Out of Gas – River’s Timeline

by PapayaK

4/2013

oO0Oo oO0Oo

“I got nine people here – all wantin’ to breathe.”

oOo

“We send both shuttles off in opposite directions. Betters the chance of someone getting’ seen – maybe picked up.”

oOo

“What about you?”

“Four people per shuttle. That’s the arrangement. Evens the odds. I’m staying with Serenity.”

“Captain…”

“We sent out a beacon. Even managed to boost it a little. If by some chance we get a response, someone’s gonna have to be here to answer it.”

oOo

“I’m not leaving Serenity.”

“Mal, you don’t have to die alone.”

“Everybody dies alone.”

oOo

“When your miracle gets here – you just pound this button once. You’ll call back both shuttles.”

.oO0Oo.

They had all looked at him as if he were committing suicide; everyone except River. She alone had understood. Mal had no choice. He couldn’t leave Serenity - not now – not like this. Not when she needed him so desperately. If River had been given a choice she’d’ve done the same-- no – that wasn’t quite so. Even if she had been given a choice, she’d have left so as not to take his air.

Rather than try to explain something they couldn’t possibly understand, he distracted them: gave them jobs to do, instructions to follow. Focused them on what was coming not what they were leaving. He was good at that – a good captain. Looked after all the needs of his crew.

‘Course – it also served to divert himself as he knew he wasn’t truly delivering them… Just buying them a bit more time- more’n he’d have, most likely.

.oO0Oo.

Everything was very quiet in the shuttle. Wash was busying himself with the shuttle controls – trying not to think about Mal, left behind – Trying not to panic about Zoe, clinging to life. Simon was quiet – tending to Zoe – thinking of her needs and the best possible treatment he could provide given his meager supplies. Zoe was the only one truly quiet. She was deeply unconscious. Healing.

____ River…

River looked at all of them. Felt all of them in their quietness. She had nothing to say.

She looked further - deeper into space – to the other shuttle: It was the same there. Everyone quiet. Everyone trying not to think. They were so loud when they tried not to think. She mostly tuned them out. She had been getting better at that. She looked to Serenity.

____ Serenity...

River-Serenity. Serenity-River. They were connected. Had been since she had risen from the box – gasping…

…In that moment, when the box had opened, unable not to feel everything, she had become immediately mindful of three things:

Simon – brother – a feeling so intensely familiar it would have overwhelmed her had it not been so terribly welcome.

Serenity – metal, but warm – holding her safe in the dark cold of space – solid, ever-present protector – fierce but gentle - quiet.

Mal – the instant she became aware of the stranger she’d expected danger – expected to feel Fear and Menace from him as she did from so many others – but she didn’t. She felt surprise first, then curiosity. And in spite of a frightening and sad darkness buried deep inside him, she felt kindness. She felt a little bit of pity from him and then an overwhelming urge to protect.

She had to smile; remembering that in spite of all that went on inside, all that came out was: “huh.”

Then consciousness overcame her and she became aware of too much to process – in that moment…

____ Mal.

Mal was Serenity too. He felt the ship like she did. Except River knew there was yet another link between them: Mal had rescued Serenity from eternal imprisonment on that moon – and she had saved him from a life ‘neath the heel of the Alliance - they had each restored the other’s freedom.

But now Mal… no. Serenity was hurt. River sometimes had trouble setting them apart.

Serenity was badly injured. Dying. So badly hurt she couldn’t protect them anymore. River couldn’t be a part of her anymore.

But Mal could.

“Dying.” She whispered. “Sad.”

Simon looked at her where she had curled up onto a small perch near Zoe. “What? No!” He reassured, “Zoe is going to be fine. She was hurt badly, but she will recover completely.” He smiled gently at his sister, “She should wake soon.”

River just looked at him. It was so rare that they actually talked about the same thing at the same time.

“Cold.”

Simon retrieved a blanket and wrapped it around her shoulders. He was so kind. He thought she referred to herself – cold from Serenity. It was true that she had felt the cold on Serenity, but she was even colder now that she had been torn away… The wound raw. The protection gone.

But she wasn’t talking about River. She referred to Serenity. She was talking about Mal: Cold.

The blanket fell about her shoulders offering its meager warmth just as an identical blanket wove itself about Mal.

She, like him, leaned back, snuggled into her little roost - tried to sleep…

oO0Oo oO0Oo

Wash flew.

Simon tended Zoe.

Zoe slept.

oOo

Inara flew, tears in her eyes.

Kaylee worried, for her girl and her cap’n – for them all.

Jayne brooded.

Book read and prayed.

No one spoke.

.oO0Oo.

River opened her eyes.

Simon rested nearby. Wash held Zoe’s hand, the shuttle on autopilot. She was getting better.

River spoke, “Help comes.”

Simon looked up at her- watchful.

“Help that isn’t help. Healing that hurts. Rescue that kills.” She spoke softly – to herself – knowing they wouldn’t understand. They never did. She continued, speaking more quickly, more earnestly, “Necessary. Needed. Crucial. Imperative… But… Evil. Wound must be suffered for healing to appear,” She paused, considering the situation, “Essential… but Anathema. Essenthema. Anatial.” She giggled.

Sobered.

“Don’t.” She warned- pleaded- in a tone that spoke to the fact that she knew she wouldn’t be heard.

.oO0Oo.

“Sorry for your troubles, Captain. They sound many.”

.oO0Oo.

Wash watched Simon watching River. He didn’t dare interrupt the crazy talk. He turned back to his wife; brushed his hand gently across her forehead. She shifted slightly in response to his touch.

He was about to bring this to the attention of the doctor when River stood; puddling her blanket around her bare feet.

She took a deep breath, closed her eyes and held her hands out to her sides, palms forward. She smiled gently with satisfaction. “Mmmm – Warm.” She murmured on another, deeper breath.

.oO0Oo.

The air hit him. Concerned only for the catalyzer, he hadn’t anticipated how good it would feel. It was just so good to breathe warm air again when he thought he never would. If his brain had been getting the oxygen it needed he wouldn’t have been so distracted by the sudden pleasure…

.oO0Oo.

Her smile disappeared and she slowly raised her hands.

Simon saw fear in her eyes, “River?”

River screamed, grabbed her side and crumpled.

.oO0Oo.

“Already decided… We’re taking your ship.”

.oO0Oo.

“No!” River whimpered, breathing hard, “Don’t let… Stop…”

Simon dropped to his knees, trying to move her arms away from her belly, “River, What is it? What happened?”

.oO0Oo.

“Jesse? Don’t call Stern. Billy, leave the catalyzer.”

oOo

“Take your people and go.”

oOo

“We can already see I haven’t.”

.oO0Oo.

River moaned and fell limply to the side – into her brother’s arms.

.oO0Oo.

“W’happen’d?”

Wash whirled back to his wife, his whole attention fixed on her, “Zoe?” He asked; tears of relief in his voice.

Zoe whispered again, “What happened?” She paused, “Hurt?”

Wash consoled, “No, baby, River’s just bein’ crazy. Are you okay? You scared us.”

Zoe looked through half focused eyes at her husband. Asked again, “What happened?”

Wash gently brushed her hair back from her forehead, not wanting to relive the moment the fire burst through the hatch… ever.

“Fire?”

Wash swallowed and nodded, “You’re so brave. You saved Kaylee – You pushed her out of the way, but you took a pretty good hit. We almost lost you.” He blinked back tears.

Zoe frowned though, her eyes moving across the ceiling of the shuttle, “Where?” she whispered hoarsely, and coughed.

Wash didn’t know how much he should say given the situation. He knew how she felt about the captain, and Mal was- most likely- going to die.

Not that they were all that much better off…

“Sweet-cakes, you’re no good at lyin’…” Zoe encouraged him.

Wash gritted his teeth, “Well…”

River distracted the both of them. “Get up. Get up. Get up,” struggling to her feet, clutching Simon for support, “MUST get up. MUST… please…”

“River! Are you okay?” Simon’s concerned voice cut through her chatter, “Are you hurt?”

“YES!” River insisted, grabbing his shirt, “Yes!! Hurt!! Go Back! Please!” She pleaded with them, “Please!?!”

Zoe watched her fellow ‘patient’ unemotionally. “Go back where?” She asked her husband.

Wash didn’t want to explain.

“Wash?” Zoe’s voice was getting stronger; she managed to get herself up on one elbow.

“PLEASE!!?!” River’s desperate plea was ignored and she began mumbling urgently to herself, moving her hands erratically about her head, “Not gonna make it. Not that far. Not carryin’ a weight…”

Wash looked back at Zoe. He was hesitant, but his wife’s demands were difficult to ignore, “The fire completely disabled Serenity. No power, no life support. No way to repair it; even for Kaylee. That catalyzer quit and there’s nothin’ else would do. Mal split us up and sent both shuttles off in opposite directions. Try to get us picked up…”

Zoe considered. It was a solid plan- except… “Will we?” Zoe asked, staring intently at her husband.

Wash had never been able to keep the truth from his wife, he sighed, “Likely not. We’re just too far off usual lines.”

“Then go back.” Zoe whispered, and lay back onto her pillow.

oO0Oo oO0Oo

River was struggling in Simon’s arms. Whimpering and crying out in turns, still mumbling what sounded like nonsense to the rest of them, “Too far. Not gonna make it- you know you’re not. Gonna die… unless… unless…”

oOo

…pure adrenaline…

oOo

River screamed once…going weak and trembling in her brother’s arms… then she calmed -relatively speaking- At least she wasn’t mumbling any more. Simon was the one agitated now. Wanting to help his sister, but at a loss to understand what was wrong. “River?!? I need you to talk to me…”

“Get up. Get going. Get there.” River looked intently into Simon’s eyes, but spoke to both him and Mal. The words applied. Hoping beyond hope, that – just this once – he- that one of them- would understand…

Zoe frowned.

Maybe it was her drugged, half-conscious state, but somehow – what River was saying was making sense to her.

“River?” She called the girl to her.

River did not expect Zoe to understand her. Zoe was extremely practical and for that reason River often had trouble trying to connect with the woman.

But now, it was Mal’s Second that reached out to her.

Like with Book’s hair, Zoe understood her fears, “Honey? What is it?” Zoe asked softly, her voice rough from the fire.

River padded over to her bed, “Got to go back. Iron strengthens iron, but iron melts. Got to go back.”

Wash piped in, “Mal can’t fix Serenity, Zoe. He sent us off as a last resort.”

Zoe turned, purposefully, and looked at River. But River had stopped paying attention.

“Jeo-shung yong-jur goo-jang. Jien-cha yong-chi gong yin.”* River was staring out into space, whispering to herself.

She frowned at the girl, ‘Check oxygen levels?’ that made no sense – not surprising coming from this girl… “River?” Zoe prompted.

River turned back to Zoe, concentrated, hopeful to be understood, “Help came.” She paused, “Hurt came…”

She stumbled as if losing her balance, in spite of the smooth flight of the shuttle. She grabbed the table as if to steady herself, blinked, focused again on Zoe, “Please- go back.”

As Zoe’s mind cleared, she began to understand exactly what River was saying. And what the girl’s words could mean.

She also knew her husband; turned her head to question him, “Call back?”

Wash grimly shook his head, shrugging, “He just has to hit one button. Calls both shuttles back.” He looked for the millionth time at the screen that would show them in an instant that Mal wanted them to return.

Zoe turned back to the frightened, but determined girl, “River, Cap’ can call us back… if he needs us…”

River’s eyes penetrated, becoming desperate, “No... He can’t.” She smiled sadly, “He’ll try. But he can’t.” She shook her head.

Zoe contemplated the girl. As crazy as she was, Mal saw something in her. So Zoe used her favorite information-gathering tactic: she waited. Most people would fill the void if you waited for them to speak.

River recognized the tactic – and used it. She rarely got listened to like this...

She closed her eyes and concentrated.

Chose her words with care:

“Serenity breathes again. Mal - doesn’t...” Her voice ended on a whisper.

Zoe turned to her husband, “What could she possibly be talking about?” Because it sure sounded like Serenity had been repaired; but Mal was in trouble.

Wash tried to answer, “Mal had me send out a signal for help. But we’re too far off grid. Nobody’s out here but us. No self-respecting ship comes out this far-- that’s why we were out here in the first place.”

Things were becoming clearer to Zoe, “Mm-hmm. And what about a not-so-self-respecting ship?”

Wash was taken aback by the question, “Well, I don’t know…Anything could- but- I mean- space is really, really big. The chances of someone just…”

Zoe turned back to River, “Is that what happened, Honey? Bad people came to ‘help?’”

“Yes…” River breathed. And floated over to stare out the window. That was enough for Zoe – who hated the idea that they’d left Mal behind in the first place.

She didn’t know how the girl knew things- didn’t much care at the moment: She’d been justifying a return ever since she woke up. And here it was. “Set course for Serenity, My Darling, We’re going back.”

Wash didn’t argue. He regretted leaving, too.

Simon tried to be the voice of reason, “Mal only did this to give us a chance…will we have one if we go back?”

It was his little sister, calm now that she knew everything would be fine, who turned and answered him, “Bai duo, an shin yidian.”*

With a smirk in Simon’s direction, Wash followed his wife’s ‘command’ and turned the ship around.

As they returned, River crawled back into her perch, becoming less and less talkative as they got closer.

Wash had contacted the other shuttle, explained what they were going to do. Inara had immediately reversed, despite Jayne’s protestations.

By the time they actually docked, River was nearly catatonic. Simon had his medical bag packed, ready to leave as soon as the hatch was sealed. As he passed her, River reached out and put her hand on his arm, “Bridge. Hurry.”

oO0Oo oO0Oo

Simon headed for the bridge as quickly as he could. Wash stayed with Zoe, but River tagged along after. Not knowing what to expect, he was ready for anything – even the possibility that his sister really was crazy and Mal was fine…

…‘Course, the fact that the air and heat were working spoke to a change – one that hadn’t included calling them back. So unless Mal had used the whole thing as a ruse to get rid of them all – which he seriously doubted –

Something was very wrong.

The sight of Mal on the floor in a pool of blood confirmed, and Simon knelt beside the injured man and went into doctor mode: emotion set aside, knowledge and training brought forth.

“No pulse,” he told his sister who had followed and now stood in the doorway behind him. He rolled the injured man carefully onto his back and started compressions; expeditiously placing a pressure bandage on the wound as he did so. Much to his surprise, his ‘crazy’ sister knelt by Mal’s head, and tilted his chin perfectly, as if she were a trained medic with years of experience.

Together, the two of them kept their captain and savior among the living until Jayne and Book arrived with a stretcher and hauled him to the infirmary in a hurry.

Once there, Simon cleared the room and went to work.

Meanwhile, Jayne went to help Zoe into the infirmary, too. The rest of the crew were gathered outside, watching silently through the windows.

“Do we have any idea what went on here?” Book finally asked. From the bloody handprints Mal had left during his stumble through his boat, they had a basic idea, but…

Kaylee, newly arrived from the engine room, could, at least, explain the change in their circumstances: “Got a new catalyzer. Cap’n must ‘a installed it himself. There’s plenty ’a blood on the engine… But Serenity’s just fine!” Her back-and-forth from happy to worry was dizzying. “Cap’n gonna be okay?”

No one knew how to answer her.

“Dry.” River spoke from the landing where she crouched, staring down into the infirmary, “Well’s run low. Not enough to live on. Have to drill a new hole.”

They looked at her uncomprehendingly as they usually did.

Hours later, Simon came to the door, wiping his hands, his apron bloody. “Bullet’s out. Wound’s closed.”

Inara spoke up, “That’s good… right?” She asked because something told her it wasn’t…

“It would be…” Simon paused, then gave them the truth with a sigh: “He’s lost too much blood. I doubt I can save him.”

“There has to be something…” Kaylee pleaded.

“There might be,” Simon offered, “If someone on board has the same blood type. No one does – at least – no one I’ve treated. Inara, you and Wash are the only ones that haven’t darkened my door – I can check, but the Captain’s blood type is fairly rare. The chances of one of you-“

“Please. Check us,” Inara insisted, already rolling up her sleeve.

Fifteen short minutes later, Simon had set up Wash as a direct donor, saving the Captain’s life.

Wash looked warily at the bandage on his arm, “You sure this is going to work?”

Simon smiled slightly as he checked Mal’s vitals once again.

Kaylee was confident, “Cap’ gonna be an amazing pilot too? After this?” she gestured at the tube connecting the two men.

At that, Simon did smile, “No – I’m pretty sure his piloting skills will stay the same… but he’ll live. That I’m certain of.” He looked around at them all, making sure they all heard.

There was, almost literally, a collective sigh of relief.

Kaylee went back to the engine room to reassure herself once again that Serenity was really okay.

Inara chatted with Book about the probability of Wash being the same blood type.

Jayne leaned against the wall nearby.

Once again noticing the bloody handprints Mal had left on his ragged journey through the ship, Book suggested, “I feel like maybe we should do something about all the blood. I don't think it's something he should see when he wakes up.”

At that, Jayne pushed himself off the wall, “He seen blood before. Lots of it.”

Inara barely refrained from rolling her eyes, “Yes, I'm certain that's true, but sometimes it seems different when it's one's own blood.”

Jayne was not convinced, “Well I didn't shoot him, so don't look at me for the scrubbin' of it.”

At that, Inara lost the battle and rolled her eyes, “No one's asking you to scrub anything. Although a bath wouldn't kill you.”

Inside the infirmary, Zoe was still filling in the blanks, “I guess it's a fair bet to say I missed birthday cake.”

Wash smiled, still just glad to know she was okay, “It's okay, honey. Nobody got to have any. It's still on the floor and some of the walls upstairs, though. If you want I'll run up there and scrape up a piece.”

Zoe smiled back, “You'd do that for me?”

“I'd do anything for you. You know that.”

.oO0Oo.

“Welcome back, sir.”

“I go someplace? “

“Very nearly. “

“We thought we lost you. “

“Well, I've been right here… Wash, you okay?”

“Yeah, Mal, I'm fine.”

“You got a thing in your arm.”

“Yeah.”

“Try not to speak. You're heavily medicated and you've lost a lot of blood.”

“Oh…Thought I ordered you all off the ship? I call you back?”

“No, Mal. You didn't. “

“I take full responsibility, Cap.”

“The decision saved your life.”

“Won't happen again, sir.”

“Good... And thanks... I'm grateful.”

oOo

“All right. I have to insist. The captain needs to rest.”

“Yeah. Think the doc might not be wrong about that one. Just gonna need a few... You all gonna be here when I wake up?”

“We’ll be here.”

.oO0Oo.

When Simon had tidied up the infirmary, done one last check on his patients – twice – and lowered the lights, he finally left to go catch a few hours sleep.

River had not left her perch. She still watched from the window. She had left it for a moment when the Captain had woken; gliding gently into the room, mostly just to let him know she was near. She had seen him check – he noted each of the eight faces – making sure they were there, and whole - but then she had returned to the landing – to watch.

Now that all was quiet, she slid gracefully, silently into the infirmary. She hated this room – too many needles – but the rest of the ship had not enough Mal.

She stopped near the Captain’s left shoulder, Zoe sleeping behind her. He opened his eyes slightly, feeling her presence, “Our girl’s okay.” He whispered to her.

She tilted her head, her lips slid into a smile, “Jigsaw’s finished. Every piece in place.”

He nodded, “Tha’s good. You okay?”

“We’re still flyin’.”

He nodded, dozing, “It’s enough.”

She smiled again, watching him sleep, and danced out into the dark.

The End.