Twice As Nice - Chapter 3: Of Ape-Men and Handcuffs
Saturday, September 3, 2005

Jayne on Jaine action. No, you dirty minded little things, not THAT kind of action...


I neither own nor hold any claim to any characters or associated articles of Firefly. Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy do that. I am just a humble fan who is very scared of lawyers and can only dream of, one day, being as brilliant as Lord God Whedon.

* p.s. Feedback is shiny in the nth degree and received with open arms and a big mug of hot chocolate.


To recap, our Big Damn Heroes received an anonymous wave instructing them to set down on Persephone. Turns out, it was sent by a woman named Jaine who knows Mal and Zoë from…somewhere and claims to have a job for them. He arrival resulted in Simon’s near-death (sort of), a fight that finished before it started and the revelation that she’s an ex-bounty hunter, which got her locked in the passenger dorm. Now Jayne’s managed to piss off a whole squad of Feds and River’s screaming her crazy lil’ head off again


River’s shriek shocked them all into action. Mal dove for the door controls, Wash sprinted out of the cargo bay for the bridge and Simon took the stairs two at a time to reach his hysterical sister while Kaylee ducked behind the limited shelter of the mule. Jayne drew his gun as Zoë entered at a dead run from the back stairwell, shotgun in hand. Through the fast-closing doors, Jayne saw the first row of Feds simultaneously drop to one knee and aim their rifles at the ship. He crouched down, noticing the others follow suit as the first bullets began spanging off Serenity’s hull. Raising his head, he carefully squeezed off one choice shot, catching the nearest Fed in the shoulder. He grinned. It faded as he caught Mal’s eye. Mal reached over and thumbed the com. “Wash? Head for the Black ma shang, dong ma?” “Already on it, cap’n.” The vibrations beneath their feet increased and the pinging of bullets faded as Wash took them far away, very fast. Holstering his gun, Jayne looked round to find the entire crew glaring at him. “Did you have to do that?” Zoë growled. “What?” he asked with a puzzled expression.


The crew had gravitated to the kitchen and settled into various positions around the room. Kaylee settled down on the bunker between the stove and the table while the captain fumed. “Why the hell’d you hafta shoot him?” “He shot first!” Jayne yelped. “But a Fed! Of all the folks in the ‘verse you hadta shoot a Fed! A gorram Fed!” At that moment, a brown-haired young woman in a jumpsuit and holsters entered the kitchen. “What ‘bout a Fed?” she asked. Mal gave her a cursory glance. “Jayne shot – GAH!!!” he yelled in surprise as he did a double take and almost fell off his chair. “How did...Shouldn’t you...Didn’t she...” He seemed temporarily lost for words and stared at her a moment longer before turning to Zoë. “You locked her in, right?” he asked her, almost plaintively. Kaylee hid her smile with her hand as she watched the older woman struggle to contain her own smirk. “I believe so, sir. Then again, never was a room could hold her when she put her mind to it.” The young woman raised an eyebrow. “Y’all didn’ even search me an’ you go an’ lock me in a passenger dorm? What ya take me for? An amateur? Didn’ take my guns or nothin’...” she shook her head. “Gimme a challenge, why dontcha?” Kaylee watched from her vantage point as Jayne recovered from the shock of her sudden unexplained appearance and began to eye her up. She also noticed from the corner of her eye that Simon had edged slightly closer to the door. The newcomer had also become aware of Jayne’s attentions. Simon’s odd behaviour forgotten, she turned back to the stranger. “You gotta be Jayne,” she said, shifting her stance. She instantly recognised it as the one she adopted while flirting with the oblivious Simon. Jayne’s chest puffed out. “Yep, that’s me,” he said, inching closer. “Thought so, ya look like one.” He frowned. “One what?” “A Jayne, I said you look like a Jayne.” “Oh,” he seemed to think this through before deciding to take this as a compliment. “Thanks. So, how’s ‘bout you tell me your name?” He gave a leery grin, which he obviously thought was charming. Kaylee noticed everyone in the room was now listening, including Simon. “My name?” She looked him dead in the eye. “Jaine.” The room exploded with laughter as Jayne scowled. “Jayne ain’t a girl’s name,” he growled. Jaine locked gazes with Kaylee. She grinned and glanced over at the mercenary. The mechanic decided she liked this Jaine. She looked him over slowly. “Right,” she raised her eyebrows briefly. “Whatever you say.” Kaylee felt a smile creep across her face and another giggle rise in her throat. As Jaine opened her mouth to speak, Jayne’s voice sounded again. “I got man-parts if ya don’t believe me.” She glanced at Kaylee again, as though sharing a private joke. “Well, I got girl-parts if you don’t believe me,” she said over her shoulder. Kaylee saw the wicked gleam in Jayne’s eye a second before he acted. In two quick strides, he had crossed the room to stand behind her. Reaching around, he grabbed her arm and spun her around.


Jaine was quick, Simon had to admit. Using her momentum against Jayne, she continued the spin and drove her foot backwards into his abdomen. He glared and backhanded her. Jaine reached up and wiped her lip. Blood came away on her hand. As soon as they saw this, Mal and Zoë started up towards the pair. But they weren’t quick enough. Before he could blink, Jaine had somehow managed to get Jayne up against the pillar and handcuffed his arms around it. Jayne, realising what she was doing, leered again. “Girl, if you’re gonna use the cuffs on me, maybe here ain’t exactly the best place.” “Ape,” she said in disgust, and slammed his head against the support. Simon winced. Ain’t no lil’ mosquito bite, he thought, then paused. What? Jayne looked up at Jaine groggily. “Ape? You been talkin’ t’that fancy-ass doc, ain’t no ape...” And passed out. She looked directly at him then, and his blood ran cold. She was grinning again. She had a grin like Jayne, just the right mix of unsettling and a promise of things to come. Probably violent things to come. “I like this guy,” she announced to no one in particular. “Good judge’a character.” Mal cleared his throat. “Remember what I was sayin’ ‘bout not killin’ my crew?” She looked almost sheepish. “Yeah?” He looked down at the slumped mercenary and back up at her. “He does that again, forget it.” Kaylee squealed. “Ooh! That mean she’s stayin’, cap’n?” She bounced like an excited child. An adorable excited child, in Simon’s opinion. The captain heaved a sigh and looked at the young mechanic. “Don’t look like I got no choice, do I?” he said resignedly. Kaylee promptly threw her arms around his neck while Simon snuck out the door. Quickly.


ma shang – immediately dong ma? - understand


Sunday, September 4, 2005 10:18 AM


hey, can someone at least RATE this thing? i'm goin' outta my mind worryin' over what you guys think of this whole shebang

Wednesday, September 21, 2005 10:18 AM


i don't know why no one's commented on it . . . probably to much in awe to type!

i love the jayne jaine action! i thought it was prenounced "jane-knee" but i guess not. i like the interactions and can't wait to find out more.

i will say however that this takes a lot from the show. kinda a cross between the message and i don't know, something.


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