Kissing You Gives Me Déjà Vu – The Complete Trilogy
Monday, November 12, 2007

Set post-BDM. Part 1: Mal kisses Inara for the first time and gets a weird feeling. Part 2: Several years later, he finally remembers! Part 3: He deals with Inara’s news with Kaylee’s help.


Disclaimer: The characters and ‘verse portrayed in this fanfiction were created by Joss Whedon. I’m not stealing them, just borrowing them. Please don’t sue me over this, I’m broke!

Some re-editing was done from the original versions to make the flow from one part to the next smoother, and to improve the story a bit. Mostly, grammatical errors were corrected, and the lead sentences at the beginning and ends were deleted because it seemed repetitive. Don’t worry, I didn’t pull a George Lucas and make Kaylee CG and really annoying!

Also, I want to thank my friend Jenny for giving me a little insight on being a parent. Basically, I stole a quote from her and gave it to Kaylee. I know she’ll probably never read this as she’s not a browncoat (yet), but I like to give credit where it’s due.


Part 1

It was another night where neither one of them could sleep, and they ended up in the galley drinking chamomile tea and talking. The conversation was calm for once as the main instigator for their arguments, work, didn’t seem to matter so much since Miranda… Well, for now at least! Mal sat at his place at the end of the table with one knee pushing up against the table to balance him on the back two legs of his chair. Inara sat adjacent to him. She had no make-up on and wore her dark blue dress, the one she wore when she told him she wasn’t sure if she was going back to the training house. While they talked, a loud snore came from the direction of the bunks. “Sounds like Jayne has a chainsaw in there,” he muttered into his mug. Inara laughed out loud, then her hand went to her mouth to stifle the noise in an attempt to keep the midnight peace. Their eyes locked, and Mal smiled at her. She dropped all of her fingers, save her index finger over her lips, and smiled back at him. No wiles, just Inara. Lost in the look, it was half a second too late before the sensation of falling backwards registered. The words “oh, Lord” passed through his mind, then the strike of his head against the floor sent a flash of red before his shut eyes. “Mal!” cried Inara. “Mal are you okay?” “Ugggh!” he grunted. When he opened his eyes, she was hovering above him, his head cradled in her hands, her eyebrows wrinkled together. Something about this situation felt so familiar to him: him lying on the floor, and her over him enveloped in concern. He just couldn’t place the why. His right hand instinctively went to touch the back of his head. “Let me do that,” she said. Her fingers gently threaded through his hair, kneading his scalp to inspect the location and size of the bruise that was certainly growing there. He closed his eyes in the sensation of the massage, then inhaled sharply when she came in contact with the mark. “Sorry,” she said lightly touching the sore. “I don’t think you’re bleeding.” He opened his eyes again, looking directly into hers and intently lingering. His hand rose again, this time to cup her cheek. She bent closer to him, and softly brushed her lips to his. Something very familiar…. She looked into his eyes one more time with desire, then returned to deepen the kiss. All of his internal inquiries melted away. His left arm wrapped around her waist and brought her body down on top of his. Whatever it was that bothered him before certainly didn’t matter now. Though, it took him years to realize that that night wasn’t the first time they kissed…

Part 2

Mal and Inara were in bed and about to fall asleep. It had been a very long and fruitful day as things went reasonably smoothly on the heist they pulled earlier. Jayne was grazed by a bullet in the leg during the escape and a few other bumps and bruises were earned, but they got the loot and no one died. It was a good day. Sleep was about to overtake Inara when Mal’s voice brought her back to consciousness. “Wei!” “Something wrong?” she asked. She kept her eyes closed in hope that this conversation wouldn’t last long. “You kissed me.” “Mal, I’ve kissed you many times,” she said matter-of-factly. “No, you kissed me first.” “Mal, as I remember you sought me out after the job today.” “I don’t mean today. I meant in my bunk after we first met Saffron.” Her eyes snapped open. Run-tse duh fwotzoo. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he continued. She turned to him. “I was still a companion.” “Darlin’, you haven’t been a companion in a good long while. I don’t think that ‘don’t kiss and tell’ policy stands anymore, especially when I was one of the parties involved. Least you could have done was told me.” “Mal, it doesn’t matter now. You’ve known for many years that I love you. It’s a moot point.” “Well, I’m un-mooting it.” She rolled her eyes at him. “Would you like me to apologize? I’m sorry I never told you that I kissed you all those years ago.” He paused a moment. Despite all this time together, some boyish notion still drove him to get her angry on occasion. He shook his head. “Woman, that doesn’t seem good enough.” Her eyes narrowed and her blood began to boil. “Wha-what do you want me to do? Tell you that I was frightened that you were dead? That I was embarrassed I kissed you without you knowing? That I was drugged too? That I’ve never truly considered it our first kiss?” Mal was stunned. His usual course of action backfired on him and he was flabbergasted. “Oh.” “Yeah.” She sighed. “Can we get back to sleep?” “Maybe. Is there anything else that I should know about? Did we sleep together before we got together?” “No, but I am pregnant.”

Part 3: The Sequel Sequel (Subtitle inspired by the comment Jane0904 left on the original post, pre-hack.)

Inara’s words hung in the air like the incense she burned in prayer. Mal couldn’t move. His eyes were like saucers. Fear began to fill her eyes in his silence. “Mal, say something,” she pleaded. Unfortunately, a thousand thoughts were running through his mind: Pregnant? How did this happen? Well, I know how it happened! But, I can’t be a father, I’m not good with kids. This is the type of thing that should be left to people like Simon and Kaylee: good, decent people. People who can stay on board and watch the kid 24/7. This life ain’t the kind to be out on jobs and needin’ to watch a little one! And, they’re so expensive, and troublesome, and... Is Inara holding her breath? Ai ya, I’ve gone on too long! “Mal….” Her voice was in a whisper. He cleared his throat. “How long you’ve known?” Her eyes filled with hope. “Since today. I felt a little sick this morning, so I talked to Simon while you were out. He ran a few tests, and one was positive.” A smile crept across her face with those last three words. The bunk suddenly felt small to him. “I, uh… I best get some air.” Inara’s heart sank as Mal disappeared through the hatch. He wondered Serenity’s corridors, his mind trying to put it all together. He thought of what it would be like: Inara’s mood swings, the birth, diapers, midnight feedings, and so on. He began to wonder if he should give up the ship and settle down somewhere on one of the rim planets. A ship like this is no place for a baby; a point he has made to Kaylee and Simon many times, since his mechanic got pregnant over a year ago. He drifted into the common area outside of the infirmary. There, he found Kaylee breast feeding her five month old son, Rian. The first time Mal walked in on her feeding, he couldn’t look at her in the eye for near’ a week. Afterwards, he insisted on her either feeding in her room or covering up. She took up practice of covering herself with the burp cloths, like she was now, even in the wee hours in case someone walked in. “She told you, didn’t she?” she said once she saw the distressed look on his face. How she knew could simply be answered by one word: “Simon?” She nodded and the smiled sweetly. “He had the same look on his face when I told him that I thought I might be pregnant too.” “Did he?” “Yeah… We’ve been thinkin’ of settling down dirt-side. But, I’m not ready to leave Serenity just yet. She’s home.” Her eyes glanced about the room in a fond, yet sleepy way. “That I know.” He smiled too. “I think he’s finished,” she said lowering Rian from under the burp cloth with one arm and keeping the cloth in place with the free hand. “May I?” he asked with extended arms. “Sure.” Mal carefully took him from his mother and cradled the boy in both arms. The boy felt heavier in his arms than when he last picked him up. He stood up and turned his back to Kaylee to allow her to button up her night shirt (formerly Simon’s old dress shirt). He considered the small life in his arms, wondering what it will be like to hold his own child and what lay store for him in the next few years. (No, the next few decades!) He imagined throwing a ball back and forth or being invited to impromptu tea parties or whatever fathers were supposed to do with their kids. “What is it like being a parent?” he asked. “I suppose it ain’t different from bein’ captain. You’ve gotta make sure he has everything he needs and he don’t get into too many scrapes. It’s the toughest job I’ve ever had,” she said coming around to face him. “But, worth every second. I’ve loved him so much since the moment he was born. Watching him grow is amazing.” Kaylee seemed so sage now that motherhood had set in. Either that or she was too tired to be her usual bubbly self. “You’re scared, aren’t you?” “Terrified,” he said frankly. She smiled. “You’ll survive, captain. You always do.” “Hmm,” he said. She lifted a hand to the baby and let him curl his tiny digits around her index finger. “How’s Inara taking it?” “I don’t know. I kinda left our bunk as soon as she told me.” “Well, whatever she’s thinkin’, I’d bet she scared too.” “You think so?” “I know so.” *** As soon he opened the bunk hatch, he could hear Inara sobbing. He hurried down the ladder and over to the bed to hold her. Her usual grace had given way to the hormonal fluxes and teary eyes. Despite the way her face scrunched in the sobs, he found himself still loving her more now than ever. “You’re an ass,” she said as he gathered her to him. “I know.” He wiped her face with his thumbs and sighed. “Why did you leave like that?” “‘Cause I was scared, but I don’t wanna do that to you again.” There was a beat, then, “I wish Shepherd Book was still here.” She crinkled her brow at him and sniffed. “Why?” “Because I want to make it official and marry you. My dad left before I was born, so I want to give you the right to sue me for child support and the like in case I decide to become a bigger ass.” She laughed, curling up closer to him in his arms. “Mal, I’ve been proposed to many times in my life—marriage or otherwise—but I’ve never had a proposal like that.” He smiled down at her, the lines around his eyes wrinkling in that endearing way. “I can’t give you a fancy shindig, but the next time we port do you want to come with me and find a justice of the peace?” “Yes, I will.” “I love you.” He kissed her softly on the lips, then began trailing up her jaw line to her ear. She tilted her head so he had a better angle. “I love you, too.” “Are there anymore secrets I should know about?” he whispered. “I can’t think of any, but if I ever do, you’ll be the first to know.” “Promise?” “Always.”


Tuesday, November 13, 2007 1:02 AM


very fine fic. And Kaylee or your friend is totally right on about being a parent. Mals reaction is right on as well, seems awefully familiar, I wonder if all men have that reaction?


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