Against My Will

Simon knows what he needs to do. He has to stay focused…has to be there 100% for his sister as he searches for a way to bring her back to herself. The trouble is, the more he tries to stay focused, the more he finds himself seeking out the one person who can change everything for him. If he’d just let her.

Added on moments from the series involving Simon and Kaylee.

This will be a multi-part story that touches on the many different episodes of the series, and what I felt could have been going on as side-plots throughout. Will involve all the other characters, but the basis will be S/K.

**Author’s note. I own nothing. The original lines are Joss Whedon’s and that’s why he’s a household name and I’m not. **Also, if anyone can tell me where they get their Chinese translations, I would be forever in your debt. I would love to add that flavor to these stories. _________________________________________________

CH. 1 – SERENITY

Simon weaved his way through the throngs of street urchins and their makeshift booths, trying to block out their high pitched voices as they begged and bartered, swindled and cajoled their way to what he could only assume would be their means for procuring dinner that night. He barely spared any of them a glance as he shuffled quickly among the crowd, thinking that if he’d had to do it all again, he’d have opted for less formal wear.

He hadn’t realized how out of place he’d look here on Persephone, simply by being himself. That was most decidedly not the plan. Out of place, in fact, was exactly the opposite of what he was going for at this point. There wasn’t anything he could do about it now, however, so he redoubled his efforts into finding a ship that would carry him and his sister as far away from here as he could. He rotated where he stood, looking with ignorance over the half a dozen ships that were docked in a wide semi-circle around the town square. He sighed in frustration, realizing that all of those years of meticulous study and genteel upbringing weren’t going to help him choose his passage. He knew absolutely nothing about ships.

“Excuse me,” said a deep voice from behind him, and Simon moved to the side to let the person get on their way. As he passed, Simon’s eyes were drawn to the man’s hair – a greyish, frizzy puff tied low on his neck, which housed a Shepard’s collar. Simon watched the man approach the berth of the most run-down, decrepit piece of la suh on display, and his eyebrows raised slightly when he heard a lilting, drawling voice proclaim, “You’re comin’ with us.”

She was the most oddly dressed girl he’d ever seen in his life. She appeared to be wearing grease covered overalls under a bluish-green Chinese jacket. She was also twirling a multi-colored parasol over her shoulder, and although he couldn’t hear what the two were saying to each other, she had gotten up and was obviously trying to talk him into booking passage on the ship behind her.

Simon’s interest was piqued, despite the shabby clothes the girl wore. Her face grew more and more animated the longer she spoke to the older man. The smile that spread across her soiled face was one Simon was not used to seeing on Osiris. Women where he came from smiled demurely and quickly, hiding the humor they found in the situations around them. Not this girl. Her face looked like it was going to split clear open from the force of the smile she bestowed upon the preacher.

Then he saw the most unusual thing. The Shepard handed her a box, which she opened like it was a lifetime of birthday surprises…and the look of rapture that crossed her face gave Simon pause. Suddenly, the youthful innocence he’d seen had been replaced with something almost bordering on desire.

Whatever was in the box had apparently sealed the deal between the odd couple, for moments later she was ushering the Shepard up the ramp of the old ship, smiling the whole time. Once she’d seen him safely inside, she resumed her place in her folding chair, hoisting her parasol over her shoulder and giving it a delighted twirl.

Simon turned once more on the spot, his gaze dragging almost resignedly over the ships as if one of them would suddenly speak to him in detailed inspiration. Finding none, he found himself being drawn once again to the girl twirling her cheap, imitation piece of foppery and started a bit when he found her eyes already trained on him.

“Looking for passage?” she called out, rising quickly out of her chair. “’Cause Serenity here is the best ship in the skies, and our rates are surely right for a gentleman such as yourself.”

Simon walked slowly toward her. He was not accustomed to shouting across a distance, and fugitive or no fugitive, he would not be picking up that habit now.

“Actually, I am looking for passage,” he explained, moving carefully so as not to disturb any more dust than he had to. His suit was already covered in a layer of the filthy stuff. “I have a large piece of cargo as well.”

The young girl waved him off, turning the force of that wide grin he’d witnessed earlier onto him. “Ah, that ain’t nothin’,” she said, lowering her parasol and considering him carefully at the same time. “We got plenty of hands on board to help you with that.”

“Where is your crew headed?” he asked, uselessly swiping at the lapels of his suit. He doubted if the dust would ever come out.

“Ain’t quite sure yet,” the girl said, shrugging quickly. “The captain is out getting’ supplies, and he usually comes back with an idea or two.”

“Excuse me, but what kind of ship is this exactly?” Simon asked, peering out from above the rims of his sunglasses at the wreck that stood behind them.

For some reason, the sunny disposition of the girl faltered at his words, and a protective look crossed her face. “Serenity is mainly used as a cargo ship, but we take on passengers in between jobs to keep her flyin’.”

“Oh.” Simon glanced around him once more, as if the other ship’s crews would also be out and about, courting their next passengers as well. Upon seeing no one else, he turned to face the girl again. “Very well…what exactly is the price for me and my cargo?”

“Don’t you care about where you’re going?” she asked suddenly, her eyes searching him over once more. He shifted uncomfortably under her close scrutiny, fixing his glasses more firmly against the bridge of his nose.

“I’m sure wherever your captain is headed will be just fine,” he said, trying to hide the fact that as long as they were away from here, they could be headed anywhere her captain pleased. All he had to do was get River somewhere safe so he could set about discovering what they’d done to her.

She nodded as if she understood his plight, and in the next instant the bright smile was once again fixed on her face. “Well then, mister…um,”

“Simon. You can call me Simon,” he said, feeling it best that he not disclose his last name. He had no idea who was standing nearby listening.

“Oh. Okay, Simon,” she said, twirling her parasol idly at her side. “My name’s Kaylee. Welcome aboard.”

“We haven’t discussed payment yet,” he pointed out, taking a few steps closer to her. “What I do have is in coin, though. I hope that won’t be a problem.” One of the many drawbacks to his little mission was that all of the riches he’d known all his life were suddenly as absent as his career. The thought depressed him so thoroughly that he had to take a steadying breath.

Kaylee gave him a look that he deciphered as pity, and he realized too soon that he’d let his emotions become apparent. Cursing himself slightly, he cleared his throat and continued. “If you’re worried that I won’t be able to cover it…”

“Oh, no. I’m sure things will be just shiny,” she said, replacing her pitying look with what he was quickly coming to realize was her completely natural state of being. Her eyes sparkled at him as she gestured him onto the ramp. “I’ll give a call to our pilot and he’ll help you load your cargo.”

“Thank you,” Simon said, sparing the bleak dustiness of Persephone one last look before walking into the ship that would hopefully bring him somewhere safe enough to help his broken sister. _________________________________________________

He knew the captain didn’t like him very much; and more than that, he knew the man didn’t trust him. It was in the way he stared him down every time Simon said something, or moved an inch in any direction. At first, he thought it was because of how he was dressed. The rest of the crew seemed to be just fine with sitting around in clothes that looked as if they were held together by a couple of threads and some wishful praying.

But as the minutes stretched into his first hours aboard the ship, he came to realize that the captain had little regard for anything or anyone other than his immediate crew. Even the lovely companion that had joined them briefly in the cargo bay was quickly dismissed by the abrasive leader of this pile of tin and grime.

Which is why Simon tried his best to keep to himself. He checked on River’s vitals in the cryo chamber stored next to all of the other cargo, and followed the crew to the dining area when the captain’s first mate announced that it was time for supper.

Simon let his eyes travel over the rag-tag bunch assembled at the table. The captain headed it up, barely acknowledging anyone else as he loaded his plate. The Shepard and Kaylee served everyone with smiles on their faces, clearly enjoying the looks of awe they were receiving for the meal they set out. Simon figured that they hadn’t seen anything but protein in quite a while, for although the food was tasty, it was a far cry from the luxurious banquets provided in the Core.

By far the most insulting and despicable person sitting at the table was the mercenary that they all called Jayne. Simon delighted in the fact that the imposing man harbored a female’s name, but it didn’t seem to bother the great oaf any. He simply shoveled food into his mouth at an alarming rate, barely taking the time to chew a single bite.

“You’re a doctor, right?”

Simon’s eyes flickered over to his right, where Kaylee sat looking eagerly at the side of his face.

“Oh,” he said, sliding into the proper etiquette with which he’d been raised and dabbing at his mouth, “Yes, I was a trauma surgeon on Osiris in Capital City.”

As soon as he’d said it, he could feel the air around him shift. Kaylee, however, hadn’t seemed to notice in the slightest.

“You seem so young…to be a doctor,” she said, smiling at him.

He couldn’t help smiling back. Truly, the girl’s supply of them didn’t seem to dwindle. “You’re pretty young to be a ship’s mechanic,” he countered. If anyone had asked him weeks ago whether one of his associations would be with a cargo ship’s young, female mechanic, he would have checked their vitals over personally.

“Don’t know how…” she mused, smiling into her bowl. “Machines just got workin’s and they talk to me.”

Simon studied her face a little more closely at that. In an odd way, he knew exactly what she was talking about. He felt the same way about his medicine.

“That’s a rare gift,” said the Shepard, earning him another one of her dazzling smiles. “Well, not like bein’ a doctor; helping fix people – that’s important.”

“Little Kaylee over here’s just wishin’ you was a gynecologist,” piped Jayne, grinning broadly over his little joke. Simon, however, didn’t find the humor in it in the slightest. His eyes were drawn back to the diminutive mechanic. The look of utter shock and mortification that crossed her face was so different from what he’d seen so far that his insides twisted with a powerful urge to throw something solid and heavy at the foul-mouthed ape sitting across the table.

Apparently, the captain had much more class than Simon had originally given him credit for, because within seconds the situation was neutralized with a clear and decisive dismissal from the table. Simon eyed the captain carefully after that, and realized his first impression was correct. The man was not to be crossed when it came to his crew. _________________________________________________

Later that evening, Simon decided that rules or no rules he had to check on River. He couldn’t wait around for someone to escort him every time he needed to take notes on her levels. Winding his way through the surprisingly simplistic layout of the ship, he squatted low to see the lines on the side of the cryo unit.

Everything appeared to be in order. In a week’s time, hopefully he’d be somewhere that had decent medical facilities equipped with everything he’d need to begin unraveling the mysteries his sister had locked inside her head.

Sighing, he righted himself and turned to see the captain smiling wryly at him.

“Forgot your toothpaste?”

Simon barely had a second to figure out what he could possibly mean before he felt his jaw explode with pain. He staggered back from the force of the punch and immediately cradled his jaw.

“Are you out of your mind?!” he bellowed, forgetting every piece of Core upbringing that had ever been drilled into his head as he tried to push himself back onto his feet. “Ah, just about,” Mal snapped. “Whatcha tell them?”

“Tell who?” Simon forced out, still cradling his jaw. This man was a pure lunatic, and if this was the way things were going to be on his ship, then maybe he and River would both be safer on the first available stretch of land they could find.

“Got exactly no time for games. What do they know?” Mal demanded, now aiming a pistol directly at Simon’s face.

“You’re a lunatic,” Simon breathed, immediately regretting his choice in transportation.

“And you’re a gorram fed.” The captain’s eyes were ice cold as they stared Simon down, his lip curled in pure hatred.

Simon didn’t know what he could say to prove to this man that what he’d proposed was ludicrous, especially given the circumstances.

The next few moments passed so quickly and so surreal-like that for the next week, Simon would have trouble recounting it with any kind of clarity. All he knew was that the man who had sat beside him at dinner had appeared out of nowhere, aimed a gun at him and exposed him as the fugitive he was.

And if that was where things had ended, he might have been able to sleep soundly his first night aboard Serenity.

But then Kaylee’s voice rang out in the echoing vastness of the cargo bay, and Simon heard the crack of a gun before he even knew what happened. Time slowed down to a crawl for precious seconds, in which people sprang into action all around him. Then, just like that, time sped up, swirling by him faster than he could keep up with.

The only thing that got him moving again was seeing Kaylee’s body sink to the floor. The instincts he’d honed so carefully over the last few years recognized the situation for what it was, and his body took care of the rest. His feet carried him to her side, beating the captain there by mere steps.

“How do you feel?” he asked her, quickly unzipping her overalls. He realized the question was stupid, seeing as how she had a gaping, bleeding hole in her stomach, but he also realized the situation was not exactly normal anyway. She closed her eyes a bit, and he closed his hand around the area above her knee. “Kaylee, stay with me. Can you move your feet?”

Her eyes fluttered open, and damned if she didn’t smile at him. “Are you askin’ me to dance?” she breathed, and he noticed her eyes roll backward with the effort.

“She’s going into shock,” he announced, turning to the captain. The look of fierce concentration on Mal’s face further solidified Simon’s opinion that this tiny woman was of the greatest importance to him.

He requested use of the infirmary, receiving it quickly and readily, when he heard the announcement of the pilot echo through the bay. When he heard the words ‘passenger transfer’ his heart stopped beating in his chest. Every rational thought he’d ever had in his life began blurring into one long string of memories he shared with his sister, and he knew at that precise moment that he’d do anything…anything…to keep her safe.

Even if that meant going against everything he believed in.

When he felt himself stand up and say that he’d refuse to help Kaylee if the captain didn’t choose to turn around and run, it almost seemed as if someone else had taken over his body. He did his best to avoid looking at Kaylee’s helpless form sprawled at his feet, blood pooling over the polished tips of his shoes. If he looked at her once more, he’d lose his resolve. He had one bargaining chip and he had to use it.

It paid off. He had known, somehow, that Kaylee’s life meant more to the captain than any reward they could receive or danger they could get into if the Alliance didn’t get their way. So Simon soon found himself carrying Kaylee to the infirmary and began immediately to do the very thing he was born to do. _________________________________________________

All too soon, everything began falling apart. Simon spared a glance at his beautiful sister as she lay curled up on her side on the cot at the far side of the infirmary. He sighed deeply and closed his eyes against the torrent of emotion that swept over him. In mere moments, she’d been pulled from her protective sleep, their almost unbelievable tale was put on display for the entire crew, and he’d been issued the ultimatum. Kaylee survives – they would be allowed to get off in Whitefall. Kaylee dies – they’d be tossed into the black without so much as a second thought.

Simon’s eyes shifted to Kaylee’s sleeping form, and he watched the steady rise and fall of her chest as she breathed a bit too slowly for his own liking. She was improving, but she’d have to show miraculous recuperation if he and River were going to be given half a chance at a head start on the Alliance now.

He tried to ignore the throbbing in his jaw from the second punch he’d received in one day as he busied himself with the tubes connected to her arm. He also checked to make sure her sutures were tight and accurate. He’d done a good job, but maybe this time, good wouldn’t be good enough.

Looking down on her peaceful face, he couldn’t believe he’d had to make the decision he had. He wouldn’t…no, couldn’t have left her on that cold floor, bleeding out from a wound that she had not deserved in the first place, but he was thankful all the same that the captain seemed to think him capable of that level of barbarism. It was the only thing he felt he had to be thankful for on this cursed day, and although it wasn’t much, it was enough. _________________________________________________

The captain’s first mate, Zoe, ran past the infirmary, signaling the end of Simon’s quiet contemplation. He sprang out of the doorway to ask what was wrong, and when she told him it was Reavers, his first instinct was to scoff. Reavers were spooky stories told by older bullies at camp to scare the young children. They weren’t real. They couldn’t possibly be real.

When Zoe’s face froze in a mask of barely controlled fright, Simon quickly reassessed his stance. Then her words flooded over him, chilling him to the very core of his being.

“If they take the ship, they’ll rape us to death, eat our flesh, and sew our skins to their clothing…and if we’re very, very lucky, they’ll do it in that order.”

Simon retreated to the infirmary, reaching for his sister’s small hand which was consumed by the flimsy blanket he’d found to cover her with. Keeping her safe from the Alliance was one thing. Keeping her safe from the nightmare he’d just heard was something else entirely. If he had to, he knew exactly how much of a deadly dose to give to them all in here. They wouldn’t be alive to feel a thing. _________________________________________________

By the time he’d reached the companion’s shuttle, Simon’s nerves were on overdrive. He was tired, mentally and physically, and if he was able to remain clearheaded and on his feet for more than another hour he’d be surprised. This day had turned out to be the worst of his life, and even though the threat of the Reavers had passed, he still had to worry about what he and his sister would do once they landed on Whitefall.

“Kaylee’s very dear to all of us,” the companion said, as he tucked her provisions under his arm. The look in the woman’s eyes said it all. His little show of defiance in the cargo bay was not something any of them would forget. Ever.

“I’m sorry for my part in what happened,” he said quietly. He was not used to being the bad guy. In fact, up until this, he’d led a fairly dull life. “I’ve never…I don’t know how to…”

Inara took pity on him and gave him a small smile. The words that followed were even comforting, to a degree, until the captain burst through the door and Simon’s already frazzled nerves jumped crazily. He wasn’t blind. He had seen the silent battle between these two play out enough to know that his presence in the companion’s shuttle would set Mal on his ear. He shifted slowly out the door, trying to make as quiet a getaway as possible.

No such luck. Mal caught up to him on the catwalk and pinned him with his gaze. Simon could barely focus on the man’s words as he spouted off about the trouble he’d brought to his crew…and although Mal was looking for answers, Simon just didn’t have the strength to think of any right now.

Then, as if time had slowed itself down again, he saw Mal’s mouth moving and words penetrated the hazy fog of his brain.

“Kaylee’s dead.”

A strong surge of bile rose in Simon’s throat at Mal’s words, and as the captain turned on his heel to run up the stairs to the bridge, the echoing of his footsteps sounded like cannon-shots in Simon’s ears.

He had failed. He had failed River, and they would be tossed mercilessly into the black.

He had failed his patient. The sweet, full of life little mechanic who was completely innocent in all of this was dead, and it was all his fault.

Without realizing he was moving, his feet hurtled him down the stairs and to the door of the infirmary, where time righted itself again and sound rushed back to his ears full force.

Kaylee inclined her head toward him, smiling at him and waving her fingers. The Shepard also graced him with a smile as he stood cradling his bible by Kaylee’s side. Simon barely registered the wave he returned to her before glancing over his shoulder…as if Mal was standing there laughing down on him after his tasteless joke.

“The man’s psychotic.” _________________________________________________

For the first time since boarding Serenity, he felt an odd calm come over him. The ship was eerily quiet, and upon walking the length of the ship and into the cargo bay, he realized the crew must have gone out to perform whatever business they had on land. Simon realized if their mission went off without a hitch, he and River would be deboarding within the hour. Whitefall would be their new home, at least for the time being.

He found himself in front of the bridge, and just as he was about to turn around and hide himself away in the infirmary with his two patients, he heard the pilot’s voice call out to him.

“Lookin’ for somethin’ doc?”

“Not especially,” Simon answered, stepping up into the doorway. “Just taking a bit of a walk.”

“Yeah, I’m sure it’s not much fun down there with the gunshot patient and your hibernatin’ sister,” Wash said amiably, and if spoken by anyone else on the crew, Simon might have taken offense. But Wash seemed to be a decent man, the only one besides the companion who had looked the least bit compassionate when Simon had related the story of his sister’s horrifying experiences at the hands of the Alliance.

“They’re both sleeping,” Simon said, feeling welcome enough to walk into the pilot’s domain. His eyes were drawn immediately to the plastic dinosaurs thrown carelessly about the floor of the room, and when he met Wash’s gaze, the man shrugged sheepishly.

“I’ve told Mal time and time again that this is no playground up here…” he said, shaking his head and swiveling in his chair to stare idly at his navigation screens.

“So, doc, I guess it goes without saying that you’re one lucky Son of the Core.” He switched on a dashboard light and met Simon’s eyes again. “You’ve escaped one scrape after another today, haven’t you?”

“I suppose I have,” Simon replied, folding his arms across his chest. “That’s largely due to you, though. You got us away from the Alliance and the Reavers with little more than a few waves of turbulence.”

Wash’s eyes lit up, not unlike Kaylee’s did when she’d talked about being a mechanic at dinner – what seemed like lifetimes ago. “Ah, it ain’t nothin’ but some good ol’ home trainin’…and, of course, the fear of death thing.”

“Yes, of course.” Simon smiled despite himself.

They were both silent for a moment, before Wash turned his seat around fully so he was staring directly at Simon. “It ain’t right…what they did to your poor sister. And if there’s any justice in the ‘verse, they’ll get theirs some day.”

Simon was taken aback by the kind words, the only ones he’d heard since Kaylee’s attempt at friendly conversation during dinner. “Thank you,” he said, bowing his head a bit.

“Look, before we seal our bond of eternal friendship and all,” the pilot continued, swiveling about again quickly and flicking another switch on the board in front of him, “I should tell you that little Kaylee is very important to all of us here on this ship.”

“I’m beginning to understand that,” Simon agreed, feeling the tug of guilt rip through his insides for the hundredth time that day.

“Yeah, well, she’s the only one who can keep this beauty flying true…so you see, I’d be out of a job if anything happened to her,” Wash explained. “So, while you enjoy the rest of your stay here on Serenity, nothing else will happen to our girl, right?”

“Not if I can help it,” Simon promised, earning a quick nod of acceptance from Wash as the serious look disappeared from his eyes. “Besides, it looks like my time with all of you is coming to an end fairly soon anyway.”

Wash shook his head. “We ain’t exactly in the picture of civilization around here,” he reasoned. “You may want to consider asking the captain to drop you somewhere other than Whitefall.”

“You don’t have to worry about me,” Simon said, although he was flattered by the gesture. He tried to rationalize Wash and Kaylee’s presence on this ship, with this crew…in this life. They both seemed like such honest, good people.

Wash smiled grimly. “I always worry when Zoe’s out on a deal, so it’s not out of my way.”

Simon realized then that wherever his wife was, Wash made his home. So if Zoe was to stay by her captain’s side, Wash would be right alongside him as well. Simon found himself surprised by the display of genuine love between the husband and wife on board, since he had been fairly certain before all this started that space was as uncivilized and strange as it got in life.

And that was about all the time he had for pondering life’s little inconsistencies, because in the next instant, he heard Kaylee’s voice flood the bridge.

“He took River.”

Simon’s body went into action before he could give it another thought. He hurtled out of the doorway and found Dobson dragging his sister toward the opening of the ship. There was a gun pressed into her back and she was shaking as violently as she’d been when she’d woken out of her cryonic sleep.

He perched himself on the top of the railing, and with a steadying breath, he took the plunge. He fell on top of Dobson and then crashed to the floor, feeling his legs take the brunt of the fall. For a moment he was so winded that all he could do was lay there, but then he saw Dobson scuttle for the gun.

He reacted instantly, struggling to get the upper hand. Finally, when he’d relinquished control of the gun and found his footing, he aimed it at Dobson’s head with a surprisingly steady hand.

Dobson’s eyes challenged him just as his words began to. Simon understood that the fed didn’t believe he would pull the trigger. Simon wasn’t a murderer. He was just trying to protect his sister. All Dobson was trying to do was ‘uphold the law’ and when he said that there wasn’t a place Simon could take River where the law wouldn’t find them, he believed him.

A sound from the doorway startled them both, and as Dobson took a shot at him, he threw himself to the side and watched in shock as Mal strode purposefully into the cargo bay and shot the fed without so much as breaking pace.

Simon saw movement out of the corner of his eye and found River cowering behind the crates. He ran to her, gathering her in his arms as he whispered random nothingness to her to try and calm her shaking form. Truth be told, he felt as if he, too, was coming apart at the seams, but breaking down was a luxury he couldn’t afford. Not with River to look after. _________________________________________________

How the day could have gotten any worse was beyond his comprehension, but here they were, being chased by the Reavers once again. If this was what life was like for this crew on a daily basis, Simon reckoned he just might have to change his opinion of the courageous band of psychotics.

He could only watch helplessly as Jayne cradled Kaylee in his arms. Inara was pulling his arm to get him to move, his hand wrapped firmly around River’s.

He couldn’t help feeling that if Kaylee was going to try and perform a miracle for them with a fresh bullet wound in her belly, then the least he could do would be to go with her and make sure she didn’t bleed out, or die…

“Should I…” he started, but was cut off immediately by the Shepard.

“I think I can help Kaylee,” he reasoned, shooting a look at River. Simon understood his meaning, and gripping River’s hand tighter, he began to follow the companion to her shuttle. His sister needed to be safe. That’s all that mattered.

Still, he shot a look over his shoulder as they ascended the stairs to the engine room. Kaylee looked so pale that he was afraid she’d pass out before they got there. His last thought before rushing behind his sister was that the little mechanic was the biggest mystery of a woman he’d ever met in his life. _________________________________________________

River sat against the wall, shaking uncontrollably from the events of the day. His eyes checked her over in the practiced way he’d honed over the years, and despite the terror in her eyes, she was perfectly fine.

“Mei-mei, you have to try and get some sleep,” he gently cajoled, trying to guide her back against the pillows. “You’ve had a long day.”

“Slept so long, Simon,” she whispered, her voice sounding so much like her old voice that for a moment, his heart constricted with happiness. Maybe she’d return to normal without any interference on his part. Maybe simply being away from the experiments and the torture she’d endured was enough to set things right.

“I sleep and sleep, but day never comes,” she continued, her eyes glassing over. “The sunlight is there but the secrets are brighter. Make me blind.”

Maybe not.

Simon sighed, finally succeeding in settling her against the pillows. He wrapped a blanket around her legs, leaving her hands free since she seemed content to slide her fingers across his face. It was as if she was testing to see if he was actually real. He smiled under her hands and tried to reassure her as best he could.

“We’ll find a safe place,” he promised, putting as much truth behind his statement as he could muster.

Her eyes welled with tears, and her lips trembled. “I didn’t think you’d come for me,” she said, her voice breaking like it used to when she was a little girl. Simon’s own eyes clouded for a moment as he recalled the beautiful child she’d been, twirling around their house as if life itself was too perfect to simply sit still for.

“Well, you’re a dummy,” he chided gently, earning the smallest of smiles from her. The sight did him good, and he took her into his arms. Someday, River, he promised her silently, someday I’ll make this right… _________________________________________________

He found the captain on the bridge, and although it was the last thing he wanted to do, he knew he needed to talk to him to know where they stood. He wouldn’t be able to keep his promise to River if he was constantly worried about what godforsaken wasteland Mal would suddenly decide to deposit them on.

Jayne was leaving the enclosed area as he arrived, and Simon felt himself being unceremoniously shoved aside as the mercenary barreled past him. Simon sighed, making his way into the small room.

“Want me to look at that?” he asked by way of alerting Mal to his presence. Mal turned to face him quickly, then swiveled away from him.

“It’s just a graze,” he said dismissively.

Simon edged further onto the bridge slowly, almost as if he was walking to the gallows – which wasn’t so far from the truth. If the captain decided that he and River had already caused enough commotion, they would be floating in the black before they could apologize.

“So, where do you plan on dumping us?” he asked hesitantly. Mal chose not to look at him, playing with several switches on the navigational board instead.

“There’s places you would be safe,” Mal said conversationally. “Tell you the truth though, you’d be safer on the move.”

Simon eyed the captain suspiciously, wondering at his words.

“And we never stop movin’,” Mal continued, pinning Simon down with his gaze.

“I’m confused,” Simon admitted, trying to rationalize the captain’s motives in his overtired brain. The day had been filled with one disaster after another, brought on by himself and his sister. “No, wait…I think maybe you’re confused.”

When Mal spoke next, Simon finally realized why he inspired such loyalty from his crew. It was the first time Simon felt as if Mal saw him as anything resembling a human being who just needed a little help, and it served to shed Mal in an entirely new light in his mind. Maybe, just maybe, the psychotic captain was, himself, human after all.

Before he knew it, Mal had offered him a job on board, and Simon found himself needing to sit down. Make Serenity their home…

A week ago, it would have been an inconceivable, laughable suggestion. Now, here in the quiet blackness that they were sailing through, it seemed like a silent answer to all of Simon’s prayers.

Although, there was still the psychotic part. “Um, I’ll try to put this as delicately as I can…how do I know you won’t try and kill me in my sleep?” he asked timidly.

Simon could have swore he almost saw a smile before the captain leaned toward him in complete seriousness. “You don’t know me, son, so let me explain this to you once. If I kill you, you’ll be awake. You’ll be facing me, and you’ll be armed.”

Simon knew the words to be true. From what he’d seen today, the captain might be a lunatic, but he was an honorable lunatic.

He smiled at the thought, and realized that to be smiling at the end of a horrific day such as this, that was saying something. “Are you always this sentimental?” he quipped.

Mal gave a lopsided smile as well, and just like that, Simon understood that for the time being, he and his sister were safe. “I had a good day,” Mal said, leaning back in his chair.

“You had the Alliance on you. Criminals and savages…half the people on the ship have been shot at or wounded, including yourself…and you’re harboring known fugitives,” Simon said incredulously, standing up to emphasize his point. Maybe the captain truly was psychotic after all.

“We’re still flyin’,” Mal rebutted, swiveling away from him to stare out the window at the expansive blackness stretched before him.

“That’s not much,” Simon said softly, his mind racing over all the things he’d left behind. His career, his friends…his future. Those were things that mattered, that counted.

“It’s enough,” Mal said, another smile playing across his face. Simon stood there uncertainly for a moment, trying to figure out the man seated in front of him. What could have possibly happened in his life that made the simple concept of flying aimlessly through the black count as enough?

He knew he wouldn’t get an answer even if he asked, so he left the captain to his own thoughts and decided to head back to check on River. Along the way he saw Wash nod at him on his way to his and Zoe’s room, and Simon returned the nod. Shepard bid him a goodnight as he passed, which he returned with a wave. It appeared that Shepard would also be staying on instead of getting off at the nearest port as well. When he opened River’s door he found her sleeping peacefully. Backing out quietly, so as not to wake her, his eyes traveled to the low lights of the infirmary. He could barely make out Kaylee’s silhouette in the dimness, but he knew she was there.

Before he knew it, his feet were carrying him to the darkened doorway. He told himself he was just doing his job, making sure his patient was properly cared for…since it was now, apparently, his job in earnest.

Still, when she shifted slightly in her sleep and a sigh escaped her lips, he almost hoped she’d wake up so he could finally apologize. Now that everything was quiet, and the imminent threat of death wasn’t hanging over every second he breathed, his guilt began gnawing at the pit of his stomach again.

He had taken an oath to save lives. More than that, he knew it was what he was born to do. He didn’t know if she’d even been conscious enough to understand what had transpired while she lay there bleeding between himself and Mal, but if there was a chance that she had heard it…

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, hearing the words bounce around the sterile darkness. “I wouldn’t have let you die.”

“I know,” she replied, smiling before she even opened her eyes. Simon gave a small start at her sudden words, but by the time her gaze met his he had collected himself. “You were just tryin’ to save your sister.”

“Well, she’s safe now,” he said, unable to keep the look of relief off his face. “And that’s largely thanks to you. If you hadn’t helped us get away from the Reavers, we wouldn’t be sitting here having this conversation.”

Kaylee shifted, trying to raise up to the sitting position, but he restrained her. “No, don’t try to do that. You shouldn’t have even been moved when they took you to the engine room.”

“My girl’s awfully picky about who she behaves for,” Kaylee said, taking his advice and settling back against her pillows. “There wasn’t much of a choice to be had.”

“I know, and I don’t know how I can ever thank you,” he said, adjusting her tubes so they didn’t twist around her arm.

She laughed quietly, grimacing at the pain it must have cost her. “Silly, I wasn’t just savin’ you. If I didn’t do my job, we wouldn’t be sittin’ here havin’ this conversation, remember?”

Simon smiled down at her, feeling a sudden, sweeping surge of protectiveness toward her wash over him. He thought he was finally beginning to understand just how important she was to the people on this ship. “What a great point. I hadn’t thought about it like that.”

She looked like she wanted to laugh again, but thought better of it. Instead, she graced him with another open smile. “So, did you and the captain get things settled?”

“As much as I’m assuming things can ever be settled with the captain,” he said, earning himself an even wider smile from her. “He thinks it would be best if River and I stay on with Serenity for a while. Safer on the move…”

If possible, the wide smile grew even brighter as her eyes sparkled up at his. “You got yourself a job?” she asked, reaching out to pat his hand, which rested next to her on the bed. “That’s shiny, doc…that’s real shiny.”

“I suppose,” he said, feeling the pull of her gentle goodness wash over him again. “So as your official doctor, I can order you to get some rest and you’ll have to listen to me.” He took her hand up in his and laid it softly on the space where his had resided. He gave her a quick smile and stood up, readjusting the blanket strewn across her legs. “I’m right next door if you need anything, and I’m a light sleeper.”

“I’m gonna be just fine,” she said, her eyes already drifting closed. “Had a pretty good doc fix me up proper.”

“You sure you don’t need anything?” he asked, surprised at how low his voice sounded all of a sudden. The smile was still playing across her lips even though she wasn’t looking at him any longer, and the oddest sensation began pooling low in his gut. He tried to place it, but it was just out of his reach.

“Actually, there’s one thing you could do for me,” she slurred a bit, sleep beginning to pull her under.

“What?”

“Could you leave the light on near the door? I’m not used ta sleepin’ in here…never been shot before…” her voice faded out as her head rolled gently to the side and her exhaustion finally took over.

Simon stared down at her for a long moment, marveling in the way her lips stayed secured in the easy smile he now knew was as essential to her as breathing. He padded lightly to the doorway, making sure the light was still on with a quick glance before looking back to her. When he saw the deep, even rise and fall of her breathing, he smiled to himself and left the room that was to be the site of his new occupation.

Doctor to a bunch of renegades.

Somehow, the notion didn’t seem quite so ridiculous all of a sudden.

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Well, there’s the first installment. I hope you enjoyed. It was very long and heavy on the actual canon, but that had to be done to establish things. Also, let’s face it…Simon had a lot to do with the first episode. The other installments will be more of a fleshing out of missing scenes, so there’s that to look forward to. Much more S/K to come!