BLUE SUN ROOM FAN FICTION - GENERAL

BARDOFSHADOW

dreamers in a ship- 10 min challenge
Sunday, December 2, 2012

writing a piece of poetry in 10 mins is not always quite a simple as one wishes...


CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 2095    RATING: 8    SERIES: FIREFLY

I was given the challenge of writing a poem in 10 minutes, the subject being firefly and dreams. The dreams are there, but I needed closer to 30 mins. And the poem needs some polishing, as this is the original first draft and a bit rough. I am quite aware of its flaws. ;) ConCrit is welcome, as this has not seen a beta. Enjoy anyway. :) (And I'll never get the hang of formatting this so it looks good on here. :P bear with me, miracles do happen)

********88888888******* A little starship, all shine and rust, leaving behind atmo's dust; inside sleep travelers nine.

*** One dreams of guns, of Dinos another, Strawberries for one, and one of being a mother.

*** one dreams are filled with secret sorrow, another one dreams of one more tomorrow. one has regrets of not being there, and ones dreams are filled with voices everywhere.

*** And one dreams of burdens not light, of hardship and violence and finances tight; of cheatings and beatings and eaten alive; too many worries don't make a good night.

*** The ship moves on, she has no care; but that all her loved ones are there. three over here, two over there, three more in their bunks down there.

*** She sails on; suns shine bright, and even if not all in the 'verse is all right: (and to say otherwise would be lying;) Serenity's still shiny and she's still flying!

COMMENTS

Sunday, December 2, 2012 10:45 AM

BYTEMITE


Better than my poems, and those take a few hours to write without being much more complicated.

Sunday, December 2, 2012 1:01 PM

BARDOFSHADOW


I thank you kindly, Bytemite. :) Purists might take exception to the style a bit, as every verse seems to be rhyming differently, but it says what needs to be said. Couldn't type fast enough to get it all done before it went away. :D

Saturday, December 15, 2012 10:21 PM

WORMAY


Rough draft as you say, but the picture you paint is fantastic
Thank you

Sunday, December 16, 2012 5:07 PM

RIVER_TAM


This is pretty good for a first try, but I don't know all all of those dreams this is the order I've got, is it correct? Jayne, Wash, Kaylee, Zoë, Book, Simon, Inara, River, and then Mal.

Monday, December 17, 2012 8:44 AM

EBFIDDLER


I like it! Little pithy encapsulations for each character (perhaps more than one).

Monday, December 17, 2012 12:39 PM

BARDOFSHADOW


@River_Tam:
Yep, you nailed it! :D
@Ebfiddler:
Thank you!


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