Zoe woke with a start, sweat-slick skin chilling quickly against the cool air. She groped at the light switch, then scanned her bunk for remains of the horror she had so recently escaped. War nightmares. The only kind she had ever had, and the only sign of weakness over which she truly had no control. She had been on Serenity only a few months, but already she was growing resigned to the fact that the change of scene had done little or nothing to ease her troubled mind.

Something had to be done. She hated that she feared sleep, that she dreaded the cold embrace of her empty bunk each night. She pulled a robe around her body, tried to ignore the way it pasted against her damp chest. She knew one place where she could find a way around the nightmares.

His bunk wasn’t even locked, so she simply pushed the ladder down and lowered herself in. The light she let in from the corridor revealed him, naked as far as she could see, splayed unselfconsciously in a tangle of sheets. He looked so pale, almost angelic in the faint blue light.

Zoe had no qualms about what she was about to do. She had seen the way he looked at her. On the bridge, in the mess room - sidelong glances at her curves, sometimes even blatant stares at her full lips. It was probably the whole warrior-woman thing, that cliché that Zoe had come to accept with little more than a sigh. But right now she couldn’t care less about his motives. And she knew he was unlikely to question hers, given what she was about to offer him. No reason he should know that he was merely a distraction. A warm body to replace the images of friends dead and cold in the mud of the war.

Quietly and with catlike grace she moved to the bed, climbed on top of his hips, straddled the unsuspecting sleeper. He woke with a snort and she almost laughed, but the sound caught in her throat at the look that overtook his features. It was inexplicable. Surprise, a twinge of lust, but most unexpectedly...concern. He looked as though he were about to comfort her rather than take her in the manly fashion she desired.

And so she cut off his pity by slipping her robe off of her shoulders. Her bare torso fairly gleamed in the dim light as she sat tall atop him.

“Tian pu sa wu si qu tian tang...” Wash breathed, eyes wide as he took in her every feature. He even reached up to rub his eyes, as though he believed he could be dreaming.

“Shut up and kiss me, Wash,” Zoe said brusquely, the only way she knew how.

He did so readily, lifting his sleep-tousled head to one breast and gently taking the puckered nipple into his mouth. She closed her eyes, sensation washing away all her pain, if only for a moment. She felt his hands, warm from sleep and soft around her narrow waist. And then he drew himself up, nestled her hips against his, cradled her as his hands reached for her unruly hair, stroked up to the back of her neck, buried themselves in her curls as he drew her in. Their lips met softly at first. He took her lower lip between his and ever so sweetly kissed her. Kissed her harder. Pulled away when she began to respond in kind, and lowered his lips to the base of her neck, drawing a low moan from a place she hadn’t known could be reached. Her mind raced. He was acting so...

Oh my God, she thought. Wash is in love with me. She didn’t know why she hadn’t seen anything more than his attraction...but the way he held her now...

He loved her too much to tell her.

And he loved her enough not to question her now.

She felt her body melting under his touch. He was beside her now, arms around her, pushing her slowly down. It turned out he had been naked under the sheet, and their bodies pressed together with such exquisite tension that she found herself letting go of herself. He trapped her with his arms, and yet all she felt was...enveloped. Protected. His body shielded hers in a way she had never felt in all her years. She realized, only moments late, how generous this man truly was. She panicked at the thought of taking advantage of him like she was, but couldn’t bring herself to push him away. And yet he seemed to know. He pulled and pushed and stroked her fear away. And slowly, slowly, she surrendered.

*****

Zoe woke up retching. Stumbled to the sink. Rinsed down the bile that emerged from her sobbing throat. She was cold, sweat-soaked, feverish almost. Soon all that was left was the sobbing, which she quickly tucked away in its place, quelled with deep breaths. She sat on the edge of the empty bed, the image still burned against the backs of her eyelids. Wash, smiling. Wash, with a reaver’s stake plunged through his heart. His blood, everywhere. His eyes, stunned and open.

Tears ran down her face, unstoppable this time. Her bed was cold, and she knew that if she didn’t do something, her heart soon would be too.

Zoe had vomited every morning since Wash’s death. Sometimes at odd times of the afternoon too. Her reaction to thoughts of him, hard as she tried to suppress them, had turned physical.

A step near her door sounded, and a gentle knock. Probably Mal, making his rounds. Zoe dried her eyes and quickly cleared her throat.

“What is it?” she called. Maybe there was trouble about.

The door to her bunk was pushed in, and heavy, buckled boots took the first steps down. But were followed by the delicate hem of a layered skirt. River stopped halfway down the ladder and clung to it like a sailor. Those wide eyes looked at Zoe, took in her bedraggled appearance. And then she held out her hand, offered out a small object.

“I brought you the first present,” she said, as though it made sense.

Zoe stood and took it. It was a small, soft bundle wrapped in old food packaging and tied with a bit of green ribbon. Inside she found what looked to be a piece of Wash’s warmest sweater, but it was all cut and stitched up into something else. Anger welled within her. How could that little ang zhang zhe have opened the boxes of Wash’s things that she had exiled to the cargo bay weeks before, waiting to be dumped off at the next stop...

But River’s wide eyes stopped her. The girl looked frustrated, as though there was something Zoe had missed.

“It’s a hat,” she said sharply. “For the baby.”