Part 1, Part 2

From Bad to Worse: by RiverIsMyGoddess <---companion piece to this

~

“That women is trying to destroy me!” Mal exclaimed as he walked hurriedly back into the cargo hold. “I am getting off this planet.” He looked at the paper Zoe had found, they'd found several dozen more like it plastered all over town. 'His town' He paced back and forth erratically glancing down at the paper periodically before finally screaming loudly and tearing it up. Mal yelled into the com unit. “Wash! Lift her up, we're off this world.”

“What about the job? What's going on? Zoe? Guys?” Wash's confused voice sounded from the small com unit.

“Sir, perhaps we should make sure everyone is on board. Kaylee was going to rotate the synchronizers and she has to do that planetside, Sir.”

Mal began to pace around the cargo bay once again. “No wait, that's letting her win! She ruined everything before, I'm not going to let her do it again.” 'She's not chasing me from my home ever again.' Mal thought to himself before he pulled the comm back up to his mouth and interrupted Wash's continuous questions. “Forget that Wash, we're staying right here.”

“What's the plan sir?” Zoe asked, nervous about Mal's behavior. She knew what that women had done to him in the past, how it had effected him. Mal turned to face Zoe and Jayne, as well as Simon and Book who had wondered in to investigate all the shouting. Mal clenched his jaw in a scowl; he meant business.

“We're going drinkin'.”

~

Wash, Zoe, Jayne, and Kaylee all accompanied Mal into the small towns only tavern. Inara had opted out of their little adventure, Zoe had been the one standing behind Mal when he'd asked her. Simon and River were going to come but then River had a little breakdown and they'd opted out. Book thought Simon might need some help and since drinking wasn't his 'thing' he also stayed. The 5 grabbed a booth in the almost empty bar room. A small middle aged women approached them with out even looking up.

“What can I get for you... Well I'll be if it isn't the town golden boy!” The waitress interrupted herself as she saw Mal. “Looks like you bein' here has put Claire into a tizzy.”

“Well some people are unforgettable. How are you Anna? Still married to Frank?”

“Oh yeah, we're celebrating 10 years this July. Got two critters too. James and Laura.” She pulled a small capture from her purse and showed it to Mal.

“Wow, they're cute.” Mal said as he handed the capture back. “We'd like a round of your best grain.” Anna raised her eyebrow, and Wash leaned over to Mal.

“I'm not so good with the hard stuff Mal, I tend to see it again. Seeing it again is less than fun.” Wash looked up at Anna, “I'll just have a fuzzy navel.” Mal leered at Wash like he was joking. “What they're good!”

“So one fuzzy navel and grain for the rest of you?” Anna motioned to the rest of the group.

“Actually I'll have a sex on the beach.” Kaylee chimed in. Mal started giving her an annoyed look too but she cut him off with. “I've still got to rotate the synchronizer's Cap'n.”

“I'll have a tequila, and bring the bottle.” Zoe said, not even looking at Mal who might protest. She'd never liked the taste of grain.

“What about you Jayne, you going to order some froo froo drink too. Grain's the only thing I'm buying!” Mal looked over at Jayne, his last hope of getting stone cold drunk with.

“I'll have the grain.” Jayne smiled at the idea of free booze.

~

A while later, Mal had lost count of the shots. Maybe 5 or 6? Zoe and Wash were making out in the booth causing Kaylee to scoot closer to Jayne from their flailing. Zoe always got like this when she drank. Mal wasn't saying much of anything anymore, he had his head down on the table and he was running his fingertip over the top of one of the empty shot glasses.

“Ya know, some people consider me a hero.” Jayne's slurred words were directed at Kaylee, who was a little buzzed while Jayne was practically passing out. He was a much faster drinker then Mal and the free booze had inspired him further.

“Yeah, I remember Jayne, I was there too.” Kaylee said, smirking at Jayne's obvious stupor.

“A man died for me ya know that?” Kaylee nodded her head, unsure of how to respond. “Yep, he was to stupid to know what sort of man I really was, took a bullet for me.” Jayne looked down at his drink and softly repeated, “Dumb ben dan took a bullet for me.”

~

3 or maybe 4 shots later, the tavern doors slammed open. Claire walked in purposefully heading straight for Mal and his accompanying crew. A posse of 6 followed her inside but kept their distance, waiting until they were needed.

“I told you to get off this rock, Reynolds.” Everyone's attention quickly fell on Claire, everyone, that is except Mal. He had chosen to ignore this, it was what he'd been waiting for, the reason he'd gotten his crew drunk in the middle of the afternoon. He continued fingering the rim of a shot glass.

“Nice to see you again, Claire.”

“Can't say the same really.”

“Aw, no need to be like that,” Mal said as he finally focused his attention on her. “You got what you wanted. I lost a respectable job because of you.”

“I'm the law in this town, your reputation is less then respectable and yes I'd like to keep you from doing any kind of your business here.”

“You're always just one little step ahead aren't you Claire. One step ahead in school, one step ahead with Liam...”

“You leave Liam out of any of this!” Claire snapped at Mal before he could continue. “Last warning, leave Reynolds, or a whole lot of unpleasantness will be coming down on your sorry pi gu.” And she started walking back towards the door. “Go away Claire, we're not harmin' a thing.” Claire froze mid-step, clearly not okay at being told to leave from Mal. She distanced the small divide between them and leaned down until her nose was inches from Mal's.

“You have no business coming back Mal, just leave befo...” Her words were cut off by Mal's lips covering hers. The crew members on both sides looked on in amazement. Claire deepened the kiss from her end, surprising everyone further. It was a while before Claire pulled away, and for the first time her face showed something other then contempt towards Mal. She glanced around as if looking for an easy explanation, finding none she turned without meeting Mal's gaze and started walking out.

He got up to follow her and grabbed her arm, forcing her to look back at him with her steely blue eyes. Her face was hard and unreadable. Whatever Mal had been planning to say he decided against it, instead he smacked her backside hard and added. “Don't let the door hit your ass as you walk out. It is what you do best after all.”

A brief glint flashed in Claire's eyes and without taking her eyes off of him she drew her gun and pointed it at his backside before pulling the trigger. “Next time you touch me, there won't be anything left to fit in your tight little pants.”

~

“So, tell me again how Mal got shot in the butt?” Simon's voice asked as he cut the fabric away from the wounded area. Jayne and Zoe had carried Mal back to the ship while Kaylee helped Wash back. Wash hadn't been lying when he'd said he couldn't hold his liquor and it had only taken 3 fuzzy navels and Zoe's attention to render him incapacitated.

“She didn't shoot me in the butt!” Mal protested as he lay face down on the infirmary exam table.

“Really, because I was there and you got shot in the butt.” Jayne was obviously enjoying this and had sat down on the counter to get a good view of this event.

“I was grazed in the butt, there's a difference.” Mal insisted.

“I'm seeing a whole lot of blood that says otherwise.” Zoe added, unable to keep quiet as she snickered drunkenly.

“If she'd wanted to shoot me in the butt she would have. She could out shoot both Liam and me by the time we were nine. Never once caught up to her. She meant to graze.”

“Still say she shot you in the butt.” Jayne said, snickering from his perch on the counter.

“This is not the end,” Mal said to himself as much as his crew.

“So did she shoot you in the butt because you kissed her or because she kissed you back?” Jayne asked trying to get back to Mal's humiliation.

“I think it was because he grabbed her ass. Ya know, you grab my ass I shoot yours off sort of thing.” Zoe was clearing enjoying this as much as Jayne.

“She didn't shoot me in the ass.” Mal's proclamation went unnoticed.

“Wait, did Mal kiss her before or after the butt slapping?” Simon asked, eager to get the story straight and to join in the crew mercilessly teasing Mal.

“He kissed her, then she kissed back, then he smacked her butt.” Kaylee added, finally back from laying Wash down on the couch in the common room.

Simon smiled up at Kaylee as she entered the infirmary. “Well then, she shot you for slapping her butt.”

“She didn't shoot me in the butt!” Mal yet again insisted as his crew giggled.

“You know, slapping a women like that is no way to respect her.” Book chimed in, he'd been in the infirmary since they'd brought him in, but had only chuckled quietly up until that point.

“That was sort of the point Shepard,” Mal replied as he glared at Book.

“Then perhaps she was justified in shooting you in the backside.” Book smiled and the group enjoyed a giggle at a Shepard being all right with Mal getting shot in the butt.

“She didn't shoot me, she grazed me.”

“That's right Cap'n, she only grazed you.” Kaylee had come down to Mal's line of sight and patted him on head. The crew laughed out loud and Mal gave up and just rested his head on the exam table.

~

Inara stood with her back against the wall next to the infirmary door. Apparently no one had seen her come down. She over heard them bringing Mal in and saying something about him being shot so she'd followed. It had taken her a while to change out of her robe, and she'd arrived just in time to see Kaylee walk in. At Simon's mention of a kiss she'd hid from view and adopted her current position.

“Wait, did Mal kiss her before or after the butt slapping?” Simon's voice asked.

“He kissed her, then she kissed back, then he smacked her butt.” Kaylee answered him.

Kissed? Who had he kissed? Her chest swelled unpleasantly, and she had to fight the tears welling up. She rested her head on the cold metal behind her trying to regain control. Not just kissed, touched, he's touched her. Her chest swelled again as the crew's laughter sounded. She had to get out of here, she had to get off this ship. She couldn't take this any longer, it would kill her. Not that she was wasn't already dying.

Chinese Translations:

ben dan – fool

pi gu - butt

Part 4