As she lay in bed, Inara's thumb traced the frame of the vid-capture Kaylee had made for her. It contained snippets of all the crew, but it was the image of the captain that she kept replaying again and again. He wasn't doing anything special, just chatting in the mess eating some soup with the others. But it was the way his eyes crinkled around his eyes when he laughed that brought a delicate smile to Inara's lips. She played it again and again until her eyes finally closed and it dropped from her fingertips, sliding off her silk pillow until it sat cock-eyed at the edge of her bed. Morning came all too soon for the Companion. She felt restless. All the arrangements had been made for her meeting with the Admiral. She had studied his profile and knew his greatest desires and preferences. She felt confident she would be able to convince him not to pursue his son -- and Serenity. She prepared a basin of water laced with lavender. Stepping out of her robes, she kneeled in front of it and dropped the large sponge in to soak up the warm bath water. He paced outside her door. Only a damned fool would act this way at his age, and here he was... debating whether to go in or not. She twisted him up on the insides. It had to stop. And that included her talk of whoring with that Admiral. The man had to be so old he could be her father. It just wasn't right. He knocked on the door and waited. And waited. And waited. Hell with it, it was his ship, he could go in when he wanted. Putting his hand over the sensor so it would recognize him, he entered. "Inara, I want to..." Stopping mid stride, he stared at her. All of her. From that glorious mane of hair, down her full round breasts, her narrow waist and curves any man would die to drive. Inara didn't flinch, she merely looked up at Mal with annoyance. "Did you hear me give permission to enter?" He licked his lips and found his gaze had roamed uncontrollably back down to her breasts. Sticking his index finger into his collar, as if to loosen it, he tried to muster up a response. "Well?" She looked at him expectantly, holding the dripping sponge over the basin. Her skin glistened where it was wet with the scented moisture. "We weren't supposed to meet until we're in the world. I didn't hear any announcement that we've landed. So... what are you doing here?" "Inara..." his suddenly dry mouth wasn't doing him any good. Could be she was distracting him on purpose, kneeling there naked as you please. "I have something to tell you." "Oh?" It sounded serious. Inara's expression softened and she leaned forward to stand up, mercifully picking up her robe and draping it over her shoulder to cover herself. "Is there something wrong?" "Yes. No... well yes. You're not going to meet with the Admiral." He took a step toward her. "I won't have it." There it was, the stubborn lilt of her chin. He grasped her arm, his palm almost slipping off the satiny material. "You won't cross me in this." "Mal... I--" she rolled her eyes and looked at him with unblinking eyes. It was charming, really. The way he stood there with such determination. But if he thought he was going to talk out of it.... she shook her head lightly. "We've been through this..." It was time to come clean. To put his cards on the table. To make her stay... with him. "No we haven't. Let me have my say," he pulled her up against him, every contour of her body molded against his. "I don't want you to see the Admiral. Not because it's too dangerous, or because I don't like your... profession. But because I ... because... Inara..." unable to vocalize the feelings he'd clamped down on for so long, he brought his mouth down on hers, firm and hard, and yet gentle, as he explored territory that was new and yet imagined so many times before. Inara's breath hitched as he seemed about to say the words she'd longed to hear, and then his mouth was on hers in a dizzying kiss that left her completely disoriented. When their lips parted, she tried to speak his name, but the only sound that escaped was a soft mewl of pleasure. Finally, and with great effort, the companion was able to regain some sense of herself and she withdrew enough to look into his eyes, but she instantly became lost to them, melting into him, pressing her cheek against his chest so she could feel the pounding of his heart. "...because... because why...?" She had to know. "Because..." There was no way out of this, he had to bite the bullet. "Because I can't stand to think of another man's hands on you. Now if that makes me selfish, then so be it, but I love you... and I'm not one much for sharing." Would she choose him over the admiral... over her career? Inara lifted her head and looked into his eyes. And she saw love. Love. Next in line for the High Priestess of the Guild, Inara had left her home world behind and sought sanctuary in the outer rim. On the raggedy edge in a worn out vessel with a motley crew of outlaws. Running. Always running from the one thing she feared most. Love. The very thing that now held her fast. Her face turned up to his and she drank in the sight of him. "I love you too, Malcolm Reynolds," she answered as if she'd practiced the words a thousand times over. And maybe she had. Giving free rein to emotions pent up for so long, he said the words again, and again, each time he kissed her, her eyes, her nose, and that glorious mouth. He wasn't sure he'd ever get enough. But maybe he wouldn't have to. Maybe she'd be here tomorrow, and the day after. Sliding his hands up the elegant column of her throat, he cupped her face, and kissed her again. This time a long, mind drugging kiss, that left him burning... craving more. Inara had feared love because she thought it would control her. It was why she had become a Companion, so she could always be in control. It was why she ran from her own life when she became too comfortable with her clients. But instead of controlling her, she felt love guiding her. Inara had never in her life felt so free. Giving herself over to him completely, the thin fabric glided loosely to the floor. She sucked in a sharp breath as his hand touched her breast, caressing her so gently at first that she wondered if it were real at all. Kisses trailed over her collar bone and her head lolled back into his arms as he swept her off her feet and laid her on the bed. One knee on the bed, next to her, he started to loosen his shirt. But he wasn't going to strip free of his clothes. Then it would be too tempting to take her, just make her his. He reckoned a woman like Inara would want something a whole lot fancier. Now he might be a back planet boy, but he would give her what she deserved... what she needed. Sweeping his gaze down the length of her body, he felt his heart lurch against his chest. "You're one fine woman," he rasped, leaning over her, tasting her mouth again. Breathing in her intoxicating scent. "Beautiful," he muttered against her throat, trailing moist kisses down her chest. Lifting his head, he made eye contact, before dipping his head down, using his tongue to tease her nipple. The feel of her writhing under him kicked his lust up a notch. He'd been keeping his body well away from her, but now he found himself inserting a knee between her thigh, lowering himself over her. She was so enraptured by his devoted caresses that Inara found herself making ridiculously nonsensical noises that had never passed her lips before, not with any client. Many had fallen for her, but never had she allowed herself the pleasure of experiencing their love. Until now. Reflexively, her lithe body arched into him, encouraging every touch, craving more, hungry for the taste of what was to come. She tried to help him undress, but he stopped her. His lips and fingertips roamed freely across her flesh, dipping into each contour with rapt attention until she squirmed and called out his name. Calloused palms felt smooth against her skin, and when he cupped her breast and rolled her nipple between his fingers she could stand it no more. She pulled him to her, tearing at his clothing until she felt his burning flesh against hers. Look where a little encouragement got a fella... he was nekkid, hard and all over her, kissing, stroking, playfully nipping her and soothing away the pain with his tongue. Nestled between her thighs, every fiber of his body screamed for him to take her, to make her his woman. And yet the soft strokes of her hand, her whispered words gentled him, made him take his time. He ran his hand up her hip and cupped her slender waist. So small, so fine... and here she was with him. A rebel, a smugler. Someone who couldn't offer her all the comforts she was used to. And yet he wanted her to give it up, give it all up for him. He stroked her mouth with his and lifted his head, "'Nara, I know I don't have a right, but... I don't want you with any other men. No more being a companion, for anyone but me." Involuntarily, he jerked against her and strove for control. Half-lidded eyes suddenly opened wide and fixed on his. He was asking her to give up her livelihood for a life with him -- just the same as many men had before him. But no, it wasn't the same. It was love. And he loved her now, before he had his answer. She was sure of it. Unconditionally. Slowly, Inara shook her head. "I won't companion for you Mal..." she swallowed as she spoke from her heart. "I love you. I will love you... but I won't companion for anybody as long as you love me..." Unmoving, unblinking, she stared into the depths of his eyes. So full of conviction. Strength. Control. Would he see that what she offered him was so much more then he asked? "In that case, I think you've just lost your job because... I will love you until the lights go out permanently." He emphasized the proclamation with a lingering kiss, and slipped his hand between their bodies. Shifting, he entered her, slowly at first, but then making her his with every long stroke of his body. Head pressed back into the satin pillow, Inara cried out a guttural moan as the sheer ecstasy of the moment crashed down upon her. Like the explosion of a full burn, she glowed like a firefly as he entered her. And as they moved together, the friction of their bodies radiated enough heat to ignite Serenity's afterburners... a slow burn... thrusters engaged... they climbed upward together, into the black where their cries of rapt pleasure were swallowed by the vacuum of space. "...We're entering atmo." Breathlessly, Inara opened her eyes to see Malcolm's lips moving out of sync with the disembodied voice. "What?" "Prepare for landing." Inara blinked and he was gone. Wash's voice over the intercom announced their landing coordinates. "Ni ta ma de!" she cursed as she sat up in her otherwise empty bed. Suddenly feeling completely unanchored, her body started to quiver over the loss of what had felt so real. So right. A shaky hand fell to her side and brushed the vid-capture still paused on the image of the captain. Picking it up, she allowed herself a moment to try to reclaim that feeling of finally knowing love. But it was gone. A solitary tear rolled down her cheek as she set the frame on the nightstand next to the cloisonné clock Mal had given her so long ago. Dressing hastily, Inara collected herself as best she could, but she was unable to shake the dream from her mind. She checked the waves that had come in during the night, confirming what she already suspected. The Admiral was nowhere near Persephone and would not be within range for weeks. She was disappointed that she would not be able to help untangle this mess, but part of her was relieved just the same. She certainly didn't relish the thought of seeing the look of satisfaction on the captain's face when she told him, but he needed time to work out another plan. So she headed out of her shuttle, startled to find him standing just outside her door. "Mal!" Caught lounging in her door frame, Mal stepped back and tried to shake off the images from his dream. Inara, all ready to bend to his will, that had been some dream. Very different from the woman staring at him demanding an explanation, if not with words, then with her eyes and stance. "'Mornin,'" he nodded. "Came to tell you there will be no call for you to go visiting the Admiral. He ain't in this world. Nothing much to see here anyway, you might want to stay in the shuttle until take off. Could be quick." Right, if he ignored the fact she was leaving, then maybe she would too. Flustered, Inara's mouth opened and closed before she was finally able to answer. "I--I was coming to tell you the same thing. About the Admiral," she quickly composed herself, his casual tone and demeanor helping to wash away the image of his profession of love. She almost laughed out loud at the thought that he ever could... ever would be so eloquent as he had been in her dream. From now on I want you to keep your whorin' just for me. That's how it would have gone if he ever were able to admit he had feelings for her. All the more reason she needed to go... before they got to that point and fouled everything up. Her first instinct had been right. Love was not something that could ever be part of her world. "But I won't be staying with Serenity," she continued, her voice holding firm despite the weakness she felt in her knees. "I'm paid up through the month. I'll send you a wave once I'm settled... make arrangements to transfer the shuttle back into your care." She lifted her hand and let it trail down the bulkhead of what had become her home. "I see," he said tightly. She was paid up through the end of the month, there was nothing he could do to keep the shuttle grounded, unless he wanted to break the rental deal. Then again, wasn't as if she couldn't use her legs to walk off the ship, since that was what she wanted. She felt her resolve unraveling as her fingers trembled over the smooth contour of the doorway. Against her better judgment, she looked into his eyes. Blue eyes full of hardness and stone. It tore her apart to feel him throw up that invisible barrier, but instinctively... protectively... she found herself doing the same. "I'll take good care of her..." she assured in a wavering voice, not knowing what else to say. Take care of yourself. But that wasn't what he said. "When?" "Soon," she answered in short. If she tried to elaborate and explain that she still had to say her good-byes to the others she was certain she would break down and beg him not to let her leave. "Right." She was still here for a shot while, then. Giving her another short nod, he walked away. Again, leaving so much unsaid. Inara stood in the doorway and watched him walk away before finally bowing her head and releasing the breath she'd been holding.

{End}