Disclaimers: Not mine, no profit here.

A/N: A big THANK YOU to BlueEyedBrigadier for the beta work. Any and all mistakes are the fault of the author or space monkeys. (Personally i'm blaming the monkeys!)

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THE RECOVERY: PART 4

Inara gently cradled Rill as she walked around the ship, silently giving praise to Buddha for the chance to hold such a peaceful piece of the ‘verse. Even River had calmed down when Rill was near, giving Mal a much-needed break. Poor girl, so naturally full of love and wonder, clinging to Mal for comfort. The look that Mal had given her had left Inara feeling wanted; not her body but her, a distinction only Mal could awaken in her. She had taken Rill to the bridge, where Wash seemed a bit standoffish while Zoë cradled Rill – a distinction to remember. In the common room, Book’s face showed remembered pleasures, but nothing else. Later, while in the engine room, Rill fell asleep to the gentle hum of the engine; the comfort of her mother, no doubt. Inara could feel Kaylee in there herself.

-----

Book looked out at the stars. The book that brought him so much comfort absently held to his chest. Many emotions played across his face, dominated by sadness.

-----

Jayne was hungry, but the chance to hit Simon was more tempting. Besides, he had been paid and he always did the job. It was a point of pride. Also, he liked the arguing. Couldn’t understand what they were saying, but the arguing and crying were ‘musing. A smile stayed on his face.

-----

In the cargo bay, Mal was gaining respect for Simon. Caring for a distraught River, Mal had discovered, was mighty tiring – the seemingly fragile young woman possessed a strength few could comprehend. The boy must be stronger and more patient than he gave him credit for. Glancing down at the remains of his clothing, he was glad he wasn’t wearing good clothes, his shirt had two buttons left, a ripped sleeve and grease stains. His pants were in better shape, but his shins had taken a beating and he really wished he had worn a cup. But the look on her tortured face kept him with her; real pain and fear marring what should have been innocent features. Mal sighed as he realized that being a father is harder work than he thought. It was times like this that he really missed his ma. She was not only strong but wise. He could honestly see River on their ranch…riding horses, enjoying the newborns, the sun, the wind and picnics on holidays. His ma would have loved River and Inara… Where did that thought come from?

“It’s a nice thought,” River said from his tear stained shirt. “Baby animals and baby Inaras…your Mama would be pleased. I like horses.”

“Ah, little one,” Mal said hugging her close. “If wishes were horses…”

“Jayne would be eating steak.” River smirked. “Simon’s feeling better, better and hungry.”

“How about you? You are calmer.”

“Calm begets peace begets calm.”

“If you insist, lil’ one. Let’s get some thing to eat.”

“I’ve got you something.” Inara spoke from the step she was sitting on. River came over and took a bowl of protein cubes over to a crate she could perch on. Mal sat on the step below Inara, smiling when she handed him his bowl. “Horses huh?”

Mal choked on the cube in his mouth. “How much did you hear?”

“I like baby animals and horses. Do you really think your mother would have liked me?”

“Ma was tough and demanding, but she could see into a person like no one I ever saw. You would stand straight and tall into her stare and she would like you. You are a woman in a legal profession. That she would respect.”

“That’s some image to live up to.”

“Where’s Rill?” Mal suddenly noticed her absence and hoped to change the subject.

“Sleeping,” Inara held up a communicator, “I put one in her crib with the button locked down.”

“Nice idea…you should tell Kaylee.”

“It’s Kaylee’s. She doesn’t like being separated from Rill.”

“Daughters can be demanding.” Mal winked at River.

“Precious and precocious.” River added from her perch, laughing with the other two. Her face suddenly changed. “Jayne just hit Simon. Deserved it, can’t run from Reavers in the head.”

“What’s been bothering him?” Inara inquired.

“Reality’s real, he doesn’t believe it.”

“Anything else?” Mal asked.

“Dead friend.”

“Who?”

“Girl who brought him food. Asked her to contact ‘Nara. Big Reaver squeezed, she wasn’t strong. Simon saw. They took his clothes, no sleep, spoiled food, dirty water; sick, well, sick, well, sick, well…” River started softly crying. “…They beat him, he saw what wasn’t there. Learned to feel pain, not his.”

Inara and Mal pulled River into a hug whispering comfort…

-----

Wash still felt guilty. Zoë knew he hadn’t wanted to talk about it. “Husband, talk to me. You helped get Simon back. You redeemed yourself.”

“Not in my eyes, Zoë, not in my eyes.” With this he stood. “Zoë…I have to confess to Simon, and soon.”

-----

Jayne enjoyed punching Simon, was a bit puzzled too; the sissy had a hard stomach. After he had shoved the doctor back in the infirmary, he gave Kaylee an appraising look. Seems that regular sexin’ a pretty good workout – it never occurred to him how important being fit was to a surgeon. He hoped Inara would stop by with more food.

=====

”Simon, are you alright?” Kaylee was scared – Jayne looked like he really enjoyed that punch. And what was with that leer he gave her?

Simon coughed a few times. “Yeah, just fine. You must really hate me!”

“Simon, I love you but running time’s over, Mr. Top Three Percent.”

“Did you ever wonder how many doctors were in my class?”

“Don’t change the subject.”

“29”

“29? That would make you the top three percent. Why the deception?”

“My transcripts showed the truth, otherwise it’s considered unseemly to brag…to talk about one’s successes.”

“Simon,” Kaylee decides to take control of the discussion. “It’s time to ‘step boldly into today.’ Walken still has you scared, why?”

“He wants Rill, Kaylee! He’ll kill you and not think twice about it. He used our marriage like a battering ram. He took my clothes, my health, my dignity but he left my wedding ring. Music was blasted into my cell every hour or so, I grew to hate ‘The Wedding March’. He beat me when I wouldn’t tell him about you. The food was rancid, the water was dirty, I slept on a cement floor… Walken told me stories about you; that you were whoring and servicing Allied troops for free. Every medical test I ever heard of, and some I hadn’t were performed on me, many of them illegal! I think he even cut into my brain. When he killed Kiara, I almost snapped. She was supposed to be nice to me, to get me to open up, and it worked. I told her about you, how you look and how your smile is brighter than day. How our courtship took so long because I was afraid. About our first kiss. How our first time gave me a grin that lasted a week. I told her all that and she didn’t tell him anything, none of it. He stood in front of me and crushed the life out of her, like she was nothing more than a tissue. All I could think about after that was that could be you, would be you. The horrors that River faced, Rill would have a lifetime of with no one to care or come after her. This ring,” Simon held his hand. “This ring has brought me my greatest joys – You, Rill, River ,your family, the Captain, Zoë, Wash, Book, Inara, Serenity and freedom. I’m afraid of losing all that. In a heartbeat you can be dead, Rill and River tortured or broken and thrown out like go se.” With his rambling finished, Simon collapsed on the tile floor, his body wracked with spasms as he finally broke down completely; tears flowing as he sobbed and wailed uncontrollably.

Kaylee was crying also, she prayed for strength, strength she had to find. The strength of her Father and her Captain, strength she had never had to have but needed now. Simon had always been strong, stronger than he knew. That he hadn’t broken was proof of that strength. How can she prove to him that he’s whole?

Kaylee walked over to a counter and wiped her face with a towel. She looked at him and made her resolve. She is Kaywinnit Lee Frye Tam, wife of Doctor Simon Tam, mother of Rill Lee Frye, mechanic on space transport Serenity; time to be an adult. She covered Simon with a blanket, cradled his head in her lap and sang to him; sang of her love for him, sang like to Rill, sang until he slept and sang until she slept.

-----

Hours later she awoke to see Simon staring at her

“You look pretty.”

“I’m a mess.”

“No,” he closed his eyes. “Pretty.” And he fell asleep.

Kaylee pulled a pillow from under the exam table and slid it under Simon’s head. With a smile, she went to the door and relieved a groggy Jayne of his duty. Leaning against the door, she closed her eyes for a moment of thanks. When she opened her eyes, River’s nose was an inch from her own.

“Praying?”

“It’s a comfort.” Kaylee sputtered, her heart racing from fright. “You scared me! Remember ‘personal space’?” “Wanted to be in your prayer.”

“You always are, sweetie.”

“Simon sleeps well, Kaylee song in his head.”

“My song?”

“You sang to him… he remembers… can return now.”

“He’s well?”

“No, first of a thousand... Must learn to crawl… Sleep now...” And she wandered off.

“I thought she was better,” Kaylee said to no one.

“Seemed alright to me.” Mal said from behind her.

Kaylee’s heart jumped again. “I’m going to bell all of you!”

“Just don’t be giving Jayne a cow bell, he’ll ring it all day just to annoy.”

“Probably right. You said you understood River?”

“Simon’s sleeping comfortably and he’s started healing, but he’s got a ways to go.”

“It’s getting scary how well you understand her.”

Wrapping his arms around Kaylee, “I just listen.”

“No, I listen, you hear.”

“You’re starting to sound like your sister-in-law.”

“Must be lack of sleep.”

“Go clean up, I’ll stay here, keep the space monkeys away.”

“I love my Captain.” Kissing him on the cheek, Kaylee quickly retreated to her cabin.

“Should Simon be jealous?” Inara asked crossing the common area, holding Rill.

“She’s my mei-mei, ‘Nara.”

“Your…well….ahem. How’s Simon?”

“River thinks he can start healing now.”

“That’s good news!”

“Rill!” Kaylee whispers, emerging from her room, taking Rill from Inara. “My precious girl, did you have a good time with Auntie ‘Nara?”

“She’s had a full day of games and loving.”

“She didn’t miss me?” Kaylee asked sadly.

“Of course she did. River showed up every time she grew agitated. A quick cuddle and coo and Rill was happy.”

“About the only times all day River was calm.” A bruised and battered Mal groused.

Kaylee thought to herself, “If only it were that easy….” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TBC

A/N: “step boldly into today.” Is a quote from Wisdom from the Ninja Village of the Cold Moon by Stephen K. Hayes.