| 6ixStringJack: If you don't think you'd get a lot of push back for whatever reason, you should try to make the meetup happen sooner than later. My friend was being real possessive of his dad in those final days and even though I made it known that I wanted to go there and say my goodbyes he didn't want anybody to see his dad like that. I did get to talk to him on the phone one last time though, and I realized why he was doing it. That conversation was for me and not for him. Forget about whatever he looked like at that point, but I don't think his dad really wanted anybody to even hear him like that. He was the kind of guy who would have been annoyed that we had a funeral for him where people were crying and we didn't have a huge party in his honor instead. Really good man. |
| 6ixStringJack: Yeah. You're right. We had a lot of time together. She took me in when I needed help and I'll never forget that. I'm glad that the last few years we got together every month or two with my aunt. Just never made time to go over there and do things like go through all those old family photographs with her. My aunt has all of that now, and I"d bet if we ever went through it half of those photos we wouldn't even be able to identify now without her. |
| Brenda: She brought her over to her place a year ago in the summer and me and another friend went there and visited with her mum. But she was able to get around more then. Her mum did have a phone in her room but she had to have it taken out. She is forgetting a lot of stuff now, mostly in a wheelchair. Like a while ago she started forgetting to eat. Maybe one of these days I will talk to my friend and see about seeing her. She still remembers people as I said. |
| Brenda: When a loved one gets sick and then they die. We all wish that things had been different. You can tie yourself in knots with the what ifs. I know I've done it. Not so much over my mum but maybe some over my dad and sure as shooting over myself. That's why say you have to treasure the time you had with your grandmother. But I am sorry that you didn't get to spend all the time you wanted with her. |
| 6ixStringJack: Is there any way you can see your friend's mom or at least talk to her now? |
| 6ixStringJack: Honestly, I had no clue that the morphine in a bottle would do that to her either, or despite what I could have lost I would have fought it a lot harder than I did. I was only fighting for her because she didn't want the drugs. I didn't know that it would kill her within a matter of days. I don't blame my family for it. I just wish things had gone different is all. She'd be gone by now almost certainly, but at least I would have been able to spend some more time with her in the end, and did some of the things I wish I took the time to do when she was still alive. I thought I still had 6 months to a year to do those things, but really it was less than 24 hours before they put her on that dose and it was over. |
Brenda: We were. She became like a second mother to me after my own passed. I know what you mean about people keeping serious things like that to themselves. I've known people like that. Now, as I said I just dread at times talking to my friend. It hurts to hear how her mum has gone down hill in the last while. She still remembers people including me.  But that day will come. I think my friend's brother wants to keep me from knowing when her mum passes. But she said one time I will be told about it. |
| Brenda: Don't I know that. They would say "Oh, we will take care of your mum." And I think riiiiight. You'd get her to all her doctor's appointments and make sure her meds were all up to date. I just finally started ignoring them. |
| Brenda: Well, you know what they say hindsight is 20/20. And if they didn't know or understand about these drugs, not really their faults. It's just a shame that your grandmother had to go like that. |
| 6ixStringJack: Sorry to hear about your friend's mom. Sounds like you guys are pretty tight. That's how it was with my friend's dad. I spent more time with him than either of his sons the last few years of his life. I feel bad for my buddy because his life was nothing but chaos at the time and he didn't spend nearly enough time with his dad. But nobody knew that it was happening except for his dad, who kept all of that to himself until he got the bad news that it was terminal. He'd been living with cancer for years and taking care of it without even letting his family know about the diagnosis. |
| 6ixStringJack: Its a shame that people judged you like that when your mom was passing. Everybody has their opinions and most people cant keep them to themselves.
I haven't seen my mom or step-dad for probably over 5 years at this point. Not since they moved to Florida. We talk on the phone maybe 3 times a year now. There's probably a good chance that I never see them again, so I'm not really worried about it. I hope it's quick when it happens though. I don't want her to suffer. |
| 6ixStringJack: Had my grandma's kids known that it was a murder drug, I don't think they would have been so quick to give it to her. That's not how it was sold to them by the lying doctors. There were plenty of lesser drugs in that kit like codine and similar stuff, but we jumped straight to the murder drug because that's what the doctors and the hospice nurse told them to do. |
| Brenda: No, I don't. Unless I get asked a question by a medical person. Like my first mammogram. They need to know if anyone directly related to you had cancer, specifically breast. The only one that had that was my dad's oldest sister and that didn't count. I'm doing that sort of right now. A friend's mum is in a care home and not doing too well. I am just dreading the day when I get the news that she has gone. I love that lady. |
| Brenda: It was something like that for lung cancer and her second round with the disease. My mum's first cancer diagnosis was colon cancer. She went in and had the surgery and then the chemo after. She asked the surgeon if it came back where would it. He said either liver or lungs. It was lungs. |
| Brenda: My relationship with my mum had its ups and downs. Especially when I was teenager which was just a few years after my dad died. And it was like that at the end. My mum was an only child and her parents had been dead for years. I never knew them. Or my dad's parents. I hope things go smooth when your mom's time comes. |
| Brenda: Ah, well cancer does the opposite to people. It eats up the healthy cells to make more of itself. So when ladies my mum knew noticed she was loosing weight, they would give me dirty looks as if I wasn't looking after my mum. They knew she had cancer and I am sure they knew what it does to the body. Oh, I know how hard that type of thing can be. I was spared that but helping her in and out of the bathtub. Injecting her with blood thinners. That job I didn't want but the nurses said I had to learn because she needed it when they weren't there. |
| Brenda: No. That was wrong. Her family should have fought harder to keep the morphine away from her. |
| Brenda: Never heard of that way of giving morphine but that doesn't matter. My mum was eating and drinking till almost the end of her life as well. |
| 6ixStringJack: I hope that 17 years on you don't think about it too much anymore. It's only been 2 and I know I think about it way more than I should, but I don't think about it as much as I used to. It was just made worse with my friend's Dad dying 6 months later, and he was the most positive person I had in my life. 2 very important people died that year and I just haven't been doing what I need to do ever since. Kinda buried myself in projects and keeping my mind as busy as I can. |
| 6ixStringJack: Sounds like you mom and my grams basically had the same diagnosis. That was the 6-months-to-a-year diagnosis. Outside of a hip surgery and glacoma surgery a few years prior, she was never in the hospital for anything and rarely ever got sick. She quit smoking in her early 40's and all of the sudden she got sick and it was stage 4 lung cancer. |