Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Simon and Kaylee have a picnic


A little Simon/Kaylee fluff because there's just not enough of it in the 'verse. (PG)

Not sure this qualifies as fan fiction, just a little scene that popped into my head that I wanted to share with the pros out there. Because of a profound lack of narrative writing ability, I ticked this out more like a script just to get it down. Please critique away. Nothing is ever done until it's been edited.

Scene shot very close up from above looking down on Simon and Kaylee, slowly pulling back bit by bit. They're lying on their backs on a picnic blanket, Simon has his arms behind his head and Kaylee is resting her head on Simon's stomach. You can see part of a picnic basket, a thermos, and perhaps a book. Kaylee is eating popcorn.

Kaylee (Pointing up) That one there looks kinda like a hippo.

Simon (looks where she's pointing quizzically) I just don't see where you're getting that.

Kaylee You just gotta use your imagination a bit. What do you see?

Simon It looks kinda like a ..... a liver?

Kaylee What's a liver look like?

Simon Well... kinda like that..... (Shakes head, disappointed in himself) I'm sorry, this whole day just hasn't gone....

Kaylee Simon Tam, apologize for this date and I will hurt you. Take that! (Bounces head hard on Simon's stomach)

Simon (Coughs) Alright! Alright! (Puts hands up in mock surrender) Aside from your lovely, yet increasingly violent presence, tell me something that's gone right.

Kaylee ants.

Simon (Thinks about this for a beat) Do any of the planets out here have ants?

Kaylee, Don't imagine so. There's some bugs that they freeze and ship, and some that hitch rides with cargo. Not much use for 'em I 'spose. Heck, back home we didn't even have bees to pollinate the corn, farmers would hire kids to do it.

Simon How'd they do that?

Kaylee You get little brushes and you just go from plant to plant brushing the pollen around. (Laughs) On a good day, I could knock up about 6 acres of corn.

Simon (Laughs) I bet you never even called the next morning. Poor corn, stuck raising a dozen ears all by itself. And you skip town on Serenity. Admit it. You're just out here shirking you parental responsibilites.

Kaylee (Laughs) That's me, Kaylee the corn whore.

Simon (Jokingly offended) The term is "corn-panion."

Kaylee (Groans at utter horribleness of joke, throws several pieces of popcorn at Simon)

Simon Okay, so you're right, no ants. I just wanted to take you out to a nice dinner, some place with a tablecloth, and you know, actual food. Splurge a little. Carpe Diem.

Kaylee What's that mean?

Simon Carpe Diem. It's Latin, it means "Seize the Day."

Kaylee Huh. We say it different out here. Folks usually tell you to just "Eat the Peach."

Simon That sounds nice. In fact... (Cranes neck to try and see in basket without getting up) Did I remember the peaches?

Kaylee (smiles, reaches in basket) Yep... But not the can-opener.. (Pulls can of peaches out of picnic basket. Shakes it teasingly at Simon)

Simon (Winces) That's it! That's the third thing. Nothing else can possibly go wrong on this date.

Kaylee What's wrong with this picnic?

Simon Well for one... (From off screen a hand offers Simon a can-opener. It's River, who begins rifling through the picnic basket.) (To River) Thank you mei-mei.... (To Kaylee) For one we'd be alone. (Continuing to Kaylee) And for two, we'd be outside.

(Camera pulls way back to reveal that this entire picnic has taken place on the floor of the cargo bay)

Kaylee (Shrugs. Opens peaches and fishes one out for Simon and one for River) You just gotta go with it. Relax, have a little fun. (Points up at the ceiling again) Oh! That one! That one there, looks like Santa sorta, see? He's got the eyes, an' the beard...

Simon (Actually a little frustrated) It's rust! It looks like rust! It's an old ship with a very rusty cargo bay ceiling. (Pauses, cocks head slightly) Okay, that spot really does look remarkably like Santa....

River (Lays down on Kaylee's stomach) Where's Santa?

The end.



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Simon and Kaylee have a picnic

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