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LOS ANGELES, CA — California state and city officials gathered with residents on Thursday to celebrate the opening of a public trash can that cost just $400 billion and took only 18 years to install.

The lavish ribbon-cutting ceremony in Griffith Park was attended by Governor Gavin Newsom, Los Angeles Mayor Karen Bass, and approximately 48 homeless individuals eager to make the new trash can their home.

"This is a fantastic achievement, and you should all be proud," Newsom said as he gleefully cut the ribbon, officially opening the city trash can. "I almost said you should all be 'droup.' Sorry, I have dyslexia. Anyway, here's that trash can we promised. It's amazing what we can accomplish with your tax dollars, isn't it?"

The multi-year project survived several delays due to union disputes, COVID-19, and a brief period in 2025 when its funds were re-allocated to hundreds of hospice care companies on Van Nuys Boulevard. Mayor Karen Bass was credited with taking the project over the finish line after she discovered some project files she previously thought had been destroyed in the Palisades fire.

"I really thought I wasn't going to have to work on this anymore, but I'm glad it's done, I guess," she said. "It'll be nice for the violent criminals to have another place to dispose of their murder weapons."

At publishing time, the new trash can had been torn up from the ground by illegal alien rioters to hurl at ICE agents.

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