Bit of a Firefly-Muppet Treasure Island crossover, no copyright infridgement intended and sorry to anyone who doesn't get the reference!

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Dear Diary,

Well, here I am. Out here. Not out of my mind, because that’s just between me and my diary. My pink diary. My fluffy pink diary. My fluffy pink diary with a clip on pen.

Back to the matter at hand.

Those folks were all insane and they had the audacity to call me out of my mind. I only hurt people because the job requires it. Oh, and because Mr. Bimbo tells me to. He’s very smart. He’s been to the moon. Sorry... twice. One thing that really has me angry is that that crazy girl could have left me that picture of my mother, even though I hated that dang dog. Always wanted a cat, but did Momma listen? Of course she didn’t. Said something about dogs being able to detect evil. Does that seem right to you? I’m waiting for an answer. Fine, don’t talk to me. I don’t need you anyway, I have a mighty roar, someone will have to listen to me. What? That’s weird.

I wonder where my ship has gone. I wonder, is a ship still a ship even when there’s no one in it? Does the ship, the thing, have purpose? Oh, who am I kidding, that five step self help book about meeting the real me just ain’t worth the blood I spilled for it. As soon as I hit a ship I’m going to track down that guy and let him get acquainted with my gun, all that pseudo-philosophical stuff he’s got me spoutin’ just made me look insane. As insane as that midget. Little man loved fire. Man, I loved that little man.

Wait a moment, I’m coming up on a ship…I’m coming up real fast. Real fast on their hull. Go se. Well, there I was.