“Even though I’m walking through the valley of the shadow, I will hold tight to the hand of him whose love will comfort me. And when all hope is gone and I am wounded in the battle He is all the strength that I will ever need. He will carry me.” - Lyrics from “He Will Carry Me” by Mark Shultz

PROLOGUE

Mal walked the length of the ship, checking to make sure that all the light bulbs were still burning, no weird smells were emanating from the creases, and that all the snakes lying around were rubber. Their quick escape from Santo had left them short some supplies, and though the engine seemed to be running fine, Kaylee still hadn’t explained to him what sourced the fire that burned her up so. The tension between Kaylee and Simon was high as a kite, but their conversations had finally reduced from belligerent shouting matches to long fuming silences. Not being a marriage counselor, Mal resolved to stay out of the way so long as both were doing there jobs. Problem was, Kaylee wasn’t. Her initially fast recover had plateaued, and while Mal didn’t blame her, he worried about his mechanic being holed up in the Infirmary too much longer. Mal cut his round of the lower deck short, detouring past the Infirmary to look in on Kaylee. Through the medbay windows, he could see her resting on the bed in the center of the Infirmary, staring vaguely at the empty air in front of her, as though she were drugged. Mal tried to catch her eye, illicit a smile, but she wasn’t seeing for now. Simon worked patiently, grafting skin onto the burnt part of Kaylee’s left leg. He had on his doctor’s face – serious, calm, and detached. As Simon finished his final stitches and sealed the wound from infection, Mal entered. His heart wrenched as Kaylee continued to gaze defeatedly at nothing, not even looking up to see him enter. He missed her cheerful smile. “How’s she doin’?” Mal asked. Simon shrugged, moving from Kaylee’s injured leg to her paralyzed arm. He started folding and unfolding her wrist, massaging it to coax a full range of motion. “She’s anxious about something,” he finally answered. “She woke up this morning, said she couldn’t move, and essentially … had a panic attack.” Mal could see no trace of anxiety now, only that dead, spiritless look. He assumed Simon had drugged the worry out of her. “Ain’t a little anxiety normal for someone being half paralyzed?” “Yes,” Simon answered slowly. “And no... This isn’t quite a proportional response to what happened.” “Could be we just buried a crewman.” Simon’s brow furrowed. “She’s upset about Cappy’s death, sure, but I’ve spoken with her about that. And I’ve spoken to her about the fire. Her anxiety seems triggered specifically by the paralysis. Certain things… Did something happen to her after I left?” “You mean aside from bein’ completely crushed?” “No something… No... I’ve immobilized her… she’s never reacted so … strongly… before… This feels different.” Mal snorted uncomfortably. “You’re startin’ to sound like that sister of yours.” Simon injected Kaylee’s wrist with something, then he moved up her arm to the elbow and began massaging that. “How is River? I haven’t seen her much since Cappy’s funeral?” Mal started, a little surprised. But then, when Simon had left Serenity, Mal had taken it upon himself to look out for the girl; and Simon hadn’t exactly jumped to reclaim that mantle on his return. “Glued to the bridge,” Mal informed. “She keeps muttering something about ‘Diana’ … I already checked, it ain’t a planet. I’m sure she’ll be her old self soon enough.” Kaylee flinched as Simon moved her elbow, but she did not complain, did not retract. The numbness and resignation in her eyes scared Mal – as if every move Simon made were violating her. He took Kaylee’s free hand, squeezed it, and patted it assuringly while Simon continued his work. Kaylee’s eyes drifted toward him, pleading with him to release her from her drug-induced prison. “Daddy?” His daughter’s voice surprised him as she entered. Emma’s dark brown locks were swept back cleanly in a pony-tail, a few ringlets framing her face, a royal blue bow tied on top of her head. If there was one thing Inara insisted on, it was that Emma look clean and proper, and fortunately for her, Emma had inherited that OCD cleanliness gene. She smiled sweetly, which only served to remind Mal that Kaylee had not yet smiled at all today. “Run along, darlin’, the grownups are working,” he dismissed. “But Ms. Kaylee,” Emma protested, coming in anyway and finding a chair to pull up alongside the bed so she could see. “The Doctor is tending to Ms. Kaylee. You run along.” Emma was already kneeling on the chair, scrutinizing Kaylee’s expression. “But daddy, she’s scared.” Mal scowled at her. “Emma Nandi Reynolds, do not make me carry you out of here.” Suddenly, Kaylee let loose a blood-chilling screech. “No! Stop! Please stop!” Mal flinched in surprise and Emma’s face went white. Irritated with his daughter but also concerned, Mal scooped her up and carried her out of the room, leaving Simon to deal with Kaylee. “I told you to run along,” he chastised Emma as she hung loosely in his arms, a shell-shocked expression on her face. “When I tell you to do something you do it. You know why?” “Because you’re the Captain.” Mal couldn’t help but chuckle. “No. Because I’m your daddy and I love you very much.” Emma rested her frightened head on his shoulder as he carried her up the stairs, farther and farther from the memory of Kaylee screaming. They found their way to the galley and he sat Emma on the counter, looking her square in the eye. She had his blue eyes – about the only thing of his he saw in her. That and stubbornness, which she got a double dose of because of Inara. “Daddy, she’s so scared. I don’t think a hug will help. Not even a hug from Mama.” “Of course it will, little one. Everybody knows hugs are the best medicine.” Emma nodded, only half assured, her eyes watery with almost-tears that would never fall. “Hugs and strawberry ice cream.” Mal smiled, offering a hug, as that was all he had. Emma had only had strawberry ice cream that one time on Haven, but she never forgot.

*~* Go to Chapter 1