The Circular Irony Part Two by Nailani Williams

Disclaimer: No Copyright Infringement intended so Joss put down the Sword of Infinite Truths!

Summary: After the BDM. Zayne, M/I, S/K, R/OC pairing. Taking place after the events of “The Bravest Thing” and “The Welcoming Committee”. When Mal gets a job on Persephone he realizes he’s transporting a new generation of Browncoats, who have their own special person straight out of the Alliance Academy. Meanwhile Zoe and Jayne work out their working relationship and River gets a new creep-a-fying boyfriend.

Rating: NC-17

A/N: Hey, thanks for reading now leave me a comment, ya hear? LOL!

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Jayne:

I was bringing in the rest of my guns into our bunk when I found Zoe, sitting on our bed looking like someone done shot and mutilated her favorite toy. I cursed Mal under my breath, God only knew what he had got us into now. I went to say something, but I decided against it. She knew my feelings towards Mal’s decisions since I’ve always been the more vocal of the crew and I weren’t gonna stay anything that would help her so it was better if my trapped stayed shut. But it killed me to see her looking so sad.

“I am finally done with moving out my artillery,” I said and she didn’t say anything. “It probably would’ve been better if you told me that you wanted to me to move in before I put all my things back in their place,” I grinned to let her know it was a joke, but she still didn’t say anything.

“Jayne,” she said, her voice was small. Maybe even a little scared. I went to her and touch her face.

“Are you okay? I mean, “ I sighed in frustration. “What did the Cap do now?” I blurted out and she took my hand. I sat besides her on the bed.

“Can I ask you a question?” she said ignoring my previous questions and I nodded. “How do you feel about settling down again and having a family?”

“Wo de Ma! Are you pregnant, Bao bei?” I asked panicked and she rolled her eyes and finally smiled. And then she laughed. I couldn’t do anything, but look at her shocked.

“You have to be one of the thickest,” Zoe laughed holding her stomach. “I’m not pregnant, Jayne,” she said and I felt relief and disappointment at the same time.

“Then what’s all this talk about babies and settling down..” I grumbled and she smiled.

“I don’t know… I just feel Mal and I’ve come to a holding point,” she curled up on my lap and I put my arms around her. “He wants to chase this war again and I don’t have it in me anymore,” she admitted and I squeezed her.

“Mal can’t be that stupid can he?” I asked and she hunched her shoulders.

“I can’t say, we have this transport job, but it’s with the New Browncoats,” she said and I tensed. He was one stupid hwoon dahn.

“I’m done, Jayne and though I’m sure he’d allow me to stay on Serenity I can’t watch him go down this road again. I can’t go down this road again,” she looked up at me. “I guess I wanted to know, if I decided to leave if you’d go with me?”

I looked at her for a long moment, “You think I’d let you walk out of this ship without me?” I asked her and she grinned and hugged me. “As for children and settling down. I, it’s still so hard to say if I want children, Zoe.” I admitted and I felt her tense in my arms. “I want to make you happy and I want to say, yes, but I can’t say right now.”

“I understand Jayne. Wash he wasn’t sure of kids and--” I kissed her.

“I was a father once, almost twice,” I stopped speaking as the emotions hit me and I wondered when I’d be able to talk freely about them without feeling like this.

I also wondered if she understood why I couldn’t say because I didn’t. There was nothing in this world I’d probably enjoy seeing more that a little replica of Zoe running around. But the pain of what happened to Ruby never goes away. It hurts less, but the hurt went from a shotgun blast to the chest to a knife through the heart. I had a verse full of enemies, the fear of that kind of repeat performance shook me to the core.

“I can’t lose another child Zo. My heart,” I began and she hugged me tight. “I want a child or two, but I wouldn’t feel safe with them planetside and that’s the gods honest truth,” I finished.

“So if we stay on Serenity would you consider it?” she asked.

“It’d make me feel a hell of a lot better,” I nodded, then I paused. “You want to start a family with me Zo? You want one now? Why now?”

“I’ve wanted one for a long time and I ain’t getting any younger,” she said and I nodded. “I just wanted to know if it was okay with you if I stopped taking my shot. It’s not like it‘s going to happen tomorrow. It might take awhile for me to actually conceive.”

“If it’s want you want, we could let nature take it’s course,” I said, a little shell shocked, but then I felt happy.

“This is weird,” I laughed rubbing the back of my neck. Zoe smiled.

“You sure about this?” I asked her after a moment and she nodded.

“Are you?” she placed both hands on the side of my face and I nodded. She kissed me.

Zoe:

I lied to Jayne, I haven’t been on my shot since before Wash was killed. Wash and I were trying to conceive and when he died I hoped that we did only to get disappointed I didn’t. And now Jayne and I had slept together numerous times and I knew that anything was possible especially since I wasn’t on the shot. And I wasn’t planning on going on the shot again. I was too old now to be preventing pregnancy. Especially since I wanted a child.

It broke my heart to see Jayne talk about Ruby. How he didn’t think he wanted anymore kids because he couldn’t bare to lose another one. It made me feel selfish for not telling him I wasn’t on the shot in the first place. I guess secretly I was hoping I was pregnant.

After seeing those moving pictures of him with Ruby and then by being at the Cobb Ranch and seeing how he was with his family there was no doubt in my mind that he’d make a wonderful Daddy.

Speaking of the pictures…I look around my bunk and found that it was a weird mixture of Wash and Jayne. Pictures of shuttles, with boxes of ammo in front of them, knives of all sorts laid out next to dinosaur figurines. I realized that I had to take down some of Wash’s stuff and suddenly I was teary. Jayne saw the change in me and followed my eyes.

“I kind of like the T. Rexasaurus, whatever…” he said and I grinned wiping away my tears.

“I have to give you space in here, this is our bunk now and …” I sighed. “Wash’s stuff has to go.” I stood up and went to our wall of memories, Wash and mine’s.

“Take your time, I ain’t complainin’,” Jayne said walking over to me and taking the T. Rex out of my hand. “Besides, I really like do like this one, he looks mean,” he smiled, putting it back on the shelf. I smiled and shook my head. “That was one his favorites,” I said and he nodded.

“Then it stays,” he said. I went to his bag a found hi box of memories. I saw him take a deep breath.

“You can’t keep them in this box forever Jayne,” I whispered as I opened it.

“I don’t know if I’m ready, Zoe,” he took my hand and I smiled.

“Let’s make a deal, you help me take down some of Wash’s things down and I’ll help you put your memories of Vera and Ruby up,” I offered and he nodded.

“You choose,” he told me and I took out a tiny pair of Ruby’s brass baby shoes… I put them next to the T.Rex and Jayne put his hands on my shoulders and squeezed.

“Thank you,” he whispered behind me. I took his hands and wrapped his arms around me.

Inara:

I found Mal pacing like a madman in the cockpit. He didn’t even see me walk in. I tried to interrupt him twice before he finally sat down and looked at me.

“What did you do?” I asked when I saw his panic face.

“It’s not what I did it’s what I can’t undo,” Mal sighed and I went to him. The screen was flashing, signaling a new transmission. I turned it on.

A young woman was there, she had red hair and green eyes, she was dressed in an oversized brown coat. She was in a panic more than Mal was.

“There’s no way to stop what’s happening we need your ship, please, for the sake of our lives… reconsider. If you don’t get us off of Persephone before the Alliance gets here, we’re dead,” she ended the transmission.

“Wow,” I whispered. Mal nodded silently.

“You see how young she was, she can’t be any older then River,” he sighed.

“They have Alliance on their pi-gu, Mal, we can’t…” I said and he shook his head.

“I can’t let them get killed, Nara, they’re babies, they don’t even fathom how deep their in,” he stood up and touched my face. “ And Zoe, she’s not going to like this, but we have to go through with the job, we ain’t gotta choice.”

“Do you want me to get the crew together?” I asked him and he kissed me, then nodded.

Kaylee:

Simon and I were fighting, mainly because him and River were fighting. I didn’t see why he thought he had to control her so much. We all knew what she’d been through and what she was capable of, but Simon was stubborn. He wanted to keep her, controlled.

River was with me in the engine room, hiding from Simon, she didn’t take a shot last night and he would be looking for her this morning.

“He’s searching for me,” she whispered.

When I found her in the engine room this morning she looked like she had been up all night crying. I immediately hugged her and told her somehow we were all going to be okay.

“It won’t,” she said and my heart broke for her. Why did Simon have to be such a hard ass? I thought.

“The apple doesn’t fall far,” she answered me.

“Well, you can stay in here, he won’t be coming in here,” I told her. What I didn’t tell her was that we fought this morning. But she probably all ready knew that. “He knows I’m mad at him,” And I was still mad.

The argument began right after we had made love. He barely got off of me be for laying into me about taking River’s side.

“I can’t believe you didn’t have my back against the others yesterday. Don’t you believe me when I tell you that I know what’s best for River?” he asked me and I stared at him.

“Simon, River’s not a child,” I began and he cut me off.

“No, but she’s not completely self reliant either.”

“How would you know that if you don’t ease up on her?” I asked him touching his back he pulled away from me and stood up.

“Her self reliance comes by the way of unpredictable violence, Kaylee,” he sighed. “I want her to be better, but the truth…the fact is… you can’t come completely back from what they did to her.”

“Simon, the last time your sister committed violence she used it to save our lives,” I said.

“We’re not surrounded by Reavers everyday on Serenity, Kaylee!” he yelled and I jumped. “I love my sister to death, you know I do. But I can’t risk her hurting anyone on this boat…well except for Jayne,” he dressed as I watched him silently. He went to kiss me and I turned away. “Kaylee,” he said, in disappointment.

“You love her, but you’re gonna lose her to your own stubbornness,” I said, feeling tears burn my eyes.

“I’m doing this to protect us, dong ma?,” he whispered in my ear touching my bare arm.

“She’s hurting Simon,” I wiped at the tear that ran down my cheek.

“And I have to be the bad guy now and make a hard decision, it would be nice if you were with me on this,” he asked and I turned to look at him.

“I don’t like you very much as a bad guy,” I said and he stood up and walked out without a word.

River:

I was dreaming, soundless nightmares. We were pinned down at Mr. Universe’s. The Reavers were coming at me and Simon had been shot. I had to protect him. I was the only one who could.

“It’s my turn,” I launched myself in the middle of those monsters.

Their claws and teeth, like horrible phantoms all around me, everywhere. I did not falter, I was a warrior girl, a weapon. I fought them until they were just bloody bodies on the floor.

Then suddenly time changed and Mal was back, there was a light from behind me. Alliance soldiers. I squeezed the handle of my newly acquired axe. Ready to add more bodies to the floor. When they suddenly left.

I dropped the axe and went to Simon. Jayne carried Kaylee out, then Zoe, then he got Simon. I watched as Simon opened his eyes long enough to look at the bodies that laid on the ground, then he looked at me and passed out. His last thought before he lost consciousness was:

“Mei mei, what did you do?”

I always could hear Simon’s thoughts clearer than anyone’s, they were loud screams and low whispers. Most of them were about me, some were about Kaylee and the crew.

The one I heard the most and the loudest was: “You must remain in control.” That was the thought that kept me leashed to him. He was afraid of me, he hadn’t been afraid of me before Mr. Universe’s…he was always afraid for me. It was different now.

Now he had Kaylee, and he had friends, he had built a relationship with everyone on Serenity, well everyone except for Jayne. He had more to lose now. And I was a danger to them…The weapon girl might go off…bloody bodies on the floor.

“I’m alone,” I said, Kaylee’s arms were around me. She was a bright sun in everyone’s mind. A summers day, and she didn’t even know it.

“You’re not alone, you have me and everyone else on Serenity,” she smiled and I cried.

“Simon’s gone, I’ve lost him,” she squeezed me tight.

“Never bao bei, you two are just fighting is all. All brother and sisters disagree from time to time,” she said and I shook my head.

“He sees me for what I am. A weapon,” I sobbed. Kaylee hugged me and I heard his presence on the other side of the door.

He was trying to decide what he was going to do. He wanted to talk to both me and Kaylee but he felt if he interrupted we were going to gang up on him. So he pace outside the door. I broke away with Kaylee and went to the door, I opened it and Simon was standing there with his doctor bag in hand.

“You’re late for your meds,” he said, softly.

“I know,” I nodded and he regarded me for a minute.

“You’re not going to push me away or run from me,” he asked, surprised.

“I can’t run from you, I’ve already lost you at Mr. Universe’s,” I sighed and he shook his head.

“You haven’t lost me, I promise,” he whispered touching my cheek. I stepped away from him and quietly walked to the infirmary. Not missing the pleading look Kaylee was giving Simon before he turned from her and followed me. I sat on the examining table and Simon came in and prepped my arm. I let myself faded away.

Simon:

“You can’t kill the weapon with meds, you can only kill the girl out of the weapon,” she whispered right before I was going to inject her.

I stopped and touched her hair. She was staring straight ahead and I knew she was gone, then. She hid herself inside her mind like I imagined she did when she was at the Academy. I put down the transdermal syringe at sat down next to her.

What was I doing? She was my sister, all she wanted was to be normal and here I was forcing her to do this. What if she was getting better? What if she was getting better and I was impeding her progress. How would I ever know if I didn’t try doing this at some point?

“River,” I took her by the shoulders and shook her gently trying to snap her out of it. She looked like a broken doll, and it was my fault. I broke her.

“River.” I wrapped my arms around her. “We’ll try it your way, Mei mei.” I hugged her. “Just come back.” I whispered in her ear.

She was quiet and lifeless, except for her breathing, for long minutes and then I felt her return the hug. I closed my eyes with relief, “I love you, Mei mei.”

“I don’t want you to worry about me, I promise I won’t hurt anyone Simon, I love them all, even Jayne,” she said and I laughed.

“I’m sorry, I was unreasonable,” I said breaking away from her to look her in her eyes.

“You saw me as I am, it’s okay to be scared,” River whispered looking away from me.

“I am scared River, not just of your abilities, but of what would happen to you if you did hurt someone on this boat. What you would do to yourself after,” I said, voicing one of my worst fears.

I dreamt of it almost every night, finding Kaylee or Mal or Inara or Zoe or Jayne dead and finding my sister crying alone with a gun to her head. I never was able to stop her in time. River gasped. And I knew she saw what I saw. I turned away, sadly.

“That’s the fear I have,” I whispered.

“This dream is not yours Simon…it’s mine,” River said, grabbing my arm. “I’ve been dreaming this dream exactly, ever since before Miranda.”

“So have I,” I said looking into her eyes.

“You’ve been reading me,” she smiled.

“Don’t be silly, I’m not a reader.”

“Simon, you’ve been reading my dreams, what do you call that?” she turned me around to her.

“I call it coincidence, or maybe we have had the same fear… so our dreams are similar. It could be anything!”

“Or it could be that your take after our mother just like me, but in a more limited capacity,” River was smiling and I shook my head again.

“I’m not a reader,” I said and she nodded patronizingly. “I’m not!”

“Okay Simon,” she said and I sighed in frustration.

“Simon, River, Mal needs to see us in the mess,” Inara poked her head into the infirmary before going to get Kaylee, Zoe and Jayne. I looked at River who looked back at me.

“What’s going on?” I asked her and she smiled folding her arms in front of her.

“You tell me,” she asked, grinning and I sighed a rolled my eyes. I wasn’t a reader…I wasn’t.