact with the dark purple bruise that surrounded the line of stitches to the side of his eye. His face was too soft to take a punch like that.

“Ya gotta keep the ice on it for it to work.”

His eyes were deep blue when looked at her, head resting on the back of the couch. His hand came up from his lap, clutching at the ice pack. She could see him try not to react when he pressed it back to the wound.

“I think it would work perfectly well if I kept Jayne’s fist off it.”

Kaylee had to look down at her knees, curled up next to his legs.

“That too.”

“Mei mei.” They both looked up to see Mal in the door. “Don’t you have to see to that thing in the engine?”

“That thing?” As he kept watching her, Kaylee clicked. “Oh, that thing. Yeah, sure, cap’n. I’ll just go do that now.”

She curled a finger into the hair around Simon’s ear, just a second of a goodbye. In her head, she could almost imagine that he’d turned slightly to move with her, to keep contact with her for just a second longer. Her teeth bit into her bottom lip as she skipped out of the room.

The stairs leading up to the second floor weren’t all that wide, just enough room for a person to thunder through comfortably, or two people to squish their way around each other if they happened to pass. Which is exactly why Kaylee found herself pressed back against the wall as Jayne barreled his way down the steps.

She held her breath and waited, she wasn’t sure why.

“You sure you got enough clips for that thing?” He called behind him. “I know we don’t got a lot of ammo for that.”

He hadn’t even looked at her. Her hand came up of its own accord and pressed into the top of her breastbone. Underneath her shirt sat a deep, purple bruise and the harder she dug in, the deeper it ached. She wondered how a man who could latch his mouth so close to her heart and pull the very air out of her lungs, make her blood rush so quickly to the edge of her skin that she couldn’t help but lift her hips to him as if they were on a string, wondered how he could do that and twelve hours later not even blink as he passed her.

“I’ll be fine.”

Zoe gave her an apologetic smile for their rush past and her voice echoed down and out of the stairwell as they head out to the job. Kaylee, staying pressed back against the rail, was left to look at the empty walls which suddenly seemed too far apart.

***

It just ain’t fair, sometimes it just ain’t fair.

Kaylee’s hand comes out and punches the wall, feeling solid and painful against the edge of her fist. She bites her lip and it’s enough to stop the tears that push at her eyes before the deep voice comes from the steps above her.

“You okay?”

Ai ya, but she doesn’t need anyone to see her like this.

“Sure Jayne.” But he doesn’t believe her, she can see it as she looks up to see him staring down at her. His eyes feel like they’re flaying her raw. “S’nothin’.”

“Bullshit it ain’t nothin’.” He closes the last few steps between them. “What’d that fuckwit say to ya now?”

“Jayne.” She sighs it, can’t help herself, and takes the cup he offers out to her. “Don’t, okay? Just don’t.”

The whisky stings as it goes down, makes her wince, but she relishes the burn of it. Makes her wonder, just for a second, if Simon ever drinks it, if he ever lets go enough to let it take over his facial expression. Probably not.

“He ain’t worth it.”

“What?” She blinks up at him, not sure she heard right.

“I said he ain’t worth it.” Maybe the whisky is stronger than she thinks, because she doesn’t ever remember him looking so upset about anything that isn’t his own guns or his own self. “Don’t know what he done now, probably don’t want to, but there ain’t no man alive worth all this fei oo.”

She watches him drain the rest of the liquor and slam the cup down on the banister.

“He is, you don’t know.” But even she can tell that the way her voice wavers says more than her quick defense of him and it makes her angry that Jayne brings the uncertainty out of her. “What the hell do you know about it? Huh?”

His smile ain’t a happy one, it’s all sad and resigned.

“I know any man worth your salt would’ve either cut you loose by now, or told you he felt somethin’.” He steps towards her and she doesn’t think fast enough to step back. “I know he ain’t done neither, which tells me he’s a gou tsao de pussy, scared shitless to make a move. Any move.”

“Stop it.” There’s a tear leaking out of her eye, because his words cut home too finely and she knows he sees it. “He’s just takin’ his time, he’s got other things to...”

“You stop it.” He challenges her, stepping even closer. “Stop makin’ excuses just ‘cause the fancy, shiny doc don’t have enough sense or balls to ever treat you like he should.”

“Right.” She has to bring her hand up and push against his chest. “Like you know anything ‘bout how a girl needs or wants to be treated.”

“Fuck it.” Jayne growls and bends his knees so that he can press in and kiss her hard, she’s too surprised to stop it. That’s what she tells herself. “I know he shoulda done that a long time ago.”

“Jayne.” She whispers it and it’s supposed to sound like a warning.

The way his hand comes up and gently lifts her chin, holds it up so that she can’t look away, tells her that her warning didn’t work. Not one bit. She’s gonna start pushing him away, gonna start telling him no, any second now.

“I know you want him to look deep in your eyes and say ‘Kaylee, you got the prettiest smile I ever seen and I don’t want you to smile for no one else but me’.” She can feel her mouth open at his words, feel the way her body shudders. “I know you want him to do just this.”

Then his lips are on hers again and she can’t help but grab back at him, sliding her hands up his neck and holding him closer. Because, yes, dammit, that’s exactly what she wants Simon to do. That’s exactly how she wants him to be, hard and fast and pressing her up against the wall.

Later, when she sits on his bunk and cries, rocking back and forth with the sobs, Jayne’s hand slides up and down her back, softer than she ever thought he could be.

“Don’t cry, Kaylee, c’mon, don’t cry none.”

“It’s over.” She can’t help but say it. “I just ruined it. Simon’s gonna hate me.”

His hand pauses, for an instant, then starts again.

“No, you didn’t ruin nothin’.” Then he’s sitting up and she can feel his body next to hers, warm and comfortable and not the one she wants. “This here? Nobody has to know, if’n you don’t want them to.”

“But…?” God, the way her voice rises like that, it makes her sound pathetic.

“Kaylee.” She hadn’t realized how softly he always says her name until he says it now, hard and cold and lacking anything resembling feeling. “You know me, I don’t want nothin’ from this. Nothin’ at all. Just a roll in the sack, a tussle ‘tween friends. If you don’t want no one to know, they won’t. This don’t mean nothin’ you don’t want it to.”

His hand disappears and she feels both cold and relieved.

“Nothin’? Doesn’t mean nothin’?”

It’s a long time before he answers.

“Nothin’ at all.”

***

“Well.” Mal faced the doc, stretched out on the common room sofas, nursing his swollen face and sat down next to him. “That’s gonna grow some mighty fine colors.”

“Yes.” Simon answered without looking up. “I just can’t wait.”

Mal chuckled a little.

“I’d prefer you didn’t get hit. Least ways, not by Jayne. You wanna split that pretty face, you could start comin’ on more jobs with us, make it useful.”

“I didn’t mean to…” Simon paused. “It’s not like I wanted this to happen.”

“But it did happen.” Mal pushed. “Seems it’s happening a lot, lately, you and Jayne.”

“Why aren’t you having this talk with him?” Simon lowered the pack. “He’s the one that does all the damage.”

“Oh, don’t you worry, I’ve got a whole discussion planned for him. But this one’s for you.” He eyed the way Simon tensed, the way he lightly fingered the skin of his face, shining from the bruise and the ice. “You ain’t seen any kind of particular pattern about the times Jayne picks fights with you?”

“Yes.” Simon sighed. “It seems to happen on the days that he breathes.”

“That too.” Mal nodded, then chose a different tactic. “What were you an’ Kaylee talkin’ about before it all happened, lookin’ so serious as you did?”

“”Nothing.” Simon blushed, not meeting Mal’s eyes. “We just… uh… we had a bit of a disagreement.”

“A disagreement?” Mal prompts. “Huh.”

“Yes, I said some things, stupid things as usual and she got upset, then Jayne…” Mal can see the exact moment the realization set in. “Dear god, you’re telling me that’s what Jayne was ranting about?”

“Seems likely.”

A frown edged its way onto the doctor’s face.

“You don’t think Jayne…? Not Kaylee…?”

“Jayne’s a simple man, doc.” Mal patted his knee. “He thinks in simple terms. He’s hungry, he eats. He’s got an urge, he visits a whore. You hurt someone he cares about, he punches you ‘til you bleed. If there’s anyone on this ship at all that he sees as family, it’d be Kaylee.”

“It’s not like I mean to hurt her!”

“Never said you did..” Mal stood up. “Kaylee likes you, likes you somethin’ fierce, that ain’t anything we don’t all know already. I think it’s time you made up your mind about a few things and let her know.”

“Captain, with all due respect.” The ice pack was all but forgotten as Simon sat up straight. “I hardly think this is something you can start suggesting…”

“It ain’t a suggestion, Simon. I got a ship to run. Can’t have my merc always beatin’ up on my medic. Doesn’t work that way.” He paused by the door. “We got a job needs doin’ now, guess that gives you time to think.”

***

End for now.

ps. Who wants more?

COMMENTS

Friday, February 24, 2006 3:11 AM

BOOKADDICT


I do, I do, I do want more! Please?

This is so sad..

Jayne saying it meant nothing.

I guess there's more angst ahead.

*wibbles in the tummy*

Still want more

Friday, February 24, 2006 3:15 AM

HUMBUG


*sniff..... sigh* Yes, more please!

It's so bitter sweet..... Lotsa hurtin', lotsa unrequited love, lotsa longin'......

Please tell me it'll get a bit less angst-y and a bit more love-y -eventually! Even if it's Simon starting to treat Kaylee right...... Or maybe Kaylee deciding that it's not "nothin' at all" between her and Jayne.........

I can stand the angst a bit longer, but please say you'll resolve this bitter sweet love triangle in the end..........

Friday, February 24, 2006 4:47 AM

LVS2READ


*raises hand* Me, too, please? More? Soon?

These characters may not want to play with you, but you're doin' a damn fine job playin' with them. *g* Can't wait to see what you have in store for them. (hint--Jaylee, not Silee, *begs*) *g*

"I love my captain."

Friday, February 24, 2006 4:50 AM

HISGOODGIRL


You set the gold standard in Jaylee fanfic, Jacqui. I don't know whether to have a good cry or go punch sombody myself. As always, your work just blows me away.

Friday, February 24, 2006 5:27 AM

RINNYPJ


Oh man. Just... man.

Heartbreak and tension and Simon bleeding!

I love!

Friday, February 24, 2006 7:20 AM

AMDOBELL


Hopefully Simon will now get his act together and be honest with Kaylee. It is the least he can do for her. Now. Wonder what the Captain said to Jayne? Ali D :~)
You can't take the sky from me

Friday, February 24, 2006 8:07 AM

BRITCHICK


Oh god, I just wish Kaylee would realise that it's Jayne, not Simon. And why can't shee see it's not nothin, it's somethin fierce!

I know I keep saying this Jacqui, but your Jaylee fics are just FAB.

Friday, February 24, 2006 8:16 AM

SWEETSERENDIPITY


I join the me, me, me, I do, I do, I do crowd. Please let Kaylee see thru Jayne's ruse!

Friday, February 24, 2006 9:56 AM

SHINYTALENT


*bows to the Queen of Jaylee fic*
You know that we all want more, you need to write more, quickly!!
Also, maybe if you could manage it then maybe you could stop Jayne from getting his heart ripped out, I can't bear it.

Friday, February 24, 2006 2:19 PM

SAMEERTIA


OF COURSE we want more! Why we still talkin' about this?

You will not leave us hanging here like this, with our hearts all broken, and confused. Or we'll send Niska's henchmen over to make sure you write more!


Friday, February 24, 2006 3:49 PM

KIRIKA


BOUNCES FOR MORE! I need more! Loved it as always, darlin'.

Friday, February 24, 2006 4:52 PM

CANTONHEROINE


God! Is it wrong that I really wanna hit somebody right now?
Somebody, anybody, everybody. Most Kaylee.

Is it too much to ask for a happy ending? I can't stand to see much more of Jayne hurting. He may be acting all indifferent, but we know he's so very not.

Add my name to the petition calling for more...

Monday, February 27, 2006 5:32 PM

ZOESBACKUP


:Zoesbackup kicks the heart into the corner: Ah hell, Jacqui's just gonna keep ripping it to shreds anyways so no point in putting it back in.

Wednesday, April 5, 2006 4:42 AM

BELLONA


*puts on catcher's mitt* right here, c'mon. gimme your best shot, punk!!! actually, no, 'cause that'd probably just make my heart hurt too much with all the dark and angsty (but still brilliant) jaylee...*hugs for jayne*

b


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