BLUE SUN ROOM FAN FICTION - GENERAL

LEIGHKOHL

Ghost
Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Continuation of Thoughts. Very angsty Inara!


CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 4047    RATING: 9    SERIES: FIREFLY

Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me, just writing for fun.

A/N: Reposted because I accidentily deleted it when I was going through my manage your stuff place (it's really early in the morning!!!!) This is something a little different hope you like it!!!:D ________________________________________________________________

Inara sat on her couch in her shuttle and stared at nothing. Nothing, that's what all her finery and training amounted to, nothing. She was still all alone in her life and these thoughts scared her to death. After Miranda, she had waited but nothing came to fruition. Mal was still distant, they still couldn't connect, so she returned to what she knew, her clients and her shuttle, distancing them even further than before she left Serenity. She learned that she couldn't go back to the Training House, her heart wouldn't let her. She had felt stifled and trapped, though she loved the girls she had been training, the rules of decorum bridled against the freedom she had experienced in the black. She was not the same girl that had emerged from training, poised for greatness in the folds of Core society. She had had dreams of grandeur, a life of great opulence and import. All that seemed empty now and it was all Kaylee’s fault. Inara had never felt such resentment for anyone as she did for her dear friend and it tore her up inside. Her pride kept her from initiating anything with Mal but envy had been ruling her life as of late. The joy of Kaylee’s budding family, her happiness, was a like a venom that ran through Inara’s veins. It was making her cold inside, permeating into all aspects of her life. Food tasted like ash, laughter was just white noise, and even though she threw herself into her work, it left no satisfaction in her soul as it had once did. She had become a lifeless shell wandering through the days as they passed. She hid her envy well, taking great pains as to not letting it show when she dined with the crew or spent time with Kaylee. She listened politely as Kaylee would cry or laugh at something Simon or the baby that grew inside her had did that day. She exacted the appropriate emotions to each situation but inside a sliver of ice soon began to grow in her heart and she feared she would never know how to melt it. She not only distanced herself from the crew, they began to distance themselves from her. A mutual decision that no one on the ship dared to broach. A knock on the door startled her thoughts , knocking her back into reality. “Ching jinn.” “Inara?” Simon’s tentative voice resonated hollow in Inara’s ears, but she plastered a smile on her face as he entered her shuttle. “Yes, Simon. What can I do for you?” He bit his lip as he seemed to search for the right words to say, though Inara was certain he had had a practiced speech prepared, escaping him the moment he walked into her shuttle. “I...I came to speak to you about Kaylee.” The poor boy-Inara thought as she motioned for him to take a seat. She began to prepare some tea as he settled on her couch. “I don’t mean to intrude. You have been quite busy as of late and if this is not a convenient time I can always com-” “Simon, you’re never a bother, and as you can see I am not occupied with anything at the moment. You are most welcome here.” Her comforting smile relaxed him, but it held no weight with her. She was the vision of graciousness, inside it was a house of cards ready to tumble in an instant. She dutifully brought over the tray of tea and began pouring them both a cup each. “She misses you.” Inara looked at Simon with a sincerely puzzled look, but her heart sank, she knew exactly what he was talking about. “Simon, I truly do not understand what you mean by that. I just visited with her last night. I did miss breakfast this morning, but I do most mornings.” Simon squirmed for a moment but his resolve came back in full force and every word he spoke hit Inara straight in the heart. “She misses you, Inara. I have no right to comment about your life. It is certainly not my place to think I have any sway in the decisions that you make, but Kaylee is my life, and you are hurting her. So here I am.” A deep, charged pause danced between them before Simon continued. “Please take no offense to what I say, it’s only out of care that I come to you, and ... love. We all miss you, but I feel Kaylee’s pain the most. I know you returning to your work has created great demands on your time but when you do join us, you are not there. You’re like a ghost on this ship. You and I are from the same world, I know the trappings of etiquette and your ability to mask your emotions is well honed but-” Inara smiled with no malice as she interrupted Simon,” You don’t play a player.” He smirked as she reverted to the talk of the rim life they had both become accustomed to. He stood from the couch and faced her directly. “I could never presume to ask you to confide in me, but I hope you know that Kaylee deeply wishes you would with her. Please come back to us.” With that, Simon turned and exited the shuttle, leaving Inara to ponder his earnest attempt at rescuing her form herself. She awoke that night in a sweat, tears were streaming down her face as she arose from the bed. She tried to collect herself but found she couldn’t stand to look at her possessions anymore. Emerging from her shuttle, she decisively walked to the kitchen. He sat at the kitchen table, a steaming cup of coffee in his hands. “It’s broken Mal...I’m broken, you‘re broken, and I have no idea how to fix it.” He looked up at her with such confusion that she could not contain herself any longer. She wept like a child as he enveloped her in his arms. “’Nara, I -” “Please just hold me.” Inara’s voice held the last shred of her dignity and Mal simply pulled her in tighter. That night the ice began to melt and her veins ran hot. She was a ghost no more.

COMMENTS

Wednesday, February 15, 2006 7:50 AM

GYPSYLIFE


Have I ever told you that you write beautifully? Cause you soo do!
Favorite imagery...
nothing came to fruition
poised for greatness in the folds of Core society
She was the vision of graciousness, inside it was a house of cards ready to tumble in an instant.

Channeling me indeed...whoo lady...I almost teared up again.
Initially, I thought that the second paragraph was too much and too depressing...but you made it work really well. And then the scene with Mal at the end...oh! AWWW I have to see more Malnara now!

Wednesday, February 15, 2006 8:57 AM

AMDOBELL


Yay, finally! It was a nice touch having Simon cut through all the *goushi* of etiquette that Inara uses as a buffer against revealing her true feelings. I loved it, kudos to you. Will there be a sequel? A heart to heart perhaps with Kaylee now that she had let down her walls to let the Captain in? Ali D :~)
You can't take the sky from me

Wednesday, February 15, 2006 9:56 AM

JENNS


Oh this was wonderful!! Thank you for sharing. *chanting sequel*

Thursday, February 16, 2006 12:54 PM

LEIGHKOHL


I suppose a sequel is in order, since everyone asked so nicely!:D Thanks to all for commenting, it is so nice to read that people like my stuff. You guys are so awesome!:):):)

Wednesday, March 1, 2006 1:43 AM

BLACKBEANIE


Aww

Friday, March 3, 2006 9:58 AM

BELLONA


*sings* there's gonna be a sequel! there's gonna be a sequel! da-daaa daa da! da-daaa daa da!

b

Sunday, March 19, 2006 11:03 PM

ARCADIA


Wow. Nice work. I especially like the beginning, how you delved into Inara's character. "Food tasted like ash, laughter was just white noise, and even though she threw herself into her work, it left no satisfaction in her soul as it had once did" - I loved this line especially. You really helped readers get into her shoes instead of just telling them how she felt. I will make sure to lookout for you name from now on.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006 5:14 PM

BROWNCOAT2006


*Joins Bellona in her singing* Sequal Sequal da-daaaa daa da! da-daaa daa da! lol so very happy I love me some good Mal/Inara angsty/tender/oowy-gooey goodness =) (I am a guy, so what, guys can like romance right??? AND IT DON'T MAKE 'EM SLY!!! KEEP THAT IDEA OUTTA YOUR HEADS ALL YOU WOMAN-FOLK!! ;P)

Wednesday, April 5, 2006 10:09 AM

TAMSIBLING


This was a perfect study of Inara's emotions. I think she could easily be the most closed off person on the crew. In fact, in a way she is as she has to subvert her own emotions for everyone.

I want to see the sequel too!

Thursday, May 11, 2006 9:44 AM

MOOGLEYB


That was beautiful

Wednesday, June 14, 2006 3:24 AM

RIVERISMYGODDESS


I like the inner monologue of Inara at the beginning, the battle of her desires and her pride with her best friend having things that she wants to badly. She really just needs to take Mal an empty room and have her way with him. :)

Yay for the last little bit when she finally went to him.


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