In the weeks that followed, Mal and Kaylee only shared company to give and receive progress reports on Serenity’s condition. They worked out an unspoken schedule of avoidance: when one arrived for a meal, the other left seconds before; when one tended to things in the cargo hold, the other was sure to be elsewhere. None of this went unnoticed by the rest of the crew. No one could work a smile out of Kaylee, and if Mal tried to bite one of their heads off one more time…well, Zoe and Jayne had a plan worked out that involved some time in forced solitary confinement.

A few hours after picking up cargo for a transport job to Santo, Zoe found Mal in the hold inspecting the contents of the crates. She leaned against the stairway railing and silently waited for him to finish. After a few moments, Mal straightened and called behind him, “You got something that needs sayin’?”

“What makes you say that, sir?” Zoe maintained an expert air of innocence. It always annoyed Mal; she was even better at hiding her emotions than he was.

“Never fix me with that stare of yours ‘less you’ve got something to say to me. Usually means I ain’t gonna like it, neither.” Mal knew she was baiting him. Since he was rather busy making sure things were in order for the drop, he took the bait willingly.

“Probably won’t. Came to tell you that you’re an idiot,” Zoe said.

“You know, you’re the second person to tell me that in less than a month and I’m starting to get a mite offended by it.” Mal replaced the lid of the crate he was examining with a thud and turned to face her.

“Think we don’t notice how you and Kaylee have been avoiding each other? That girl hasn’t smiled in weeks. Don’t know exactly why but I surely know it was your fault.” Zoe’s emotionless expression never wavered. It made arguing with her extremely irritating.

“It was not! You can’t go around accusing me of things you don’t know nothing about.” He tried his best anyway.

“Know that she tried to work things out first and had it all go wrong. She ain’t gonna try again. It’d hurt her too much to fail a second time. It’s up to you,” she returned evenly.

“How do you know what she did or didn’t do?” Mal’s voice rose a little, on par with his growing indignation.

“Who do you think gave her the bottle, sir?” Zoe allowed herself the smallest of smirks.

Mal raked a hand through his hair irritably. “She said she – gorram it! Are all the women on this boat part of some conspiracy to drive me crazy?”

“I’m not. You’re crazy enough all by yourself. Takes one to know one.” River made her contribution to the conversation from inside one of the open crawl spaces.

“Girl, how long you been hiding in there?” Mal demanded. River just smiled as she uncurled herself from her hiding place, then skipped off toward the engine room.

“Sir, I have some experience in crew fraternization. Normally I don’t approve of it either, but your heart doesn’t pay any attention to rules or boundaries or proper behavior when it chooses who it wants.” This is what Zoe had been working toward. Her vague reference to Wash told him that simply enough. It took a lot for Zoe to even allude to her late husband.

“Ain’t that simple,” he returned carefully.

“Is. You find who you love, and then you make the absolute best you can of it. However long it lasts, ain’t no one who’s experienced it can say it wasn’t worth it.” She paused to allow him to interrupt, but Mal had nothing to say. “Being too proud to let yourself experience happiness that’s ready and waiting for you is a damn shame, but it ain’t anyone’s fault but your own.”

He went back to inspecting the cargo when she was done, effectively dismissing her. But Zoe knew he’d heard her. She could tell that by the look in his eyes she caught before he turned away.

~*~

When the knock came on the door to her quarters, Kaylee was more than a bit surprised. For one, it was after midnight. Since she’d been in a funk, the whole crew didn’t seem to know quite what to make of her. They took to giving her a whole lot of space, figuring that’s what she wanted. The only person that actually tried to talk to her was Inara, and that turned out to be a mostly one-sided conversation.

“Quingjin,” she called, just loud enough for whoever was outside the door could hear.

Kaylee knew it was Mal as soon as she saw his boots descending on the ladder. She braced herself for the moment his face came into view. There wasn’t any way to make an exit from her bunk without looking extremely conspicuous, given that she’d have to shove him out of the way to leave. The captain was cautious; he looked like he expected her to throw him out any second. Mal kept one hand on the ladder just in case. When no such admonishment came, he pushed himself rather awkwardly into the middle of the room.

“Somethin’ wrong with Serenity, captain?” she asked.

“No,” he finally spoke. “Boat’s fine. Sorry for disturbing ya so late. Thought you’d be sleepin’.”

She shrugged at him. “Sleep ain’t coming so easy last few weeks. Been passing the time making some notes to Serenity’s manual in case someone else needs to fix her sometime.” As evidence, she showed him the open book in her lap, stuffed with extra pages and covered in black pen scribbles.

“Came all the way down here. Musta been for something,” she prodded.

Mal cleared his throat and gave her a sideways glance before speaking. “Wanted to go over some things need discussin’. Like," he paused, "aw, hell, Kaylee. I don’t rightly know what to say.”

Her face fell a little. “Well, can always come back when you’ve figured it out,” she said dismissively.

“No. I gotta do this now.” He exhaled loudly. “I don’t rightly know how it happened, much less why, because it breaks just about every rule I ever set out for myself, but…”

Knowing that he was sounding more ridiculous by the second, Mal stopped talking. Instead, he perched himself on the edge of her bed and took her face in his hands.

“I guess…only thing I got to say is this.” He leaned in and closed his mouth over hers, lightly, hesitantly. Kaylee was certain she’d never been more relieved and grateful for anything in her life.

There wasn’t any doubt that Malcolm Reynolds was a good kisser. In fact, Kaylee thought it was a shame that someone that good at kissing had kept his talents to himself for so long. His kiss was gentle at first, gradually growing more insistent as he demanded access to her mouth. She complied, allowing him in and giving back as fiercely as she got. Mal’s hands became tangled in her hair and her fingers gripped possessively on the back of his neck. Her body responded so strongly to such limited contact she almost couldn’t bear it. Then, just as she was about to lose herself completely, he pulled away.

Kaylee’s eyes flew open at his sudden absence. The look he gave her almost stopped her heart. “Still don’t seem right somehow. Feel like I’m takin’ advantage of your feelings. Seems--”

“Bizui. Shut up,” she commanded him, breathing heavily. “You want me?”

“Seems clear I do. Startin’ to think I more than want you…I…nî hâo mêi.” He breathed the last part into her hair.

“Ain’t nothing else that matters. Not even the fact that your pants are tighter’n mine.” She smiled at him in a way that made him feel like the most important person in the world.

“You sure this is what you want, bâo bèi?” he asked her, face inches from hers. If he’d screwed up again and she changed her mind now, he wasn’t sure he could bear it. Mal wanted her so badly that the notion of control was quickly slipping from him.

“Thing is, cap’n…I got an emptiness inside o’ me, and only one can fill it is you,” she confessed.

Whether it was the sincerity in her voice or the promise her words held he’d never know, but the last remnants of Mal’s defenses finally fell. He allowed Kaylee to pull him close and bury her head against his neck, and he felt the kind of warmth he hadn’t allowed himself to feel in years. They fell asleep like that, seeming to quietly agree that finally letting happiness win out over pride was reward enough for one night.

~*~

When Mal awoke in the morning he found himself staring into a mass of long, brown hair. Sometime in the night, Kaylee had shifted to rest her head just below his chin, hair splayed out on the pillow above her. Her left arm clutched his body as if to reassure her sleeping self that Mal was still there. He felt her breath on his arm, which was resting across his stomach, every time she exhaled. Looking at her lie there so contentedly, the captain was having trouble remembering why sleeping alone had ever seemed like a good idea.

Pulling both hands up to rest behind his head, Mal reluctantly thought that it was probably time to get up and make sure no one had blown a hole in his boat yet. However, he found it very difficult to get motivated with a pretty girl sleeping right next to him. In fact, he thought as sleep came over him again, it was nearly impossible to think about anything at all.

The second time Mal returned to consciousness was even better than the first. He found Kaylee on top of him, felt her placing tantalizing kisses along his jaw and behind his ear, running her hands slowly up and down his chest as she did.

“Woman, exactly how did you manage to take my gorram shirt off while I was sleepin’?” he demanded of her, looking down into her quasi-guilty face.

“Couldn’t wait no more.” She tried to pout at him but couldn’t stop the grin from taking over her face.

Mal opened his mouth to reply, but found he couldn’t come up with a thing to say. Instead, he let her continue her explorations, though they were quickly creating a tension in him that was becoming hard to ignore. When he couldn’t take not touching her for one more second, he seized her by the waist and flipped her over so her back was to the mattress. Kaylee managed to squeal in surprise before Mal covered her mouth with his own and kissed her fiercely until she couldn’t breathe.

Mal’s hands worked their way under her pajama top and as soon as they touched skin Kaylee inhaled sharply. His hands were calloused and scarred from countless battles and fights and hard labor jobs, but she didn’t feel any of that when he touched her. All she felt was a tingling desire that lingered hotly wherever his hands had been. They were strong, and they were sure and they were everywhere. Kaylee closed her eyes and gave a soft moan at the contact. She felt him smile as he kissed her collarbone, pleased with the reaction he was getting. Before he could come back to kissing her lips, she flipped them both back over so she was on top again.

Kaylee couldn’t kiss him enough. Every time she did, the need she felt for him grew larger. She’d left his face and started exploring the expanse of his chest with her lips and fingers. Mal was strong and firm under her touch. When she came to one of his scars – pink and shiny circles and long, straight lines on his skin – she lightly placed her lips on it. He shuddered a bit and thrust his hips when she found one on his abdomen, just below the line of his pants.

Her hand moved to his zipper and started to pull, but before she could finish his hand covered hers, effectively stopping her. Mal answered her questioning look by sitting up and wrapping her legs around his waist. He lofted her shirt up over her head and paused a moment, taking the sight of her in. She couldn’t mistake the unabashed lustful once-over his eyes gave her; it warmed her up inside. When he placed a single kiss in the space between her breasts she thought she was lost.

Loving Mal was easy. Every other lover she’d had took work – concentration on what to do, where to touch, how to make sure each of them were enjoying themselves like they should. Kaylee and Mal moved seamlessly; touching the right places, kissing the right parts. Everything just fit. They slowly relieved each other of the remains of their clothing, never breaking contact. As Mal gently laid her back onto the bed, he gave her a genuine smile before sinking down with her.

Kaylee discovered that his hands may not be soft, but they were most definitely dexterous. They elicited pleasures in her that made her cry out because she couldn’t contain herself. Their lovemaking was loud and intense but almost effortless. The rhythm they set was leisurely but forceful; neither one of them had the breath left to say anything as they climaxed.

Afterward, Mal held her close, chest to chest, and touched his nose to hers with affection. Making him smile – so genuine that it reached his eyes and deepened the lines of his face – made her happier than anything else they’d done. Kaylee ran her fingers through his tousled hair and then moved her hand under the covers. When she brushed the top of his backside she pulled her hand away and feigned innocence.

“You just touched my rear, little Kaylee, and I do believe it was on purpose,” Mal admonished her.

“Weren’t an accident last time, neither. Wandering hands,” she shot back with a conspiratorial grin, pulling the covers over both their heads.

~*~ END OF STORY

Chinese Translations in order of appearance (courtesy of living_impaired’s journal)

Quingjin = come in Bizui = shut up Nî hâo mêi = you’re so beautiful Bâo bèi = sweetheart