Ending Serenity1: Parody
Saturday, October 29, 2011

Just a little break from my normal fan-fiction. This satire is a look at what could have happened had the BDM sequels to Serenity continued. This fan-fiction was constructed out of pure love for the show, and pokes fun at almost every aspect. Writing, cast & crew. No offense is intended and I hope that none is delivered. Also I hope to turn every thing sacred to FF & Serenity on it’s ear! Hope you enjoy!…..BPZ


Ending Serenity ************** Killing Off The Crew ************* Joss Whedon climbed into the back seat of the huge, black limo on his way to the movie studio for the last day of shooting his film. He found himself in a dilemma. Of course when did the creator of Firefly, Buffy, Angel, and the Serenity sequels not find himself in one?

It seemed to be hilarious poetry, but since his first movie “ Serenity” Joss had been challenged to find alternate studios to continue his story each time he wanted to created a movie sequel. He’d started with Universal, then had gone to Paramount, then Columbia, then Warner Bros. and now ironically he’d ended back at FOX studios. There had been a Serenity 2, 3, and 4, and now the final, “Ending Serenity” sequel 5 was near completion, and would be in theaters at Christmas 2012.

FOX was all about “Ending Serenity” . They’d never admitted to their mistake for canceling the show after the first season, even when dvd sales hit the roof. They said it was about money and how Firefly had not generated financial success, but after the season one box-set reached record sales on Amazon, and was making tons of cash, there came a question. Should they restart the series or save-face? They chose to save-face, which proved that it wasn’t about money after all.

Anyway, like was mentioned, FOX was well invested when it came to “Ending Serenity” sequel #5 , and although Joss had, had a good laugh, as always FOX got the final one. They had told him to rewrite the ending to Serenity 5.

Now, Whedon had already written the ending to his final movie, but again he was being forced to create a new one. He had no idea how he was going to do it. This was the dilemma the creative genius of Firefly found himself in.

Since Serenity 1, Joss had set a pattern and followed that pattern all the way to Serenity 5. With each sequel he had killed off two of the cast members until he’d finally ended up with just the Captain. How was he to end Mal?

Like mentioned before, he’d already finished the script, and his choice was to have the Captain, alone on his ship just fly into the nearest sun. This way Malcolm Reynolds would actually fuse and become part of Serenity.

Well the execs at FOX didn’t like that ending. They wanted an alternate. On his way to the studio Joss was tasked with creating a new one. He’d already given himself a headache trying to rediscover how to end the show. He though about all the ways he’d ended the lives of the other crewmembers on the boat.

He had skewered Wash, and had Shepherd Book’s Alliance friends kill him off in the first movie.

Then in Serenity 2 it was found out that secretly Zoe and Simon had been having an affair before Wash’s demise, without the Serenity pilot’s knowledge, and it had continued after his death. Also, it was found that the doc was the one actually making his sister crazy. Shooting her up with all kinds of meds in order to keep her incoherent to gain the family fortune upon her institution into a “bug house”. Sure River had already been to the academy, but having her in school would not gain him sole inheritance. Once River was in a mental ward, the doc could return to his parents home and kill them in their sleep, then he could gain the wealth of a lifetime without working!

River found this out about her brother and confronted him. During an escape attempt in shuttle #2 Zoe & Simon were blasted to bits when Simon’s little sister blew up the craft.

That was how Joss had ended the BDM2. In the BDM3 it was River & Inara’s turn.

In the BDM 3 River hooked up with Jubal Early (yes he was still alive) and they flew off only to get lost in Reaver territory. They were captured, then eaten by the zombie cannibals. Poetic justice that Early found out how it felt for all those poor dogs and cats he’d tortured over a lifetime.

Summer Glau went on to have her own successful cooking show on the OWN channel after, and invented the “Reaver Cleaver” for chopping up chicken.

Funny…how many folk that had been on Joss’ tv shows parlayed their roles into other things. Mark Sheppard (Badger) became the new spokesman for Lucky Charms cereal, and Christina Hendricks got herself into some trouble after her secret birthday video (sung Marilyn Monroe style) to George W. came out.

Anyway in the BDM 3, Inara died when a cross-dressing client of hers had unsatisfied sex with her ( yeah, like that would happen!) and demanded his money back. She refused, upon which the client took it out of her hide. He was happy with the new wardrobe he’d gained after that.

That ended sequel 3. Now it was Kaylee and Jayne’s turn.

In Serenity 4, Jayne kills himself after accidentally blowing himself out the airlock trying to get a nickel off the cargo bay floor, and Kaylee dies after eating a poison strawberry laced with insecticide.

This left only Nathan Fillion to do Serenity 5.

Keeping to his promise Joss meant to pepper Serenity 5 with old cast members from previous shows. Whedon wanted to bring Ron Glass and Alan Tudyk back as the paranormal spirits of Wash and Shepherd Book, but each declined. Ron was busy with the new Barney Miller series, and Alan was busy making Tucker & Dale sequels.

Whedon opped for some new actors to play those parts. Billy Dee Williams was signed to do Shepherd Book, and Jamie Kennedy would do Wash.

The whole idea was to have Book & Wash come back to haunt the Captain and drive him insane. This is what would lead Mal into flying Serenity into the sun. Of course FOX studio didn’t like that ending, so they had Joss rewrite another.

As the limo with creator/writer Joss Whedon came to rest in the parking area of FOX Studio’s back-lot, the man got out with a completely new final to his movie “ Ending Serenity”. He smiled and waved to his fans who were cheering from the 8 foot fence they stood behind.


Joss Whedon sat in his directors chair. Surrounded by cast and crew, he was ready to shoot the final scene of the final movie, of the final character, of the final crewmember of Serenity.

Joss felt that he should end the show, just as he’d started it, in Serenity Valley. A haunted Malcolm Reynolds, distraught over the loss of his entire crew, and plagued by the haunting of Wash and Shepherd Book had decided to end his life by burying himself in the cold, red dirt of Serenity Valley.

The ghost of Wash kept haunting Mal about having an affair with his wife, when in reality had been Simon Tam that she was having an affair with, and Shepherd Book kept haunting him about the wages of sin. Book’s spirit would appear and tell him…

“ Mal, go ahead and do whatever you want. Heaven ain’t worth a gorram up here. Nothing but fluffy white clouds and nothing to do all day. I look down there and see Jayne in Hell, and he’s having a Hell of a time. All those hot babes. Man! Wish I were down there! Bad Bible, forget everything I said. Live your life buddy!” Book’s ghost blinked out.

Well Mal had NOT decided to live his life…..but to end it. The verse was insane, and to stop the insanity he‘d decided to bury himself alive in Serenity Valley. He took the shovel he was holding and rammed it into the red earth.

”””””””””””””””””” KABOOM “”””””””””””””””””

There was a loud explosion and the Captain was vaporized into thin air.

Joss Whedon grinned to himself. He knew his fan base would be wondering what in the hell had just happened. He had the camera crew pan over to the left side of the scene. There, fifteen paces away was a sign posted…” DANGER: HIGH EXPLOSSIVE AREA: MINE FIELD: UNEXPLODED ORDINANCE” it said.

The End


Saturday, October 29, 2011 5:05 PM


The idea that Joss killed off a couple of characters in every movie sequel had me laughing! And then there's the joke that Joss actually told Nathan Fillion--when he asked what were the first and last lines of the script--apparently Joss gave him the real first line, then told him the last line was, "Funny how Mal died in the first act." I also laughed about Joss having to shop the sequels around to all the major studios, ending back at @#$% Fox after all that time. "FOX was all about “Ending Serenity” ." Oh how unfortunately true. And I liked how they were demanding that Joss re-write everything. The best parody is that which is all too true...

Sunday, October 30, 2011 12:09 PM


Howdy Brewster & ebfiddler!

Glad that you liked my Halloween Special! Yes Joss is a great writer & FOX is the scum of the earth. I agree. Sorry if I offended anyone with how I feel, I just can’t help thinking it’s true.

Anyway, yeah, Joss is a genius when it comes to scripting stories. Adventures that tug at our hearts! I give the man an A+ for his efforts. Still, it aggravates me about Wash & Book (Alan & Ron) in the BDM, so I decided……why not kill off the entire crew?

I saw a picture on here once, Alan Tudyk sporting a big button at a comic-con. There was a picture of Wash and Shepherd Book on it, it read: “JOSS, YOU BASTARD”… Wish I had kept that picture, sadly I didn‘t.

Anyway, I’m trying to keep up with all the fan-fic. My back-log is overwhelming. I’m up to date on most of yours EB, & Brewster, I’m lagging behind, but I’m getting there. GREAT stories from each of you. You and others are definitely keeping the verse alive for me! Keep writing!!!!



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