Why Mikey will never be elected. by Fremdfirma

REAL WORLD EVENT DISCUSSIONS

Why Mikey will never be elected.

POSTED BY: FREMDFIRMA
UPDATED: Thursday, October 15, 2009 17:55
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VIEWED: 921
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Thursday, October 15, 2009 9:59 AM

Of course, now you HAVE to look, don't you ?
http://www.cracked.com/photoshop_77_if-sarcasm-ruled-world/

This is what they call schmuck bait.
(and you're STILL going to look, aren't you ?)

-F

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Thursday, October 15, 2009 10:13 AM

KWICKO

"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believes is false." -- William Casey, Reagan's presidential campaign manager & CIA Director (from first staff meeting in 1981)

After an invitation like that, how could I *not* look?

That just made my day, by the way.

No, seriously. I mean it.

Really.

Mike

The percentage you're paying is too high-priced
While you're living beyond all your means;
And the man in the suit has just bought a new car
From the profit he's made on your dreams

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Thursday, October 15, 2009 10:50 AM

BYTEMITE

Sarcasm is just honesty, only wrapped in "go fuck yourself." People ought to be more honest anyway.

I liked the tornado one.

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Thursday, October 15, 2009 11:35 AM

DICKCHENEY

Quote:
Originally posted by Bytemite:
Sarcasm is just honesty, only wrapped in "go fuck yourself." People ought to be more honest anyway.

I liked the tornado one.

Hrrrmmmmffff... mumblemumble...hummm?

Who dares to awaken me from my slumber?

Who utters the phrase that will bring me forth from Hell?

And what the hell do you people want from me, anyway? Blood? I'm fresh out. I have to eat 14 babies a day just to keep my enfeebled and embiggened black heart pumping.

And besides, I'm always honest. Even when I'm lying.

And yeah. I like tornadoes too. Keeps poor people on their toes. Keeps 'em honest. Throw a tornado at somebody, and he doesn't care what you're doing in some faraway place.

Go Fuck Yourself!

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Thursday, October 15, 2009 11:57 AM

BYTEMITE

Oh no! What have I done?

Oh well, in for a copper. Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!

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Thursday, October 15, 2009 12:59 PM

KWICKO

Do the dead really dream, Byte? And what about the undead?

By the way, Frem, very clever - in all the sarcasm and laughing at the pictures, I plain forgot to ask: What office is it I'm running for?

Of course, your schmuck-bait was very effective, because it did pull me away from the question at hand for quite a while... :)

And of course, I'll never be elected to ANY public office. I've a bit of a chequered past, ya see.

Mike

The percentage you're paying is too high-priced
While you're living beyond all your means;
And the man in the suit has just bought a new car
From the profit he's made on your dreams

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Thursday, October 15, 2009 4:02 PM

FREMDFIRMA

Dept of Public Works.

You know, the guys who put street signs up.
(After, of course, the necessary redesign)

Hilarity would ensure.

"Right on red ? sure, hope you got damn good acceleration!"

"Well, you COULD turn here, if you really, REAALLLY wanted to..."

"Onramp - this means ACCELERATE, not try to merge into traffic going 30mph faster then you before doing so."

"The white stuff is snow, it's not instantly lethal, get a grip."

So forth, so on...

-F

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Thursday, October 15, 2009 4:16 PM

KWICKO

Quote:

"Onramp - this means ACCELERATE, not try to merge into traffic going 30mph faster then you before doing so."

That one, in particular, kills me. Because it has quite literally, almost killed me. More than twice. I can not fathom people who hit the onramp and FUCKING STOP to wait for a break in traffic. On the interstate. At rush hour.

I actually got pulled over by a cop once for speeding leading up to the onramp. He said he clocked me at 75. I said that sounded about right. He asked why I was going so fast heading onto the freeway, so I told him: "Because I'm getting on the freeway. Traffic's doing 75 or better out there, and if I hit the goddam ramp at 50mph, like the signs on the frontage road say, I'm dead. I'm wrecked, or I'm in the ditch. I'm in a Honda, and it's not bog-slow, but it ain't a Ferrari either, y'know what I mean? Hit the ramp doing 75, and I can slow down real quick if I need to in order to slot into a gap, but if I hit it at 50, I can't get up to 75 quick enough to merge without causing a concertina effect behind me on the freeway, putting everyone behind me in danger. My car stops from 70mph to zero in 165 feet, but it sure as hell won't go from 0-70 in that short a space."

Once I explained it to him like that, he looked at the freeway, thought about it, nodded his head, and said, "Makes sense. Have a nice day, and good luck." No ticket. Too bad you can't always just tell the truth and have the cops agree...

Mike

The percentage you're paying is too high-priced
While you're living beyond all your means;
And the man in the suit has just bought a new car
From the profit he's made on your dreams

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Thursday, October 15, 2009 4:20 PM

CHRISISALL

Quote:
Originally posted by Kwicko:
I can not fathom people who hit the onramp and FUCKING STOP to wait for a break in traffic. On the interstate. At rush hour.

It's called survival of the fastest.

The laughing Chrisisall

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Thursday, October 15, 2009 4:28 PM

CHRISISALL

Quote:
Originally posted by Fremdfirma:

"The white stuff is snow, it's not instantly lethal, get a grip."

Frem, snow is no laughing matter. It can kill. Especially when the frozen water molecules are connected to an ectoplasm affiliated to a deceased and enraged spirit intent on corporeal destruction to ease its way into the afterlife.
You should know this.

The laughing Chrisisall

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Thursday, October 15, 2009 4:47 PM

FREMDFIRMA

S'why I hate the Ford Focus so much.

We got stuck with one as a rental via our lameass ripoff insurance company cause some nimrod bonked the bumper of the Alero in a parking lot many years back - and the place that did the work screwed us too, damn paint flaked off in a week, leaving it worse than before!

So they stick a pathetic little super-economy Focus on us, cause it meets State Farms assurance of "mid sized" (compared to WHAT, a box of matches?!) and we got stuck with this heap for four days.

And of course, down the onramp onto I-94 East, me with both feet on the pedal, pinned to the firewall jumping up and down on it while she's yowling at me to speed up and I'm like "I've givin her all she's got captain!" damn thing wouldn't accelerate effectively DOWNHILL ?

Ford deserved to get kicked in the nuts over ever building that piece of shit - I got 50cc bikes which can beat it's acceleration.

Oh, yeah, and the Snow thing... the comic Byte tossed in a while back sums it up all too well.
http://www.vgcats.com/comics/?strip_id=77

-Frem

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Thursday, October 15, 2009 4:53 PM

CHRISISALL

Quote:
Originally posted by Fremdfirma:

And of course, down the onramp onto I-94 East, me with both feet on the pedal, pinned to the firewall jumping up and down on it while she's yowling at me to speed up and I'm like "I've givin her all she's got captain!" damn thing wouldn't accelerate effectively DOWNHILL ?

You must have forgotten to engage the negative-parking-brake-coupling.

The laughing Chrisisall

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Thursday, October 15, 2009 5:55 PM

KWICKO

Quote:
Originally posted by chrisisall:
Quote:
Originally posted by Fremdfirma:

And of course, down the onramp onto I-94 East, me with both feet on the pedal, pinned to the firewall jumping up and down on it while she's yowling at me to speed up and I'm like "I've givin her all she's got captain!" damn thing wouldn't accelerate effectively DOWNHILL ?

You must have forgotten to engage the negative-parking-brake-coupling.

The laughing Chrisisall

Nah, I got stuck with a Fuckus as a rental car once, too. ONCE. That car was singularly unable to hold to a lane at 70mph - it would crab-walk from one side of the lane to the other, constantly. It required my fullest attention just to shepherd and manhandle the goddamned thing down the road between the white lines.

And I was prepared to actually LIKE the Fuckus. Silly silly me.

'Course, I wasn't any more impressed with the 2004 Civic Si I tried out for the day when they came out (having friends at the dealership has its benefits, such as the all-day test drive of a car there's already a waiting list for!) I'm kind of fussy about my cars: I actually want to be able to tell a little something about the surface I'm driving on by the feelings transmitted through the steering wheel to my hands. You should be able to feel smooth pavement, asphalt, concrete, hydroplaning (you'll actually FEEL the tires lose contact with the road surface, and the ride will get EXCEPTIONALLY smooth since you're now on a cushion of water), ice, dirt, gravel, etc.

That Honda, with its vaunted new electric power steering, was completely unable to inform me as to what the surface was under the tires. I could have been driving on glass, wood, steel, grass, the walls... it didn't matter, because I could feel exactly NOTHING through the steering wheel of that besotted car. And, like that Focus, it was unable to just hold a single straight line at highway speeds. It required constant adjusting and fiddling, which I find unconscionable in a $1200 used car, not to mention a $20,000-plus new one!

I took it back and broke the news to my buddies that I was NOT going to be trading in on that one, and that Honda had lost its touch, badly. I've seen no signs that they've regained it, although the first-generation Fit IS fun to drive (but then they redesigned it, and now it feels like a slug)

For now, for me, the best new car I can buy is still a 20-year-old Honda.

Mike

Let the wild rumpus start!

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