Against My Will

***S/K This will be a bit shorter of a companion piece, as will the next two or so. There are good S/K things to add to, but not much else that I feel can be super-fleshed out. Besides, I’m freaking chomping at the bit to get into Jaynestown!

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Ch. 3 – BUSHWHACKED

Simon heard his door slide open moments before River’s face peered around the corner. He put his book down on the side table when he saw the highly agitated look on her face.

“What is it, River?” he asked, swinging his legs off the bed and quickly crossing the room to her. “Did you have a bad dream?”

She shook her head, her long, unkept hair flying in her face. “They’re shouting. Loud…can’t understand what they’re saying.”

She had been talking like this more and more lately, as if she was communicating with a force outside herself. Simon hated to think that his sister could be schizophrenic, but he knew most of the warning signs. Hearing people who weren’t really there was usually top of that list.

“River, no one’s shouting. See?” he said, gesturing around the room. “Just our voices.”

She spared him a condescending look as she grabbed his arm and hauled him out into the hallway between their rooms. “Listen,” she commanded, her gaze traveling up the stairs.

Simon obligingly grew quiet, although he felt that reading up about her possible conditions would be a better use of his time. He hadn’t even scratched the surface of what they’d done to her at the Academy, and for some odd reason, he felt like he was up against a clock of some sort.

“See, mei-mei. Just us. There’s no one…” He stopped suddenly as a particularly loud curse floated down the stairs to them. River glanced over at him with a smug expression on her face, which quickly gave way to confusion.

“Why are they screaming?” she asked. “Are they in pain?”

“No…no, they’re fine, or someone would have come for me,” he reassured her, but curious all the same. “If you want, I’ll go find out what’s going on and let you know…okay?”

He gave her a quick smile and started up the stairs, knowing without turning around that she was following him. He thought about telling her to go back, but River tended to do what she wanted, where she wanted, and there was usually little he could do to stop her.

When they reached the catwalk, the shouting grew louder, more intense, and River’s hand grasped the back of his shirt.

“It’s alright,” he said, turning the corner and looking down on the scene below them. “They’re fine…they’re playing a game – see?”

She slowly let go of his shirt and looked down on the crew with wide, uncomprehending eyes. Simon couldn’t really blame her on this one. They were all running about, tossing a ball through an iron hoop dangling from the ceiling. He couldn’t make out the teams, or what the rules were, but the sound of their laughter was the most confusing.

He’d been aboard Serenity for close to two months, and from what he’d seen up until now, the crew rarely indulged in this kind of freedom from work. To Simon, it seemed as if all they did was look for the next job, work on the present job, or work on the ship so they could make their next job. Which is why the sight below him had him almost mesmerized. He couldn’t remember a time in his own life recently when he’d simply had fun. And the last time he’d laughed…

A movement to his left caught his eye, and he saw Inara gliding up to the railing.

“Hello,” he said, giving her a small smile in greeting.

“Who’s winning?” she asked, a look of delight in her eyes. Apparently she, too, was amazed at the outward show of fun the crew was indulging in.

“I can’t really tell. They don’t seem to be playing by any civilized rules that I know,” he said, his gaze sweeping once again over the group below them. Mal and Wash were fighting over the round ball, and Zoe laughed when Wash managed to knock Mal to the floor.

Kaylee had moved to a large crate, and when Jayne passed in front of her, she jumped onto his shoulders and was handed the ball. Simon smiled when he saw the ball sail through the hoop and Wash jumped to try and hit her hand in celebration.

“Well it’s pretty far from civilization,” Inara continued, looking over at River, who was watching the scene before her with a mixture of rapt attention and calculating precision. “How’s your sister?” Simon could almost hear the steps forming in her head as she tried to make mathematical sense of what was taking place. “She’s good…better,” he said, then quickly amended it. “She has her days. She still won’t talk about what it was that they did to her at the Academy.”

Inara watched him with her quiet eyes. “Maybe she’s not sure herself,” she pointed out. They both turned to watch River again, and Simon saw her eyes dart from one person to the next – whomever had the ball at the moment.

“She dreams about it,” he found himself explaining. For some reason, it was becoming easier to share River’s fate with the rest of them. They all seemed ready to try and understand her more now than they did at the beginning. “I know that much. Nightmares. And…and I don’t know if I’ll be able to help her here…and I…I need to help her.”

Inara’s eyes softened when she looked at him next. “Simon, you are. Leaving your whole world behind - that’s incredibly selfless.”

Simon ducked his head. He didn’t want to be thought of as selfless. All he wanted was his sister back. The way she used to be. “Yeah…I selflessly turned us both into wanted fugitives.”

“Well, we’re all running from something I suppose,” Inara said quietly, drawing Simon’s attention. The companion kept to herself quite a bit on the ship, and he knew that there had to be much more to her than she let anyone see…but running? What could she be running from?

Just then, the ship’s alarms pealed out in the cavernous cargo bay, startling them and the players below them. Wash jogged off to see to the bridge, and tossed Kaylee the ball.

“Hey, doc…why don’t you come down – play for our side,” she called out, a wide smile breaking across her face. “Inara won’t mind.”

Jayne huffed and glared up at him. “We already got one girl on the team, Kaylee. I ain’t takin’ on another.”

Kaylee threw the ball at him, and it bounced harmlessly off his side. “Back off, Jayne, or I’ll up and quit on you, too. See how tough your words are when it’s just you against them.”

Simon stood rooted to the spot, his hands curled around the railing. Inara gave him another gentle smile and gathered her wrap around her arms. “You really should go and play,” she said. “I have a feeling it’s been quite some time since you’ve had any kind of fun for yourself.”

Simon looked back down at the crew, and when Kaylee shot another hopeful look in his direction, he found himself moving toward the stairs before he could think about it further. Maybe it would be fun to forget about civilized rules for a bit…

He’d only hit the top stair when Serenity gave a great lurch. He grabbed the nearest railing and held on as she righted herself. The crew leapt into action without so much as a moment’s hesitation, reaching the top landing quicker than Simon thought possible.

He followed them onto the bridge, where Wash was staring out the window in shock. Simon quickly saw what held his attention so fully. A very large ship was spinning in lazy circles directly in front of them.

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He found it ironic, considering where he was now and where his home would be for such an indefinite amount of time, but there it was anyway.

He was terrified of space.

Watching as Mal and Zoe prepared to board the abandoned ship they were now docked with, Simon’s blood ran cold as he saw their flimsy helmets cover their faces. The glass barely looked thick enough to muffle their voices let alone keep them from asphyxiating on the weightless black that waited for them if anything went wrong.

He swallowed thickly, trying his best to ignore Jayne when he came up behind him, cradling his new favorite gun. He even tried ignoring the condescending tone Jayne used whenever he spoke to him. The words slid over Simon as he watched Zoe fasten the oxygen tube to Mal’s suit. All it would take was one rip of the material…

He knew his fear was even more ironic because he was a doctor. He shouldn’t be afraid of death. But to die that way…the lungs collapsing instantaneously, the windpipe crumbling into nothingness…the brain literally expanding so rapidly that the skull would split long before the blood would boil out the open sockets where eyeballs used to be…

He shook his head at the graphic images flying across his brain and watched as Jayne smirked his way over to the captain and Zoe. He hadn’t heard a word the man had said, but he didn’t consider that of any importance. Jayne usually didn’t have anything important to say to him anyway.

There was no way he could watch Mal and Zoe walk out Serenity’s door without having those disturbing images plague him for the rest of the night, so he went back to the passengers’ quarters and tried to be somewhat productive by rechecking his red medical bag to make sure that if there were survivors on the ship, he would be ready.

His hand had just closed around a long roll of gauze when he heard gasping sounds coming from River’s room. He dropped the gauze and it sailed across the room as he ran out to see what was wrong with his sister.

When he pushed her door aside, he saw her holding her head again. It was becoming quite common with her and it terrified Simon almost as much as space did. She always looked like she was desperately trying to keep her brain from leaping clear out of her head…squeezing the sides of her skull with entirely too much strength.

“It’s okay….it’s okay,” he said softly, trying his best to pry her hands away from her face. “I’m here. Bad dreams again?”

Her eyes never focused on anything anymore, either. “Can’t sleep…too much screaming…” she whimpered, digging her fingers into the hair behind her ears.

Simon recalled their earlier debate, and wondered if the rest of the crew had taken up their ball game again. Then he realized that would be ridiculous, considering the situation they were in right now. Which only left the other, unsavory option that River was in fact, undeniably schizophrenic.

“River…there is…there’s no screaming,” he said patiently, trying to catch her eye.

“There was,” she insisted quietly, finally meeting his gaze. He almost wished she hadn’t. There was a look of such positive assertiveness that a chill ran straight up Simon’s spine.

A second later, and Jayne’s voice was booming into the small room. “Hey – grab your med kit…let’s hoof it. Mal wants us both over there on the double.”

The chill now spread to Simon’s entire body. “They found survivors?” he asked incredulously.

“Didn’t say,” said Jayne, appearing bored with their conversation already.

“Right. I’ll…uh, I’ll ask Inara to look in on River,” he said, wondering if he should in fact leave River at all at this point. Still, if there were survivors and they needed help…

“Whatever,” droned Jayne, playing with his gun. “I ain’t waitin’. I’ll meet you over there – but don’t take forever. Still gotta get suited up.”

Simon watched Jayne bound away, now almost visibly shaking. He had forgotten that little fact. He glanced back at River, who was now watching him with a quiet gaze of…was it concern?

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The suit was so heavy and cumbersome that he found it hard to take two steps in a row without balancing himself as if he was a toddler first taking to his feet. The helmet kept rotating a bit to the right, just enough to skew his vision and make his heart rate speed up crazily. If the helmet could rotate, what was keeping it from floating clear off his head?

His footsteps clinked loudly against the floor as he tried to juggle the medical kit and flashlight he carried. He was surprised he could hear them at all over the rushing sound of air in his ears as he tried to keep his breathing even.

There was a fragment of light shining before him, and he tried to move more quickly toward it. Anything had to be better than being alone with his thoughts for one more second.

Turning the corner, his flashlight landed on the crew of Serenity, sitting in the hold without so much as a stitch of protective clothing over their normal wear. Simon’s eyes traveled over them in amazement, then landed on Jayne – who could barely contain his grin.

“Hi,” said Mal.

Simon put down his possessions and struggled with the helmet. He felt stupid and simple, and even more embarrassed because it had been Jayne who had gotten the better of him. Kaylee got up and crossed over to him, helping him yank the helmet off his head.

“Um, what are you doing here, and what’s with the suit?” Mal asked, not even bothering to contain his amusement. Jayne barked out a loud guffaw of laughter, cutting Simon’s pride even deeper.

“You’re hilarious,” he snapped, trying to stare Jayne down. “You sadist…”

“Alright, enough,” Mal said, apparently ready to move beyond the childish prank and get down to business. “No time for games. As long as you’re here, you might as well lend a hand. You’ll go with Kaylee.”

Simon looked about and inquired about the people on board, but Mal’s answer was vague and dissatisfying. Simon knew there was something more to it than the captain’s answer, but he also knew that Mal only let information out when he wanted to, so there was nothing he could do other than pick up his flashlight and walk down the hallway he’d just entered from.

“You, um, have this on wrong,” said Kaylee from behind him, looking at him almost apologetically. Simon grimaced when Jayne let out another snort of laughter. ________________________________________________

They reached the engine room of the strange ship about a minute after Jayne had branched off from them in search of the galley. Simon watched as Kaylee immediately sprung into action, hoisting herself up onto the ledge that housed the main control panel.

“The wires are showin’ signs of corrosion, but nothing more than you’d ‘spect on a ship this old…” she said, more to herself than anything. “The circuits are fresh, though…and the plugs’ve got some life left in ‘em yet…”

Simon angled his flashlight so it followed her quick gaze, and he found it hard to keep up with her traveling interest. She seemed to be taking in the entire ship’s workings with lightning-quick speed. Sometimes she nodded, sometimes she ran her fingers over the cold metal, and sometimes she simply expelled a quiet breath.

“Aren’t you the least bit curious?” he asked, breaking the silence that had surrounded them while she worked.

She turned to look at him over her shoulder. “About what?”

“Well, what happened here…” he said, glancing around the engine room. “I mean, why would anybody abandon their ship in the middle of nowhere like this?”

Kaylee turned back to her work, as if the machinery deserved every sliver of her attention. “Mmm, well, all sorts of reasons…just not mechanical.”

“What?”

“There’s nothin’ wrong with this – not that I can see anyway,” she said, squinting at the large engine like it would suddenly fess up to what it had been up to. Her hands reached for a large cylindrical object and she gave it a good pull. Sparks shot out from the piece, causing Simon to flinch reflexively.

“Whoo…” she laughed, admiring the part she now held freely in her hands. “Well, that’s a good one.”

Simon smiled along with her, finding it oddly endearing the admiration she had for such inanimate, cold objects. Then again, how many times had he catalogued and then re-catalogued his own tools inside the infirmary, simply to feel the sure weight of them in his hands?

Kaylee grunted from the weight of the object as he held it out to him. “Hold the bag open,” she said, and he immediately obliged. She dropped the part into the burlap, and he found himself dropping to the floor along with it as it easily sunk the bag he was ineptly holding.

Kaylee giggled as he struggled to right himself, and he wished that they’d have one run-in where he didn’t either embarrass himself or have someone else do it for him in front of her.

“So,” he said, desperate to take the attention off of himself, “we won’t go spinning out into space if you remove stuff from here?”

She shook her head, returning to the engine with her critical eye. “She’s secured right enough to Serenity. Besides, this girl’s been lyin’ quiet for a while now. All her auxiliary power’s been used up.”

Simon nodded, not having the slightest clue what she meant by that. Her hands continued their work swiftly and efficiently, taking apart other objects that simply looked like rusty pieces of metal to him.

He watched her, wondering – not for the first time – at the woman working so intently in front of him. Her sweet demeanor and petite frame completely clashed with the image of a typical space mechanic. The contradiction of character had him intrigued, to say the least, and he couldn’t help wonder at what had brought it about in the first place.

“Were you always good at this?” he asked, raising the flashlight when she had to strain to grab a set of wires toward the back of the engine.

“Good at what?” she asked, grunting a bit at the exertion. The wires gave way with another hiss and a spark, and she tossed them into the sack as well.

“Working with machines,” he said, gesturing at the workings set out before them. “Knowing how they work and how to fix them when stuff goes wrong.”

She stopped her work long enough to give him a pleased smile. “I guess it’s in my upbringin’. My daddy had his own business, and with him and my brothers always talkin’ ‘bout their work, I guess somewhere along the way I just got real good at listenin’.”

“So you didn’t have any schooling or training on how to be a mechanic?” he asked.

“Nope,” she said gleefully. “Not a stitch. But my brothers were always quizzin’ me on stuff at the supper table, if that counts.”

Simon smiled at her, getting a very clear picture of a littler version of her surrounded by big, brutish mechanics firing questions at her quicker than she could answer them.

“How many brothers did you have?” he asked, realizing he knew next to nothing about the personal lives of any of the members of the crew.

“Three,” she answered, a look of sweet remembrance crossing her face. “All older. They were awful protective of me, but they didn’t mind me bein’ underfoot as much as I was. But it was good trainin’ for them, since they all have little ones runnin’ about now.”

“You’re an aunt,” he stated more so than asked.

The look of remembrance washed off her face and was replaced with a wistful sadness. “Yeah, I’ve got two nieces and four nephews. They must all be bustin’ out of their britches by now…”

“When was the last time you saw them?”

“Too long ago,” she said quietly, then turning to continue her work. “But I get a wave every month from my mama, and she keeps me up to speed about everything.”

Simon grew quiet then, knowing that for someone like Kaylee, family probably meant everything. It must have been hard for her to leave her home, but she seemed so happy and at ease on Serenity.

“Do you regret leaving home?” he asked, finding that his curiosity prevailed over his common sense and upbringing. Such personal questions simply weren’t asked in polite society.

“Not ‘specially,” she said after some thought. “I mean, I miss my family, but there wasn’t much for me back there. I never woulda been a ship’s mechanic…got a lot of small minded people back where I’m from. One look at a girl mechanic, and they’d be high-tailin’ it for my daddy’s competition faster than you could spit. So when Mal offered me the job, I figured it was time to make my own way, and have a bit of fun while I was at it.”

Simon thought hard over the last few months and tried desperately to see where the fun factored in, but to be fair, he knew that his and River’s presence on the ship had deterred the crew from their normal routines.

“I bet Mal hired you on the spot,” Simon said, watching as she almost lovingly tore another part off the now-defunct engine. “Saw what a natural you were with machines and just realized no one could take better care of his ship than you.”

Kaylee’s hands stilled for a moment, and a deep flush stained her cheeks. “Yeah…somethin’ like that,” she said quickly.

She looked back over her shoulder at him again, and effectively changed the topic. “How’s your sister been doin’? Is she sleepin’ through the night yet?”

Simon wondered at the shift of attention, but shrugged all the same. “Sometimes. She has good days, and she has bad days.”

Kaylee shook her head sadly. “It’s a real shame what they done to her, Simon. She shoulda been allowed to be a normal girl…”

“Yes, she should have been,” Simon agreed, his gaze falling away from hers. River should have been allowed to do quite a number of things. Now, she’d spend what was left of her teen years hearing voices that weren’t there, waking from nightmares she couldn’t remember, and jumping at the slightest movement or noise.

“She’s such a pretty thing,” Kaylee offered, her voice so soft and gentle that it washed over Simon like a warm summer breeze. “When she smiles, she looks like she has a secret that she’s just bustin’ to tell someone.”

Simon brought his eyes back to Kaylee, appreciation evident in their depths. She always had such nice things to say about people, and it made him feel good that his sister ranked on that list.

“You look alike when you smile,” she continued, dropping a few more spare items into the bag at his side.

“We do?” he asked, surprised. He had never thought he and River looked much alike, even as kids.

“Yeah,” Kaylee said, smiling at him. “That is, of course, when you do smile. It’s so rare from both of you that you’re lucky I’ve got a keen eye.”

“It’s hard to find things to smile about these days,” Simon said before thinking. His memory was pulling at him again, reminding him of things he knew he was better left not thinking on for too long.

Somehow Kaylee knew exactly what he was thinking, for the next words out of her mouth were, “You’re missin’ home somethin’ fierce, ain’t you?”

He could feel the pull of a scowl across his mouth. “Not really,” he said, thinking of his parents and how they’d reacted when he’d tried to tell them about River and the Academy. “Just the way things used to be, I suppose.”

“What do you mean?” she asked, abandoning her task and facing him head on. He faltered under the focus of her gaze, not wanting to show her any more weakness than he’d already shown her…either on his own or at the hands of the oafish mercenary.

“I’d rather not talk about it,” he said dismissively, grasping the sack more firmly in his hands. “Are we about done in here? I’m sure Mal is wondering where we’re at.”

Kaylee looked disappointed for a moment, then she reached for his flashlight and relieved him of it. “Yeah, we’re done. Think you can manage that? It’s a bit weighty for me.”

“Got it,” he said, hoisting it up so he could carry it with both hands. “It won’t get the better of me again.”

She laughed, the sound making him smile in the eerie stillness that surrounded him. He followed her out of the engine room, taking great care not to falter under the incredible weight of spare parts in his arms.

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Simon tried to stay as objective as possible as he checked the vitals of their new passenger. The man looked like gou shi, and to be perfectly honest, it was the absolute fear he saw in the man’s eyes that had Simon almost praying the man would pass away in his sleep.

He couldn’t imagine what he’d seen over there, with all those mangled bodies dangling from the ceiling. In his professional opinion, every life was worth saving, but personally, he knew the most humane thing that could happen to this unfortunate guy would be a peaceful unconsciousness followed by the abyss.

When Mal echoed his thoughts outside of the infirmary, he could tell that most of the crew wasn’t on board with the idea – especially Book. Then again, Book’s profession dictated that he hold to the same standards of respect for human life that Simon’s did.

Still, when Mal stated that the man’s ship had been attacked by Reavers, Zoe’s words came rushing back to Simon…about how they’d rape you to death, eat your insides and wear your skin as clothing. If that man saw all of that…maybe death wasn’t even enough to escape…

They followed Mal into the kitchen, but Simon chose to stay out of the impending argument. His eyes followed everyone as they fought over what was to be done with the ship and its deceased passengers. Not surprisingly, Jayne wanted nothing to do with it, and it brought Simon some level of comfort to know that for all of Jayne’s puffing and flexing, when it came down to it, he was just as scared of the unknowns as the rest of them.

Which is why Simon heard himself volunteering to go back over and help Book set the bodies to rest. He had never seen anything like what the Reavers had done to those poor people, but he had seen his fair share of horrifying medical maladies. It needed to be done, and if that was to be his only contribution to this crew, then so be it.

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Book’s quiet, deep voice echoed in the solemn silence. His words were almost unrecognizable to Simon, but since he hadn’t been to worship services since he was a little boy, he wasn’t surprised. There was an odd sense of comfort in them, though, and he hoped that the people sprawled out before them would find some comfort in them as well.

Simon’s eyes raked over their faces…or what was left of them. He had never thought there were powers in the ‘verse that were this cruel before. Retrieving River from the Academy and living on Serenity was giving him quite a different perspective on life. And he almost resented it.

Things were much simpler when he worked for the Core. There were rules and if you followed them, you lived a solid existence. There were no murders, gun fights, thieves, daring escape attempts…

On the other hand, he knew now that the life he left behind was based on lies. Lies his parents precipitated, lies the government supported and lies that he chose to believe so he could keep living what he thought was the perfect life. With a sharp, harsh flash of awareness, Simon realized that even though he was now living from moment to moment, terrified of the next disaster that could destroy everything he loved, at least it was an honest life.

Except for the questionable jobs they picked up from time to time, of course.

Book’s voice died out, and Simon helped him cover the bodies with blankets they’d found in a locker off the main hall. Jayne’s radio set pealed out in the silence, and his head popped out from the panel he’d been stored in while lowering the bodies.

“Cap’n said to grab as much as we could and haul it back to the ship. We’re gettin’ ready to take off…and it’s about ruttin’ time if you ask me,” he grumbled, lowering himself from the ceiling, then dropping the last few feet.

“Stuff’s stacked on the bridge,” he said, walking out ahead of them.

Book closed his eyes and said one last prayer for the deceased, then he put his hand on Simon’s shoulder. “Let’s go. We’ve done what we could here.”

Simon nodded and followed him out, forcing himself not to look behind him at the bodies covered in the scratchy grey wool.

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He had been so sure…it would have made so much sense…a reward, and less hassle on their part…

Simon clung to his sister, trying to regulate his breathing as much as he could. The only thing keeping him remotely calm was the fact that Mal hadn’t turned them over to the Alliance. He had forced them into space suits and ordered them to hide outside until things were clear.

Simon’s fear of that unending blackness came roaring back to him when he saw River’s face. She was smiling with such amazement that he had to turn and see what she was looking at. But when he did, all he saw was nothingness. After that, all he could think about was floating in that nothingness until his oxygen ran out and he died a horrible, horrible death.

Still, when they got the signal that the Alliance had finally left the ship, Simon couldn’t help smiling at his sister when she turned to him full of hope.

“Let’s go again!” she said excitedly.

“Later…maybe,” he said warily. “Captain said once the coast is clear we should lay low in the shuttle.”

“They’re coming back,” she chirped, allowing Simon to unhook the belt on her suit.

“Yes…yes, of course he is. They all are,” he affirmed. Funnily enough, all Simon could think of at that point was his father, and how he’d assured Simon that if he ever ran into Alliance trouble again, he could just stay in jail.

They walked through the ship until they got to the kitchen. Simon didn’t know how long they’d have to hide out in the shuttle, so he figured pilfering a bit of food wouldn’t be a bad idea.

As soon as he tried to step down into the kitchen, however, River began pulling on his arm. Her whimpers and pleadings grew in intensity, despite his attempts at reassuring her that they were going to be alright. Her eyes grew more and more wild as she tugged harder, and Simon finally had to put his helmet down and focus the full force of his attention onto her.

Nothing he said seemed to make any difference, however, and when he heard the sharp ping of footsteps on the metal floors, he reacted instantly. He stepped back into the hall and pulled River around him so she was hidden in the darkness.

The next thing he knew, Mal’s face was peering around the corner, and their eyes locked. Simon’s pulse was racing out of control now. He knew the Alliance wouldn’t let Mal come back on his own…which meant they were standing less than three feet from him and his sister. His hand gripped River’s more firmly…he wouldn’t give her over without a fight.

There was a sound like a wild animal’s vicious roar, and the next few minutes passed in a big blur of confusion. Simon saw Mal duck back into the kitchen with lightning speed, and he heard the distinct sound of bones cracking…then nothing. Not for a long while.

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The rags he was using to clean up the infirmary were completely covered in blood. He would have to toss them and find new ones. There was so much blood, though…he didn’t know if Serenity had enough rags to make it all go away.

Everyone was working hard on restoring Serenity to her former…glory…before the Alliance had torn her apart looking for him and River. The infirmary, however, they’d left alone because it had already been ransacked by Simon’s former patient-turned Reaver.

Reavers…he had seen the man’s face after Mal had led the Alliance off the ship. He had seen how the man had mutilated himself. He shivered despite himself and was caught off guard when he heard Kaylee’s voice call to him from the doorway.

“Simon? Need any help?”

He looked back at her and saw her eyes flutter over the bloody mess in the room. He thought she looked a bit pale, but then again, they all had every reason to be.

“I’m okay,” he said, not wanting her to have to touch any of the sticky blood. Engine grease was one thing, but he didn’t think he’d like to see her covered in any of this.

She nodded, but came into the room anyway, careful to avoid stepping anywhere there was blood splattered on the floor. “I felt so bad for him when you brought him in here…and he turned out to be a Reaver,” she said after a while. Her arms folded protectively against herself and she shivered a bit. “He could’ve killed us all if the Alliance hadn’t grabbed us first.”

Simon huffed at the irony. “Amazing, isn’t it? The same people who are hunting me and River are the same people who saved us all…although they didn’t realize it, of course.”

Kaylee tried smiling, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Zoe said that Reavers rape ya and eat out your insides,” she said, sounding disjointed and disconnected. It was a far cry from their earlier conversation, and Simon shifted uncomfortably.

“It must be so horrible,” she continued. “Havin’ someone take what wasn’t offered…then…”

She trailed off, avoiding his gaze. “Well, I’m a barrel of fun, ain’t I?” she said, trying to force a laugh. “What say we change the subject…how’s River?”

“She’s fine,” Simon said, surprised to find that River was probably currently the most fine out of all of them. “She’s sleeping, but I haven’t heard her calling out. She must be having a good dream.”

“Like kissin’ boys or dancin’ at a party?” Kaylee said, finally smiling for real.

“Either that, or maybe she’s back in her space suit, floating through all that nothingness,” he said wryly. “Seems my little sister is quite taken with space.”

Kaylee eyed him closely. “And I suppose you ain’t so much.”

“You should have seen her,” Simon continued, smiling at the memory. “She had the biggest grin on her face and when we got back inside, she asked when we could go again.”

Kaylee laughed, tucking a thick strand of hair behind her ear. “She sounds like me the first time I went up in Serenity. I’m tellin’ ya, Simon, she has a way of getting under your skin.”

“Well, I don’t know about that, but I am starting to get used to her,” he offered, knowing that the only answer Kaylee wanted to hear regarding Serenity was that he’d fallen head over heels.

“That’s how it starts,” Kaylee said conspiratorially. “Then, before ya know it, you’re in love.”

She smiled full force at him, waving as she turned to leave the infirmary. Simon waved back, watching her until she disappeared down the long hallway. He held onto the sight of her as he finished cleaning the room, much preferring the memory of her pretty smile to the red stains scattered over the floor.

Actually, he preferred her pretty smile to almost about everything these days.

___________________________________________

Gou shi – crap/shit

There’s Bushwhacked. Next up is Shindig, which will be very short seeing as how there wasn’t much for Simon to do at all. Thanks for reading!

Also, 10 points if you guys can pick up some of the obscure references to other episodes throughout this piece. I tried to ref. a couple. Happy hunting!