Ain't leavin'
Saturday, April 22, 2006

What happens when someone you love dies


Originally written for the Shakespeare Quote challenge. Quote Men of few words are the best men - Henry V ________________________________________________

“Ain’t leavin’.”

The words echo from the bulkheads, tough and strong. Ya think ya’re as crazy as River used to be. Hearin’ voices, wanderin’ through an empty shell of a ship, but its here that ya’re most comfortable, and most at peace. It’s always been so.

‘Cause its where he is, where all ya’re memories are, the sweet and the bittersweet.

Mostly bittersweet since finding them bleedin’. Jayne lyin’ stubbornly on top of River, hand holdin’ his shirt against the wound his life blood pumping out onto the ground.

The memory of tears runnin’ down ya face, tryin’ to pull him back to ya. Blue eyes lookin’ up at ya steadily a promise in his voice, “ain’t leavin’ ya Kaylee, not really.”

Standin’ at the graveside hardly able to stand and the Shepherd’s sayin’ somethin’ ‘bout him bein’ a man of few words but great actions. Ya think he’d probably scoff at that. Her man never could see that he could be good.

Ya want to fall on ya’re knees and beg him to come back, but the steady, strong warmth behind ya won’t let ya go.

Ain’t leavin’.” It’s a whisper only ya can hear.

Ya want to hate River, ‘cause she was there. But you can’t, so ya put your arms round her as she cries, comfortin’ her, reassurin’ her, it weren’t her fault. ‘Cause the zhu tou man wouldn’t have left her. He’d finally realised they were all family and that was what he was good at; protectin’ family.

Not yourself for a long time, the thing ya wanted most in the world gone, ya want to do nothin’ more than to die and be with him. But ya can feel big hands on your shoulders as ya’re shook gently ‘n’ a voice growls, ain’t leavin’.”

And ya don’t.

‘Cause there’s babies to think ‘bout now. The doc says there’s gonna be twins and ya grin, the man never did do anythin’ by halves.

Simon wants to step up but ya tell him no. The best man for ya has come and gone and ya don’t want another.

The babies are comin’ and ya’re so scared, but he’s there, ya know it. Watchin’, giving ya strength. Even Simon felt it, though he would never admit it, glancin’ over his shoulder now ‘n’ then, waitin’ to get hit in the face for hurtin’ ya.

Two boys lay at your breast and ya hope he can see them. Ya think probably they’re gonna be a lot like him and hear a laugh; ”ain’t leavin’.”

After awhile ya needs come back, and knowin’ that he, of all people would understand, ya go back to bein’ the old Kaylee with a fella in every port. Ya have to be more discreet now though, ‘cause of the children and ya never bring ‘em back to Serenity, no way could ya hurt him that way.

It’s more fun anyway to retire to their bunk, battery powered enjoyment in your hand, knowin’ that somehow he’s there, watching ya, moanin’. Ain’t leavin’.”

Ya watch as the years go by, the boys growin’, turnin’ out just like their pa, ornery, stubborn, lovin’ and swai.

The Captain jokes they got more brain power though and ya punch him in the arm. Ya have the last laugh when Josh up ‘n’ marries Christy, and ya tell Mal that now he’s gonna have Cobb grandbabies.

Though Serenity’s grounded now, ya have to keep comin’ back, can’t just leave him there on his own. Understandin’ they always bring ya, standin’ by while ya wander round, rememberin’. Today ya can almost see him, leanin’ against the bulkhead, thumb tucked in his belt fingers restin’ on his gun.

“It’s time.” His voice is a comfortin’ growl and ya hold out ya hand. His surrounds yours safe ‘n’ secure, just like old times

Ya look round at the boat, dusty now, but still welcomin’, sweet memories floodin’ through your brain. Ya turn and walk away.

“We’re leavin’.”

Zhu tou = pig headed


Saturday, April 22, 2006 4:32 PM


Hey, I'm going to double post (the other is on LJ), because I loved this. *still with broken heart*

and I'm first!

Saturday, April 22, 2006 5:02 PM



Saturday, April 22, 2006 5:29 PM


Very good. I enjoyed the premise and her thoughts.

Saturday, April 22, 2006 6:00 PM


oh book...damn you, with the tearing and whimper...
(beautiful, beautiful piece, my friend)

[loves you, loves Jaylee, loves this fic!]

Saturday, April 22, 2006 7:19 PM


Wow...this is some powerful stuff here, bookaddict. I like how you had Kaylee still shine on, even with pain, for River's sake....just couldn't imagne Kaylee hating River for being the reason for Jayne's death, though she would have been in her right I suppose to do so.


Sunday, April 23, 2006 11:41 AM


Well done! Very sad and tender at the same time.

(wipes eyes with tissue, blows nose)

Okay, I'm ready for more now.

Saturday, May 6, 2006 8:53 PM


I've just bookmarked this, I love it so much.


Saturday, July 1, 2006 2:05 AM


*sobs* so beautiful, i cried.


Wednesday, October 11, 2006 2:51 AM



Tuesday, June 19, 2007 6:02 PM


I honestly did cry reading this!!! Haunting!!! I have to go cry more.

Friday, October 8, 2010 5:49 AM


Had the Series Soundtrack on in the background while reading and just as I read this, the piece titled "Funeral" came on, runnig through the whole bit...
Made it even sadder.
But I so could hear him say it: "Ain't leavin"

10 Shinies for that one!


You must log in to post comments.



Recurrent verse : part seven : Weary
Kaylee has to cope on the crashed ship while the crew of Serenity search for her.

Simon has concentrated his whole life on his sister

Wash and River get to know each other better a friendship fic.

Recurrent Verse : Part six : Crash
Kaylee meets unexpected problems while flying with Monty.

Them that choose it : Part two : Loss
Kaylee meets someone from home.

Recurrent Verse : part five : Dreaming
A meeting with Monty and Jayne and Kaylee sort some things out

Jayne tells Kaylee something she doesn't want to hear

To heal
River is still healing as she and Jayne learn more about each other

Things that can happen in darkness - a Jaylee drabble.

Recurrent Verse
a collection of four stories exploring the beginnings of something for Jayne and Kaylee