River sat alone on the catwalk, swinging her legs in thin air with her head cocked on one side, listening. Around her, the sounds of Serenity slipping back into her normal routine after Earlys’ intrusion were lulling.

There was, however, one discordant note within the symphony. It moved, hauntingly, from the common room to the engine room and from there to the crew’s quarters. It stood out in melancholy contrast to the soft and beautiful tones of the score. It sang in River’s heart and soul, and brought tears to her eyes.

It was Kaylee. Beautiful, effervescent, happy Kaylee. She walked the halls of Serenity like a ghost. The others couldn’t see it, of course: they just saw the same old Kaylee, and were oblivious to the turmoil behind her eyes.

River’s eyes glazed over as she focused in on the feelings emanating from the mechanic. Emotions, which she usually tried to block out, swirled around her in a blinding cacophony: fear, uncertainty, anger, shame, disgust, loathing, loneliness, indifference. All these emotions rushed through Kaylee, coalescing into one single note of desperate loneliness and despair that threatened to rip River’s fragile mental barriers to pieces.

She withdrew her mind, using a technique of deliberate breathing that she had learned to help her shut others out. Slowly, the overwhelming urge to cry began to recede, and she felt herself returning to being just River, sitting on the catwalk with her legs dangling. Looking down into the cargo-bay, she noticed that Jayne had managed to enter and begin his work-out without her knowledge; she had been so far away.

As she watched Jayne set his weights according to his preferences, she thought back to the night, day, whatever you called it out here in the black when she had first realised that Kaylee had not recovered from Jubal Early’s “visit”.

A strawberry had been the definitive moment. Up til then, River had been just as fooled by Kaylee’s façade as anyone else. Yes, she was a reader. But she tried not to be, and Kaylee had done a wonderful job at convincing everyone, even, to an extent, herself, that she was fine. No harm done. Physical, anyway.

But in that moment, River had noticed the way in which Kaylee had eaten that rare treat. The manner had been subdued, almost prudish, with none of the utter abandonment and pure bliss that had been evident in the past. The light that had previously shone from Kaylee’s eyes seemed to have faded, if not gone out completely. That moment had stripped River’s ability to be unaware of her friends’ pain.

Every day since, River had listened to Kaylee relive her time in the engine room with Jubal Early. Echoes of his chilling voice seemed to float down the corridor, dogging Kaylee’s every moment, awake and asleep. She saw through Kaylee’s eyes as she turned slowly, her hands behind her back so that he could tie her up and leave her lying defenceless, exposed and afraid on the engine room floor.

“Have you ever been raped?”

River had hoped Inara would see through Kaylee’s defence mechanism. She had hoped that one of the others would step forward and help Kaylee through this. But no one had. The support that River herself could offer was limited, what with her being known as the resident nutter.

But now, with the strength of Kaylee’s fears growing, she had to do something. It was becoming overwhelming.

Leaning forward slightly, she considered her course of action. Approaching Jayne for help on this was an uncertainty. He might not understand.

* * * * *

Jayne grunted with the effort of setting the weights on his equipment, adjusting the weight to slightly more than he was used to. Spreading his towel on the bench before beginning his work-out, the burly mercenary noted the presence of Crazy up on the catwalk again, swinging her legs in the air with a distant look to her. It didn’t concern him overly that she seemed to like sitting there while he worked up a sweat, just as long as she didn’t bother him.

He started on his exercise, letting the monotony of lifting weights occupy his wandering mind. Took a man’s mind off of being stuck out here in the black without the chance to get any trim or a decent drink. That and the pictures hung up in his bunk worked a charm for relieving some of the old frustration.

Setting the weight down after his first set, Jayne looked up to see that River was making her way down the steps towards him in those oversized boots of hers. Hoping that the feng le wench would keep going, Jayne wiped his face with his towel. When he took the towel away, she was standing directly in front of him.

“Whatcha lookin’ at, Moon-brain?” he snapped, feeling in little mood for any slice and dice fantasies she might be entertaining. “I’m busy. Gotta work out so’s I can do my job, and can’t do that with you hanging around like some half-wit.”

River rolled her eyes and looked away indifferently. The point of this conversation was to make Jayne think that he had thought of this plan of action himself. It wouldn’t do for everyone to realise just how tuned-in she was. Made things easier to have them all think she was more than half crazy. It meant there were no expectations.

“Your logic is unquantifiable. Your ratio of muscle mass to flesh is such that, even without daily weight repetitions, you would retain the effectiveness of your current physical state. It is your consumption of excessive quantities of alcohol that will eventually cause the occupational difficulties you foresee: my presence will have a negligible effect on your continued employment.” She watched Jayne’s reaction to this from the corner of her eye; he had no clue whether she had just insulted or complimented him, which was not really surprising.

He decided to go with an “hmph” as response, turning back to his weights as if he could make her disappear through the age old practice of ignoring. But she wasn’t going to give up that easily: Kaylee needed help, and, right now, Jayne was probably the best person on Serenity to help her overcome her fears.

Watching closely as Jayne began his second set of repetitions, River began to circle around the weights equipment in order to observe the exercise from all angles. “Weights and training to make you strong,” she stated, swaying slightly as she watched. “Help to fight, protect.”

Jayne just grunted and kept lifting his weights, ignoring River as she stopped pacing and sat on a nearby crate.

“Could help Kaylee. Could help Kaylee to feel better after Early, keep Kaylee from being the hostage all the time. She’s always the hostage.” River mumbled, darting a quick look at Jayne to register his reaction before she slipped out of the cargo bay towards her bunk.

Jayne just kept lifting, his face not changing expression from the huffing and puffing that he’d already been committed to. But River could hear the wheels and cogs in Jayne’s head begin to turn as he considered what she’d said. * * * * *

Kaylee wiggled her way under the engine, spanner in hand, ready to tighten some of the leg bolts that had come loose in the last atmo entry. She focused on the job with an intensity that seemed to come with less ease these days, her hands automatically performing this routine maintenance task. The sounds of Serenity humming contentedly above her helped to quell some of her unease, though not all.

She ripped her mind away from thoughts of Jubal Early and his threats to still the beating heart of her beloved ship, focusing on her slightly trembling hands as she slowly counted to ten. Breathing out a sigh that was intended to ‘whoosh’ all the bad out, she squirmed backwards out of the close confines under the engine, only to let out a small squeak of shock at the sight of Jayne at the doorway.

“Jayne, I didn’t hear you come in. You shouldn’t ought ta be sneakin’ around like that! Make a person knock ‘em self out on the engine!” She forcibly joked, trying to divert Jayne’s attention away from the small squeak of fright she had let out at his appearance. Plastering a fake smile on her face, Kaylee picked up a nearby cloth to wipe her face and hands clean and give herself time to finish putting on her ‘I’m fine’ mask. “Whatcha after?” she asked, façade firmly in place.

“Nothin’ Kaylee, just wanderin’ around. Not much to do after I finish me exercises, an’ that Moon-brain girl was hangin’ ‘round the cargo bay anyways.” Jayne drawled out in response, half anticipating a Kaylee-esque telling off for insulting Crazy. When no rebuke was forthcoming, he knew that River had been right, and that there really was something wrong with the little mechanic. Of course, the fact that he’d managed to enter the engine room without her noticing, and the little scream she’d let out at his presence had also been clues that not even he could miss. And there was something about her eyes in the first couple of seconds after she’d come out from under the engine.

Jayne settled into the wall of the engine room for a comfortable lean, looking Kaylee full in the face as he bluntly set about trying to figure out exactly how to help Kaylee feel better after Early, how to stop her from always being the hostage.

* * * * *

“What’s goin’ on Kaylee?” He asked, wanting to cut straight to the chase. He crossed his arms over his chest, lowered his head slightly and looked at her from under his brows, waiting for the tell-tale flicker of deception in her eyes: Kaylee had never been a good liar.

There it was. Kaylee eyes flashed for a second and her smile faltered slightly before she raised her defences and prepared to bullshit him. He cut her off before she could start. "And don't say nuthin’, cos I'm not blind, and River's a ruttin' physic. We both noticed something’s up. Now start talkin'." Settling back to let that little piece of information sink in, Jayne watched Kaylee intently, seeing the shock and then uncertainty flicker across her face.

“Nothin’s up Jayne, honest. I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She replied, trying to force herself to believe the words as she said them. She bent down to pick up some of her tools and pretend to put them away so that she didn’t have to look at Jayne with his disconcertingly direct stare. It was like everywhere she went, his eyes just kept following her: slightly creepy and familiar.

Jayne strode into the room, quickly grabbing Kaylee in a tight but not rough grip. The fear in her eyes was undeniable before she ripped herself away from him, her voice rising strangely as she almost yelled at him, “What the hell you doin’ Jayne!?”

Stepping back, Jayne levelled his gaze at her. “Provin’ a point. You aint okay. You been driftin’ around like a skittish horse. You don’t wanna admit it, but it’s been like that since that hun dan bounty hunter came lookin’ for Crazy. Don’t know what he said or did to ya little Kaylee, but I’m gonna help you deal with it. Be in the cargo bay tonight after everyone’s gone to bed. Unless you wanna keep bein’ the hostage all the time.” He finished harshly, turning and leaving the engine room before she could respond.

Kaylee just stared, open-mouthed, at the place where Jayne had stood, trembling slightly as his words ran through her mind. “Unless you wanna keep bein’ the hostage all the time.” * * * * *

The crew had already been in bed for more than an hour when Kaylee finally convinced herself to go down to the cargo-bay. Half of her was hoping that Jayne had gotten sick of waiting and gone to his bunk himself. But the other half of her, well, that half wanted him to be there to help her deal with the aftermath of Early.

Stepping as silently as she could down the steps, she saw that a number of practice mats had been laid down over the metal floor of the bay and that Jayne was indeed still waiting. He was perched on top of a crate, pencil and notebook in hand, scrawling something down while muttering slightly to himself.

She was about to self-consciously clear her throat to get his attention when he put down his notebook and looked up, almost as if he knew she’d been there the whole time. He was a tracker after all.

“So, little Kaylee, what I’m gonna do is train ya. Help you get ‘quainted with using a gun or your own fists. I’m gonna be hard on ya’, but I gotta be. This way, if the Captain gets captured by Niska again you can come in and help us get his dumb-ass back.” He began, trying to lighten the mood a little because of the apprehension and trepidation that had begun to show on Kaylee’s face. Hopping off the crate, Jayne came to stand in front of Kaylee. Suddenly business-like, he stated: “We’re gonna start simple. Hit me.”

Kaylee looked at Jayne in shock. She’d never really hit anyone before, ‘cept if you counted rough-housing and joking around with her brothers at home. But hitting Jayne? That didn’t seem right.

“Jayne, I can’t hit you. Wouldna be right- you aint done nothin’ to me.” She mumbled, looking down at the floor to see the depression she was making in the mats.

Jayne pushed her. She fell backwards, sprawling onto the mat on her backside.

“There we go. Problem solved. Now hit me.”

Standing back up, Kaylee started to protest, “Jayne, I…”

Jayne pushed her again, but this time she didn’t fall over. “Jayne!”

“Hit me.”

Again Jayne pushed her, a little more roughly this time. She let out an angry hiss as she got up off the floor.

“Hit me. I’m Jubal Early.”

Freezing in shock, Kaylee didn’t even respond. A cold shiver ran down her spine as she absorbed his words. Glaring daggers at him, Kaylee turned to walk away, ready to go to bed and not participate in this little exercise Jayne was trying to set up. This was not what she’d envisaged when he had said he would help her deal with the memories of Early.

His arm snaked around her from behind, pulling her backwards. Instinctively Kaylee threw an elbow back into Jayne’s ribs, spinning around to knee him in the groin. Her heart was pounding and there was a roaring in her ears as Jayne hit the deck like the solid tonne he was. “I’m Jubal Early.” He croaked from his position on the ground, making to grab her leg and try to pull her down.

She kicked him. And she kept kicking him, again and again. The roaring in her ears grew louder and louder, her heart beating like a drum. Her vision blurred; she didn’t even know when she’d started sobbing. Her mind narrowed into this one action, this saving grace. She was kicking Jubal Early. She was kicking her fear, her anger, her loneliness, her desperation.

Her mind went back to that time in the engine room with the hun dan, and it was just as if she were there again. Only this time, she was fighting back.

Her foot began to hurt from the contact with the solid defence of Jayne’s legs. The tears ran down her face, cooling her burning cheeks, drowning the shame she had felt until there was nothing left but the approaching calm.

She stopped, breathing heavily, her tears dried up, her anger subsiding, the shame and fear disappearing as if it had never existed.

Who was Jubal Early? A dead man, that’s who. A man who had died in the empty black of space, floating in his stupid red suit. Probably asking “does that seem right to you?”. He wasn’t a lion: he was a man, a man who had got what was coming to him.

“Kaylee.”

Looking over her shoulder, Kaylee saw River standing at the bottom of the stairs, smiling and holding out her hand. Limping over to her, Kaylee took her hand and rested her weary head on her friends shoulder as they began to leave the cargo-bay.

“Better?” River asked, already knowing the answer, but needing to make Kaylee hear herself say it out loud.

“Yes. I’m alright.” Responded Kaylee, her heart lifting slightly as she felt the truth of what she was saying. Leaving the remnants of Jubal Early lying behind her, she whispered “Let’s see if there’s any strawberries left.”

* * * * *

Five minutes later, River re-entered the cargo-bay holding a bottle of alcohol and some ice wrapped in a towel. Putting them down on a nearby crate, she helped Jayne finish packing the exercise mats away. He said nothing to her.

Sitting down gingerly on a crate, Jayne grabbed the bottle of engine brew and took an enormous swig. He then began to apply the ice to the most tender part of his anatomy. “Wasn’t expectin’ that.” He finally ground out. “Least I know she’ll learn quickly. And she aint weak, that’s for sure.”

River just looked at him, the bruises beginning to show on his face and body.

Coming back to himself, and realising who he was talking to, Jayne looked up and snapped, “Watcha lookin’ at Moon-brain?”.

“Nothin’.” She mimicked. She suddenly turned serious, stating “Kaylee’s better now. Know’s Early’s not a lion, knows he’s lost in the black. Won’t be the hostage any more. Did good, man-ape.”, before darting off to the passenger dorms.

Jayne just grunted and settled back into a more comfortable spot on the crate, adjusting his packet of ice. He took another swig from the bottle.