BLUE SUN ROOM FAN FICTION - GENERAL

SPACEMONKEY05

The Invited
Friday, November 4, 2005

Pre-Serenity. The crew lands on Persephone to pick up cargo but they're in for a surprize! Let me know what you think- if you like it, I'll post more! :-) Go easy on me though, first fanfic and first third person. Two or three people are hard to keep track of, let alone more!


CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 1606    RATING: 6    SERIES: FIREFLY

Part One

“Where we headin’ Cap’m?” Kaylee Frye looked up to her Captain, her big eyes shining with curiosity and respect. Captain Mal Reynolds looked down to her and grinned, pulling up a chair to the table. “To Persephone. Got some business to do there.” “Is it illegal?” Kaylee asked, stirring her soup with her fingertip. “You can bet your monkeywrench it is!” Mal nodded, and took a large gulp of cider. “Got a man named Blackwell, wants us to smuggle some goods of his to a border planet.” “These wouldn’t be goods that, I don’t know, go “moo” would they?” Wash asked the captain, remembering the last set of unknown cargo they had transported. “Or anythin’ live? Seems to me last time we picked up live cargo we got more crazies than we bargained for.” Jayne sent a glare to Simon and River. “A few uninvited ones as I ‘member it.” Simon didn’t hear the slur against him and his sister, his attention completely focused on River, who was babbling nonsense again. Simon mentally ran through the list of medications that he had already tried to help her with. She was probably due for another sometime soon, but how to get her to the infirmary? “Your input isn’t always invited.” Inara said simply to Jayne, who narrowed his eyes to her. “Your output ain’t neither.” He shot back. “The uninvited were invited, and the invited won’t be…” River said. “See? Fong luh.” Jayne insisted, appealing to Mal. Mal sighed and ignored him, addressing Wash. “Blackwell’s assured me it ain’t livestock, I made sure to check. So, no blackmarket beagles or nuthin’ this time, just good ol’ fashioned cargo.” “Who’s invited?” Simon asked River again, trying to study her face. She only smiled at him innocently. “We’re having a party?” Frustrated he sighed and tried to get her to eat. The baked potato lay in front of her, open and steaming. She had never encountered an entire baked potato before, and she analyzed this one as the others talked. “How long are we to be there?” Inara asked from the end of the table. Mal turned to her. “Long enough for you to conduct some…” “Whorin’.” Jayne supplied, walking off to go to his bunk. Inara calmly ignored him. “Business.” Mal finished. “Good. Then if you’ll excuse me….” Inara trailed off, picking up her mug of tea and gracefully exiting the galley. A loud clanging suddenly started in the engine room, and the entire table jumped. Kaylee hopped to her feet. “Gots to go talk t’ Serenity, I think she’s mad.” She said simply, and disappeared into the back of the ship. Simon watched her go, his eyes following her fluid movements through the doors. Feeling slightly ashamed, he looked back to his sister, who was muttering again. “…Has a skin but it serves no protection…soft and plyable…no shielding from sharp points…” Mal blinked at her, and the table sat silent. “So how long ‘til we land, sir?” Zoë asked Mal. “Why don’t you ask that fine pilot husband of yours?” He said, smirking. “Aw, Captain, I’m not all that…okay, I am, but…” Wash looked up to the raised eyebrows of his captain. “I’m going to go find out!” He decided, then stood and headed for the bridge. “Insides are squishy…easy to destroy…like a human…” River continued. Mal looked at Simon, and Simon looked away. “There’s that morbid and creepifyin’.” He tried to joke, and River shot him a sideways glance. “Come on River, let’s go downstairs.” He said, and pulled his sister to her bare feet. She didn’t fight at first, but then her eyes grew wide and she pulled her hand from his. “No! Needles! You want to put more needles in me! You’re as bad as them!” She yelled, tears filling her eyes as the flashes of her nightmares appeared before her again. She turned and fled down the stairs, to the lower deck of the ship, and into her room. He didn’t understand. No one understood. She heard things, saw things, knew things. Things a normal girl never would. She used to be a normal girl. Not anymore. Nothing was normal anymore. She curled into her blanket and let the tears fall. Maybe he should have just left her there, let them do what they wanted to. Maybe it wouldn’t be as bad as the nightmares, or the side effects from the medications. Or how they looked at her. She knew how the crew saw her, she heard everyone talking about her. How crazy she was. She knew she was crazy. And she knew that no matter what her brother tried, nothing would help her. A knock came on her door. “Go away!” She yelled at it, only it came out as a pitiful squeak as more tears came. The door slid open and her brother entered, shutting the door behind him and rushing to her side. “River, are you okay?” She was silent, sniffling. “I wouldn’t hurt you, mei mei.” He assured her, pulling her into a hug. “I won’t give you any more medicine tonight, okay?” She pulled back and looked blurily into his eyes. “Promise?” He started nodding before he responded. “Yes, yes, I promise.” She sniffled into his shoulder. “It’s so hard. It’s just so hard.” “Shh…it’s okay, it’s okay….” Another knock came on her door, and no one said anything at first. “Who is it?” Simon called at last. “I…I came to make sure everyone is okay? Are all alright?” Shepherd Book’s calming voice came through the wall. “Yes. Yes, we’re fine. Everything’ll be okay.” Simon assured Book, giving a meaningful look to his sister. “Dong ma?” He whispered to her. She nodded. She understood.

“Uhh, Captain?” Wash popped into the galley, interrupting a chat between Mal and Zoë. He half-yelled to be heard over the clanging in the engine room. “We got a communication comin’ through. I think it’s Blackwell.” Mal nodded, wiping his mouth and pushing his plate away from him. “Thank ya’ Wash.” He said, getting to his feet and waving for Zoë to follow. They climbed the stairs to the bridge and Wash brought up the incoming signal. Mal tried to ignore the dinosaurs sitting around the controls as he looked onto the screen. A man’s face appeared, tiny eyed and long. He reminded Zoë of a rat, but she kept the thoughts to herself. “Howdy there. Blackwell, I presume?” “Ah, Captain Reynold’s, we finally meet.” “Seems so.” “I wish to meet with you in person. Meet me in town at the bar, we’ll go to someplace quieter from there. No Feds.” A thumping sounded behind Mal, and Kaylee popped through the door. “Cap’m the ol’ inner bracin’ sprocket’s loose, and I’m gonna’ need a new one if ya’ want Serenity to stop tha’ bangin’ back there…” She trailed off as she looked up to see the man on the screen. He sent chills down her spine. Most of her captain’s contacts did, but she trusted Mal, and silently waited, watching. “You need not worry about Feds. Wouldn’ dream of bringin’ any along.” Mal assured the man. “Good. This shouldn’t take long. Meet me as soon as you land.” “Of course.” The connection was severed. Mal turned to Zoë. “I want you an’ Jayne comin’ with me.” He brought down a Comm. “Attention crew, this is your captain. We will be landing in a few minutes….” He turned to Wash to check the truth of this statement. “We’re entering atmo now, Sir.” Mal nodded. “Please feel free to move about for a couple hours, but I want you back on board when I need ya’ or I leave without ya’, shiney?” He closed the channel and looked to Kaylee as Zoë left to speak to Jayne. “Now, what’s causin’ all that ruttin’ noise?” “It’s the inner bracin’ sproket, Sir, it’s worked itself loose and now the altermotivator ain’t spinnin’ which means-“ “Kaylee- Stupid Captain speak please. What does it mean?” “I gotta get a new inner bracin’ sproket to stop the ruttin’ noise.” Kaylee said simply with a sigh. “Then get it when we land.” Kaylee nodded. “But don’t even think about any a’ them ruffly dresses in them windows, got it?” She smiled. “Yessir, Cap’m…” She walked toward the door, “Tightpants.” She muttered as she left for the cargo hold. Mal chuckled, and turned to Wash. “Get us down there safe an’ sound, Wash.” “Yes, Sir.” Wash said distractedly. “An’ land someplace quiet-like.” “Yes, Sir.” Mal grinned. “I’m gonna’ take Zoë in my bunk, Wash.” He tested. “Yes, Si- Oh no you’re not!” Wash jumped about and yelled. Mal laughed and patted his friend on the shoulder. “You’re cruel, Sir.” Mal sighed thoughtfully, a smile playing at his lips. “I know.” He said, and he headed down to the cargo bay as Wash set Serenity down nice and easy, shaking his head.

On his way to the cargo hold Mal detoured past Simon and River. They were sitting on a sofa, talking. River, upon seeing Mal, stood and curtsied deeply, exuding an aura of innocence and glee. “Good day, Captain!” She said smiling. He tipped his head to her, and she sat properly on the sofa. He looked up to a confused Simon. “Doctor, I’d appreciate it if you and you’re sister here stayed on the ship. The last thing we need is anyone spottin’ you. Got it?” Simon looked disappointed. “Yes, Sir.” Mal accepted the answer, and worked his way to his intended destination, meeting up with Jayne and Zoë in the cargo hold. The door opened, and they looked out onto the dusty landscape of Persephone. Kaylee smiled at the Sheperd, who had promised to get some fresh fruits while he was out. He had quietly promised to get a case of strawberries solely for her, so he smiled back, remembering his promise. He wouldn’t soon forget it. Jayne stood armed and ready, Zoë and Mal beside him. Wash walked down the stairs and saw his wife off, as she and her companions headed off to meet with Blackwell. Kaylee waved and left to shop for the engine part that would stop the racket in the engine room, and Book walked off to attain the fruits he had promised the crew he would return with. Wash simply stood there, admiring the view from the ship. It had been months since they had last set foot on land, and as much as he loved to fly, he loved to occasionally land and be on solid ground. “Excuse me?” Wash looked toward the voice, his mind distant in thought. A woman stood about ten feet away, dressed much like his wife in slim combat gear, her long dark hair in a ponytail and a large bag on her shoulder. “Is this Serenity?” Wash blinked, trying to focus beyond her large icy eyes and slight hip tilt. “Uh, yes. Who…who are you?” He asked her, mentally repeating I’m married…I’m married …Over and over again. “I’m your cargo.”

A good-looking man walked onboard and stood before Wash. This is getting weird. He thought. “This is Serenity, is it not?” The man asked. Wash nodded. “Uh…” He started, but Inara, flying down the stairs, interrupted him. “Your Grace!” She called. “Here I am.” She greeted the man, and started to her shuttle with him. Then she looked past Wash and saw the strange woman. “I’m so sorry.” She said to her client. “You are…?” She asked the woman, giving her an odd look. “She’s our cargo!” Wash said sounding insane. Inara, for lack of words, stared at him. “Oh.” She was taken aback. “Um, welcome aboard Serenity.” She said, and she excused herself politely, leading her client to her shuttle. “A registered Companion? I didn’t expect to see such a woman of stature on this ship.” “We didn’t either.” Wash muttered. “Hm?” The woman asked. “Nothing.” Wash lied. “So, you’re our cargo…I thought Blackwell said no livestock.” “Do I look like a cow to you?” He stared silently, and she threw up a hand with a shaking head. “Don’t answer that.” “Wasn’t gonna’.” He told her, everything slowly sinking in. She looked him up and down. Kind of cute, really. The Hawaiian shirt brought out his eyes. Her eyes jumped to the ring on his left hand. Nevermind. He sighed. How was he going to get Zoë an anniversary present now? And how did he know this woman was to be trusted? A clang sounded behind them and they both looked up onto the walkways that spanned over their heads. River looked down on them, laying on the walkway, her thin fingers entwined in the grate she lay on. “Well hello there.” The woman called out. River was quiet, then started to mutter. “The invited haven’t been…but the uninvited says hello.” Wash could immediately tell the woman had caught every word. Her face held the same expression most others did upon meeting River. Confusion. But something else was there. Something he couldn’t place. The woman tilted her head, looking up to River, and let her bag fall to her hand, which set it on the floor. He knew now what else was in her face. Wonder. Curiosity. “Tala.” River whispered. Wash and the woman barely caught it over the sound of Kaylee and Book returning aboard. “That’s right.” The woman said, interestedly. She turned to Wash. “Who is she?” She asked him. “None of us really know.” He said truthfully. “We call her River.” Shepherd Book said, approaching the woman, his arms full of some boxes. Wash knew they were filled with fresh fruits, and his mouth watered. “What can we call you?” Wash simply looked on to the exchange, supposing that if the others trusted her, if River trusted her, then she must be telling the truth. “Why don’t you ask River?” The woman said, and Kaylee smiled at her. “Hi there.” She said cheerfully. “I’m Kaylee.” She put out her hand, balancing even more crates in her arms. The woman shook her hand, smiling. “Hi. I’m Tala.” She said. “Let me help you with that.” She said, and she took a couple of larger crates from Kaylee, helping her to carry them onboard. Wash assisted Book, knowing he wouldn’t get off the ship at all today. “The Cap’m said you had to get to a border planet. The Alliance after you too?” Kaylee asked. Her eyes grew wide as she realised she’d said too much. “Oh dear. I mean…” “Kaylee…let it go.” Book advised the girl. She nodded in silence. “Let’s just say some people are better off not being able to find me.” Tala said with a grin. “So where are we taking these crates?” “To the galley.” Kaylee said, seemingly completely recovered from her mistake. “This is food?” Tala asked to no one in particular. “Yup.” Kaylee said happily. “Fruits!” “No!” Tala gasped, disbelieving. “Are there strawberries?” She asked eagerly. “Shh! Yes!” Kaylee smiled broadly, nodding her head enthusiastically. “Tsai boo shr!” “Way! We can have some later, when the others ain’t around.” Kaylee said slyly. “They’ll eat ‘em all if they see ‘em.” She added knowingly. “Can ya’ blame ‘em?” Tala asked. The girls tittered about their favorite fruits, while Book and Wash looked at eachother, eyebrows raised.

“Jing-tsai!” Tala exclaimed, taking another bite of her strawberry. Kaylee continued her story, laughing. “And then, we land, and the Cap’m is standin’ naked like ain’ nothin’ wrong!” “Naked?” Tala laughed with Kaylee, one at the memory and one at the sheer thought of the incident occuring. “Uh huh! And then-“ Tala’s head snapped to the side, immediately as a figure suddenly appeared at the door to the galley. Kaylee wiped the laughter tears from her eyes, and looked up. Tala looked at the man, not repulsed by the sight in the least. He was well-dressed, had dark hair, and…were those eyes brown? He seemed not to have noticed her at all, and he addressed Kaylee automatically. “Where’s River?” He demanded, and Kaylee shook her head. He looked to Tala, a look of subtle shock across his face, overwhelmed by the concern he had to find River. “Last I saw her she’s in the cargo bay.” “Is the door closed?” Kaylee thought a second. She remembered Wash smacking the button with his thumb before setting off with Book and the girls for the galley. She nodded. “Yup.” He let out a sigh of relief. “Don’t worry Simon, I’m sure she’s fine.” Simon? Tala thought. Now that she looked at him, and had a name to match to a face, it fit. He looked like a Simon. Her eyes flashed to his left hand. No ring. But who was this River girl to him? Girlfriend? Simon thanked the girls, gave Tala an odd look that for some reason satisfied her, and walked down the stairs. Tala looked to Kaylee, who seemed as starry eyed as she felt. Must be his effect on people, she decided. “That’s Simon.” Kaylee said. “He’s the ship’s doctor.” Tala grinned knowingly. “And you’re sweet on him.” She accused Kaylee. Kaylee shook her head furiously, blushing blood red. “Who, me? And Simon? Naw…I don’t…I mean…” Tala laughed. “Don’t tell!” Kaylee begged her, and Tala assured her that she wouldn’t have to if Kaylee kept blushing like she did. This made her blush deeper. “So who is this River person to him? His girlfriend?” Tala changed the subject mercifully. “Oh no!” Kaylee wrinkled her nose. “River’s his little sister.” Tala thought a moment. Those names…Simon, River…Tam. “Wait…they’re wanted, aren’t they?” Kaylee’s eyes grew wide, and her blush disappeared completely. She went pale and backed away a bit from her new friend. “Don’t be silly! Why would someone who wants to lay low report someone else?” This still didn’t satisfy Kaylee, and she remained unsure and unnerved. “I won’t tell! I promise! The names sounded familiar.” “ ’kay.” She was quiet as she decided whether or not to trust this. Tala waited patiently. “Um, so which o’ the planets you headin’ to?” “Whichever one will take me.” Tala said with a shrug. “I’m not picky.” There was silence for a moment. “Where’re you from?” “One of the central planets. I studied for many years, a little of this, a little of that…nothing really stuck, you know? Then I met this man, and he trained me to fight like I’d never seen before…I learned quickly, and then he set me out on my own. There’s a few stories in between, but, here I am.” “What are you runnin’ from?” Kaylee asked, fearing she’d overstepped a boundary. “From who I am. My family, we…did some things against The Alliance. I was too little to be in on them, but I knew of them. They killed my parents, and my sisters and brothers…but not me. I s’pose it’s like that story from Earth That Was…Anastasia? They killed everyone I knew, and even more I didn’t…but they could never find me. Now, they’re still trying to.” “Just because your family was against The Alliance? They wanna’ kill ya’ for that?” “Among other things.” Tala’s gaze was distant, thoughtful. “Oh.” Kaylee got silent. A crackle came above them. Wash’s voice came over the comm. “Uh, this is the pilot…we’re in some trouble here…if you can…get to the cargo bay…” There was so much loud background noise, that it was hard to tell what he was saying, but Kaylee was concerned. Tala was too. What was going on? Tala and Kaylee jumped to their feet, rushing to the cargo bay as fast as they could. Simon and River appeared behind them, but soon disappeared down another passage, to their rooms. For their own safety, Tala thought. What about her own? They ran down the stairs into the bay, and gasped. The Captain, an injured Zoë, and a dangerously armed Jayne were fighting against numbers three times their size, all armed. Wash played sniper from above, using support beams as cover. Kaylee shrunk back, fearful. Tala squeezed her shoulder in reassurance, and took off, pulling her gun from the holster at her side. “Wash get us in the air, Gorram it!” Mal yelled over the din, and Wash, shooting wildly at whatever opposition that moved, sprinted out of harms way and up to the bridge. Simon appeared at the bottom door to the rest of the ship, wide-eyed and armed. Tala rushed forward, shooting the oncoming men, which continued to increase in numbers. There were nearly two dozen, give or take a few. Tala planned to take a few down. She wounded three, bad enough to take them from the battle, and killed two others. An arm came from behind her and put her into a headlock, while another man’s leg kicked the firearm from her hand. She screamed a warcry and jammed her elbow into her attacker’s gut, forcing a loosening on his grip. She ducked from the hold and sent a round-kick to his face, putting him out, at least for awhile. She looked around frantically for her gun, and, spotting it by some cargo, she dove for it. She came within inches of it before a bullet grazed her right hand. She jumped to her feet, feeling warm blood trickling down her hand, and kicked the gun from the shooter’s hand. He yelled with pain, and she kicked him in the gut, causing him to double over. With him distracted she ran and grabbed her gun, hitting another attacker with the butt of her weapon, and shooting yet another as he tried to attack Zoë. The four of them formed a wall, Zoë, Jayne, Mal, and Tala, all armed, and three injured. Jayne shot whatever dared come close, Zoë took careful aim, and the captain used a combination of the two, sometimes resorting to his fist which flew as much as the bullets did. Tala made a mental note never to piss him off. “Why ain’t we in the air yet?” Jayne yelled, frustrated. Just as he said so, however, they lifted off, and men who stood on the edge of the airlock door fell to the rapidly receding ground, where many of the others still remained, never having made it onto Serenity in the first place. Seven remained. Zoë took down two with a couple shots, but one of the two got her in the leg, causing her collapse to the floor. A worried Mal covered her, and Jayne tried to find cover. Tala did too, taking shelter behind some large, solid-looking crates. A red symbol caught her eye. These goods were marked Alliance. She liked this crew already. The ship was speeding up, and the computer warned of the thinning oxygen levels. Tala was out of ammo and had no time to reload. She ran toward one man, knocking him off balance enough to send him nearly toppling off the ship. She sent a round-kick to his face, and watched as the others took their opponents down. One left. She ducked an attack from him, and went to attack herself, but a shot to his shoulder distracted him. She used the butt of her gun to smack his skull hard and he sunk to the floor. She looked to where the shot had come from. Simon still stood in the doorway, looking amazed he’d hit something. She smiled at him a thanks, and turned to the rest. All four out of breath, Mal, Jayne, Simon and Tala started to shove the bodies overboard quickly. They fell, disappearing into the clouds. The captain smacked the button to close the airlock doors, and, as they waited for them to shut, Tala looked around. Kaylee had disappeared, and Simon was rushing to Zoë, medical kit in his hand. “Well, that was fun.” Mal said, a slight grin on his face. “Zoë, you gonna live?” “I’ll try, Sir.” Zoë said jokingly, trying to ignore the pain she was obviously in. Tala took out her handkerchief and wrapped it around her injured hand, using her teeth to pull the knot tight. “Another grand entry.” Simon commented, as he attended to Zoë, and Jayne, with a glance at Zoë and Mal, stared unabashedly at Tala, who was putting her gun back in its holster and walking over to see if she could help Simon. Jayne wondered who she was, and it only took a minute for the captain to see her, and start to wonder too. “Um, excuse me, but who the hell are you and why are you on my boat?” He demanded. Tala stood from where she had been kneeling and looked him in the eyes. “Well, Captain, you said it wouldn’t go ‘moo’.” Wash joked, hurrying down the stairs to comfort his wife. “You’re our cargo?” Mal exclaimed at Tala, disbelievingly. “Oh, juh jen sh guh kwai luh duh jean-jan…” He muttered sarcastically. “You’re welcome.” Tala said dryly. “Yes, I am your cargo. I asked Blackwell not to tell you what you were going to be carrying, for my safety, as well as yours.” “Captain!” All eyes found the source of the voice. Inara had come out of her shuttle, wearing a long and beautiful robe, and an expression of extreme annoyance. “Can’t you go anywhere without causing trouble?” She demanded. “Naw,” He said smiling, “it’s just too much fun!” She narrowed her eyes. “Wait for me just outside atmo. I’m going to drop off my client.” She snapped, disappearing back into her shuttle. After a few minutes, the sounds of the shuttle departing could be heard. Jayne helped get Zoë to the infirmary, and Kaylee approached. “Where’d those men come from Cap’m?” “Let’s just say Blackwell don’t like negotiations. Didn’t like my price.” Kaylee nodded, only vaguely wondering what had actually set off Blackwell. Mal let it be, knowing that it didn’t matter. What did matter was this Tala person. Who was she and what was she running from? “Don’t matter.” She assured him. “As long as everything stays quiet, we’ll all be just fine.” He didn’t like her answer, but what choice did he have now? A deal had been set and it was his own fault for it. He looked at her and decided there couldn’t be more trouble from her an Simon and River hadn’t already brought. Tala walked with the captain, and he pointed her down the stairs she had seen River and Simon go down before. “There are a couple empty bunks down there. You pick one, you use it. If I get any trouble from you I’ll throw you out the airlock like ain’ nothin’ wrong nor immoral ‘bout it. Shiney?” “Yes, Sir.” Tala told him, taking her bag down the stairs. She threw it on a sofa, and headed back up, deciding she’d choose her room later. The infirmary was full of bright white lights and blue colors, quiet except for the talking between Wash and his wife, and River sitting in a corner, watching and muttering things occasionally. Tala wondered where Kaylee was. They had been getting along so well. “How many didja’ take down?” Wash asked Zoë, and she grimaced slightly with pain. “Not sure.” Zoë tried to distract herself and thought back to the battle. How many had there been in all? She wasn’t sure. Every battle she’d been in always had a slight flashback to the war. Never pleasant memories, and it didn’t make it easy to distinguish one enemy from another. “At least ten.” Simon assured them both, as he let the bullet from Zoë’s leg plink into a pan he had at her bedside. He started to suture the wound. “Wish I could shoot like you.” “To shoot like me you’d have had to have been in a war…I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.” “What about Reavers?” Zoë gave her husband a look and he kissed her tenderly. Tala hugged herself, getting a warm and fuzzy feeling inside. They were so in love. It was so sweet. “What did I miss?” Shepherd Book had silently appeared at Tala’s side, and he took guilty pleasure in her startle. “Zoë got shot twice. One in her arm, one in the leg. The doctor’s finishing up with clearing her wounds.” “I miss everything around here.” Book lamented, and he carried his small Bible down to the bunks. Tala watched what happened in the infirmary, feeling as if she were invisible to all within. That was good, though. She needed to be invisible. She knew River and Simon needed to, also. “You miss everything!” Mal had appeared too, holding his forearm tightly as he waited his turn for doctoring. “What about me? I’m the one no one told about live cargo!” Tala looked at him. She understood where he was coming from, but she couldn’t help but be annoyed at his treatment of her as an object that wasn’t standing next to him. “I don’t know…It seems to me she fought pretty hard for your side back there.” Book observed, coming back from the bunk. “Our side?” Mal wiped the blood that had oozed between his fingers on his pants. “Her side. She didn’t wanna get caught is all.” “I fought because you needed the help.” Tala said truthfully, a sharpness in her tone. “I’m so glad you’re so grateful for being alive.” She didn’t notice the sudden mass of eyes from the infirmary watching her, and she clenched a fist with her injured hand and stalked away into the cargo bay, where she sat on a railing high above the floor, looking down. She heard Inara’s shuttle reattach, and Inara came out, still annoyed. Tala spoke before she could think of the words she was saying. “How in the ‘verse do you put up with him?” Inara, who had been stalking toward the bridge on a mission to find the captain, stopped and turned to look at Tala. She studied her, and Tala suddenly felt unworthy. “Mal?” Inara asked, a wry smile on her lips. “Sometimes I barely can.” She came to stand beside Tala, leaning on the railing. “What did he do this time?” “He’s completely ungrateful, and pretends that I don’t exist. I know I’m not part of his crew, but at least I could get a ‘sheh sheh’ for saving his ass!” “Something you’ll learn about him while you’re on this ship? He is ungrateful, blind, and pompous. But if we ignore him, I’m sure he’ll go away.” She joked. “And how long have you tried that approach?” Tala ran with it. “Too long.” Inara sighed. “Well, I really must go and…express my concerns. I’ll talk to you later…?” “Tala.” Tala supplied, and she sent Inara off with a little wave of goodbye. She could hear Inara “expressing her concerns” from where she sat. She snickered to herself. He deserved it.

COMMENTS

Friday, November 4, 2005 7:45 AM

BELACGOD


Wish there was a bit more detail in the fighting--where'd these guys come from, what do they look like, how can the crew take down so many outnumbered 6 to 1...

Friday, November 4, 2005 11:41 AM

SAMEERTIA


Good interactions with the crew - the beginning had me laughing out loud with Wash & Mal.

One tiny suggestion - your original character seems to tread very close to the Mary-Sue line. She's too perfect. I don't buy that Wash would just believe that she's the cargo when Mal & the others were off talking to Blackwell about it.
My suggestion would be give her some flaws, (although her instant *check for a ring* instinct is good. God help our Jayne!*) and try to keep POV with the crew, not her.
Just my two cents. Which, really, aren't worth the credits their printed on. :)

Friday, November 4, 2005 12:54 PM

BELLONA


*points upwards* god help him indeed...

b

Friday, November 4, 2005 2:02 PM

BELACGOD


Interesting character quirk, Tala always checking to see who's married.

“One of the central planets. I studied for many years, a little of this, a little of that…nothing really stuck, you know? Then I met this man, and he trained me to fight like I’d never seen before…I learned quickly, and then he set me out on my own. There’s a few stories in between, but, here I am.”

Seems a bit much information to volunteer for someone on the run.

When Wash calls about intruders, where are Kaylee and Tala? There is a line break between when they're in the cargo bay and the alarm, but it's still unclear.

Still need more detail on the fight scene. How are the intruders armed? Are they wearing the same thing?
What tactics are they using? How is the crew able to defeat such odds? What does Tala do to incapacitate
5 attackers in almost as many words?

Saturday, November 5, 2005 1:48 PM

ITSAWASH


Shiny work there. You sure you ain't written before? Fave line: "“Well, that was fun.” Mal said, a slight grin on his face. “Zoë, you gonna live?”
“I’ll try, Sir.” "

Keep flying and keep posting more, 'kay?


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Part four, and the final part in The Invited series. PLEASE read the other three BEFORE this one!! Otherwise you will be seriously confused. Hope you enjoy!!!

The Invited (Part Three)
Third Part in The Invited series :-) Let me know what you think! give me your thoughts!

The Invited Part Two
Part Two of a multipart story. Hope you like it! :-D

The Invited
Pre-Serenity. The crew lands on Persephone to pick up cargo but they're in for a surprize!

Let me know what you think- if you like it, I'll post more! :-) Go easy on me though, first fanfic and first third person. Two or three people are hard to keep track of, let alone more!