BLUE SUN ROOM FAN FICTION - GENERAL

ALBIO

In the shadow of Shadow (prolog)
Monday, January 16, 2006

this is my first fanfic sorta a test befor i make the full story thats in my head has sex drugs adventure any constructive remarks welcome


CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 2446    RATING:     SERIES: FIREFLY

The morning sun rise pierced threw the window of his room though he had seen the same sunrise the same time the same place for year being away from it for so long made it feel alien to him. But it was Shadow his for lack of better term home.

Jayne get your lazy ass out of bed Mal said if you’re good and I mean real good I’ll let you smack the cows today

From the room next to Mal came a grumbling nonsense that could only be understood by some one that knew Jayne

errr....aaaaa ya Mal give me a sec Both men swaggered into the kitchen Old and rustic like it had been picked off old earth and dropped here fit for twenty since at any time half the hands were here to eat, drink after a day of work or to take care of injuries. And their was 18 hands their choking down coffee

Man this is some gor.....

Before he could finish his remark a plastic cup flew into his head its thrower not even to look if she hit her target

I told you boys Jayne said you can you think it but don't say it then with a smirk not that it really maders, morning moon brain

She pushed her shot hair around her ear and look at him threw the corner of her eye said

Morning Mr. Taft

Gorrum women i told you thats not how its done

she jokeingly put her nose in the air and said I dont care then planted a long kiss on him rapping her arm around his neck

suprised your up after last night tonight you get to be on top

Gorrum it you two not before if had my coffee and a scotch

Common mal it’s been a year

Hey their few things in the verse I can get use to revers being hunted so they can be cured the core falling apart you and River just weird

Ya a match made in Hell

"Things change people change" those words kept t dancing in his head they were his last words his Ma said to him before she did just a month or two ago. Shadow has a way to bluer the date and it was work

Mal stared looking river up in down she was a perfect example of how times had changed she wasn't screaming or knocking things over she was sane and deadlier then ever know Jayne was training her. She also became to mal surprise sexy her hair was cut short enough to see here big eyes. She filed out in the rite places, but the minute hey thought that he turned away

Common we’ve got move to cows in mean cows to move

After the reaver incident the whole verse seemed of its axes not to mention his crew Book was died Wash was in a coma and a militia of pissed of ex core scientists and soldier were hunting them. Know that they knew what made them crazy they could cure them but after the first raid half the reavers captured committed suicide after realizing what they had done. River disappeared after wash woke up said she need to see the new verse and her place in it or some thing poetic like that. Shortly after the crew disbanded temporary the Doc left first went to help the reavers and Kaylee after one took a bit out of him. Wash and Zoë stayed for a will but left when I and Jayne headed to shadow we found are self into some trouble along the way ran into River now 18-19. Turns out on planet Safa they don’t kill men if their married so River married Jayne and they just never stop. I put their bunk next to mine so I could keep an eye on them but its more of a curse……….theirs a big new crack on the sealing . Then Inara well she’ll be here today She had to finish her promised time at the whore academy

Hey! Mal…Mal….Mal! One of the ranch hands called Mal back from his memories Ya what

Something came from the cortex you know a EX555a shuttle

Ya I told you to look out for it its Inara’s so what

Well a someone name Simon is hailing for a landing

Mal yelled Jayne it mite be time to tell Simon about you and River

Hell Mal I plan to on my death bed

That might be sooner then you think…..

To be continued……….

COMMENTS

Monday, January 16, 2006 9:37 PM

AGENTROUKA


On the off-chance that this isn't a parody....

My constructive remark would be: Grammar.

Quote marks are a very good thing indeed, to separate narration from dialogue.

Punctuation separates sentences from each other to create little cells of coherent meaning.

Implement those and, maybe, people will be able to read this and look at the plot or anything you have your characters actually doing.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006 3:36 AM

OLDSOUL1987


what the last person said...i read it and usually i can read well aroung bad grammar space'n and spelling seeing ass i do it to. but i could not tell who was saying what.


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In the shadow of Shadow (prolog)
this is my first fanfic sorta a test befor i make the full story thats in my head has sex drugs adventure any constructive remarks welcome