Bed and Wine: Part 9 By Kaynara

*** Our lovable crews works through some “issues.” R-ish, as most of my chapters tend to be. *** There wasn’t a dawn, but in the hour dawn would have come, all tawny-eyed and gold-skinned and rose-lipped, River slid out from his arms, dressed quickly in the dark and crept from the room. Was she changed? Was anything? Everything and nothing, Inara would say. Inara. Full of contradictions. Not like Kaylee. Sweet Kaylee, cozy in her idealism. River liked playing with Kaylee, laughing and chasing, cooking and sharing chores. Liked Inara too, but Inara made her brain hurt. Youth and old age. Faithful and faithless. Pain and pleasure. A flawless mess of hurt and hope. She tried to comfort--long comb strokes through knotted hair. But River felt her turmoil, felt it twist and tangle, tight as the knots in her hair. Inara had been with men, hundreds maybe. Old men and young. Good, bad and all shades of gray. But did she understand this? Did anyone? She liked how he looked at her during. Not a crazy little girl--broken witch, little weapon, bird of charm--but a woman, whole and actual. Girl parts--lips, curves, places that molded, pieces that fit. A full, flesh-and-blood woman, and him a man, simple as that. Made her smile, made her happy, just like the calm after. All the screams rendered silent, his body gone slack over hers. The quite lasted long hours--not long enough--as River lay still. She listened to nothing. In-and-out breath sounds, soul at ease. He’d wake soon, warrior-tense. All the things he dreamed: parents’ bodies, mangled and bloody and broken. Reavers snapping, little blond boy locked in a trunk. Daddy stuck him in tight, made him swallow the key. Sometimes he dreamed about Zoe, her belly heavy with child. Sometimes he made love to her before the Reavers came. Sometimes Gideon was the Reaver, the one to kill Zoe, tear into her flesh. Body hurt. Unfamiliar tingles, sore in strange places and alive in others. She expected as much--pain and pleasure in equal measure. But the other....She’d thought her head was her own now. The captain got inside, but that was different. He didn’t know what was happening, couldn’t help it. Intimate, root words in and mate. Mate was easy: to come together for breeding purposes. In was the rub. Inside, interior. Had Inara tried to warn her? Too late, already torn. A trespass, worse than the Academy in ways. Good parts, bad parts. Further experimentation was needed to establish a more sound theory. *** “So they made her then. Aoman bastards made her to kill the Reavers.” Jayne snorted, shoved his chair back from the table. Mal looked up. “Jayne. Where you think you’re goin’?” “Oh, I’m just refuelin’,” Jayne muttered, swinging his coffee mug. “Gorramn hwoon dan Alliance. What kinda government gets girls to fight its wars?” “I’m too tired to decide whether that was sexist. We need a rest, Captain. Been at this hours, and it’s almost morning.” “I’m not quite finished, Zoe,” Mal said cooly, ignoring the way Inara blinked in surprise. He swung his gaze to Simon. “Let’s talk side effects, Doctor.” Simon shrugged, folded his hands on the table. “You’ve seen most of them. Removal of the amygdala results in a skewed sense of fear and anxiety. She stays and fights when most would flee.” “Now who’s that sound like,” Jayne muttered, returning to his seat. “Maybe the Alliance removed some o’ Mal’s parts too.” Inara kicked his ankle under the table, shook her head slowly when he turned. Jayne was about one smart-ass utterance away from a bullet wound. “Makes sense.” Zoe was nodding, loyal to Mal even if she disagreed with his logic in running them all ragged. “Trained soldiers would head for the hills, they saw Reavers comin’. Alliance needed someone different, someone--” “Inhuman,” Jayne finished. “Jayne,” Kaylee murmured, glancing at Simon. “What? We’re all thinkin’ it, I’m just the only one with balls enough to say it out loud.” “If you know that, maybe you shouldn’t say it,” Inara hissed. “Didn’t think this meetin’ was for talkin’ pretty, Inara. That may be your specialty, but mine is--” “Quit bickering, all of ya. He’s right. They tried to make her something less than human.” Mal met Simon’s eyes across the table. “But it ain’t my belief they succeeded. Go on, Doctor.” “The amygdala plays a part in a variety of brain functions. And, of course, the ramifications of any one brain injury vary from person to person. But, some common side effects are dulled emotions, impaired vocalization skills, a lack of motivation, hypersexual tendencies--” “Hyper-what-was-that?” Mal asked just as Jayne said, “What-sexual tendencies?” “The amygdala does play a function in sexual appetite, sexual aggression, etc. Some patients suffer from an overactive libido, increased curiosity about the sex act, a preoccupation with the sex lives of those around them. But I haven’t really noticed those changes in River....” Simon trailed off, glanced at the faces around the table. “What?” The crew looked distinctly uncomfortable. Zoe suddenly turned very interested in the contents of her tea cup. Mal and Inara made eye contact--a single, searing glance before both looked away. Kaylee was staring at her lap, and even Jayne refused to meet Simon’s gaze. “What is it? What aren’t you telling me?” “Mal,” Inara said quietly. He opened his mouth to speak, closed it again when he found the words missing. Inara sighed. “Simon, I think we’ve all seen at least some of those characteristics in River. Much of it’s to be expected; she is a young girl blossoming into womanhood--” “Oh, wait just a gorramn minute. That why she kept nickin’ Mal’s and my clothes?” “This is ridiculous. She’s just a kid, she plays games like a kid.” “No,” Zoe said firmly, though not unkindly. “Was when they took her away, but she ain’t that anymore.” “I don’t understand where this is coming from. Did my sister...do anything?” “Ain’t like that exactly, Simon,” Kaylee said gently “She’s just...curious.” “Well, she’s going through puberty. It’s natural for her to wonder about certain things, things adults do in private.” “We’re just gonna hop right over the word ‘adults’ ‘cuz that’s far too easy. And I know I’m gonna regret asking this in about a minute,” Mal admitted. “But ain’t it a mite late for the puberty thing, Doc?” “Yes. It should have happened years ago. The doctors at the Academy wanted to delay it for some reason. They gave her drugs.” “Ren ci de fo zu,” Inara murmured. The others exchanged loaded glances. “What aren’t you all telling me?” Simon asked carefully. “Don’t get snippy, Doc. Ain’t anything especial. Lil’ Albatross just tends to sneak about, seein’ things she prolly shouldn’t.” “Captain, I don’t really--” “Wash and me,” Zoe spoke up. “Caught her watchin’ us a couple times on the bridge.” Inara turned, held Zoe’s eye a second before the older woman dropped her gaze. She saw Mal looking as well. “I’ve had similar experiences, Simon.” Inara lay a comforting hand on his. “I’ve noticed her lingering when M--someone...and I...when I was with someone,” she finished lamely. “So she’s watched a few of you making out. This boat isn’t exactly a luxury liner. It’s a small space. I’m sure we’ve all walked in on someone else’s intimate moment.” He shot Mal a pointed look, pleased when the captain blushed. “Simon, don’t get mad, but I saw her watching once, whilst you and me was....” Kaylee glanced up guiltily, leaned over to whisper in his ear. When she finished, Simon looked considerably paler. “My sister saw us having...having...Oh, I think I need a drink.” “That rattles him?” Mal elbowed Inara. “I walked in on ‘em, naked as the day they was born, and--” “Bi zui, Mal. Simon, I’d like to speak with her...if she waves us again. I think it’s important she talk to another woman right now.” “Inara, what exactly was she...?” Simon stopped, realizing it wasn’t his place to ask those questions. “Thank you, Inara. I’d appreciate that.” “Of course. And now, I think we should do as Zoe suggested and recess for the night. Is that alright with you, Mal?” Mal met her gaze, surprised she bothered asking his approval. It softened the usurp of his authority, like balm to a wounded ego. Woman had wiles to spare when she chose to use ‘em. “ ‘Spose that ain’t a bad notion. Not like there’s much more we can do tonight. Get some shuteye, people; don’t expect to find y’all sleepin’ the day away tomorrow.” *** Leaning against the door frame, she watched him. She could tell he was exhausted, saw it in the way he slumped over his notes, raked a hand through his hair so the inky strands--River’s hue or shades lighter?--gathered on top of his head, fell back into his eyes when he let go. Man needed sleep--weren’t it her job to look out for him now? She was the one should offer comfort, keep this obsession, his monomania, in check. Sometimes it guilted her, chewed at her insides; after all, River was her friend too. Weren’t that she didn’t want her back, want her safe and sound, back on Serenity. Of course she did, and of course she missed the strange little girl with her big laughing eyes (all-seeing eyes) her playfulness, the joy she took in simple things like fresh apples and hide-and-seek in the cargo hold. Serenity weren’t the same no more, hadn’t been for so long. They kept hacking away bits of her, friends leaving holes like missing rooms or maybe just haunted ones. River’s ghost walked the catwalks now too, a beautiful bewitching ghost-girl who haunted the cap’n, haunted poor Simon. Simon. It was like a part of him broke right off when River Tam left Serenity. He tried to hide the pain, the new and not-wholly-unpleasant fury kindling in his gut. But she could feel it. She knew it would get him eventually, consume him from the inside out if River stayed gone. Simon wasn’t Mal. He couldn’t live without bits of his soul. She went to him then, put her hands on his neck, kneading into his shoulders. He jumped at first--he hadn’t heard her approach. Then he began to relax, let his head fall forward beneath her touch, and groaned. “Where’d you learn how to do that?” he asked sleepily, his tone warm, one arm reaching behind to hug her around the waist. “Seriously, you could charge money for those. Well, not that you would....charge for it, I mean....” This was her role now too, just like fixin’ the ship, keepin’ the cap’n from bein’ more of an ogre than was normal. She was the wife--Mrs. Dr. Simon Tam, Kaywinnet Lee Tam--and him her husband. Kaylee hadn’t exactly had many people in her life--no way in hell was she gonna lose this one. She’d fight to make certain she didn’t. “Simon. I think there’s somethin’ me and you need to talk on.” She’d employed her serious tone. Kaylee didn’t use that tone often; Simon thought it a bad omen that she was using it now, for him, with the ink on their wedding license still wet. He wheeled himself around slowly, stood up and patted the chair for her to sit. Her eyes filled. “Dammit, Simon, why you always gots to be a gentleman? Really undoes a girl when you’re all sweet-like” “I--I don’t know. I’m sorry,” he tried. “Kaylee, don’t cry.” He put his arms around her, relieved when she went willingly, snuggled against his chest and buried her face in his shirt. “I’m crazy--fong luh. Just...please stop crying...please.” She pulled away, wiping at her face with her fingers. “Aw, honey.” She looked sad, wistful. “You’re apologizing all wrong.” “Kaylee...I don’t understand.” “Well, that ain’t exactly a shocker. Simon, why didn’t you tell me none o’ that? ‘Bout River and Reavers and the amy-whatchamacallit. I know I ain’t like you and your sister--ain’t bright. Ain’t a genius, surely. But you coulda confided in me; I woulda listened.” “Kaylee--” “Ain’t right you keepin’ all your hurt to yourself that way. Hell, Simon, I’m your wife. Don’t that mean nothin’? Ain’t we supposed to share our hurts?” She backed slowly, teary-eyed, out of the infirmary, leaving Simon to wonder how Top Three Percent flunked marriage his first week out. *** “Malcom.” “Shen Sheng...!” Mal took a breath, turned slowly in his chair. “Tryin’ to kill me, Sis?” “You’re a mite young for a heart attack, Brother.” Caroline jiggled the baby in her arms. “And if hearing about Jayne and me doing the nasty didn’t send you to an early grave--” “Oh, ai ya, Carly! You tryin’ to give me nightmares?” He shuddered. The nasty? He’d wager a hundred platinum she picked up that one from Kaylee. She tousled his hair affectionately, pleased when he made a face but didn’t jerk his head away. “When you were a boy and had a bad dream, I’d let you sleep in my room.” She smiled, picturing a quivery-lipped four year old with golden-brown curls. “That’s good, Caroline.” Mal tickled a finger down Raven’s bare foot. “Be sure to bring that up at dinner tomorrow, sure it’ll rouse a good laugh from the crew.” “You stopped when you were six, insisted you were a man, and that real men slept alone.” And now he was thirty-four. And he’d slept almost all his nights alone. “Yeah...I was gorramn adorable. What are you and the chick doin’ up at this hour?” “I was looking for Zoe. This little one’s wanting a midnight snack.” “Just like her daddy.” Mal shook his head ruefully, reached his hands out for Raven. “And oddly enough, they’re prolly after the same thing. Check the box; Zoe’s usually got a bottle or two prepped.” “Lord knows the girl could use the rest,” Caroline said approvingly. She went to warm the milk. Mal balanced the baby on his arm, supporting her tiny head in one wide palm. She blinked at him, huge eyes solemn. If she could speak...well, Mal had a fairly strong suspicion of what she’d say. What in the go tsao de ‘verse am I doing here with these folk? Each of ‘em more crazy than the last, and Uncle Mal the gorramn ring leader. Well, hopefully she wouldn’t word it quite like that. He made a mental note to watch his language around the chick. “She’s a good eater,” Caroline commented, watching Raven suck greedily at the bottle Mal held to her little lips. “I guess,” Mal agreed, trying like hell not to think about how he was feeding the baby something that came out of someone. Zoe, of all people. His first mate and war buddy. Shiong-tsan sha-sho turned doting mama. Dear God, they were getting old. “You can go on to bed,” he told his sister. “She and I done this a time or two.” He cleared his throat, added, “Was good of you to mind her before.” “I enjoy it. She’s a good baby, sweet, not overly fussy. You remember how Ella used to shriek the minute we put her down. Always wanting to be held, that girl.” “Caroline,” he said quietly. His tone wasn’t harsh so much as firm, his eyes on Raven’s. “I’m allowed to remember, Mal.” “Watched you travel that road once. Ain’t got a burning desire to see it again.” “It’s changed now. I’m changed.” “That kinda thing don’t ever change, not really.” “I wonder at the ease with which you offer advice, Little Brother.” Mal snorted. “Caroline, I wonder at that my own self.” She smiled; she couldn’t help it. “You know, you could have one of these. You and she would have a pretty one.” “Yeah, but don’t think Zoe and I could stop laughin’ long enough to make it.” “I meant Inara,” she chided, boxing his ear playfully. “She’s beautiful, Mal.” “Girl ain’t ugly,” he admitted. “Kaylee tells me you fight like wildcats. I’ll bet that makes the sex better.” Mal raised a brow. “Have to ask Kaylee. Don’t let on to the doc you know--suspect he’s the jealous sort.” Caroline rolled her eyes. She stood, kissed Raven and Mal in turn. When she leaned over, her cross fell out of her blouse, dangled before his face. “You’re infuriating. You know that, don’t you?” “Had an inkling.” “Goodnight, Malcom. I’m going to bed.” He would not, absolutely not ask whose. *** Mal carried a sleeping Raven down the ladder, quiet so as not to wake her slumbering mama. He could have hosted the little chick his own self, but she had a habit of wakin’ folk at 6AM. Mal tended to dislike being torn from sleep by the sound of screaming. He settled the baby in her bassinet, checking to be sure her stuffed dinosaur was in easy reach. “Sweet dreams, darlin’.” He smoothed back her downy hair, started toward the door. “That you, Sir?” He hesitated at the bottom of the ladder. “Just returning your bundle of joy. Go on back to sleep now.” “Good of your sister to help out.” “Well, Carly’s a good girl. Always been generous with folk.” “Glad she’s flyin’ with us, Sir.” “Yeah...yeah, well I’m not.” “Sir, you weren’t the one torched her house.” “No, don’t ‘spose I was. Still, wouldn’t’ve happened if I stayed gone.” “She knew the risks, Sir. Crossin’ the Alliance ain’t for the weak-hearted. Your sister ain’t weak.” “Mm.” It was too dark to see her face, but he and Zoe spent plenty of nights talkin’ in places just as black. “I just don’t get it, Zoe.” “Get what, Sir?” “Why she came out of Hell way she did...why I came out lookin’ like this.” “Well, Sir...guess she got all the good genes in the family.” Zoe’s ironical voice sounded awful similar to her normal one. “And you ain’t all that bad to look at. In certain lighting--Sir, you’re almost pretty.” Zoe was never one for self-pity. Mal just shook his head, smiled into the darkness. “That kid o’ yours gonna have a mouth, ain’t she.” “I’m hoping she takes after her father, Sir.” For a split second, Mal pictured a wisecracking two-year-old, charming and stubborn like her father, pretty and pensive, with her mother’s sense of adventure. He could see her scampering around his ship, leaving a trail of small plastic dinosaurs in her wake. Not too long ago, he recalled putting his foot down when Kaylee wanted a puppy. Now he was Uncle Mal. Wuh de tyen, ah. “Hell, Zoe. If during the War, someone told me I’d be rockin’ your baby girl to sleep nights, I’d likely have hit the sumbitch.” “So would I, Sir.” “You think we’re old, Zoe?” “Only in years, Sir.” “Right. Night, Zoe.” “Goodnight, Captain.” *** When the last female a man bunked with for any considerable space was his own sister and he was four years old at the time, somethin’ weren’t quite right. He decided to remedy the situation this very night. Didn’t womenfolk like to be courted? Feeling sentimental, he stopped off in the kitchen, snagged a bottle of Kaylee’s fine fermented engine wine. He had something folded in his pocket as well. Three or four glasses, and he might even show it to her. Halfway to her bunk, he remembered the hour and almost turned back. The hell with it--didn’t girls like spontaneous displays? “Inara?” He knocked lightly. “You still awake, cupcake?” “I’m awake, Mal.” He could practically hear her teeth grind. “Only--” But he was already descending the stairs, wine bottle clutched in one hand while the other held the ladder. “Hey, darlin’, you feel like neck--Kaylee.” He tried to slide the drink subtly behind his back. “He calls you cupcake?” Kaylee stopped crying long enough to make her ‘aw’ face. “That’s all gooey, Nara.” “I’m a lucky woman,” Inara agreed dryly. “Didn’t realize you ladies were...I’ll just get out of your....” Mal hesitated, eyeing Kaylee’s tear-streaked cheeks. “What’s the news, Lil’ Kaylee?” “Naw, it’s shiny, Cap’n. Simon and I just had a fight.” Mal sighed, set the wine on Inara’s dresser and reached out an awkward hand to pat Kaylee’s shoulder. “Want me to shoot him?” “That’s sweet, Cap’n. But I’m a big girl--gotta stand on my own feet. Anyways, I’m the one started it, yellin’ at him that way.” Her tone was watery at the end. “Kaylee, I got a hard time believin’ this is your fault.” “Well, is. I went off on him, said he shoulda told me ‘bout River steada keepin’ me in the dark.” “Marriage is about sharing.” Inara rubbed small circles over Kaylee’s back. “You and Simon will learn that in time.” “And if not, I got no problem with shooting him.” Kaylee gave him a sad smile. “Sorry to hump up your night, Cap’n. Looks like you had somethin’ really special planned.” Her eyes drifted over the bottle. “Oh, that? That’s just....” He trailed off, not quite able to meet Inara’s gaze. “Kaylee, why don’t you go find Simon?” Inara coaxed. “I’m sure he’s missing you terribly.” “I was cruel,” she said miserably. Mal laughed shortly. “That, Lil’ Kaylee, is an impossibility.” “Marriage is hard for everyone, especially young people just starting out. Both you and Simon are very young.” “Boy’s got a good head on his shoulders though.” Mal shrugged when the girls eyed him curiously. “More so than me at that age.” “Mmm, more so than you at any age,” Inara teased. Mal poked a finger between her ribs, forgetting he had an audience. “Everything’s gonna be shiny, Kaylee. You just go find that husband of yours and make up.” Alone, Mal and Inara fell strangely quiet. They sat on the bed, backs resting against the wall, arms almost touching. She was so near he could practically feel the heat radiating from her skin. He knew how she would feel beneath his fingers, ached to touch that softness again. Not like they’d never been here before--so why was his stomach doing flip flops just now? Ai ya, because it was different this time. They both knew it was. “Mal--” “Nara--” “Go ahead,” she offered, smiling encouragingly. She reached over to squeeze his knee, and when she did the strap of her nightgown slid down her arm, baring one perfect peachy-gold shoulder. Tza gao, was he gonna say something? Just then, he couldn’t quite recall. “I, uh. Well, was gonna do this when we were both a mite less sober. But seein’ as me and this night ain’t gettin’ any younger, figure now’s as good a time as any. Made you somethin’.” “You did?” She sounded surprised but pleasantly so. He took that as a good sign, handed her the folded sheet. “What’s this?” “Origami. It’s a square--like it? Quit askin’ so many questions and open it already.” She unfolded the page, and then her fingers froze. It was a profile, charcoal drawn with most of the right lines and shadows. Clearly he had some talent. But that wasn’t what halted her. It was the love with which he treated his subject that had her stomach clenching. She traced her own features with her eyes: full, rounded cheeks, dark tendrils of hair escaping the knot atop her head. The charcoal girl’s lips curved up, but the smile fell short of her eyes. Did he see her so well, so honest and clear and true? “It’s beautiful,” she said simply, unable to look away. He shrugged. “Middle of the night can be awful lonesome in the Black. Man tends to look for hobbies can occupy his time.” “Am I that, Mal?” Her eyes glowed gold in the lamplight. “One of your hobbies?” He angled his head, reached up to spread a hand over her cheek. “Wo de ma, Inara. You’re my gorramn obsession.” She didn’t know whether he pulled her onto his lap or if she climbed in on her own. But before she could breathe, he was kissing her, cradling her head in both hands as he took greedily from her lips. His hands moved down her body in a leisurely exploration, caressing with warm familiarity, unmitigated desire. “Inara. I ain’t any good with words, but...shenshengde.” He brushed a gentle kiss over her hair. “Dong ma?” She nodded, kissing his temple, his cheek, the underside of his jaw. He rolled her beneath him, used his knee to nudge her legs apart, balanced on his arms between them. “You know what this is, don’t ya?” “What is this, Mal?” “Our second first time.” His grin was sheepish. “Nervous?” she teased. “Oh, you’re gorramn right I’m nervy. Got a lot to live up to, given last year’s stellar performance.” “Stellar? Hmm....” But she gave in when he tickled under her arm, reached up a hand to stroke his hair. “At the training house...the girls called you my pirate.” His fingers found the hem of her nightgown, began sliding midnight-blue silk up her body. “Did they now?” He lowered his mouth to her breast, taking the tip between his lips. She caught her breath on a gasp, had to wait several seconds before she could speak. “They said you kidnapped me to serve as your love slave, took me along on your adventures.” “Like I’d need to kidnap me a love slave. C’mon, Nara, it’s me.” “It is you. Mal.” Her tone was soft, her eyes warm and for once unguarded. “Make love to me, Mal. Qing.” “Don’t even gotta ask,” he murmured. Together, they pushed his shirt over his head. When he lay down again, they were chest to chest. He slid his hands beneath her back and hugged her against him. They stayed that way a long time, kissing softly, skin brushing skin, their hearts beating against each other in the darkness. *** Chinese Translations: aoman--arrogant shenshengde--sacred qing--please

TBC in Part 10. Let me know if you guys want more on that last scene. Was starting to feel like this tale’s gettin’ a little sex-happy, and didn’t wanna NC-17 anybody out.