Tucker & Dale vs The Mars Girlz act3
Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Posting part 3 of “Tucker & Dale vs. The Mars Girlz”. Dale is clearly in the control seat, I think…or maybe I should say out-of-control……BP


Tucker & Dale vs. The Mars Girlz 3 (Alien Abduction)

Cast of players:

Tucker Trenton- Alan Tudyk Dale Dobson-Tyler Dr.Rita Scales- Christina Hendricks Renée Summers (alien actress1)- Kim Kardashian Peter Owen ( Writer/Director/Producer of Aliens aren’t Serene)- Ben Stiller Zoë Beckett (alien actress2)- Paris Hilton Claudia Jewel (alien actress3)- Allison Scagliotti Percy Thibodeaux- Nick Nolte Marshal Tucker- Jupiter auto mechanic Gable Tucker- Marshal’s son Victor Reynolds- Nathan Fillion

ACT 3 ________________________________________________________________________

Dale Dobson, country hillbilly visiting the backwater bayous of Louisiana had come to the conclusion that his friend and buddy, Tucker Trenton, had been abducted by space aliens.

“ Poor Tucker!” He began to whine. “ He’s probably got one of those long needle things stuck up one of his bodily orifices right now.”

Dale wiped a tear from his eye.

“ Well ‘ol buddy…….I won’t let you down!” He climbed into his boat and headed back toward Widow’s Cove.


Renée Summers and Zoë Beckett had just finished blowing up the rest of the alien dolls and found that these were Ok. None of them seemed to have any air leaks and they all looked to be in pretty good shape.

“ What about those two?” Zoë asked her fellow actress. She pointed at the two un-inflated alien dolls that remained outside next to the cedar stump.

“ Just leave them there. I’ll tell Peter about them when I head back into town for lunch…..which may be just about…..” Renée looked at her watch, “”

She looked over at her fellow actress, “ Are you ready to go?”

“ Don’t think I’m in the mood for lunch right now,” Zoë informed her, “ Had a late breakfast. Just think I’ll sit outside and soak up some southern sunshine while you’re gone. Oh, check and see if Adam or Jack have arrive when you get back will you?”

Renée smiled, “ Sure.”


Dale Dobson was near the location where he’d docked his boat earlier that morning at Widow’s Cove. It was about midday and all he could think about was rescuing his friend. He eased up to a place of concealment just as he’d done before, and looking over at the alien landing site he notice things had changed.

For one thing, he noticed that the alien lounging outside the spaceship this time was not the same one he’d witnessed earlier in the day. This one had a mop of silky blonde hair instead of dark hair like he’d seen before. The female alien was laying back on a lounge chair and had on a pair of dark glasses. It seemed to be basking in the raise of the noonday sun.

“ Yeah, enjoying the weather of our beautiful earth planet you ashen skinned, bobble headed, lizard brain.” Dale whispered to himself.

To his surprise the creature reached over and poured a cup full of liquid from a container that was set on a small table next to the lounge chair. She drank deeply then set the cup back down on the table.

“ Guess when they take human form they have to consume forms of sustenance that keep them in certain condition just as we do?” Dale told himself. Whatever the reason the alien seemed to be indulging itself in the partaking of the liquid rather frequently, whether for benefit or pleasure he wasn‘t sure.

At that moment a sound began to come from the spacecraft. To Dale’s ears it could easily be mistaken as a cell phone ring.

“ Crap!” The alien cursed, stood up and headed for the spaceship.

Once inside, and out of his view, Dale figured this was an opportunity he couldn’t pass up. He pulled out his pistol and eased over the cypress stump. Just inside the grass clearing he notice the un-inflated alien dolls which had been left over by the cedar wood stump.

“ Alien skins!” he voiced in a low tone. “ Them critters shed their outer shells just like they do on tv!”

He began to wonder if his weapon would hurt them at all? Of course the idea wasn’t to harm one of the creatures. That would defeat the purpose of a prisoner swap. No, he needed an alternative plan. One came to him in a jiffy.


Dale walked over to the table were the alien had left the container it had been drinking out of. He emptied a good portion of the liquid out onto the ground and removing the cap from his canteen replaced the void with the potent gut-rot he and Tucker were accustomed to drinking.

“ Let’s see how you space travelers can stomach this…..that is if you got stomachs.” He closed the thermos and made his way back to his hiding spot just in time. The blonde alien girl appeared at the spacecraft opening and made her way back to the lounge chair. Funny thing, she seemed to be communicating using a cell phone just as if she were a actual human earthling. This confused Dale but he didn’t dwell on the matter.

“……..and another thing, you can tell Owen since Jack and Adam aren’t coming then it’s likely that I won’t be finishing this project either…..”The alien’s tone wasn’t harsh or rude, only matter-of-fact.

The phone conversation ended, the woman poured herself a big cup of liquid from the thermos. She drank it down quickly. Surprised by the taste, but not displeased she poured another one.

In a matter of a few moments she was out cold. Dale took this time to creep forward and seize the small creature and thrust her over his beefy shoulder. He then made a quick exit back to the boat.

“ Paybacks a bitch.” He smiled and headed back to camp.


Tucker Trenton, although having received some relief from the ant stings with the cream Dr. Scales had applied to his lower extremities was still experiencing a bit of stiffness to his legs.

He stood and began walking around like a stiff legged Frankenstein. Rita laughed, but just lightly and only to herself.

“ There, as good as new!” Tucker claimed as he hobbled around, “ Well, almost.”

Rita felt a bit sorry for the swamp man.

“ Care to join me for a bite at the café across the street?” She asked. Tucker flinched.

“ Sorry, didn’t mean to jump at the word bite, “ He said, “ Them ant bites got me a little on edge if you get my meaning.” He paused, “……but sure, I’d enjoy joining you for lunch.”

Rita was a bit on guard about telling Tucker she was here for a movie production. For one thing Peter Owen did want the word getting out and having to deal with all kinds of disruptions due to having the local bayou folk from nearby towns and parishes come spoil any shots.

The big town of Jupiter claimed it’s population at thirty seven. Thirty five of which were adults, two children. Jupiter was one quarter mile off the beaten path of interstate 10. It was the town that dreaded sundown. Due to the local lore the village had a mystique about it and the surrounding area was rumored to be haunted. It was the perfect place to film his movie “Aliens Aren’t Serene”. He had hired most of the townsfolk as extras for his movie and they all were kept under a veil of secrecy.

Peter had scouted an area just south of Jupiter. An intersection long abandoned. There were four or five structures at the crossroads. All were dilapidate buildings and at one time might have been where the original town of Jupiter had, had it’s beginnings. There was grasses growing in the road, thick weeds all around the buildings, and it looked as if the swamp had moved back in to reclaim what was originally it’s own. Peter felt that with some work he could restore the place and make it resemble the fictional town of Mayberry. He called this place Jupiter 2, and he had his construction crews putting up building facades alongside the four structures that made up the main interest of the intersection. Work was coming along rather well, at least with the construction part of the movie……… the thing was, Peter had just been give the news that one of his actress may be bailing out. Rumor was, that Zoë Beckett was thinking of leaving the movie production.

“ Well if she leaves I can’t stop her. There are plenty of other actresses out there looking for work!” He said, although he was considering giving Zoë a call to try to talk her out of leaving the film. Her exit would cause foreseeable delays. He had his people looking now for replacement actors for Jack and Adam. Still he could shoot some of the film with the remaining cast.


Renée had earlier phoned her friend with the news that Adam and Jack had both canned the film. There were bigger offerings they were interested in. Also, Renée had let it be known through channels that Zoë wouldn’t be happy with the news that the two big time actors had backed out. Not to say that she would actually make good on her threats of leaving the movie, but it was a possibility. Renée, just to give Peter a heads up had told him about her threatening to leave.

Rita Scales, the staff doctor, in Renée’s eyes, was a good choice for a replacement if Zoë abandoned the movie. Renée didn’t see this as backstabbing her friend, but a paying job was a paying job…..she needed this one. If Zoë wanted to abandon the film, that was her business. Renée meant to finish it.


On his way back to camp Dale observed the creature laying in the bottom of his boat. Certainly an attractive alien, but he assumed they all disguised themselves that way. Best way for a man, or woman to let down their guard………being attracted to one of these creatures he thought. Prey on the human condition, one of their weaknesses! What other secrets did this creature have that could control him…..sight, sound?

Dale decided to take the dark glasses from the girl. Maybe they were used to look into a person‘s soul. He also used duck tape to cover her mouth. This way she couldn’t use verbal sounds to maybe put a spell on him. He bound her wrist and ankles and thought of setting up the small pup tent he and Tucker used on their camping expeditions to stay out of the rain. This way when she awakened she’d have no idea of her location.

The two hillbillies usually slept out under the stars at night, but they did bring shelter for keeping dry. He paddled his canoe and stopped when he hit the shoreline near their campsite.

End Act 3


Tuesday, August 31, 2010 10:29 AM


Ha ha ha....moonshine....priceless...

Tuesday, August 31, 2010 11:49 AM


Howdy Angelle….. Moonshine, yepper, always my choice of sedative :)



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