Firefly is the property of Joss Whedon and his new secret masters, blah blah blah. You know the drill.

Thanks to Guildsister and for beta reading. Feedback will of course be appreciated.

Once again, I'll be making the assumption that Mal and Zoe knew each other previous to the war.

At some point in this chapter, it may seem that Mal is acting out of character. Do not let this concern you, as there is madness to my method. :P

Previous works:

We Have the Technology

The Poseidon Misadventure

Guess Who's Coming to Donner: Chapter 1

Guess Who's Coming to Donner: Chapter 2

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Any luck yet?" Mal asked Kaylee, who was attempting to counter the virus.

"The anti-virus software don't even faze it," Kaylee reported. "I've tried a few tricks I know. But everytime I start makin' progress, it's like it figures out what I'm doin' and stops me cold."

"Can any of the programs still run?" Zoe asked.

"Nope. Ain't even got our NavSat connection. Can't be sure where we're goin' now"

Mal looked out the canopy and got an all too clear idea of where they were going. Specifically right smack dab in the middle of one of the larger asteroids. As they got closer though, he saw they were heading towards a cave-like entrance. Serenity flew through the twisted passageway until they came to an airlock. Once Serenity had attached to it, the radio came to life and a voice stated, "Zoe Warren is to come in alone and unarmed. Failure to comply will be considered as hostile intentions and will be responded to accordingly."

* * * * *

Zoe reluctantly handed over her sidearm to Mal before going through the forward hatch. As was so often the case, they were at a distinct disadvantage. This time however, there wasn't a damned thing they could do about it. Their only hope at this point was that by playing along they might get though this in one piece.

When Zoe opened the asteroid's airlock, she saw whom she assumed to be Timothy Donner. Holding a 9mm pistol aimed at her, he was a thin man of average height with unkempt black hair and dark eyes which constantly darted about. His skin was noticably red, as if he had gotten a bad sunburn recently. From his stance, Zoe could tell that, while Donner was familiar with using firearms, he was no expert. Combined with the fact that he looked to have an acute case of something or other, it would have been a simple matter to disarm him.

But the two bots with the light machine guns discouraged that line of thought.

"Over there," Donner ordered, indicating with his pistol for her to approach a bio-metric reader. Not wishing to find out how trigger-happy Donner or the bots were, Zoe complied. Letting it take her prints and retinals, she held back a sigh of relief when the reader gave off a friendly sounding beep.

Signalling for the bots to stand down, Donner slipped his pistol into a shoulder holster. "Sorry about the unfriendly welcome," he remarked. "But for all I knew, you had gotten mugged and someone else got those coordinates. Can't be too sure about nothing."

My, he is the paranoid one, Zoe thought. It was probably why he was able to tolerate working with Aunt Vicky though.

"Before we go further," Donner continued, "I must know how trustworthy your crew is. You've probably guessed this ain't entirely on the up and up, and I can't abide associates who can't keep their traps shut."

It took a second for Zoe to realize that Donner thought she was Serenity's captain. She briefly considered going along with it, but quickly rejected the idea. Not only would it be a good way to piss off Mal, but it could put a crimp in the budding partnership. "I'm just the first mate. However, the crew has done illegal work before and can be relied on to be discrete."

"Good," Donner replied. "I reckon they should come in so I can explain what this is all about."

* * * * *

Wash could practically feel the release of tension when Zoe returned announcing that everything was shiny and they were permitted to come in. Everyone took up that offer, though River was looking a little doped up. There was much curiosity as to what her inheritance consisted of. After all they went through, it didn't seem likely to be something along the lines of a collection of ugly figurines.

They entered a large room full of crates. Next to a terminal stood whom Wash guessed was Donner, who indicated that everyone should grab a crate to sit on.

"Now, what is it that you and Aunt Vicky have been up to which calls for all of this secrecy?" Zoe asked.

"The secrecy is more than warranted, though it might not be obvious why," Donner responded. "Though I initially had my doubts, Warren and I have managed to make asteroid mining practical."

"Now just one gorram minute," Mal blurted. "I always knew Aunt Vicky was a few cards shy of a full deck. But I never suspected she had gotten down to just a pair of Jokers. The early attempts at asteroid mining were doomed by astronomical overhead and piss poor takings. What made her think this would be any different?"

"I'm not sure what prompted her to do so," Donner replied. "But Warren did some assaying in this asteroid belt and found it contained some unusually high-grade ores. As for the overhead, we've cut that down considerably by employing robot labor. The whole operation is automated and only needs one person to supervise it."

"Don't see how that could work," Kaylee commented. "Robots are fine for takin' out garbage and such, but their programmin' ain't sophisticated enough for workin' in space."

"Yeah, the drone programs on the market ain't up to the job," Donner noted. "But that ain't what we're using. What we've got is, if not a true artificial intelligence, then something damn close. We were able to get an independent company to custom build robots suitable for space operations, since Blue Sun don't regard the Rim as a viable robotics market. So far, we've pulled in enough to cover our start-up costs and then some."

"So why all the hush-hush?" Jayne asked. "It ain't like it's illegal to mine."

"Need to keep away the competition," Zoe remarked. "As long as no one else knows about the mineral wealth here, we get it all for ourselves. But if word got out, every Tom, Dick, and Hongbo with a ship would descend like locusts to stake a claim."

"Then there's the problem of Blue Sun," Donner added. "Much as I'd like to think I could create the A.I. from scratch, it was done by some egghead in Blue Sun's R&D. I merely got it through an inside job. If Blue Sun found out what happened to it, our lives wouldn't be worth a plugged copper."

"That's all well and good," Mal commented. "But I'm curious as to how Aunt Vicky came to her end."

"I ain't no doctor," Donner mused. "If I were, she wouldn't have associated with me. I didn't ask what was wrong since doing so would just piss her off. She kept up with being stoic and pretending nothing was wrong, right up to when she keeled over. Not long before that, she gave me this." And with that, he plugged a memory tab into the terminal which displayed Aunt Vicky's final words.

Once it was finished, Zoe asked, "Where's the Hunley being kept? Is it in some other cavern in this asteroid?"

"I can't say for sure," Donner responded. "The construction of this base was a bit hurried so we could start mining operations. The airlock we used then was on the surface of the asteroid. While the airlock itself can't be seen unless you know what to look for, having the Hunley attached for too long would be calling for trouble. At the time, we could only spare one bot for drilling the tunnel you went through. So what we did was install a copy of the A.I. on the Hunley's computer to fly her around the asteroid belt when we didn't need her. She would return when Warren sent a signal with her prints and retinals for confirmation. Unfortunately, when I found Warren dead in her bunk, she was too cold to register the heat sensors for the print scan. So it's probably out there being evasive, waiting for a signal that won't come. I pity the unsuspecting scavvie who tries to claim her."

Donner paused for a bit, then continued, "I reckon all we need to do is figure out how to go about paying your crew. We can discuss that over supper. The mining has been doing well enough that Warren brought some real food on her last supply run."

Wash perked up when he heard that, and he wasn't the only one. The past week of protein, protein, and nothing but protein had been hard on the stomach and morale. The only one who didn't seem particularly keen about it was River, who muttered, "And welcome all, although the cheer be poor. 'Twill fill your stomachs. Please you eat of it." Then to Donner, she continued, "Why art thou thus attired?"

Wash found himself thouroughly confused. As far as he could tell, there was nothing unusual about Donner's garb. For a second, he looked a little freaked out. But he appeared to have recovered by the time Mal commented, "Don't mind her. She's a bit odd."

Looking a little distracted, Donner added, "I imagine we should have it in your ship's galley. The one here is kind of cramped. Warren and me never counted on having guests."

A while later, Donner entered Serenity's galley carrying a pot filled with what smelled like some kind of stew. Everyone had just been served when River, who had been getting fidgety, yelled, "You can hide behind the numbers, but I won't have your high energy plankton!" And she threw her bowl at Donner, the contents splattering on his shirt.

There was an awkward silence, broken when Mal muttered, "Um, Doc..." Simon responded by escorting River out of the galley, a mortified look on his face. Donner also excused himself, saying he'd be back shortly.

The meal resumed once Donner returned wearing a fresh shirt. Thankfully, he didn't appear to be holding River's behavior against them, though he did excuse himself a few more times. While Mal and Zoe worked out the details of paying Serenity's crew, Wash contemplated the meal in front of him. To someone used to eating real food, it likely would have tasted luh-suh. But a steady diet of protein bars could make bad cooking wonderful in comparison. Even the fact the vegetables were noticeably undercooked reinforced that they weren't the canned variety with all the fiber sucked out of them. And then there was the meat. It had been such a long time since Wash had real meat that he wasn't entirely sure what kind it was. But it was good enough that he decided to go up for seconds, maybe even thirds.

* * * * *

Donner's attitude towards matters literary was one of indifference. Once he had left school, such knowledge had vacated his head immediately. Except for that one play. It was far too memorable too forget so easily. Indeed, it had come to mind when he prepared them for the Trial.

So when the girl had spouted a line from the play, Donner was certain it was no coincidence. He remembered Johnson's blithering about eerie-ass kids who looked into your mind and concluded the girl must be one. He also recalled what Johnson had said about concentrating on number patterns and had instantly done so. From the girl's reaction, it must have worked. It appeared as if the rest of them thought she was being fong luh, which suited Donner fine. Still, it would be best to avoid her as much as possible while at the same time not appearing suspicious.

As he entered his bunk and tossed his shirt in the hamper, Donner wondered how they had obtained her. Blue Sun wasn't in the habit of giving out free samples. They could have gotten her through an extraction. But that would have required lots of smarts and cash, and they didn't look to have much of either.

As Donner pulled on a fresh shirt, he noticed the first mate was present. "We may have a problem," Donner explained. "I have reason to believe one of them is a mind reader of some sort. From the way she talks, she's scrambled up in the brainpan. Looks like the others ain't caught on. Still, she refused to take part in the Trial and might be trouble."

The first mate sneered in response. "I reckon we should wait," Donner continued. "Go on with the mining operation until their brains are dulled by routine. Give them a false sense of security so they won't know what hit them."

The first mate grinned. The plan was clearly to his liking.

* * * * *

"Well all things considered, that went fairly well," Mal mused as he entered the cargo bay with Zoe and Inara. "Glad he didn't take River's behavior personal-like."

"I don't know, sir," Zoe commented. "He looked awfully rattled when she spouted that 'welcome all' go se."

"Well it ain't every day a fellow gets treated to gibberish in some highfaluting lingo."

"I don't think it was gibberish," Inara interjected. "Though I can't say for certain which one, I'm quite sure it's from one of Shakespeare's plays."

"That so?" Mal asked. A memory from growing up on Shadow then came to mind. "I recall once seeing this off-world troupe perform a Shakespeare play."

"Shakespeare? You?" There was a hint of derision in Inara's voice.

Before Mal could respond with something equally snide, Zoe intervened. "It's the gospel truth. Though he only went because his ma made him and she had me go along to make sure he didn't skip out."

"Why didn't she go with him herself?"

"Mrs. Reynolds was kind of funny about going out at night. She always stayed indoors after sundown."

"Well, I might not have gone willingly, but I did think it was a damn hi-larious play."

"Yes sir."

"Which one was it?" Inara asked. "Much Ado About Nothing? As You Like It?"

"Don't recall the title. But it was about these two feuding clans and a boy and a girl from opposite sides who fall in love. Kind of stupid, really. But that was part of what made it so funny."

"Um, sir..."

"One bit which had me laughing real hard was near the end. The boy got himself into a duel with a fellow the girl's folks wanted her to hitch up with."

"Sir, I don't think-"

"So when the boy wins, the fellow cries out, 'O, I am slain!' Like we ain't been clued in by the fact that he's got this rutting huge blade skewered through him and, er..." Mal hesitated, noticing the icy glare Inara was aiming at him. "Something wrong?"

"Romeo and Juliet is suppose to be a romantic tragedy," she hissed angrily.

"You're joking, right? The two clans resolved their feud. Ain't no way you could call that an unhappy ending."

"Romeo and Juliet killed themselves!" Inara cried hysterically.

"Is that what's bugging you? Well, they were asking for it. Doing that sort of thing behind everyone's back is bound to lead to trouble." Then something struck Mal. "Wait, I can accept the girl being called Juliet. But Romeo is one dumbass name. Anyway, I'm pretty sure he was called Sam."

"It was Romeo, you uncultured lout!!!!!" Inara shrieked before storming off to her shuttle in a huff.

As Mal stood there speechless, Zoe said, "Sorry, sir. But it was Romeo and it was a tragedy."

Her words didn't do any good regarding Mal's ulcers, which were giving him grief again. So he went off in the direction of the infirmary for something which would.

* * * * *

Simon looked up as Captain Reynolds entered the infirmary. "Ah, Captain. I've been meaning to speak-" and then looked on in horror as the Captain took out some antacid and drank it straight from the bottle. Once Simon managed to find his voice again, he blurted, "Has anyone ever told you how disgusting that is?"

"Zoe has many a-time," the Captain responded. "So don't go thinking anything you say will make any difference. Now you were about to say something?"

"Yes. It concerns Donner..."

"Well, I don't entirely trust the little weasal either. But the deal is good and we can't be too picky about who we work with. Believe me, he's nowhere near as bad as some I've known. And I must say he dealt with your sister's tantrum pretty well."

Wishing to forget the incident, Simon continued, "Actually, that wasn't what I was about to say. Now, I can't be certain without running tests with equipment we don't have. However, from his general air of ill health and the condition of his skin..."

"You saying he's got the Glows?"

Simon winced at hearing the diminutive. "Yes, it appears as if he might have radiation sickness."

Muttering under his breath, Captain Reynolds went over to the intercom and barked, "Kaylee, I need you to grab your Geiger counter and see if the reactor on the asteroid is leaking more rads than is proper."

"Aw Cap, can't it wait 'til tomorrow? I ain't feelin' so good."

"Now look here. I just gave a gorram order. When I order you to do something, you ain't suppose to sit about and whine about how you feel. You say yes sir and you do it! Dong ma?"

Simon cringed. The possibility of radiation sickness was not to be taken lightly, especially since they had no effective way to treat it. Still, using such a harsh tone with Kaylee didn't sit well with him. "Captain, was it really necessary for you to..."

"Look here, son," the Captain interrupted. "I don't know about you. But I ain't happy with the idea of waking up and finding my skin and my hair falling off. It ain't proper to get sloppy with these sort of things, 'cause the Black chews up and spits out anyone who gets sloppy." And with that, he stormed out of the infirmary, taking the bottle of antacid with him.

* * * * *

The murmuring in Donner's head had been getting loud enough that he could almost make out what it said, so he almost didn't hear the knock. He slid open the door and found the mechanic whose name he hadn't bothered to remember waiting outside. For some reason, she was decked out in a spacesuit. "What do you want?" he muttered irritably.

"The Cap seems to think the reactor here is leakin' excess rads. Would you mind showin' me where it is?"

Donner blinked in surprise. Where did they get such an idea? A possibility then came to mind. He would have to confirm it later though. If he failed to provide the mechanic with access to the reactor, they might become suspicious and think something was up. Since it wasn't like he was hiding anything there, Donner exited his bunk and stated, "Right this way."

Donner watched through the window as the mechanic went over the room with a Geiger counter. Once she was out, she took off her helmet and said, "Well, looks like the rad levels are within an accep- um..." And she immediately bent over and emptied her stomach on the floor. It was the chunky stuff too. Clearly, she had failed the Trial.

Once she was finished, the mechanic tried again. "Sorry 'bout that. Anyway, as I was sayin', rad levels are within an acceptable range. Don't know what got the Cap thinkin' otherwise." Then under her breath, she sulkily added, "The overbearin' hwoon dahn."

Once she was back on the ship, Donner was at his terminal calling up the encyclopedia. As he scanned through the entry, the reasons for the condition of his skin, the vomiting, the crapping, and generally feeling like go se became clear. He had the Glows. They must have been messing about with the reactor on the Hunley. At least his hair hadn't fallen out, so he should pull through.

Donner's thoughts then turned to the Trial. As with the mechanic, the rest of them were likely to fail. This didn't bother Donner in the least. Any ship which carried a Shepherd and a Companion was far too respectable for his liking. Though it would have to wait until they weren't expecting it, Donner would gladly join in punishing them.

* * * * *

Chinese translations

Luh-suh: Shitty

Fong luh: Crazy

Go se: Dog shit

Dong ma: Do you understand

Hwoon dahn: Son of a bitch