Continuation of Just Breathe

After her chest stopped hitching with sobs and her breathing returned to normal, Mal took a chance and turned his mouth toward her ear. “Think we can get you up off this cold floor now, xin gan? Engine room can do without you for a bit. Time for sleepin’.”

She paused, then replied, “He sullied it. This room. Can’t come in here without thinkin’ on what he said to me…but can’t stay away neither ‘cause it’s my home.”

Mal didn’t have the words to ease the pain of her dilemma. Instead, he gave her a squeeze and kissed her forehead; the only sort of comfort he had to offer.

“Let’s go, hmm? We’ll get you to bed and start on fixin’ this tomorrow,” he said.

Kaylee nodded and allowed him to help her up. Wrapping an arm around her, Mal guided them both to her quarters, pausing at the door.

“You gonna be okay down there ‘til morning?” he asked.

“Sure, Cap’n. I’ll be fine,” she replied.

Mal was far from convinced, but seeing as he slept only a few feet away, he let her fib slide. “You keep that com link open between your bunk and mine. Give me a holler if something bothers at you any. I mean it.”

She offered him a small, forced smile and disappeared down the ladder. Mal waited until she’d shut herself in before allowing his face to harden. It took a good bit of willpower to keep from hitting a wall panel with one of his clenched fists, but he knew Kaylee would hear it if he did and no use worrying her more.

Instead, he heaved a sigh and ran a hand through his hair as he headed toward his own bunk. Once inside, he sat on the edge of his bed and removed his boots, taking care to line them up side-by-side against the wall. Standing up, he removed his shirt and hung it on a peg outside the shower module. Mal reached a hand in to switch on the shower, testing the temperature to make sure it was as hot as possible.

The rest of his clothes he left on the floor. He needed a long, hot shower after the day they’d had and he’d waited long enough to get it. Mal stepped inside, closed the door behind him and let the spray hit him in the face. After a few moments he bowed his head and rested his palms against the wall, allowing the water to wash over him from head to toe.

It was pretty simple, really. He’d failed. Serenity was his boat and the crew on it were his responsibility. That someone was able to sneak on to his ship and play all sorts of twisted games with his crew while its Captain was helplessly trapped in his bunk was inexcusable. His insides had been burning with rage and shame all day at the thought of it and the scalding water was doing nothing to help lessen that particular pain.

Jubal Early made Mal look weak, like he couldn’t do the simple job of protecting his own. It didn’t settle well inside him, especially since the bounty hunter chose the most vulnerable of all of them to cruelly torment. To threaten Kaylee…like that…well, there was death, and then there was something worse. Mal didn’t trouble himself much over which one Early deserved.

Early was gone now, floating in space, but little pieces of his presence remained on the ship, poisoning those onboard. Mal knew there was no way he could truly understand the depths of Kaylee’s terror, or the kind of pain she must be feeling now. He could wipe her tears and hold her close and let her know that he’d always protect her with everything he had...but how could she believe it when he’d already failed so miserably?

It wasn’t just that she was sad; he’d seen her sad before. When he found her in the engine room, his mechanic looked stripped bare. Exposed to the core and devoid of the parts that made her uniquely Kaylee. If something could really strip the happiness from a bright soul like hers...

Mal shut the water off and tried to stop thinking. No use letting too much emotion get in the way of things. Getting caught up in all of that only strays a person from the course of what needs to be done. He had to fix it, plain and simple. He had to find a way to heal her and bring her smile back. He needed her to believe that she was safe again as long as he was around. She needed to believe it…and he did too.

Picking up his towel from the end of the bed, Mal dried himself off and climbed under the covers. He leaned over and double-checked the settings on the com link, listening closely for a moment but hearing nothing. Satisfied, he turned the light out and settled in, hoping a couple of hours sleep would manage to find him that night.