Thursday, October 20, 2005

Part one of the story of the exodus from earth that was.


The earth bleeds fire, it weeps noxious tears, and it howls thunderously, struggling to banish us. Soon it will no longer be able to sustain us and we will no longer be able to withstand its rage. Our numbers are too great and we have taken too much. We will be forced to abandon not just our world but our entire solar system as well.

Long ago, before our situation became so desperate, we reached out to Luna and bestowed upon it the gift of life. We were emboldened by our success and became blinded by hubris. We embraced Mars and Venus in hopes of recreating the spark but our touch was like poison and our greatest achievements, our future homes, our hopes, our dreams, became blighted wastelands. We did not understand why the transformations failed so utterly. We struggled to undo the damage, many years spent, countless lives lost and massive amounts of precious resources depleted, but our efforts were for naught, those two worlds were lost to us.

Since those dark times we have perfected our methods, we have corrected the errors in the process, and we are ready to try again but no longer are there worlds in our solar system suitable for the transformation. We must reach out into the void, farther than we can even grasp. A new solar system has been discovered, dozens of planets, hundreds of moons, open to the gift of life we shall bequeath upon them.

The workers have been assembled, comprised largely of lawbreakers, guilty men who would otherwise be left behind. They have been promised a new life if they are willing to endure the hardships of creating the new worlds. Accompanying the workforce is a troop of specially trained enforcers, whose bodies and minds have been enhanced to endure the harshness of the new worlds and to maintain order within the workforce. The workers shall be sent first. Preparations for the remaining population will not be completed for several decades. Hopefully the workforce will be able to complete their task by the time the rest of the population arrives. It is a risky plan and many challenges lie ahead, many uncertainties, many unknowns. Yet, we have little choice. The sins of past generations force us to press on, towards a new frontier.


Thursday, October 20, 2005 1:09 PM


What does everyone think? If you think it's good, I'll continue the story, otherwise I'll just stop.

Thursday, October 20, 2005 3:04 PM


It's good. It sounds like the Professor would say that in class to the students. :) I like the saying "Earth that was"

Thursday, October 20, 2005 4:30 PM


Neat concept.

It looks like it was a lot of work. Grammar and sentence structure and so forth are excellent. Kind of dense, heavy reading, though, especially for the beginning of the story.

I'm not sure I'm sold on the first person plural tense, but that's certainly a valid artistic choice. I guess I'd have to read more to know for sure.

Thursday, October 20, 2005 6:55 PM


Well, I'm not a very good writer, I'm more of an idea person. I think this little piece would is a good explanation as to why they had to move to a new solar system rather than colonizing Mars and Venus.

Friday, October 21, 2005 5:56 AM


pretty damn shiny. don't usually like fics that don't include our big damn heroes, but this is good

Saturday, October 22, 2005 5:51 PM


I must see more

Tuesday, November 8, 2005 8:47 PM


Wow. The heavy! :) Very nice but agree that it's a bit on the dense side.

I do like the descriptive overall. Keep it up!

Saturday, November 12, 2005 3:22 PM


Really shiny.

Are you thinking of some chapters being focused on individual characters, or will it all take on the sort of 'Alliance Documentary' narrative?


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The Earth That Was
The earth that was after the exodus.

The Void
Accounts of what took place during journey from the earth that was to the new earths taken from a journal. Part three of the story of the exodus from the earth that was.

Part one of the story of the exodus from earth that was.