BLUE SUN ROOM FAN FICTION - GENERAL

ALLRONIX

"If Somebody Told Me" - Jayne Cobb
Saturday, December 7, 2002

What's kept Jayne aboard?


CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 2733    RATING: 8    SERIES: FIREFLY

Five...or is it four...ah, hell, I don't count, aside from paydays. So, it was about seven paydays ago that I'm out with my old gang. Pay was standard, planetfolk made good pickins...thought I was doing all right. Try to rob these guys. We knew they were smuggling. Knew they were smuggling some high-grade whiskey, too. Right under Alliance noses and outta reach of their dumb tariffs. Figured whatever we couldn't drink would fetch a mighty nice price. Goonie, Dawdle, and I ambush 'em just as they are ready for take-off. There's three guns on Mal and Zoë, and I expected them to be spooked. Instead, Mal tells me I'm being cheated, and offers me a job. Well, I ain't one to turn down a good offer. Besides, Goonie couldn't keep his mouth shut. I'll hand it to the captain of this boat, he doesn't flinch easy and he pays real good. Zoë's a knockout, though what she sees in that screwball pilot's anyone's guess. I have my pay, meals, and even my own bunk. All I gotta do is be the muscle when muscle is needed. A'course, this job's proving to be a little more complicated than a lot of the others. We've got that high-class harlot aboard. Then there's the doctor and his crazy sister. Even better is that preacher who's got the room near mine. He's all quiet and studying his book. Serenity ain't like no other gang I've been with, so at least this isn't a boring job. Did I mention the pay's good?

COMMENTS

Tuesday, June 17, 2003 3:44 PM

ANONYMOUS


Pretty cool

Tuesday, July 29, 2003 2:35 PM

AMDOBELL


Yep, this sounds like Jayne! Not overtaxing the little grey cells and very true to character. Ali D :~)
You can't take the sky from me

Sunday, December 14, 2003 5:28 AM

TEELABROWN


"...what she sees in that screwball pilot's anyone's guess"

Love that line! Well, most were pretty funny. I'm not a Jayne-crazed fan, but this was done prefectly.

Wednesday, March 10, 2004 7:20 PM

THELC


Pretty good, although I felt that your other vignettes captured their characters a little more. I'm not entirely sure what it is, though...maybe something in the phrasing, or the way he refers to the other shipmates? Like, even though they mean the same thing, I see Jayne calling Inara a "whore" instead of a "harlot" -- just because it's the most primitive word I can think of for her profession. Now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure the problem is in the dialect -- here, Jayne sounds too educated :-). More contractions, more double negatives, and consistent use of "ain't" (instead of "isn't" at the end) would probably give this a slightly more authentic flavour.

Only slightly, though. This perspective is very believable for Jayne's character. I think if you revised the way the speech reads, it would sound exactly like him.

keep flyin'

Thursday, September 2, 2004 11:05 PM

ANONYMOUS


of all of them, this sounds the closest to a character. I can hear Jaynes voice as I read this. a quible....what did he think of Kaylee?


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