PLEASE READ "WHAT I WANT...WHAT I NEED PARTS 1-9" by searching under fiction or romance - Sorry I tried to include a link but it did not work

Disclaimer: Firefly, Serenity, and all related characters are copyright 2002-2005 Mutant Enemy, Inc., Universal Pictures, and 20th Century Fox. This is a work of fan-fiction. No copyright infringement is intended.

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What I Want...What I Need - Part 10

“Sir, you alright?” Zoe tried not to sound worried, but she had reason to be edgy; the Captain was down and he wasn’t talking.

She glared at Gray Mody down the length of her mare’s leg. Something about a gun to the head has a way of making a man spontaneously develop a serious case of the sweats, and Mody stared wide-eyed straight ahead down the barrel, dripping on the floor like he’d taken a swim. Waiting.

Good. Between her on the trigger and Mody on the pissing end, they had an understanding. That he was still breathing was only a matter of inches and pressure and her good grace since she would gladly kill him for shooting her Captain.

“Sir?”

“He… shot me,” Mal gasped from the floor.

Zoe kept her eyes on Mody, “Are you going to live, Sir?”

Across the bar, Jayne planted his fist through the face of Mody’s last man, turning to glance at Mal across the room before the man hit the floor, “Quit your whinin’, Mal. That ain’t hardly more n’ a scratch.”

Mal winced as he twisted his foot to check the damage. Blood trickled from a hole in his boot.

“Ben tian sheng de yi dui rou! These were my favorite boots,” Mal looked ready throw a piss party right there on the floor.

“I’ll take that as a yes.” Zoe relaxed, satisfied that they would all walk away, or limp away, from another job and this time with their platinum, which incidentally was still strapped to Mody’s belt.

“Hand it over.”

The usually loud and talkative Mody was struck profoundly dumb by the prospect of losing his platinum or his life. She guessed the baleful stare had more to do with the platinum than anything else. Blinking furiously, he diverted the down pour through his beard as he regarded her hand with nothing short of incredulity.

“Hand over the platinum and maybe…just maybe I’ll let you live past the hour.” Tall and wiry with big eyes colored to match his name, Gray Mody reminded her of all that was wrong with their line of business. He was a first rate smuggler and a third rate gunslinger on account of a hereditary tremor. Whiskey and snuff gave him a steady hand but bad aim, so him clipping Mal’s foot instead of his head, where he was aiming, didn’t surprise anyone. He hired guns to do his killing, and they killed on command without thought or judgment. In her book, they were no better than reavers.

“Hand. It. Over.”

Mody surveyed the chaos that was once the most crowded bar on Algeress. All his men were unconscious or dead, so he was inclined to keep his mouth shut, but he took his time untying the bag.

“Aaaaaagggh.” Mal’s agonized bellow brought everyone’s head around to the floor where he sat struggling out of his boot. Gaping at the bloody tangle of cloth, flesh, boot and blood at the end of his foot, Mal gasped, torque-ing the battered flesh closer to his face.

“He blew off my gorram toe… the little one too,“ Mal swallowed, “I liked that one.”

“Sir?”

“Shoot him.”

Zoe looked back at Mody—or where he should have been standing—just in time to see him and their platinum barreling through the bar door. Cursing herself, she ran through the door seconds behind him with her mare’s leg and every intention of killing him for making her chase him.

The inky night swallowed him but not the sound of his clumsy footsteps. Zoe ran full tilt down the darkened street, rounded a corner into a dark alley with her mare’s leg drawn.

Ahead of her Mody careened to a stop at the dead end of a half lit alley. He faced her as he wrestled with his jacket then finally pulled free a knife. Most would say a respectable knife, that is, if he were in a knife fight.

Zoe took her time chambering more rounds then stepped fully into the cast of the dim light.

Her gun leveled at Mody’s head.

“Don’t shoot, don’t… just… I wasn’t trying to kill Mal. I nicked him is all… just a graze, right?”

“You’ve got lousy aim, Mody.”

“Now, Zoe… don’t… do anything… crazy. Here, now, I’ll just toss you this here bag and we both get what we want, right?” Mody’s long face split into a grin that was supposed to seal the deal. She knew that smile. She’d seen it right before he tried to put a hole in her Captain’s head.

“Mighty generous of you to offer me my own coin.”

“I got more.” He swallowed, “I’ll double it. I’ll even promise not to kill you, or any of your crew. You know, like a permanent no kill list… put you and your lot right at the top, even spread the word. What’d you say to that?”

“Seems to me that killing you right now is the surest way down that road. Besides, I just as well like to take my platinum from your cold fingers.”

“You bitch—“

She fired.

The unmistakable wetness spreading down the front of Mody’s pants would have been funny if her gun hadn’t jammed.

She pulled the trigger again.

Click.

No bang. No dead bad guy.

Shit.

Mody’s head snapped up, his arms dropped to his sides, a nasty grin spread across his face like a stain. He laughed hard, half cackle half snort, as he retrieved his knife, eyeing it like it was forged platinum. He made a show of flipping the knife as he advanced closer, somehow reclaiming his swagger despite his piss-soaked pants.

“You should’ve taken my offer, Zoe. ‘Cause I may be a lousy shot but I carve real pretty.” * * * *

Jayne raced into the dark street seconds behind Zoe.

With one sweeping glance, he knew two things for certain. He couldn’t see Zoe and he’d never felt anything like the gut shredding fear ripping apart his insides. He hadn’t let her out of his sight off ship since he found out what Merrick did to her on Half Moon and losing sight of her now… shen hu xi.

He forced himself to stand dead still as he scanned the dark streets which was a gorram feat considering that his heart was trying to jump in his throat and his lungs refused to draw in more than a sliver of air.

Movement at the end of the street caught his eye and Jayne took off at dead run. Slowing to muffle his footsteps and to draw his girl from his holster, he silently rounded the corner of an alley. Just a few feet in front of him, Zoe had her mare’s leg leveled at Mody’s head and, from his position behind her, Jayne had a mouthwatering view of her slim waist and her perfect pi gu stacked above those long legs.

Click.

That brought Jayne’s wandering mind back to the alley.

Click.

Zoe’s gun must have jammed because all of a sudden that ta ma de hundan was moving toward his woman swinging a knife like it was his cod.

Of course, she didn’t have the sense to back off. Instead Zoe widened her stance and leaned into it with her shoulders relaxed and mare’s leg gripped like a club. Hell, no surprise there, she’d been stewing for a fight for weeks, taking risks she shouldn’t, and pissing Jayne off in the process.

Jayne stepped from the shadows and shot Mody in the chest.

The smuggler dropped to his knees still clutching his knife and their platinum, surprise registering in her grey eyes in degrees; then with a wet wheeze, he crumbled face down.

Zoe drew in a calming breath, “You done playing hero?”

She didn’t bother turning around, mostly because her gun was jammed and what would be the point if she couldn’t put a bullet in Jayne, at least in the toe or somewhere fleshy, to make herself feel better.

“For now.” The corner of his mouth tilted up. She couldn’t see it, but she heard it in his voice.

“You plan on making this a habit?” Her finger clenched and unclenched over the useless trigger.

Merrick, five mercs in the last two jobs, and now Mody was a mounting body count even he couldn’t ignore, but there wasn’t any planning to it. Fact was he was strung so gorram tight he would kill a man for breathing in her general direction. Not that any of it changed what he let happen to Zoe but it gave him something to do besides praying like a ruttin’ shepherd that she would forgive him for letting her get hurt…so killing it is.

And as if his guilty conscience wasn’t a mean enough son-of-a-bitch to deal with, these days he was either pissed off or horny or some shitty combination of the two. Plain and simple, it wasn’t in his nature to just sleep next to a woman but that’s what he’d been doing for the last few weeks. And by sleeping he meant lying next to Zoe in the dark pretending he wasn’t straining on his ruttin’ leash.

With a certainty, he knew she would be in his bed tonight. She came to his bed every night. Already his boys ached just thinking about the coming night. But blue or not, he wouldn’t stand for Zoe sleeping anywhere but in his bed. On nights when Merrick showed up in her dreams and he could do something, even if it was just holding her, all his suffering was worth it. And if she ever noticed his rock hard John Thomas doing a bona fide impression of a flagpole, she never said. It wasn’t like he was going to act on it, not till she was ready, and she wasn’t.

“Ain’t nobody hurtin’ you on my watch.” Not again.

Jayne turned and walked away.

* * * *

They were excited.

River, Kaylee, Inara and Zoe had convened around a pot of steaming tea and four delicate teacups in the luxury of Inara’s shuttle.

River lifted her teacup like a lady and slurped, eyeing the three of them with eagerness bubbling just below the surface of her smile.

River smiled because she didn’t know why they were excited.

She liked not knowing.

Her friends were so much more fun when she didn’t know what they were thinking or what was going to happen. Not listening, not knowing, blocking it all was hard but everything was more new that way.

“River, you already know—” Inara began.

“Only those who want to know, know.” River smiled.

“What does that mean?” Kaylee asked.

“I don’t know.” River smiled wider.

Inara retrieved a small box and placed it on River’s lap, “River, we bought you a little gift.”

“It’s not my birthday.” River stated matter-of-factly but she still grinned with delight, “I love it. It’s beautiful.” River stroked the silky fabric mesmerized by the detailing.

“The box ain’t the present silly, it’s what’s inside the box… open it.” Kaylee practically bounced out of her seat.

River tipped open the lid and stared inside at the plush red velvet lining and the smooth rod cradled inside.

Kaylee couldn’t contain her excitement, “River, it’s a vibrator… so you know, you can… practice.”

Inara smiled, “One of the greatest gifts a woman can give herself is an intimate knowledge of her body. At the training house, before a companion is permitted to meet her first client she must first become very intimate with her own body and needs. When the first encounter occurs it is meant to be memorable for the companion and her client.”

“Not to mention all the fun you can have by yourself,” Kaylee said as she rotated the base. The vibrator jumped to life in River’s hands, making her squeal.

“I got one just like it. It’s got three different settings and a piece that you can put on the tip if you feel like--“

“Kaylee, I think she can figure it out,” Inara smiled.

“Wait till I show Simon.”

“Ahhh, River, I wouldn’t mention your new toy to Simon—”

“or Mal,” Inara shook her head.

“Why not?”

Zoe smiled, “I think they’ve been traumatized enough already.”

Throwing them a shrug and a wicked grin, River gathered her stash and headed for the shuttle hatch.

* * * *

Zoe kicked him out of his own bunk claiming that his rumbling stomach was keeping her awake. That’s how he ended up in the galley at three in the morning scowling at River. She was hunched over the kitchen counter cutting and swallowing the biggest sandwich he’d ever seen.

Pausing her carnage long enough to shoot him a suspicious look, she frowned at him then hunkered her elbows out protectively around her food.

“Great, what are you doing up?” Jayne headed to the cooler.

“Orgasms take energy. Need Fuel,” River said between bites.

“So you’re playing high stakes solitaire, huh? Mal and Simon know about your extra-curricular activities?”

“Sex with myself is not a crime. It’s called—.”

“Call it whatever you want, just make sure when you tell Doc that little nugget of information that I’m right there to see it. Hell, I’ll pay good money to see him pop a vessel. Two credits says he faints. ”

Chuckling, Jayne stuck his head in the cooler, eventually emerging with his own provisions that he dumped next to River’s carnage then busied himself making a sandwich.

“Listen, I been wantin’ to ask you somethin’.”

River rolled her eyes, “I don’t know.”

“Well, that’d be because I ain’t asked you yet.”

“You won’t tell Simon or the Captain that I‘ve been masturbating?” She eyed him as she stuffed more food in her mouth.

“Hell, no. Mal would probably find some way to blame my ass me for it. And Simon, awwww, it just wouldn’t be as much fun as him hearing it from you.” Jayne grinned manically, “Like I said, that capture is worth good money.”

“Batteries are worth more.”

“Batteries? What you want batteries for?“

River threw him a look he roughly translated to Duh.

“Never mind.”

“Captain’s going to notice if I take any more—”

“It’s just batteries.”

“He restocked last run. I took 8 packs.”

“You got a problem.”

“Three more packs, I just want three more packs of A1G5 batteries.”

“So, let me get this straight, you willing to bargain for three packs of batteries? Not credits, not chores, not ammo…just batteries?”

She nodded.

“You need to get your priorities straight, girl.”

“Priorities are batteries.”

“Yeah, well…” He got contemplative for moment, “Tell you what. You tell me what to do bout Zo and I’ll get you them batteries for you. Hell, I’ll even throw in an extra pack out of the goodness of my very sympathetic heart.”

“That’s not the part of you that’s sympathetic.”

“Take it or leave it, little girl.”

“You don’t need my help.”

“Ain’t what I asked you. Now, you want them batteries or not?”

“…fine.”

“Good, we got us a deal then?”

She didn’t say anything just stuffed her mouth with food, so he took that as a sign that they were of a mind.

“Ok, so about Zo—“

“Batteries first.”

“That ain’t the deal,” he balked, “I ain’t going anywhere near the stores until you start talking.”

River turned mulish, glaring at him in silence as she devoured another bite.

“Now,” he continued, “you know Zoe ain’t been herself. That jackass… he hurt her bad, and I don’t know what to do for her…Fact is, I don’t think she trusts me any more, I can’t say I blame her for it since it was my fault she got hurt. It’s just that I want things to go back to the way they were…I want her back. We ain’t…you know…me and her ain’t—”

“—had sex”.

He glared at her, “—been the same since what went down on Half Moon.”

“Potato, tomato.”

“Unlike you, it ain’t all about my pecker.” “Still no proof for that theorem.“

“Quit, messin’ around, I’m serious.”

“Fine. At least we know you have a heart.”

“I got a knife too, so just get on with it.”

She cut and swallowed a mouthful of food, ignoring his threat, “Where’s Zoe now?”

“What the hell does it matter?”

“You asked a question, I answered.”

“Yeah, with a stupid gorram question.” Jayne shot her a full-on pissed-off scowl.

“Go back to your bunk.”

He stared, “That’s it? That’s your ruttin’ advice?”

“Not advice. No weighing or measuring. Go back to your bunk.”

“I ain’t going nowhere till you answer my question.”

“You got your answer. Now, go away, big man.”

“I ain’t scared of you, little girl.”

“You should be.”

“Should be what?” Mal appeared at the hatch, bare-chested and spiky bed-haired.

Jayne spun back to his sandwich while River, serene as Buddha himself, gorged herself on the rest of her sandwich.

“Mal, what ya doin’ skulking about in the middle of the night?”

“This is my boat and I don’t skulk. Besides, I could ask you the two the same?” Mal eyed River and Jayne, a little suspicious considering that on a good day the two of them couldn’t seem to get along for five minutes.

Jayne shrugged, “Hungry.”

“Well, don’t eat all our rations.”

Avoiding Jayne’s grim stare, River stuffed a last gigantic bite in her mouth grabbed a bottle of protein water and walked out the galley without a word.

“What was that all about?”

“Hell if I know, girl’s probably just moody,” he shrugged.

“Well, I reckon that’s a measure better than crazy. I’d call that an improvement.”

“Yippee,” Jayne mumbled.

Ignoring Jayne’s sarcasm, Mal scratched his bare chest absently, “You notice anything different about River lately, aside from the usual…River things.”

“Well, Mal, I ain’t quite sure what extra crazy is suppose to look like seeing as how I’m so used to the River Tam variety of crazy”.

Mal was thoughtful, seeming to miss all of Jayne’s sarcasm, “She’s been mighty elusive lately and she hasn’t said a word about them urges of hers, for which I’m mighty grateful. But something ain’t right with that girl, you know above the usual.”

Jayne snorted, “Ain’t my problem.”

“Well, I’m making it your problem, dong ma? You just let me know if you see anything.”

Jayne kept his head down and inhaled his sandwich; he tucked two bags of snacks under his elbow and balanced a glass of water in each hand.

As he hurried out of the galley, Mal asked, “Two glasses, Jayne?”

“Er…” Jayne froze, “I’m still real hungry and real thirsty... ” He slurped loudly from one of the glasses then burst into a fit of coughing.

Mal grabbed one of the packets of chips from under Jayne’s arm and left him sputtering in the galley.

* * * *

The instant Zoe stiffened, Jayne was wide-awake. He didn’t have to look to know where she was. Tucked up against him in his small bed, she was a warm weight against his side.

In the dim light, he watched her. She lay on her back with one arm thrown over her head. When she came to bed her hair was braided down her back but it had unraveled during the night and now her dark curls spilled over her pillow. Zoe looked good enough to eat.

Frowning in her sleep, she twitched restlessly.

Jayne held his breath. Not tonight, shit. Not another night.

He had hoped they wouldn’t come back. After a whole nine days without one, he thought the nightmares were gone. Already on edge, his heart banged around his chest like a loose compressor coil. He just hoped he wouldn’t have to hold her down tonight. Not again. Bad nights were the worst; they both usually ended up battered and bruised come morning.

Zoe shifted restlessly and despite how ruttin’ good she felt against him, he stayed tense, preparing himself for anything.

God, he hated that bastard Merrick. After tense minutes that dragged on like hours, she relaxed against him.

Then Zoe’s hand slipped between her thighs and his boys picked up pounding where his heart left off.

Ai ya tian a.

One touch and she had him steel pounding hard. One touch and he couldn’t blink, look away, breathe.

His eyes couldn’t quite believe what his body told him was happening. But the slide of her nightgown above her thighs and the bold strokes her fingers working over the silky pieces of cloth that passed for underwear, wasn’t any kind of dream.

And, sweet Buddha, she took her time. Her long legs started a slow sawing against the sheets. Her soft moans washed over him like fuel on a fire. She trembled and arched gently away from the bed, panting as she rode the heat she was building, the heat he was desperate to feel and taste. Every stroke of her hand across her skin, between her thighs, stretched him a little tighter. Her nipples puckered the silk of her nightgown as if hungry for attention. Jayne lapped at his lips wanting more than anything to suck one into his mouth.

God help him, he was sure there was a reason he shouldn’t touch her, but on his gorram life, he couldn’t remember what that reason was. Not when his gut was ground zero for the battle between his nuts and his head. And, with Zoe stroking right where he wanted his mouth to be, he wasn’t surprised that his nuts were winning.

She licked her lips and Jayne had to swallow a groan. Well past aching, an almost physical pain gripped him when Zoe’s hand captured a hard nipple, rolling it between her finger and thumb until she jerked and moaned deep in her throat. The urge to replace her hand with his mouth escalated to epic levels and his reservations were on the verge of blinking into never there.

Her eyelids fluttered but stay closed. She was close. Then it hit him like a fist to the chest.

She would lose it if she woke up and found him touching her without her say so, like some hundan. Hell, dreaming about a thing and doing it sure as hell weren’t the same thing. Besides, he wanted her awake, looking in his eyes when he tasted her; when he buried himself deep inside her; when he made her come.

Jesus, what had he almost done? Barely in control of his limbs, he scrambled off the bed. Eyes glued to her, he retreated to the far corner of his bunk. Zoe’s thighs slid open wider like an invitation to fit between them. A shiver lit up Jayne’s spine reminding him just how little control he really had with Zoe.

He knew exactly when it happened as if she was on his tongue and under his fingertips instead of across the room in his bed. He knew when she was well past where touching and feeling was enough; she wanted to come. At other time, his tongue would have found that hollow at her throat so he could feel as well as hear her moan his name; feel her breath leave her like there wasn’t room for him and air inside her; feel that not so subtle ripple of tension grip him where he was buried inside her; then she would open her eyes for him.

He knew all of that like he was on that bed and not across the room glued to the cold bulkhead like his life depended on it. He almost closed his eyes as another shiver raced up his spine but he knew what he wanted to see, so he kept his eyes open, and waited. He didn’t have to wait long.

Zoe moaned, her back arching away from the bed, as her strokes became shorter, quicker, deeper. She stiffened as her head rolled back into the pillow, her curls spilling around her. A shiver seized her, dragging urgent moans from deep in her throat. One hand fisted the sheets.

Shit. Jayne closed his eyes. He swore he could feel her wetness coating him; her body milking him; her heat fitting him like a glove.

Finally, after what seemed like hours instead of seconds, he could breathe again but it blasted out of him in heaving gusts.

Dragging a trembling hand over his mouth, he looked down at his John Thomas flying at full flag, tenting his shorts like a ruttin’ mountain then at Zoe, curled on her side, a satiated smile curving her lips.

Shit.

Despite his earlier exhaustion and the headache building behind his eyes, he was wide awake and all he wanted to do was slide into bed next to Zo. But going anywhere near Zo was out of the question until he dealt with the giant hard-on he was toting.

Jayne glared at his John Thomas, seriously contemplating a straight walk to the showers. Despite the lure of cool water on his hot skin, he thought better of it and stayed where he was. He needed to be here in case Merrick made an appearance after all.

After no real contemplation, he decided that rubbing out a good one was the only relief he was going to get tonight. With a curse, Jayne grabbed a towel, then snapped off the dim light he had left on for Zoe, pitching his bunk into blackness.

He didn’t need lights for this.

* * * *

Kaylee and Inara appeared at her side, one at each elbow.

“Hi, Zoe.”

“Would you take a walk with us?”

“Do I have a choice?”

“No.”

Half smiling, Zoe allowed herself to be steered toward Inara’s shuttle, “Should I be armed?”

“There won’t be any shooting, just tea.”

“Sounds dangerous.”

“Keep walking.” Kaylee ordered, then grinned.

“I voted for a more civilized invitation,” Inara confessed, “but we couldn’t be certain you would show. So—“

“Why do I suddenly wish I was armed?”

Despite her reservations, Zoe allowed herself to be deposited onto soft red cushions in front of a steaming pot of tea and three ridiculously delicate teacups.

River poked her head through the shuttle door, “Zoe, I didn’t tell. I swear.”

“Tell who what, River?” Zoe asked, her poker face firmly in place.

River shrugged and disappeared through the doorway, leaving Kaylee and Inara looking expectantly at Zoe.

“We ain’t blind, Zoe,” Kaylee said. “We’ve seen the way you and Jayne look at each other.”

We have a way?

“Zoe, please don’t feel compelled to tell us anything. We would understand perfectly if you didn’t… share.” Inara said, though the sparkle of curiosity in her eyes said otherwise.

“Like hell she doesn’t! I want details,” Kaylee insisted.

Zoe laughed, “I wondered how long it would take.”

Kaylee grinned, “So, how did it happen? What did Jayne say to get you into bed? How did he court you?”

“Court me?” Zoe choked.

“Is he rough?”

No, devastatingly gentle.

“Kaylee!!” Inara looked horrified.

“What?... I want to know,” Kaylee said.

“I don’t kiss and tell,” Zoe said, sounding much more prudish that she felt.

“Can you kiss and mime?”

Maybe it was the tea or the soft cushions or the good company, but before she could stop, Zoe found herself leaning back onto soft velvet pillows, saying, “I went to his bunk,” while trying to contain the smile threatening to break out across her face.

“Wha—do you mean to say…you jumped him?”

“Kaywinnett Lee Frye, I did no such thing. I asked nicely and he—“.

“He what, Zo?”

Touched me…with big rough hands, in my hair, across my skin, pushing my thighs apart, and his voice, insistent and hungry, demanding that I open my eyes so he could see me, see how he fills me, how he undoes me every time we make love.

She hid the hitch in her breath behind a sip of tea.

They never had sex. The first time and every time, Jayne made love to her; filled her and all the broken empty spaces inside. She missed him. Never mind that she saw him every day, and slept in his bed every night. Injured animals run and hide to lick their wounds and she was no different. Except she had retreated so far inside herself that she wasn’t sure how to come out again. But she missed him and the way he over powered her senses and filled the empty place in her life and heart.

“Zoe?”

She almost dropped her cup on the table, “I have to go. I have…to…um…check on our supplies…”

Inara’s hand kept her in her seat, “Oh, Zoe, I didn’t realize … Does Jayne know?”

Zoe shook her head, “No…I don’t know.”

“What?” Confused, Kaylee looked from Inara to Zoe, “what?”

Zoe stared at her cup “I can’t say… don’t know much about anything right now.”

Inara smiled, “Oh sweetie, don’t worry, when it comes to the heart few of us do.”

“Holy crap, Zo. You're sweet on Jayne."

Zoe was on the verge of denying it but nothing came out and instead of cool and calm which she was going for she managed to look terrified.

“Kaylee,” Inara begged.

“For what it’s worth, you should see how he looks at you when he thinks no one’s watching,” Kaylee offered.

“Zoe, can I offer you some advice?...Don’t fight what feels natural or what feels good. Subconsciously, I think we all know what we want and what we need. If Jayne is giving that to you don’t question it too closely, some things don’t need to have reason or purpose. They just are.”

-END-

Translations Hundan - bastard Ben tian sheng de yi dui rou - stupid inbred stack of meat Shen hu xi - take a deep breath Ta ma de hun dan - mother humping son of a bitch/bastard Ai ya tian a - merciless hell