Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5

From Bad to Worse: by RiverIsMyGoddess <---companion piece to this

~

“I'm leaning towards the side of believin' you.” Claire was standing outside the small cell she'd locked Mal into.

“Could it possibly be because I'm telling the truth?” He asked without looking up.

“That and everyone's well awares of Frank bein' a wife beater. Hell I wouldn't'a been surprised to see him have a small accident at home. Don't think I'd a brought Anna in for questioning either.” She un-holstered her gun and set it on the table.

Mal raised his head carefully, not enough to see her face. Instead he sat watching her movements, doing his best to keep his mixed emotions from surfacing. “Why you doing this then? My crew won't leave without me. If Anna's going to get away, then sooner would be better.” He could hear annoyance in his voice and he mentally kicked himself for his inability to remain stoic.

“Mal, we stopped Anna on her way to your ship. She was carrying 7,000 on her. She'd cleaned out their savings. Now as I see it you can do one of two things. Call your crew and tell them to leave, Anna leaves with them and every thing's all fine. Or you can refuse to tell your crew to leave and Anna doesn't get to leave, which as we both know is a recipe for unpleasantness.”

Mal continued staring at the wall, utterly confounded by her suggestions. “Either way I'm rotting in this cell. So why should I care?”

“Because you do Mal, I know you. Probably better then any of your so called crew, and you'd gladly sit in that cell and rot, then let Anna and her critters get beaten by that hun dan.”

Mal looked up, finally meeting the Claire's gaze. Those deep brown eyes that he'd looked into countless times before, that had haunted him in his dreams. Auburn curls cascading down her shoulders, he fought hard with himself for letting these old feelings come back.

“First you want me off this planet, now everything will be shiny if I stay locked up in this prison cell? You really are a sick little woman aren't you? It's not enough that you huai shi every time you're involved, now you want to watch me rot! Sick little yao guai hu li jing!” Mal stood up and started pacing as he'd begun ranting. All sense of composure lost, he pulled himself into the bars. “I hate you.”

“Feelin's mutual Reynolds.” And despite their united declarations Claire pulled herself into Mal and pressed her lips to his. Mal felt her hands moving through his hair, pulling his face into hers, and the irons bars separating them. He kissed back, he felt her pull his bottom lip into her own and knead it slowly in a way he was all too familiar with. Mal pulled back suddenly, he heard her head bang loudly against the bars as she followed his movement.

“What yin tian si whai got into you?” He asked. Confused and annoyed at his own usually closed emotions running rampant.

“Got into me? You kissed me yesterday!” Claire yelled defensively.

“Yeah, and I believe that got me a shot in a very special area.”

“Oh please I didn't shoot you, if I'd wanted to shoot your ass off you wouldn't be privy to havin' an ass right now. Although I reckon that decision might need to be revisited seein' that you seem to be over flowin' with assiness. Besides I didn't shoot you in the butt for kissin me, I shot you in the butt because I liked it when you kissed me.”

Their shouting match ended with this revelation. Mal sat back down on the grimy cot in the small cell.

“We're not doing this Claire, need I remind you of what you put me through?”

“Put you through? Gorram melodramatic Mal! It's always about you.”

“You left me at the alter, for Liam!”

“You remembered that day Mal...”

“Yeah, I seem to recall standing there feeling like a ben dan in front everyone I'd ever met.” Mal's voice dripped with resentment.

“Not that day Mal, do you remembered the day I first chose you?” Claire asked timidly. Mal let out and involuntary chuckle, but didn't respond. “I was nine and you two were eleven. You guys got so sick of fighting over who was going to marry me that the two of you demanded I choose.”

“Yeah, I remember.” Mal answered her as a faraway smile crept onto his face.

“I chose you Mal, it was always you.”

“Yeah, well I have a note leading me to believe otherwise.”

“I was scared Mal. It had always been you, and we were so young.” She paced back and forth in front of Mal's cell. While he remained silent, not sure he really wanted to be talking about this. “I felt trapped Mal.” Mal let out a loud scoff but still held his silence. “I'd always loved you, I wanted to know what else was out there.”

“Liam though?”

“He always carried a torch for me Mal, we both knew it. But I learned something from Liam, I was happy with you. I was happy in a way I knew I'd never be with him.” A pregnant pause formed between them, but it was Claire's continued confession that broke the still silence. “I wanted to marry you that day Mal, I just couldn't after what I'd done. It wouldn't have been fair to marry you if it was based on a lie.”

Mal looked up when he heard a slight sniffle, and he watched her wipe a wet tear from her face. He gulped, unsure if he wanted to know all of this. Not sure if diggin' up all of this hurt would do any good.

“I knew about you and Liam, Claire.” The shocked look on her face egged him into further explanation. “You two were acting odd after the firelight festival, too careful around each other when I was lookin', not careful enough when you thought I wasn't.”

“Why didn't you say somethin'?”

“Why didn't you?” Another silence surrounded them oppressively. “I didn't care, I figured I was the one who got you in the end. Bein' jealous over it didn't do me much good when it was my bed you'd be sharin' at the end of the day. I just wanted you so bad, it didn't matter.”

“Why didn't you come for me, after the war? I waited for you, thought you'd come home when the war was over.”

“Yeah well I didn't. Things change Claire.”

“They don't have to ya know. I own the deed to the old Reynold's Ranch. We could have the life we always dreamed Mal. Let your crew go, let Anna run. Stay here. I'll set you free if you stay on Shadow.”

Mal stood up slowly, walked over to where Claire stood. Her arms were crossed authoritatively, he could hardly believe such a plea of longing had come from her stern hardened features.

“I'll never be free on Shadow.”

Claire looked down to the floor for a moment. Then wordlessly lifted her key off her belt and opened Mal's cell. Mal stepped out and began for the door.

~

“Cap'n you alright? You've got blood all over your shirt.” Kaylee's concerned voice warmed Mal's heart.

“Oh yeah, it's not my blood or anything.”

“Mal, is he alright?” Anna asked. She was sitting in the passenger lounge, her two small children huddling in close to her.

“Yeah, I think he'll be patched up in no time.” Her face relaxed, she released the breath she'd been holding and Mal had to marvel at the obvious love she still carried for the man she was fleeing. He turned and looked at the crew bustling around him. Wash was on the bridge, Zoe probably there with him. He could see Simon patching up a reluctant Jayne, River and Book seemed to be arguing over what looked like torn up pieces of paper. Kaylee was doing her best to make Anna, James and Laura feel welcome. He glanced around the room again, he didn't see Inara. He frowned inwardly, annoyed at himself for being so disappointed in her not being there to greet him and knowing he had to take care of something before drifting upward to Inara's shuttle he headed towards the infirmary.

~

“That was a nice bit of heroics.” Jayne winced as Simon finally dug the bullet out of his leg. He'd been waiting for Mal to come and speak to him. Jayne shrugged. “What I'm havin' trouble wrapping my mind around is why those daring heroics needed to take place. Weren't you watchin' the front while Zoe watched the back, and if memory serves me right that hun dan waltzed right into the front door.

“Yeah Mal, he came at me from behind,” Jayne answered. He truthfully had thought Inara would have been plenty distraction and he'd been lost in thought. He glanced through the infirmary window at Kaylee who was laughing with Anna. That girl could make anyone forget their troubles if only for a moment. A sudden pain reminded him of the doc who was most literally being a pain in his neck. “Pi hua! What do you think your doing back there?”

“Cleaning the wound on the back of your head. Blunt object, how appropriate.” An all to familiar surge of hatred rose up inside him towards that prissy little doctor.

“Yes well, to get back to the problem at hand. How did he manage to sneak up behind you?”

“Damn it Mal, I don't know. All I know is I've got this large bump on the back of my head that the doc here seems to think is fun to play with and I woke up just in time to see that son'a bitch raisin' his gun.” This was a lie only in part, he knew why that half drunk child abuser got behind him. He glanced back over at Kaylee who now holding the little girl in her lap and braiding her hair.

Mal's eyes followed Jayne's and then he leaned in uncomfortably close to Jayne. “She's cute, but if you ever let her cloud your thoughts on a job again...” Mal didn't finish. He instead just walked out and headed up the stairs flanking the infirmary. Each of Mal's footfall landing loudly on the metal felt like a nail being driven into his chest. Jayne glanced over at Simon who's smile had been whipped cleanly off his face.

“You a hero?” A small voice rose him from his downward spiraling thoughts. 'The hero of Canton, the man they call Jayne.' repeated musically in his mind as he looked down at the young boy standing in the door frame of the infirmary.

“I ain't a hero kid,” Jayne answered gruffly.

“My momma says you saved her life.” James' large brown eyes shined up at and for a moment Meadow's face flashed in front of him.

“Pushin' your momma out of the way ain't cause to call me hero.” Jayne slid off the exam table and began walking out.

The persistent small voice called after him. “It makes you a hero to us.”

~

Inara stood in her shuttle staring at her half packed belongings. She'd been dragging this out for to long now. When Frank had struck her, all she'd wanted was to feel Mal's arms wrapped around her.

'Not fair to him,' she thought to herself. 'Maybe if he knew he wouldn't care?' she was arguing with herself again and she already knew the out come.

“You must have some powerful urge to do laundry.” Mal's voice interrupted her thoughts. She knew he'd be by, she'd changed out of her soiled clothes and dressed in a purple silk dress she knew caught Mal's eye.

“I'm packing.”

“That would make a mite more sense.” Mal's humorless voice joked.

“There's a Training House on Paquin that has offered me a position. It's not far from where Anna is headed so I've arranged for transport to pick me up on Beylix.”

They stood alone together, each lost in thought about her move to the training house. Mal stepped forward and touched Inara's elbow. It had been too much today. Frank, Anna, Claire, and now Inara. He couldn't do this, he didn't want to carefully dance around things anymore. “Inara...” He stopped, unable to form any words after her name crossd his lips. She stopped packing and finally looked at him. His expression changed to one of concern. “What happened to your eye?”

She raised her hand to her now puffy cheekbone. It had already discolored slightly. “Present from our dear friend Frank.”

“Inara, I never should have asked you to do that.” His feelings unable to form into suitable words. “If I'd known...” He pulled his hand up to her, cupping her face. He leaned down into her, his eyes began to close as she turned her head upward to meet his. Then suddenly his hand was empty and his lips were left hanging.

“I, a... need to get some more packing done.”

CHINESE TRANSLATIONS

huai shi – make things worse

Yao guai hu li jing – devil enchantress

yin tian si whai - cloudy thinking

ben dan – fool/idiot

EPISODE 16 - ”What about Cobb?”