--Interior/Bridge –Wash and Zoe

“We’re coming up on Persephone.” Wash said from his comfy reclining pilot’s chair. “It’ll be great to have a little time alone while the Captain goes to find us some work.” “It’ll be even better if the Captain finds something quickly. You know I don’t like being grounded for long. Makes us too much of a sitting duck.” Zoe replied, moving up next to Wash and handing him a small wrapped gift. “What’s this all about?” He asked, rolling the package around in his hands for a moment, and then holding it up to his ear. “It’s not ticking, so I have to assume you’re not trying to kill me.” A small smile escaping from his jovial face. “No husband-of-mine…it’s part of your anniversary present.” “Anniversary…Don’t tell me I forgot again!” He scolded himself. “Time has a way of getting away with you up here, away from the constraints of normal routine.” He unwrapped the sloppily wrapped package. “Zoe was never one for decoration. She was as Spartan as they came.” He thought to himself. The open present revealed a new plaything for Wash to add to his growing console collection of prehistoric, Earth-That-Was reptiles, a Pteranodon. “For my man who’s like a leaf on the wind.” Zoe said, kissing Wash on the top of his head, and mussing his thick reddish hair. Then, playfully added, “So what didja get me?” “I…uhm…well…I…got…you…something really special!” He stuttered. “Oh yeah, totally…blow you away. I mean, c’mon! It’s our 7th…” “6th” Zoe interrupted. “6th anniversary!” Zoe was about to add some more fuel to the fire when the Captain came onto the bridge. “We almost there?” He asked. “Just getting ready to make atmo in about a minute Cap.” Wash said, glad to have the heat off him for a minute. “Good. Zoe, I need you to get down to the cargo bay and prep the mule. I’m gonna have Book and River go out and get us some supplies.” He ordered. “Yes Captain.” Zoe replied, giving an annoyed sidelong glance at Wash. “Ya got lucky this time.” She thought. “You’d better make up for it later if you don’t want to spend the next month sleeping in that gorram pilot’s chair.” With that Zoe left the bridge and headed on down to the cargo area to get the mule ready. “Oh, by the way, Happy Anniversary.” Mal said, making Wash wince in pain, fear, and embarrassment all at once before he trailed off behind her.

“Ai ya, huai le! He thought to himself. “Never a good idea to upset a woman who could kill you in your sleep. I’d better think of something spectacular quick before she thinks I totally forgot and tries to blow me out an airlock.” After Wash landed Serenity on Persephone he left the bridge and headed over to the engine room to find Kaylee.

--Interior/Engine Room—Wash and Kaylee

“Our good little Kaylee,” he thought, “she’ll be able to give me a good idea on what to get Zoe. She’s the romantic one.” “Hey Kaylee!” He called out. “Be with ya in just a…Gaoyang zhong de guyang!” “Uhm…sorry?” “No Wash,” she said, crawling out from under the ship’s engine, “she’s giving off this weird odor. I think you sucked someone or something up in the engines when we landed.” “Was it Jayne?” He asked jokingly. “If it was, it’d smell worse.” At that moment Jayne walked into the engine room, looking for Kaylee as well. “What would smell worse?” He said in a gruff voice. “You would. You’d smell worse than a Mudder who’d not bathed in a fortnight.” Wash responded in his typical sarcastic manner. “A man with a mouth like that needs to back it up. You itchin’ for a fight?” Jayne said defensively. Kaylee would have stopped the two men right there, but she knew that this was normal for the two of them, and she even thought that Jayne might even get some enjoyment out of scaring poor Wash. “Hey there big fella,” Wash said, stepping back out of the engine room, and out of the line of fire, “if yer lookin’ for a man to man fight, you’d best find my wife.” With that he turned and, albeit quickly, made haste for the dining area, well out of reach of Jayne, who’d obviously lost interest and was not following. “Well,” he thought, “there goes THAT idea. Now what?” He pondered this for a long time, taking a walk down to the lower level of the ship, but stopping just outside Inara’s shuttle door. “Oh course!” He said aloud. “If you want advice on romance, just dial the professionals!” Wash hit the keypad outside of Inara’s door and waited for an answer. “Come in” she said.

--Interior/Inara’s Shuttle—Wash and Inara

Wash came into the lavishly decorated shuttle and sheepishly said hello to Inara. “What can I do for you Wash?” “Uhm..do? I mean, well…I have a little problem. Not sexually, well, at least not yet…See, I kinda forgot about me and Zoe’s anniversary, and I need a really special gift for her right now or else…I’m a dead man.” He clumsily explained. “Why don’t you take a walk into town and buy her something at one of the shops?” She suggested. “Well, as you know, the coin is running a little thin lately with the Alliance breathing so hard down our necks because of the whole River and Simon debacle, so that’s kinda not an option.” He quickly added, “besides, I don’t think that anything in a store is gonna do it for Zoe, she’ll see right through that, and if that happens, I will cease to be.” “Why are you so scared of that woman?” Inara laughed, “it’s not like she’d ever REALLY try to kill you.” Wash just looked at her blankly. “Okay, maybe she would kill you. What do you want me to do about it?” “I need something that’s going to sweep her off her combat boots. Something manly, to show my strong side, yet something sensitive, to show I care.” “Why don’t you have a painting done for her? Something provocative that you two can keep in your bunk?” Inara optioned. “To sit for an artist for something like that costs at least a hundred silver. I don’t have that kinda coin to just throw around.” “Well, I’m fairly handy with a paintbrush. We had extensive art training at the academy. I’m sure I could do it for you.” Inara offered. “But you said ‘provocative’, doesn’t that usually involve…nudity?” Wash asked in a hushed voice, as if someone else were listening in. “As in, nakedness?” “Oh course,” Inara said nonchalantly, “you’d be sitting for me. It’s just art, nothing to be ashamed of, and it’s for your wife.” “Ashamed? Who said anything about ashamed?” Wash said defensively, “I just…ya know…with you, and the naked. I don’t know if Zoe would like that.” “Oh c’mon. I’m a professional!” Inara said. “I think that’s the part she’d have a problem with.” Wash replied quickly. “Look, then we’ll just have to keep it a secret, I’ll sign it Anonymous.” She said in a comforting tone. “A secret. Sure, we can keep a secret…I’m a dead man.” Ignoring Wash’s comments of defeat, Inara continued, “I’ve got a great idea for a painting for Zoe. Something that’ll show off your manliness. Something bold that will have her crawling all over you.” “Zoe? Crawling? I’d pay just to see that.” Wash said, a grin on his face. “Just go find Jayne and have him lend you Vera for a few hours.” She told him. “Vera?” He questioned. “Just do it. And hurry up. We won’t have much time until they get back.” Wash left Inara’s shuttle and sought out Jayne, hoping that he wasn’t still angry about their little scuffle before.

--Interior/Jayne’s Bunk—Wash and Jayne

Wash found Jayne right where he expected him to be. In his bunk cleaning on of his arsenal. “Hey Jayne I need to borrow Vera for a few hours.” He said. “What for? Oh, and don’t I owe you a pounding in the brain pan?” Jayne responded. “Look, I don’t have time to fool around, now can I have Vera now…Please?” “I’m not in the habit of just sharing my toys unless I know where they’re going. Ya gonna kill somebody?” He asked eagerly. “Ya gonna go mutinous on the Captain? Wait till he comes back and BLAM!” “Obviously you’ve thought this out way too much…And no, I’m not gonna kill the Captain. But I also can’t tell you what I need it for.” “They you ain’t gettin’ her.” “Oh come on Jayne!” Wash cried out. “Not till you tell me where she’s goin off to.” Jayne combated. “It’s a secret, I can’t tell you.” Wash said in a pleading voice. “Piss off little man.” Wash let out his breath in a huff. “Fine, I need it for a painting I’m doing for Zoe for our anniversary.” Wash half expected to argue with Jayne for another hour on the subject, or at least be mocked for doing something so ridiculous. But instead he was completely caught off guard by Jayne’s response. “Okay,” he said, reaching behind the curtain near his bed where he kept his weapons stashed. “Here ya go.” And gave Vera to Wash, who nearly buckled under the weight of the massive gun. “But…huh?” Wash stammered, clearly caught off guard. “Oh, don’t go thinking this is a mark of kindness. I just can’t wait to see this painting is all.” Jayne laughed. Rather than argue, Wash took Vera and make his way back to Inara’s shuttle. --Interior/Inara’s Shuttle -- 2 hours later…--Wash and Inara

“Okay, just hold it for one minute more.” Inara said, a paintbrush between her teeth. Wash stood there, completely exposed as Inara made her masterpiece, holding Vera aloft in one arm, and one leg up on a stack of pillows doubling as rocks like he was a triumphant warrior who’d just had his big victory over some threat of galactic proportions. “You said that an hour ago.” “Well, I’m having some trouble with certain…parts.” “Yeah, speaking of parts…Feel free to exaggerate in any manner you see fit too.” Wash added. “Oh, I don’t think that’ll be a problem.” She said, glancing up momentarily and catching Wash’s eye, then settling back into her work. “Just hold still. I’m just finishing up some last details on the pillows…I mean, rocks.” “How’s it looking so far?” Wash asked. “I think Zoe is going to love this.” Inara responded, a touch of smugness in her voice. “I’m finished if you want to come take a look.” Wash put the gun down, his arm tired and throbbing, covered up with a silk robe and went over to where Inara was standing. “It DOES look manly doesn’t it?” Wash said proudly. “I like what you did with my…uhm…parts there...” “The…maleness…of this crew amazes me sometimes.” Inara commented. “Now go get this in your bunk so your wife can see if when she gets back.” “Thanks again Inara…I owe you big.” Wash said, reaching for the door, painting in one hand, sack of clothing in the other. “Oh, and you’ll pay me. The next time I’m with a client and the Captain decides it’s time to go prematurely. I think Serenity will suddenly have a bit of engine trouble and might not be able to leave atmo until I’m ready.” “Won’t leave atmo till you’re ready…Got it.” With that Wash opened the door and turned to leave. “Oh, I’ll come back for Vera later. Try not to kill the Captain with it when he get’s back.” The door closed behind Wash and Inara was left standing there alone, cleaning her brushes. “Men.” Wash was just emerging from Inara’s shuttle when the mule got back with Zoe, the Captain, River, and Shepherd Book. Upon seeing a silken-clad Wash coming out of Inara’s room, all eyes immediately came on him, including the smoldering fiery eyes of his wife, who was already loading her shotgun.

--Interior/Cargo Area—Wash and Everyone

“You liu koushui de biaozi he houzi de ben erzi.” She said, cocking the gun and pointing it at her husband. “WHOA! Honey!” Wash said, reflexively ducking behind a crate stacked near him. “It’s not what you think!” “I see you coming out of a companion’s shuttle wearing nothing but a silk robe and a smile and I’m supposed to believe that nothing’s up?” With that Kaylee and Jayne stepped into the cargo area. “What in the gorram hell is goin on here?” Jayne asked. “Zoe’s gonna kill Wash.” Mal said nonchalantly. “Oh, this is gonna be good.” Jayne said, taking a seat like he was watching a show at a theater. “You’ve got till the count of three to come out here and explain yourself husband.” Zoe commanded. “Okay okay…Just, put…the…gun…down.” Wash said, one arm risen in surrender. Zoe gave a sidelong look at Mal, who drew his revolver and pointed it at Wash. “It’s okay, I’ve got him covered.” “Captain!” Kaylee squeaked. Mal looked at her and winked, obviously knowing that the situation wasn’t as out of control as it seemed. “What ya got there?” Zoe said, referring to the covered package underneath Wash’s arm. “It’s, uh, your anniversary gift dear.” “If you think you can just buy your way out of this then…” “No, I didn’t buy you anything…I would never dream of buying…uhm…look, I admit it. I forgot about our anniversary. And I felt bad about it so I wanted to do something extra special for you. So I had Inara make a painting for you to keep in our bunk.” Wash said, head hanging low, and giving big puppy—dog eyes at Zoe. Reluctantly, Zoe responded. “Fine, let’s have it then.” “Right here?” He asked. “Right here.” “But, it’s not really,” he glanced around the room, “age appropriate if you get my meaning.” “Mal, shoot him.” Zoe said over her shoulder. Mal cocked his revolver, making Wash jump three feet in the air. “FINE! GEEZ!” He said, handing the painting to Zoe, who unwrapped it from the cloth it was in. “My my my husband…You’ve outdone yourself this time.” She said. Mal and the rest of the crew gathered around for a look at the painting themselves. The response on everyone’s face was the same, utter shock. “Wow, I take it back Wash…You really ARE good enough for Zoe.” Mal said. “It’s very…uhm….” Was all that Kaylee could come up with. “He appears to have elephantitis of the phallic region.” River said, stoic as always. “Simon should take you to the infirmary immediately for corrective surgery.” “He’s got a third leg is what he’s got!” Jayne said. Zoe was the last to speak up, now smiling at the display of her husband trying to look tough with a big gun in his hand, naked, with that wry smile on his face that endeared him to her so much. He was such a fool. But he was HER fool. “Well, I think this is gonna go right up in the bunk.” She took the painting and started to walk away, “come on conqueror.” She said over her shoulder. “Time for the last part of your anniversary gift.” “Well guys…” Wash started. “I’m going to go have hot angry make-up sex with my wife now. And Simon…be sure to have the infirmary ready with a shot of adrenaline and a LOT, of water…I think I’m gonna need it.” and trotted away after his wife, leaving the rest of the crew standing there, dumbfounded.

To be continued? Lol Hope you enjoyed this little piece. Have a nice day!