He Was Gone
Friday, February 13, 2009

Angsty little piece about River.


Title: He Was Gone Author: Instant Karma Girl Date: Started/Ended Feb 13th. Words: 1,147 Disclaimer: Joss is Boss and I would do nothing to detract from him. He and others own the ‘Verse…I just wish they played in it again. Author’s Note: This came to me as I was trying for a late afternoon nap. It’s a quick fic, not beta’ed.

He was gone. She tried to fix him; tried to save him. She peered into his mind to search for any medical knowledge that would help her fix him, but his mind was moving too fast for her. She saw Kaylee’s shoulders, her lovely, soft shoulders and then her parents. The sadness written on their faces was nearly too much to bare. She felt his emotions. She saw the hospital, the surgical instruments placed neatly in a steel tray. She felt the thrill of the first time he’d had sex. She saw herself sleeping, curled in a big steel box.

But she found no indication of what she should do. She searched her own mind for the answers. She needed to remove the bullet and sew him up. But there was so much blood and too many organs that were damaged. Even if she had the skill of a gifted surgeon, she was unable to silence the noise inside her own head. His mind was quieting, a fact that brought tears to her eyes, but the others… The others’ minds were shouting, screaming, yelling out in pain, in concern, in horror.

In just short moments, there was nothing left for her to do but weep. Weep for the loss, weep for the pain of the others, weep for her failure to save her brother, and weep for all that will never be for him. She felt sick. While the tears flowed down her cheeks in tiny streams, her body shook. She should have known. How had she missed this? What had she been doing that would have caused her not to be able to anticipate this?

River screamed, her face pointed up towards the ceiling, her hands clutching at the ripped and bloody clothes hanging off Simon’s body. The scream echoed through the infirmary and through the belly of the ship. When the sound stopped, all that could be heard was Kaylee’s bewildered sobs, her head resting on Simon’s cooling chest, her hands holding one of his.

River tilted her head down to watch the mechanic grieve. River was responsible for that pain. River was the cause of so much pain, anguish and death.

If she had only paid attention to what Simon had been doing; to what the other posse had been up to. What had she been doing, she wondered. It took her only a moment to realize that she heard Simon’s choked cry as she had bent down to study the patterns the dried leaves had made on the hard dirt of the trail.

If possible, her heart sank lower still. It truly had been her fault. She had lost focus because of dead leaves and now her brother’s bright light was gone forever.

Her hands unclenched and she stepped back from the body. She bumped into something solid and turned. The captain was standing behind her. He moved his arms in a motion to embrace her, but she smoothly side stepped him. She would not seek solace in him. She had let him down too. It had been her job to sense the deal going wrong and she had failed. Now her captain was left without a medic and the crew was incomplete...again.

River swiftly moved through the dazed people she knew as her family. Everyone’s eyes were locked on the lifeless body of her big brother; of the only person in the ‘Verse that had ever truly given a damn about her for no reason; the only person who had ever truly shown her unconditional love and caring.

As she ran through the hull of Serenity, she could not help but feel small and alone. He was gone.

He was gone.

Who was going to take care of her now? Who was going to make her take the medicine she didn’t want to take? Who was going to comfort her after one of her nightmares? Who would brush her hair and hum her favorite childhood song? Who would call her a dummy?

Who would remember their early days and childish games?

River’s belly ached. She stopped running and doubled over, releasing the contents of her stomach onto the cold, hard metal floor of Serenity.

Slowly, she recovered, pushing herself up, back onto her feet. She knew it would only be a matter of time before they came after her, to console her, to lie to her and tell her that it would be okay. She moved quickly, not know where her destination would be.

She found herself in the quietness of the second shuttle. It was empty and bare. Like her. She reached out with her mind, opening herself up, calling to him, but he was gone. She knew the spiritual teachings of her youth had been rubbish. She knew what energy was and how it could never dissipate, just change, but she couldn’t feel him or his energy here.

He was gone.

He was gone from her.

“Mei mei?”

“No,” she looked up and yelled, throwing herself down against the floor. “Not your mei mei.” Her finger nails dug into her palms as she tightly balled her hands. “I am his mei mei and he is gone. And so she is no longer mei mei. She just is.”

River flinched slightly as Zoe crouched down next to her. “And I am no longer ai ren, because he who was mine is gone.” Zoe wrapped her arms around River and brought the girl to her feet.

River pushed out of Zoe’s grasp. River did not need comfort, even if Zoe knew the pain she felt. River needed Simon. And Simon was gone.

Once again, River took off running, her feet barely making a sound inside Serenity. She found herself in the infirmary once more, a sheet covering the body of her brother. Kaylee had gone, but River could feel the tears and heart ache. The tragedy had left a permanent imprint.

Slowly, she crawled upon the table, atop of Simon’s body. She laid her head on his chest, ignoring the sticky feel of the cooling blood soaked sheet against her cheek. He didn’t smell right. Too sweet and metallic. Simon usually smelled of antiseptic and soap.

“I will stay with you,” she whispered. “I will stay with you because it is I who made you suffer like this.”

He had left everything he knew to save her. He had given up every dream he’d ever had for her. He had become a fugitive to protect her.

He had given his life up because she had lost focus.

She had loved him so much. And he had loved her with all of his being.

And now, he was gone.

~**~ Fin


Friday, February 13, 2009 12:54 PM


WOW!! Glad you shared this. :)

Friday, February 13, 2009 2:37 PM


Gorramit, you do broken hearted River so well it is scarifyin'. I feel so sorry for our little albatross. She isn't God and what happened isn't her fault but in the bottomless depths of loss and dispair the truth is no comfort at all. Very well written but oh so sad. Ali D
"You can't take the sky from me!"

Friday, February 13, 2009 2:59 PM


Aw. :(

Friday, February 13, 2009 3:40 PM


Awwhttp://www...poor River *sniff* Jayne needs to comfort her!


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