Disclaimer: Firefly belongs to Joss Whedon; master of the 'verse.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Simon sat in the infirmary, his head in his hands, hating himself for putting his foot in his mouth yet again. It was like a curse or something. He could never come close to telling Kaylee what he felt about her without managing to royally screw it up all to hell. He was just destined to never be with her. He was going to die alone and he knew it.

Simon didn't understand it. He was one of the most brilliant minds of the age and yet he couldn't have a conversation with Kaylee without saying the wrong thing. He couldn't even thing about telling her how he felt without getting completely lost in the thought.

He had briefly considered being just friends, but he knew it would never work like that. He couldn't be just friends with Kaylee, he felt too much for her. Sure, his feelings were probably the last thing the captain would approve of, but Simon found that he wasn't concerned with the captain and his selfish opinions.

At the same time, however, Simon thought that maybe Kaylee would be better off not knowing how he felt. She might be happier. At least that way he wouldn't be breaking her heart on top of hurting her feelings every time he said the wrong thing. Yes, he decided. If Kaylee didn't know it would be for the best. Besides, Simon had gone this long without doing anything for himself. The rest of his life wouldn't be too much worse.

Meanwhile, Inara made her way down Serenity's corridors, searching for the young doctor. She had just seen the captain and he'd asked her to find Simon and tell him that they’d be landing on Camulodunum soon and that Mal needed the list of supplies they required in the infirmary so he could pick everything up.

She hummed softly under her breath as she crossed the catwalk above the cargo bay from one end of the ship to the other. She stepped down the three steps into the lounge area and glanced over through the glass windows into the infirmary. She could see Simon through the glass, looking thoroughly annoyed with himself.

Inara breezed gracefully in through the infirmary doors, slowly approaching Simon, setting a hand gently on his shoulder to alert him of her presence.

Simon hadn't even noticed Inara enter the infirmary until he felt her touch on his shoulder. He jumped slightly, spinning around on the stool he was sitting on to look at her. When he realized she posed no threat, he relaxed a little and ran a hand through his hair.

"Inara," Simon said lightly. "Is everything alright? Is there something you needed?"

"Everything's fine, doctor," Inara replied. "Mal just asked me to come and see if you've readied the list of supplies you need. We'll be breaking atmo soon and he's about ready to jump out the airlock doors already."

Simon was relieved that nothing was the matter. He sighed lightly and nodded, reaching into the pocket of his token blue vest to pull out a lengthy list of supplies that he required to keep the infirmary in full working order. He extended the list out to Inara, his hand coming to rest in his lap when she took it from him.

Inara smiled gently and regarded Simon as she set the list he'd handed her aside for a moment. Simon looked deeply troubled, but it was different somehow from the way he usually looked when he was upset. Inara stood close to him and regarded him curiously.

"Is everything alright with you?" She asked him softly.

"Yes, everything's fine," he replied briskly.

Inara raised a disbelieving eyebrow.

"You know as well as I do that you can't play a player," she said quietly. "Something is bothering you."

Simon sighed once again. It was becoming a habit for him, sighing at every opportunity to do so.

"It's... complicated," Simon said dryly.

Inara knew how brilliant Simon was, how intelligent. If it was complicated, she knew there was only one thing it could have been.

"Kaylee," Inara said knowingly.

Simon nodded almost imperceptibly, just a slight incline of his head. Inara was an intelligent woman born into the art of perception; he knew that she would catch on. He knotted his hands in his lap and looked up to meet her serene gaze.

"I'm beginning to come to terms with the fact that it'll never work between us," Simon said somewhat petulantly.

Inara pursed her lips slightly, moving to sit on a stool opposite where Simon sat so they were at eye level with each other.

"You know you can't just give up," Inara expressed pointedly.

"I can and I am," Simon shot back.

"Simon, you can't hurt yourself like that," Inara reasoned. "I can see it in your eyes how much pain it's causing you to just give up like you’re wanting to."

"Maybe it's time I learned to live with some pain," Simon said exasperatedly. "I'll fit in perfectly with most of the rest of the crew if I hang onto it."

"Do you really want to fit in like that?" Inara asked gently.

Simon paused. He did want to fit in, he wanted to feel at home, but he knew that what he was talking about, about fitting in because of some phantom pain, wasn’t the way he wanted to do it.

"I don't know," Simon replied.

Inara quirked an eyebrow and shifted a little in her chair so that she was closer to Simon.

"Well this pain, this self imposed exile you've been feeling," Inara said lightly as she reached out a hand to gently rest the back of it on Simon's forehead for a moment. "This heat and passion you've been holding back. I diagnose a severe case of lovesickness. You know as well as I do what the only cure for that is."

Inara met Simon's wary gaze. She wasn't going to beat around the bush. Much.

"Doctor, you've spent the length of your career listening to other people's hearts," Inara commented softly, her hand reaching out to pluck pointedly at the stethoscope hung around his neck for one reason or another. "It's time to listen to your own."

With that she stood slowly, picked up the list she'd deposited on the counter previously and left the infirmary in that graceful way of hers, quickly disappearing around a bend in the corridor.

Simon watched Inara's for retreat and thought about what she'd said. He knew that she was right. He knew that he would never be at peace until he told Kaylee, but at the same time he figured he could try to hide the pain of what he felt but couldn't express.

Simon was essentially eating the words of the bible the shepherd lived by in vowing to ignore his pain. The bible stated physician, heal thyself, but Simon was choosing to ignore the hurt that he felt by keeping his feelings for Kaylee stowed away.

Simon knew Inara was right; he shouldn't be economical with the truth, not to himself and especially not to Kaylee. He decided that Inara was right. The only way that things would be right was if he told Kaylee how he felt. Now he just had to figure out how to tell her.

The thought of figuring out what to say to Kaylee, the treatment for what Inara had so ardently called lovesickness, was frightening to Simon and he wondered again whether he wouldn't just rather deal with the pain of loving Kaylee in secret.