The Circular Irony Part 1 by Nailani Williams

Disclaimer: No Copyright Infringement intended so Joss put down the Sword of Infinite Truths!

Summary: After the BDM. Zayne, M/I, S/K, R/OC pairing. Taking place after the events of “The Bravest Thing” and “The Welcoming Committee”. When Mal gets a job on Persephone he realizes he’s transporting a new generation of Browncoats, who have their own special person straight out of the Alliance Academy. Meanwhile, Zoe and Jayne work out their working relationship and River gets a new creep-a-fying boyfriend.

Rating: NC-17

A/N: This is still a Zayne fic, but it has more ’ships in it than the U.S. Navy. I feel the only way to tell this adventure romance is to let all the characters tell their POV. So the story will remain in first person and all the characters want to have a go at me… So pray for me if you can, LOL! Thanks for reading and responding you guys are fan-fraking-tastic!

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Mal:

I liked where my crew was as a family now.

It was bumpy at the start, but it all seemed to come together. We lost family, and sometimes it still stung, but through losses certain relationship blossomed. Simon and Kaylee stopped dancing around each other, and Inara and I seemed to almost have it all figured out, but the most notable new relationship was between my trusty first mate and my less than honest Mercenary.

At first it was a stomach churning development. And I thought it would passed by the time they came back from Jayne’s home world of Deadwood, but instead, when they came back it was as if they were married. I was about to protest it all when I caught that familiar light in Zoe’s eyes. The one she held only for Wash. The one that had been snuffed out by Reavers at Mr. Universe’s place. She had that light and that happiness, now and as her brother. I wasn’t about to ruin that.

Everybody had to find their own way, I thought. Lying down in Inara’s bed. She was sleeping like an angel and she was as beautiful as one as well. Her head was making a pillow of my chest. I love this girl, I thought with a shake of the head. It could only end badly, but I was tired of fighting the truth and denying myself of the one thing I wanted more than the dissolution of the Alliance.

She stirred against me, I looked down and found her brown eyes looking up at me, “Mal, you’re thinking so loud it woke me,” she yawned smiling.

“You a reader now too?” I grinned.

“I just know my man,” she said and then placed her delicate hand on my jaw bringing me down into a kiss. “Maybe I didn’t tire you out enough before. Maybe I should try harder this time.” she said with a raised eyebrow as she took off her silky red night gown.

I was so bemused by her body, I couldn’t even think of a comeback.

Jayne:

There was nothing worse then waking up in the middle of the night because of a loud noise. As a mercenary it sets you on, edge makes your sense overly aware, rushes adrenaline into your body and makes it impossible for you to get back to sleep.

Now normally on any decent ship. At night, the crew stays in their bunks and keep their bunk activities quiet. But not in Serenity, because Serenity was the home of Simon Tam and his half crazy reader of a sister, River and River rarely slept.

I heard another loud bang and I cussed into the dark. Zoe turned to me, she was smiling at my grumpy mood.

“What the Hell? Is she moving at this hour? I said, annoyed and Zoe shook her head, grinning lazily. “Don’t that girl ever sleep?”

“Don’t get mad at her because you are a light sleeper,” Zoe scolded me for fussing. I grumbled unhappily.

After we returned from Deadwood. We decided it would be best if I moved into her bunk, it made sense for me to go to hers since hers was bigger. I didn’t expect her to ask me, but she did, I guess she wanted to be close to me, and I didn’t mind it.

River was planning on moving into to my bunk, so she wouldn’t be as close to her brother and Kaylee. God only knew what her reader mind was picking up from those two. I shuddered every time I thought about it and that’s why mostly I didn’t think about anything concerning the Tams after Ariel. Creepafying, they both were.

So plans were, for me to clear out my things from my bunk, heavy emphasis was placed on “things” from Mal which meant he was meaning my guns…This was all supposed to be happening…tomorrow, which was today… but later.

I turned to Zoe who drifted back to sleep. I was angry she wasn’t as disturbed as I was, I mean she was a soldier for pete’s sake, she should have better awareness.

“Stop boring holes in my back Jayne,” she said and I smiled. Now that was the awareness I was talking about.

“I can’t sleep!” I whined and she abruptly sat up with a loud unfriendly growl of frustration.

“So because you can’t sleep, I can’t sleep?” she poked me with her finger dead center in my chest, she was wearing a frown that would send most men into submission, but I’m dominant by nature no matter what bumps and bruises I was liable to get.

“I don’t see how you could possibly sleep with the racket,” I yelled and Zoe climbed astride me and put both her hands over my mouth. I couldn’t help but take advantage of our position. I ran my hands up her legs from her knees to her thighs around to her butt.

“Wake the whole ship why don’t you,” she chastised me in a harsh whisper and I smiled with an eyebrow raised.

“Well there’s one thing that would help me burn off some of this adrenaline…” I said, nonchalant-like, so she had to think wait I was getting at. I made an upward motion with my hips so should could understand what I was getting at.

She rolled her eyes trying to give me her best “you’re working my last nerve” stare, she pulled my hands away from her butt and rose herself up enough so I had access. She gathered her nightgown and threw it over head so it hit the floor behind us. I wrestled myself out of the sheets, so she could sink down on me.

“You better sleep like the dead,” Zoe said, breathlessly as she guided our rhythm. I smiled like a tomcat that had just got landed his first prey, laying back on the pillows, letting her drive. She slapped me lightly on the cheek and laughed.

“Something makes me wonder if you and River was in on this?” she said and I grabbed her by the waist and rolled her on her back. I ran kisses down her neck and she moaned.

Suddenly, I wasn’t that mad at River for waking us up after all.

Simon:

I was not apologizing to her.

I’m not doing it!

I argued with my conscious that was telling me to go grovel at River’s feet, but I wasn’t going to listen. She was seventeen years old, a reader, who’s brain has been dissected and trisected most of her young life and I was her older brother. And she had to respect that. No matter what, right?

“I think she’s still mighty angry,” Kaylee said to me, we were in the room next to River’s separated by that flimsy rice paper and straw divider. I knew she wanted privacy. It was becoming crowded in our bunk especially when Kaylee moved in, but she also had meds to take and she still had nightmares even though she was a little better after Miranda was exposed, but she still wasn‘t exactly one hundred percent either.

I wasn’t ready for her to move all the way down to the other side of the ship, but I acquiesced because she was my sister and she deserved her privacy. And I knew Kaylee and I could never be quiet enough for her, as disturbing as that thought was. So I agreed to the switch this morning in the galley for everyone who had an interest in Serenity to hear.

“I’ll let you go as long as you promise to come see me before you go to bed for your shots,” I said and she shook her head.

“The time for shots have passed, Simon, I can’t get clearer than I am now,” River said and it seemed that everyone that was in the room started finding reasons to leave.

“Mei, mei, I know you don’t like the shots, but you need them to remain clear. The clarity you‘ve been having are because of the shots,” I persuaded, but she shot me down.

“The shots do not make me clear Simon, it deadens me. I’m a shell. I’m a living statue cold, distant… I want to feel like the others,” she yelled and I was taken aback.

“River,” I began slowly and she pushed me away.

“Don’t patronize me! I know who I am, I know what they made me into, but I’m still a girl who wants to feel like a girl,” she cried.

“I’m sorry River, but the shots stay,” I said firmly and she gave me a look that would have incinerated me if she had those powers.

She ran out of the mess hall and back into the cockpit. I tried to talk to her there, but she shunned me. Supper was much of the same though now, River managed to rally the others in her corner; including Kaylee.

“She’s not going off the shots,” I said firmly and the others sighed helplessly.

“Look as long as she’s flying this ship proper I don’t care what she’s on,” Mal said.

“Well, she ain’t tried to kill me again so,” Jayne said mouth full of food. I rolled my eyes.

“She should be fine if you loosen the leash a bit, Doc,” Mal hunched his shoulders.

“We should give her a chance to see if she can go without the drugs,” Inara added.

“Like a trial period!” Kaylee added and I frowned, which made her frown.

“Okay who’s the doctor in here?” I asked and everyone grumbled. “I am, these drugs effect her brain chemistry, even if I wanted to… I couldn’t just take her off of them abruptly. I would have to wean her of the drug and monitor any adverse effects. And we’re flying to Persephone for a job,” I said getting and pacing. “You don’t want her acting feng le on a job?” I pointed to Mal.

“It’s a transport job doc, nothing to it,” he hunched his shoulders leaning back in his chair. “As for the flying, I’ll take over for her while she’s under the trail period,” he said and then I realized that this was all planned and I was getting one of the best railroads this side of the verse.

“You gou tsao de hwoon dans! She got to you all didn’t she?” I shook my head in disbelief and laughed sadly. I sat back down. “It’s definitely not going to happen.”

Finally Zoe spoke up, I noticed she had been quiet the whole conversation.

“Simon, you know as well as we all do that River’s better,” she said walking over to my side of the table. “You can’t keep her on meds forever. If she’s going to snap we all know the code to turn her off. Stop looking at her as a patient and look at her as your seventeen year old sister. She deserves to at least try to have a normal life,” Zoe put her hand on my shoulder and I closed my eyes and ran my hands over my face.

Later that night, I still was firm in my decision not to take her off her meds. When I came back to our bunk. River was packing her things.

“Mei mei, I love you, you know that!” I bent down in front of her taking her hands in mine. “I’m just trying to do what’s best for you as your doctor,” I whispered smoothing the hair from her face.

“Try doing what’s best for me as my brother first,” she turned away from me brushing me off and I sighed.

“I am, River, you just don’t want to see it,” I argued.

“The Academy doctors, all they wanted to do is ‘help’ me too. Digging in the girl’s head, taking out the girl’s brain,” she cried. “Digging out my feelings, making me, a weapon. Burying their sins inside of me.”

“River,” I said softly touching her shoulders, but she broke away.

“You’re becoming them, Simon,” she said and it was as if she slapped me. I stepped back from her hurt.

“How can you say that? After everything I’ve done, everything I still do, the meds…they’re to make sure you can function normally,” I explained and she shook her head.

“I can function fine without them,” she argued.

“How do you know, for sure River? Just a few second ago you were speaking in third person!”

“It’s habits, all habits!” she was crying now. I cursed my insensitivity. I didn’t mean to make her cry. “I won’t take the drugs anymore!” she declared.

“Mei mei, you must take the shots, you have to, for your sanity,” I turned away from her hurt look. “ And that’s final.”

“You’re no better than them, Simon! You’re a rapist, you take everything I am out of me and leave this body, and I’m not okay with it anymore,” she said, angrily and she ran out of the room.

I was glad she left…I didn’t want her to see my tears.

River:

Simon never saw grey it was always black and white, bland and boring. Only color her saw was bright pink… that’s was what he saw when he looked at Kaylee. It angered me that he kept me trapped and paralyzed on the medication. While he was experiencing life and love.

And there was love everywhere I turned. And soon there would be babies, and weddings and I’ll still be trapped in my head…little insane River. Broken in the brain-pan. Watch the river dry up.

Zoe:

When Jayne and I went for breakfast only Inara and Mal was there. Jayne looked around and hunched his shoulders.

“More for me,” he mumbled and I hit him in the stomach. And he gave me that smile that always manage to run shivers down my spine.

“ Sir, where are the Tams and Kaylee?” I asked and he sighed, leaning back in his chair contented over the meal Inara made.

“Kaylee, came early, and I don’t know what the hell happened to the Tam’s and I’m missing my pilot so I guess I’m flying today,” Mal stood up looking wary like he done got us in deep. “Look we need to talk Cap’n to First Mate,” he said and I nodded.

“Of course sir,” I said giving him a strange look as I followed him into the cockpit. “What did you do sir?”

“I didn’t do anything purposefully,” Mal said and my heart sped up as I waited for him to continue. “Our passengers, they might be part of the New Browncoat resistance,” he said and I shook my head in amazement. Even when we were out of the War, the War always seem to follow Mal like a bad rash.

Th new Browncoats were a group of young adults, who banned together in a mission to bring down the Alliance. We first heard of them about three months after Miranda was exposed. One of our contacts sent us a wave of one of their propaganda transmissions as a joke. Mal even joked that we should train them. I gave him an unfriendly look towards that notion and he dropped it. We hadn’t heard anything of the New Browncoats until now.

“How did you find out it was them?” I asked and Mal turned on the wave.

On the screen a woman wearing a crying clown mask and a long brown duster came on the screen, I suddenly had a migraine. She began giving Mal instructions, her voice was masked into a deep electronic voice.

“You will transport us and our things from Persephone to Harvest, you’ll get half of your money on pick and the other half on delivery. Do not be late,” she said and I looked at Mal.

“How did we get this job sir? Was it just out there or did they request us?” I asked and he sadt dow Int the pitlot’s seat.

“The Companion couple gave them our information. They told Inara and I that they had some people who were looking to be moved just like them. I was thinking more Companion couples, low and behold I receive this tranmission this morning.”

I leaned on the console beside him. My arms crossed over my chest, I was annoyed with him because I knew he wanted to meet this new generation of Browncoats, I could see it in his eyes, “You can always cancel, Cap, we don’t necessarily have to go through with the transport. We’re two days from Persephone, and no money‘s been exchanged,” I said reasonably.

“You’re not a least bit curious about the so called ‘New Browncoats’?” Mal said unreasonably and I rolled my eyes.

“No,” I shifted around a bit and then I finally snapped, “Permission to speak freely,” I said and he gave me a look that said cut the protocol and spit it out. “I thought exposed Miranda was it, I thought we were done with fighting the Alliance. Just because there are New brown coats don’t mean we have to soldier up again.”

“Nobody talking about soldiering up, Zoe,” Mal argued.

“Then why put ourselves out there? Haven’t we lost enough? Why can’t we just find another job?” I asked and Mal shook his head.

“You’re talking at me like I planned this? Maybe it’s our fate to always be inn the middle of this war,” he sighed.

“Not me, sir,” I stood up straight. “I’ve given everything to this War and I have nothing left. I’m out. I’m done.”

“Don’t get hasty, Zoe, I mean if you don’t want us to do this job, we won’t do it,” He looked at the floor avoiding my eyes.

“You’re going to take it anyway, Mal, I can see it in your eyes!”

He put his hands on my shoulders, “Zoe, if you don’t want this I swear to you, we won’t go. I owe you that much for Wash.”

I looked at him for a long moment and then nodded. He squeezed my shoulders and I walked out of the cockpit feeling a little be apprehensive. I never knew where my line was until today, I never accessed how far I was willing to follow Mal. I knew with great certainty now, that war seemed to chase Mal and I wasn’t willing to follow him into another war.

I wondered sadly how long it was going to be before we parted company and what I was going to do after we did.