BLUE SUN ROOM FAN FICTION - GENERAL

VALERIEBEAN

Regaining Reality (REPOST)
Monday, November 19, 2007

Inara responds to Mal’s revelation. Kaylee has a nightmare. Sweet at the top, angsty at the end. (That angst warning is for you, TamSibling.) Part 7 of the ‘Working Out the Grief’ series.


CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 2547    RATING: 0    SERIES: FIREFLY

Nothing had changed. The revelation rolled through Inara’s mind as she tested its truth. Nothing had changed, except a small piece of paper. A license to work with which she’d imbued her self worth for no other reason than that it declared her value and social standing as an official fact to the outside world. Her mouth was opened slightly, kept from going slack-jawed by sheer force of will. As the minutes passed, the stunning realization confirmed its truth over and over again in the simple and steadfast way that Mal looked at her. Nothing had changed. Except… Mal’s hand was still entwined with hers, tentatively holding on, probably more out of worry than affection. She knew he’d never seen this side of her, and yet, this was how he’d always seen her. The real her. The woman whose worth was independent of her profession, her title, and a silly piece of paper. When he’d called her ‘whore’ all those years, she’d deflected it with the belief that it wasn’t true. But when she’d called him ‘thief,’ he’d deflected it with the knowledge that his worth wasn’t wrapped up in such a title. He’d never seen himself as a hard-hearted criminal; he’d always believed himself a noble thief and somehow that was enough. She was starting to understand. “Nothing has changed,” she murmured. The words were leaking from her lips constantly, it seemed, fueled by the knowledge that Mal saw her the same as before and loved her the same as before. That he had loved her at all before. That he’d said it now. She shook their joined hands, testing the strength of the bond. Solid. He gave her hand a light tug and started them walking through the ship, no destination in mind. His eyes were locked on her, but her eyes were all over the place, still trying to process things. “You love me,” she told him slowly, her voice soft with residual surprise. Her mind was processing very slowly. Mal shifted uncomfortably, rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand. “Well, maybe a bit. I thought you were gonna … leave … again.” Inara smiled, letting it slide. Not a plastic smile. And their walk was slow and private. Not a parade. If she pulled away, he’d let her go. He had no illusions of possessing her, even for the night. Although she feared he might try getting closer, she held on, because she knew she didn’t want him to leave just yet. He knew what it felt like to lose everything. She wasn’t alone. Not with him. She watched their feet as they took one step, then another, not caring about anything except walking together. Swallowing hard, Inara tried to unbury the details, so she could explain why she’d left, so that he’d trust her not to do it again. He’d kept begging her to stay before. But try as she might, the words wouldn’t come in any form of coherence. “Mal, they took,” she began, but was already choking on tears at the memory. “They took … I fought … I lost … Mal.” He shushed her with a squeeze of the hand and they kept walking. Shaking with uncertainty, but secure in his confession of love, she pulled him into an embrace crying on his shoulder again, just like the first day she’d come on board – the day her battle with the Guild had ended. Mal enveloped her with acceptance, strong arms holding her steady. “Just ‘cause you lose a battle don’t mean you were wrong to fight it,” Mal soothed, speaking right to her heart. “Thank you.” The words were barely discernable from the tears. He ran one hand relaxingly across her back, and dabbed a soft handkerchief across her cheek with the other. The ministration brought a short bout of surprised laughter. “Thought after last time, I should start carrying one of these,” Mal smiled, continuing to dry the tears from her face. “Those napkins in the galley can be rough on the nose.” Inara pulled away from the embrace, accepting the handkerchief, and setting her appearance right. The hallway was dark for the night, save for one emergency light that never went out. The lamplight made his hair glow amber. They stood just under an air vent that kept blowing wisps of her hair across her eyes. Mal stepped back, leaning against the opposite wall, watching patiently, without judgment or expectation. When she regained her composure, Mal resumed their walk through the hallways as if nothing had happened. He didn’t take her hand again, so she reached over and took his. Mal smiled warmly, inhaling deeply the ethereal scent of joy. The joy lasted only a moment, before the entire ship was pierced with Kaylee’s scream. “HELP!!!” Gasp! Thunder! Fear! Her heart pounding, Inara dropped Mal’s hand and dashed to the crew quarters where the scream originated. He was half a step behind her, fighting the pace so as not to plow her over. Mal kicked open the door to Kaylee’s room and climbed in first, as curious and concerned heads peaked into the hallway. Inara went down second and Jayne, Zoë, and Hawk hovered at the top of the ladder. Jayne looked ready to jump out of his skin, but waited outside, lest the crowd terrorize Kaylee more than whatever had caused the scream. Kaylee’s bunk was tiny compared to Mal’s – barely a hallway in width. The young mechanic knelt on the bed, urgently shaking a pillow, crying, and occasionally turning to yell for help again. If she noticed their presence, she didn’t acknowledge it. Mal surveyed the room for signs of danger, and checked Kaylee’s body for injuries, without disturbing her motion. “Simon, honey,” Kaylee whimpered anxiously. Inara’s heart nearly stopped. She wasn’t awake and in need of help. She was dreaming or hallucinating, reliving that night. “Kaylee,” Inara cried, running to the bed, pulling Kaylee against her chest. Kaylee cried out, her hands reaching for the ghost of her husband. “Captain,” Zoë called from above deck, tossing down a shot of dope. Mal caught it easily and ran back to the bed. Inara swallowed fearfully, pressing Kaylee’s head to her shoulder. “Hold her steady,” Mal ordered. “Simon wake up, please wake up.” “Mal, no! You can’t give her that.” Jayne cried out, sliding down the ladder into the bunk without using the rungs. Mal froze. Inara looked from Mal to Jayne in confusion as Kaylee struggled and shook. “Just hold still, Kaylee,” she cooed, trying to cover the horror in her voice. “Mal come on.” “Can’t,” Mal said reluctantly, straightening up and stepping away. Inara looked at him incredulously. “Might have a bad reaction to … somethin’ she’s already got.” “Help, someone! He ain’t breathing!” Kaylee shrieked, breaking away from Inara and running toward the ladder. Jayne caught her easily, pressing her tight to him, essentially immobilizing her against his body. “What does she have, Mal?” Inara asked urgently, running through the list of other sedatives she knew about that were less harsh. “Is she taking something?” “Ain’t my place to share that. Just have to deal with this straight out.” “Tell me! I may know something we can give her.” Mal stayed silent, exchanging a look with Jayne. The merc had Kaylee pressed to his front, facing out. She pushed against his arms desperately, trying to escape. Jayne would give into her pushes a few inches, and then contract around her again like a metal lung. “Ain’t real, Kaylee, just push it away,” he coached softly in her ear. “Ain’t real.” “Simon.” “Push it away,” Jayne repeated. “I can’t … Jayne,” Kaylee whimpered. She’d said his name. Inara rushed over and caressed Kaylee’s face hoping to help urge her back to the present world. “Mei mei, calm down,” Inara whispered. “Calm down, sweetie, you’re okay.” Kaylee pushed one last time against Jayne, then collapsed weakly into his arms, bawling. Inara used the handkerchief Mal had given her to dab at the tears on Kaylee’s face. She pressed in closer, continuing to whisper encouragement, knowing the only thing holding Kaylee on two feet was Jayne’s arms wrapped around her. “‘Nara,” Kaylee began weakly. Inara’s heart rejoiced at the sound of her name, and she cradled Kaylee’s chin in her hands. Kaylee tried to meet her eyes, but her head hung like it was too heavy for her to lift. “Hey, you.” “I shouldn’t’ve let him leave me alone, but I wanted him to talk to you. I knew I couldn’t … not tonight… now I’ve woken everyone.” Kaylee was looking around, embarrassed by the stream of concerned faces peeking into the room. Inara couldn’t help but laugh at her friend’s concern for all things not herself. So Kaylee had cajoled Mal into finding her. Inara shuddered to think of what nightmare Kaylee would have awoken to if Mal hadn’t come. “I’m sorry he left you alone, sweetie. But you’re not alone now. We’re here.” “Did he apologize?” “Yes he did.” “Good.” Kaylee took a few more deep breaths, hanging in Jayne’s arms, then shimmied sideways to wrap her arms around the big man. Inara stroked Kaylee’s hair endearingly, wondering that the woman managed to come out of a nightmare and her first concern was whether Mal had apologized. Kaylee looked ready to fall asleep in Jayne’s arms, and the rest of them were just standing around exchanging dumbstruck glances, none quite wanting to leave her alone now. “Cap,” Hawk spoke up, finally breaking the silence. “We’re only three hours out from Perth, and it’s not the kind of place we want to spend more than half a day if we can help it. If you want more time, I should slow our approach.” Mal looked at Kaylee, considering carefully. “I’ll stay with her tonight,” Jayne volunteered. “No,” Mal shook his head, deciding quickly. “Inara will stay. You go back to sleep. Don’t want you breakin’ an ankle like last time.” “I’ve jumped onto ten moving trains this year, Mal. Bound to break somethin’ sometime,” Jayne groused, but Mal stayed adamant. “I want you rested. Been delayed too much already. We keep to the plan. We set down 4am local time and are out before sunset.” Mal surveyed the crew sternly making sure they all understood this as an order. Jayne hesitated, looking down at Kaylee. Her eyes were pressed shut, her head buried in his shoulder, her arms clutched tightly around his waist. Inara coaxed Kaylee’s white-knuckled fists open so the girl wouldn’t pierce her own skin with her fingernails. “‘Nara, you stick with Kaylee. Learn her part of the job, so you can help out tomorrow.” “I can do it, Captain,” Kaylee interjected, her voice stronger than anyone expected, but muffled by Jayne’s chest. Mal nodded curtly. “I expect you to, little Kaylee, but Inara needs to learn the ropes around here, and you’re gonna help teach her.” Inara’s breath caught in a surprised smile. How had he managed that? How had he managed to integrate Inara into the job and not step on Kaylee’s toes in the same order? Her heart fluttered with a sense of belonging that seemed completely out of place amidst the concerned faces, fading nightmares, and tense orders. The decisions made for the evening, Mal dismissed the others with a nod. Zoë and Hawk were already slinking away, back toward their respective bunks, but Jayne still held on to Kaylee. Or maybe she to him. “Kaylee,” Mal prompted, adopting his Captainy tone. “Let go of Jayne. He needs to sleep. Don’t want him messin’ up because he’s stayed up all night with you.” “He ain’t gone yet,” she responded simply, shuddering against Jayne. Inara’s heart twisted, but Mal looked confused. She met his eye and mouthed ‘Simon.’ Mal’s eyes softened, but his tone didn’t. “Ten minutes,” he said to Jayne, in no uncertain terms. He looked at Inara, his eyes ordering her to enforce the curfew, and then brushed past them to go. Inara grabbed hold of his finger tips and squeezed. Mal paused, looked into her eyes with soft apology, and squeezed back. Then he climbed up the ladder and left. Inara sighed as she watched him go. Jayne and Kaylee were behind her, frozen in an embrace like a statue. When Mal’s scent faded from the room, Inara turned back to Kaylee and Jayne, touching her friend’s tormented face. “You want some tea, sweetie?” Inara brushed a lock of hair over Kaylee’s ears, then looked accusingly at Jayne, remembering that he knew something she didn’t. “She can still have tea, right?” “No caffeine,” Jayne answered, rocking back and forth between his feet, swaying Kaylee with him. “Certainly not at this hour,” Inara balked, then her jaw dropped as the restrictions on sedatives and caffeine slowly connected in a single condition. Kaylee was going to have a baby.

*~* * * Post A.N.: Up next: that train job, most likely from Jayne’s POV.

Jayne's Space Elevator

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