BLUE SUN ROOM FAN FICTION - GENERAL

RONDORI5

The Spacer's Home companion (Repost)
Wednesday, May 27, 2009

If Garrison Keilor wrote for Joss


CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 746    RATING: 9    SERIES: FIREFLY

The Spacers’ Home Companion Or If Garrison Keilor wrote for Joss Brought to you by Mudders Milk Biscuits – Heavens, they’re tasty and expeditious. They give shy doctors the strength to get up and do what needs to be done. In the Blue Sun package with the dark brown stains that indicate freshness. Made from whole wheat raised in the Serenity River Valley by Norwegian bachelor farmers, so you know they’re pure, mostly. Also brought to you by the Universal Duck Tape Council (Quack). Our spokes mechanic, Kay lee Winnit Fry, says “The Captain’s such a tightwad that if’ in it weren’t for duck tape, spit, bailin wire, an prayer Serenity’d either be on the drift or fall right out of the air.” Remember that all solutions are temporary and duck tape (Quack) is often as good a solution as any. And now the news from Serenity, the little ship on the edge of the black where all the women are strong, the men are all good looking and the children are all above average. Outside, the temperature is absolute zero (not unlike Minnesota in the winter) and in the chatterbox galley, Norwegian bachelor Captain Mal and Norwegian bachelor mercenary Jayne are considering the latest plan gone south. Since both knew whose fault it was, neither was saying anything. Across the table, Norwegian bachelor doctor Simon was resting from patching up these two criminals and considering using wood putty and duck tape the next time given that he wasn’t getting paid for any of these botched jobs. Then he started daydreaming about forming a HMO for smugglers and pirates. After all, some of these gangs had to be making money; they all couldn’t be this inept. As he was mulling this over in his mind, his very above average kid sister, River, skipped by and whispered in his ear “Give it up, Simon, smugglers and pirates don’t like filling out paperwork. That’s why they’re smugglers and pirates in the first place. You should join Doctors without Planets, at least you’d get to see some different bodies. Besides, when they start rehabbing the Reavers, you‘ll make a fortune doing plastic surgery.” Just then, bachelor (probably not Norwegian, but who knows, given his lack of a back-story) Shepard Book from Our Lady of Perpetual Responsibility came in seeking donations for the lepers on Whitefall. Quickly realizing that he was on the wrong ship for that sort of thing, he quickly left the way he came. On the bridge of Serenity, Norwegian non-bachelor pilot Wash was supposed to be flying the ship was playing with plastic dinosaurs proving once again that you can make a man out of a boy but you can’t take the boy out of the man. Zoë and Inara, strong women both, who were standing, watching the men, were thinking “Why can’t these guys just grow up, learn to talk to women, settle down and get real jobs?” Meanwhile in an office on the twelfth floor of the Acme Skyplex, high above a planet that likes to keep its secrets, one man is still trying to find the answers to life’s persistent questions (such as who you really are). Guy Niska, Private Torturer. I decided to repost this under my present pen name

COMMENTS

Wednesday, May 27, 2009 6:15 PM

NCBROWNCOAT


First time I've read this and I love it, especially the bit about Zoe and Inara (how true!)

Saturday, May 30, 2009 8:20 PM

ANOTHERSKY


Good. You'll get paid in cashy money end of the month.

Monday, October 25, 2010 7:46 AM

RONDORI5


Link to my complete book (free sample): http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/26186


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YOUR OPTIONS

OTHER FANFICS BY AUTHOR

THE TWO COMPANIONS PART VI
(In which our hero, Jorge, settles some old affairs, honors some old traditions and pulls off the hat trick with Serenity's lovely ladies in our little ship on the edge of the black.)


The Spacer's Home companion (Repost)
If Garrison Keilor wrote for Joss

THE TWO COMPANIONS PART V
(In which Relationship counseling takes on a whole new meaning when guns and heavy weaponry are involved)

THE TWO COMPANIONS PART IV
(In which Jorge makes dinner, Simon makes new friends and Kaylee makes a sandwich)



THE TWO COMPANIONS PART III
In which River presses her attentions on the new Companion and winds up on her backside



THE TWO COMPANIONS part II
(In which Inara must teach two more and meets her master.) Warning:Violence and Sex

The two Companions part I (revised) (again)
This is a work in progress that exists in draft(written) but has not been gorram typed yet- feedback would be shiny - my thanks to all who have commented and for all the folks at critters


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